Help please, if you were me.

[homemadegin]

Hello

I would be grateful for any and all help and experiences please.

I'm am 36 years old and 37 weeks pregnant. I have had five natural miscarriages and one natural missed miscarriage. I have also had two failed rounds of IVF. This is all within the last five years.

December 2017 we were discharged from our clinic and saw a private specialist who referred us to recurrent miscarriage clinic in Coventry. I fell pregnant naturally whilst waiting on appointment.

I had scans every week until twenty weeks and then every two weeks. All seems well.

I am back under my original consultant who wants to do a planned c section at 38 plus 6. The reasons for this being that in her view it is the safest and quickest way to get baby out calmly.

She will not force me to have the section obviously but this is her advice. This is to be done on a non section day so the ward is quiet in theory and I get my own room. She does not want me going beyond forty weeks if I refuse so induction would be other alternative. With induction she said she would only try it once then would admit for section if it failed.

Does this sound okay? I think my mental health is a huge part in this. I have had a terrible time and am let's say fragile. I just want my baby to be okay. I have found my anxiety very hard to manage in pregnancy and still can't visualise baby. I haven't really bought anything and didn't even tell people until they noticed.

Has anyone been through simaler? Any advice at all please? I'm swaying between everything is fine and you can do this, and no listen to what she says and have the section. If something went wrong now I don't think I would ever recover. I'm so scared.

Thank you for reading and for any opinions at all.

Honestly I’d have the section. It’s the safest way for your baby to be born. I had one following a difficult ivf pregnancy and it was a wonderful experience. Calm, organised, totally controlled environment. Couldn’t have asked for more.

Have the section. My run up to pregnancy wasn’t quite as difficult as yours but my anxiety was very hard to deal with, we told no one until we had to and only had the bare essentials for the baby.
A section is calm, it’s very quick to get the baby out (most of the time is stitching you up again).

I haven't been there OP but I would think a plan that states on this day they get my baby out and I get to hold her would be far better than weeks more of what will happen today, what's happening inside.

If God forbid you ended up needing an EMCS it's bloody awful.

Take the offer.

They know baby will be big enough to cope, baby is full term already.

Best of luck and congratulations xx

Oh wow. Do you know it's taken me seven weeks to be brave enough to even post this on here. Thank you all so much.

I think in my heart and head I know it's the right thing but I needed to hear it.

It's like I feel I've failed at every step of this and nothing has been easy or within my control. I'm constantly telling myself to breath and trying not to cry. I had this voice in my head niggling about delivery and the section being more about me than baby. But it's not, it's about getting baby here safely. Thank you. Starting to feel just a tiny bit better and you have no idea what that means to me.

I would have the section in a heart beat.

Have the c section. You'll be surrounded by medical staff from each speciality to care for you and baby particularly if anything goes wrong. I had a planned c section at 37 weeks due to a few concerns in the pregnancy. I felt so reassured having all the medical staff there ready to go. The first couple of days were hard but I felt ok after that.

I had a section at 35 weeks. Not by choice but def wasn't as bad as I expected. I have had natural births, no difference in bonding with dc. Bf fine too.
Honestly once you have made the decision you will start to relax.

I’d have the section in a heart beat, this is coming from someone who had a very easy spontaneous labour and birth.

Home you haven't failed. You're doing your very best, and you always have. Doc just wants to get that baby safe into your arms, trust her x

Congratulations on your pregnancy
I haven't had the same experiences as you OP but have had 2 children naturally and both vaginal births.
I would say definately have the c section without a doubt. If your consultant recommends it, then especially so. If they say it's the safest way then do so. A natural birth and induction can be long and painful and can still end up with a section. Good luck.

Absolutely have a section. You have suffered untold heartache and to have your baby delivered safely in your arms in the way described will be your perfect happy ending. Good luck x

I've had both experiences and whilst natural labour was my preferred option for myself (didn't work out that way for number 2 and 3) I would say in your case I'd probably go for a planned section. I think it would be better for your nerves and whilst I wouldn't make the decision lightly - it's not exactly pain free - I think you would be more comfortable this way.. only my opinion though OP. X Big hugs x

Home, consultants don't advise people to have sections on a whim. They will consider it the best thing for your physical and mental health. How exciting, not long 🙂

I would 100% have the section. I understand your hesitance, but your dr is sure that your baby is big enough at the time of the planned section and in her professional opinion, this is the best option for you.
I don't have your history with miscarriage though I have suffered losses, and I would definitely go with the drs suggestion.

I would 100% have the section - I had two easy vaginal births but I would have absolutely had a section if my OBGYN advised, no question.

You have failed at nothing OP

I've had both and in your situation op I wouldn't hesitate to have the section. Congratulations!

Have the section and trust your obstetrician. Induction results in assisted deliveries more frequently than spontaneous labour and forceps aren’t pleasant exactly.
Elective sections are the safest method of delivery for mothers.

If the consultant is suggesting section I'd go for it. They're not suggesting it for their own benefit as it costs the NHS more money.

I haven't been in your situation, but had two six hour induced vaginal births. Both were really good and if a vaginal birth is something you feel strongly about, there's no reason not to try, especially if they would allow you to go to theatre if after a set period things weren't progressing. Hopefully your physical recovery might be quicker.

But...

Induction is a nightmare in terms of having to wait on the ward (maybe for a week like with my first) then waiting for propess to work or not work (like my second... That was a whole day and night after three days wait). You'll probably be less likely to get peace and privacy in a side room. This would be awful if you're very anxious already.

Just wanted to say induction can be wonderful and very easy, but has drawbacks. Make sure you look after yourself after the birth. The third day was the pits both times and be vigilant about signs of PND. Asking for help demonstrates how strong you are and is absolutely not failure. Took me the second baby to realise that. One way or another, it won't be long now. Mine are nearly two and three months and it's all been totally worth it. Best of luck to you!

Congratulations OP! I had 3 miscarriages before I had my baby so understand a bit what it feels like to be anxious throughout your pregnancy. I ended up having an induction that resulted in a quick labour, but I’d still go for the c section if I were you. It’s the safest thing for your precious baby. Good luck!

I had a failed induction and EMCS with DC1 so DC2 was an ELCS at 38+6. Best decision ever and, in your circumstances, I would definitely choose an ELCS.

Also, it only costs an extra £84 so don't get hung up on the cost.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply to me. It really helps a lot.

Seems nearly all in agreement.

Zzzzz thank you for your thoughts which are different. I think the problem is that with my history and what has happened even one baby seems impossible. The consultant did mention another baby at last appointment and did say more than one section was fine. Although I nearly fell off my chair because it wasn't so long ago she was telling me I was unlikely to ever carry one pregnancy.

I think what everyone is saying is right, that I need to put my faith in her and trust her judgement. It's just such a hard place to be sometimes. I wish I had a crystal ball. It's not the pain that worries me or anything like that it's not me at all, it's just keeping this baby safe. I'm a bit of an idiot and refused all pain management with all miscarriages as I was in a very dark place and saw it as almost a punishment. I shake my head at myself now don't worry.

Anyway thank you all again.

Help me yes PND is going to be a real worry. Whilst I have not spoken very much at all about pregnancy I have asked my SIL to be alert for signs. She's quite good at knowing my mood and lives close by so I trust her judgement. She knows when I need left but also knows when to intervene generally.

to you op this must be so hard for you. Trust your instincts. If it were me I'd follow the consultants advice. The most important thing is that you and baby are safe and well.

FWIW there are no medals for childbirth and however this baby gets here it's just one small moment of your journey x