Advised not to go for VBAC and am devastated

[Kaito16]

Hi all,

My first post on Mumsnet - hope I’m doing it right.

I had DS 2.5 years ago and am due with my second child in 3 months.

With first DS my waters broke and 18 hours later I was only 4cm and not progressing further so I was given the induction drip which successfully got me to 10cm fully dilated within a few hours and ready to push. I pushed for about 1.5 hours but to no avail. Baby was not coming out/stuck. I was rushed to theatre not knowing whether they would do an instrumental or c-section. Once we got there and they assessed me they decided an urgent c-section was required.

My little boy came healthily and we were pleased but I struggled emotionally to come to terms with having a c-section as I had my heart set on a vaginal birth and is something that as a woman I feel is important for me to experience.

So I met with the obstetrician who delivered my son today to discuss the birthing plan/options for my #2 due in 3 months. To my huge disappointment and devastation, he was extremely strongly encouraging me to opt for a planned c-section. He felt that a VBAC may not be successful for me because the reason for my first c-section was not a one-off occurrence (such a fetal distress) or a slow progressing labour. I still needed a c-section after getting to full dilation and pushing for a while, possibly suggesting that the shape of my pelvis was not allowing the baby to pass through effectively. Something he thinks may be likely to happen again (although no one knows until you get to that point).

He acknowledged that we would not know until I tried but if I tried a VBAC and then induction or emergency c-section occurred then this could have serious risks for myself and my baby.

I am so torn between my personal desire for a VBAC so I feel fulfilled as a women but now can’t help but think whether I would be selfish to go for this when I know full well what the risks would be. I would not be able to forgive myself if something went wrong with a VBAC and I knew it was because I went against medical advice because of my personal desire to deliver vaginally.

All I read all over the internet is how much you should push for a VBAC if you want it and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Does this mean I should go against the advice of a well trusted and hugely experienced doctor?

I read constantly of women saying a VBAC was empowering for them and helped heal their trauma and guilt from their first c-sections. This is what I desperately wanted for myself but I just cannot see logically see I can go against the advice of a doctor with over 30 years experience who I trust and value his opinion, and instead take the risks of a VBAC as he explained them.

I feel like I have no options left and that this and God-willing any future children I have will all have to be by c-section. I don’t know how I will come to terms with this. :(

Agree with the above. You are totally justified in feeling this way and in seeking a second opinion. But if you are made to/decide to go for an elective you can make it an empowering and wonderful experience. I had an EMCS first time and wanted a VBAC with the second just to ‘prove I could’ or ‘to experience it’ so I totally understand where you’re coming from. But then I realised that the risk was too great and who was I trying to impress!?! So I went for the elective (much to everyone’s relief) and it was an amazing, empowering birth experience where I was in control throughout. I owned it and it really helped me heal from the first birth. All the best with whatever you decide

I don't understand this at all. Why would you risk your baby for a load of old nonsense about 'empowerment'?

^This, this, this. Your baby’s welfare should be your priority.

Take the medical advice for heavens sake.

Do you want to risk your child so that you can get a dream experience (that is no dream!) for yourself? Isn't the point of being a mother to be unselfish?

Also yes, you are being insulting to women who have not pushed out a child.

I am so torn between my personal desire for a VBAC so I feel fulfilled as a women but now can’t help but think whether I would be selfish to go for this when I know full well what the risks would be.

Well. What do you want more - a vaginal birth, or a live baby??

Vaginal birth really isn't all that. And what really matters, what's really important, is how you parent your baby. How you love them, nurture them, feed them, hug them, play with them... Really.

I understand your desire for a VB but your consultant wouldn't be advising a CS unless he was pretty sure. You could always compromise: labour for x time and see how you progress. Maybe your body will know what to do this time. But then, after a certain time, have a CS.

I had a vaginal delivery with ds and a c section for dd as I had placenta previa. I promise you that the source of any empowerment in childbirth is getting your baby out in whatever way is safest for that baby and you. Nothing else matters.

I don't think there's very much that is 'empowering' about having a baby. It makes you vulnerable in a hundred new ways.

Why on earth would a women feel guilt for having a c section?! Bizarre.

Sorry one other thing - I don't feel any less fulfilled as a women because I had two c sections... I think you are maybe placing too much emphasis on how the baby gets out. Important thing is both your health and the wonderful journey you will have once baby is in your arms.

I sympathise with you, OP. I had a similar first birth to you, although the baby was born by forceps not emergency c section. For my second baby I had a planned c section at 39 weeks. I really wanted a VBAC for my third but ended up having an emergency c section after a ten hour (spontaneous) labour.
Contrary to what a lot of people say, personally I didn’t enjoy my planned section. I felt deprived of the opportunity to give birth naturally and guilty that my baby was born before she was ready. I also had a haemorrhage and found the recovery hard. The best experience of the 3 was my last birth which, although it ended in an emergency c section, was a positive experience as I felt supported and reassured. I have no regrets about trying for a VBAC.
If I were in your position I would be asking for more information from your consultant. Why is he/she saying that an emergency c section could be a risk to the baby? In my experience most consultants encourage VBAC where possible so what is different in your case? Also, VBACs are usually very well monitored and if there were indications all was not well you would usually be given the option of an emergency section. Ask questions and make sure you have all the information before you make a decision.
Good luck - whatever you decide I hope you have a positive experience.

If it’s important to you then do seek a second opinion. My experience of maternity care in this country is that it can be highly subjective and one consultants opinion can differ massively to another. Do ask for a review of what happened in your first labour, speak to a consultant midwife who can take you through your notes and explain what happened. This will allow you to make an informed decision as to whether a VBAC is sensible or not.

Guys I’m hugely thankful for your comments. I have found this very helpful. (My first experience of mumsnet!).

Many of you have shared my personal feelings of loss/grieving at not being able to deliver naturally. It’s a bizarre feeling and I can’t explain why I felt like that. I still get teary talking about it now. I’m normally a logical and sensible person but it was a feeling I just couldn’t shake off and am still coming to terms with. I think a small part is society’s push for natural births which subconsciously may have influenced me but if I’m honest with myself I think it’s an inherent thing within me. I felt similarly about breastfeeding.

Nevertheless the stories of all the ladies feeling totally empowered by your c-sections is massively helpful to me. I wasn’t seeing it in that light at all and thank you for sharing your beautiful and positive experiences. I believe a planned c section (if I decide to go down that route) may be able to heal some of the feelings i have from my first labour.

Thank you also to the midwife/obstetrician/others encouraging me to get a second opinion. I think I will do this for peace of mind. I know VBACs are encouraged and there is a 75% chance of success but from the original opinion of my obstetrician he believes my pelvic shape could be a big factor in the baby not coming. Which would unfortunately be the same this time round. I will however speak with someone else to see if I can get some clarity.

Massive respect for ALL THE MUMMIES out there. Absolutely right that healthy babies and healthy mummies is #1.

I had both my children via section. I was also told Vbac would have more risks the second time so there was no question, my desires were put aside and I did what was best for my unborn child and do you know what? That was just as empowering if not more...it really doesn't matter how baby comes into the world as long as they are healthy and you shouldn't feel any different either way...you will have grown a human being inside you for 9 months..it doesn't get any more empowering than that! Good luck

I planned a home birth for DC1 ended up with a EMCS and was so disappointed for all the reasons you say. I'd hoped for a VBAC for DC2 but for various reasons decided on an ELCS at 41 weeks. Then wasn't 'allowed' to even consider a VBAC for DC3. It made me quite upset for a while. I hated hearing birth stories from people who had a straightforward VB.

I can honestly say now though, a good few years down the line I barely give it a thought. Certainly don't feel like I've missed out on anything (and I did, terribly at the time.) Just grateful for 3 DCs arriving safely.

Hi Kaito. I have had 3 C-sections and they were absolutely lovely experiences. I hope it all goes well for you.

I for one would do anything for the safety of my child and I am personally fighting to get an elcs because I have a family history of android shaped pelvises. Let me tell you one thing about narrow shaped pelvises, in my family no woman no matter how many kids they had was able to successfully deliver vaginally. All ended in emcs and I almost died when I was being delivered. As my consultant back home put it, nature is magical, but it is also brutal. Nature is about survival and in nature such conditions without intervention would have selected women in my family out. And I for one should use the means available to me for the best interest of my child. That is empowerment in my opinion! Empowerment is not about doing what is considered 'natural' but it is about fighting for getting your child out safely into the world and fighting for him/her from day one! You are their advocate in this world. Advocate for them and forget about having the 'magical' experience, if it involves risks. Personally where I come from, forceps are banned since they caused so many brain and spinal injuries. They are also banned all over Europe. So if you end up down the route of instrumental delivery, there are also no guarantees! Forceps can cause injuries to you and to your baby as much as they can save lives. In your case, given the recommendation of your consultant, a narrow shaped pelvis is most likely to result in forceps delivery if not an emcs which is much more dangerous than a planned CS. Weigh the risks and see what is best for you. I definitely sympathise with your struggle, but I can't see why you find the method of delivery empowering. Most important thing is the safety of your child, nothing else matters.
Good luck!

Vbac1 I failed to progress (he was back to back) they were prepping for emcs when I delivered - he was fine but I was torn to shreds and had to stay in for 5 days while they sorted my nethers.
Vbac2 (I asked for CS but was told no clinical need) my dd was brain damaged and has cerebral palsy as a result.
There is no way on this earth you could pay me to have another Vbac, despite the fact that my original CS was for macrosomia. In fact, I’m not allowed vb any more. Even the consultant decided he didn’t want the hospital up for another med beg claim.

I had an ELCS for my second as he was predicted to be a whopper (was 11lb!) i was slightly disappointed not to have a VBAC but it was the right thing. Positive was being able to schedule childcare and help with DD knowing the date it would happen, and we also got to donate the placenta to Anthony Nolan which felt good. Good luck!

Mamaryllis, I am so sorry to hear about DD. As I said, nothing on earth is worth the safety and healthy birth of a child...nothing and sometimes the 'clinical need' argument costs lives to save a few quids for the NHS!

I was hoping for a VBAC - first was planned c-section for breech so I was an "ideal candidate" as no history of distress. I was doing yoga, pilates, osteopathy, I was READY. Was fearful of having to recover from a section with a 2 year old at home.

Well we reached due date with absolutely no action, not a single sign of labor. My doctor did not think it was likely that I would go into labor spontaneously anytime soon and I wanted to avoid an emergency CS as much as possible. So I ended up having another planned CS in week 40.

I do sometimes have a small twinge of regret that I've never experienced labor at all. But it just wasn't in the cards for me. I love both of my children and we are bonded and happy.

My waters went at 35 weeks, I didn't go into labour and had to be induced for 12 hours, 44 hours after my waters went I was only 3cm, I started bleeding badly and my son went into distress. I had an emcs and he wasn't breathing had to be resucitated. Do I feel any less empowered? No because if my baby had died I wouldn't be thinking about whether I felt more of a woman or not. Actually it was less empowering them trying to force my body into labour, listening to his heart dropping everytime i contracted and laying there wishing I could just get him out.

Doctor told me it's my choice if theres a next time but they strongly advise I have a csection, which I will. Csection is a major op, they don't dish them out for no reason.

Just the honour of being a parent after 13 years of trying is empowering enough, I don't sit there feeling any less of a mother because I didn't push him out!

I feel very sorry that you have been given the idea that a natural birth is the only normal and natural experience of having a baby. I had 2 planned CSs instead of planned VBs (breech and size, so we found out in time to plan them). They were both lovely, relaxed and I had no trouble recovering from them. But what I really want you to take away from this: my children are now 12 and 10 years old and one has soon-to-be diagnosed ASD and one is younger than everyone else in the class and one has a crush on someone and one wants to do a food tour of South Korea and one is a near-genius in languages and one wants to be a pilot and OH MY GOD I get that you are really focused on this birth experience and I know it seems like a really important thing right now, but really you need to get that this isn't about you anymore. It's the kid who comes out and that they're safe and well which is the really big thing, not how they came out. They just need to come out safely, and everything else is just chat over coffee for a couple of years, and after that no one cares any more. I hope that doesn't sound rude and I hope you can take a long view because it really will be worth it.

Mayhew and Istimeforbed have offered the best advice here. Ask for a second opinion. If you dilated fully before and the baby was malposiioned it would not have been possible for that baby to have been born naturally but that does not mean subsequent babies will be malpositioned.

I had a very poorly positioned baby with DC1 and she was delivered by emergency section after 40 hours of labour during which I was made to feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough. I had a VBAC with DC2 and he was born in under 2 hours at home (not intentionally, as I had planned to be in hospital in case a second section was necessary.)

I had a private midwife who advised me to see both the hospital consultant midwife and a consultant obstetrician. She asked me whether I wanted to try for a VBAC or have a second c section, as that would determine which obstetrician she sent me to see - one was very pro-VBAC and the other was very, very strongly pro-section, and which one I saw would have a great influence on how my birth went, but in different ways. It sounds to me as if you have a pro-section obstetrician, which is why I would recommend a second opinion.

After giving birth to DC2 I felt like superwoman. It did not take away from the feeling I had after having DC1 that I felt like a tiger. These are silly ways to think of it, and I would be reluctant to admit to it in real life, but this is the way I felt after each of my births. The posters above who say they felt otherwise are as entitled to their feelings of ‘meh, another section, who cares?’ as someone who feels empowered by a VBAC is, and they should be dismissive of anyone who wants to try for one.

Go get a second opinion. And research the consultants available before you go as you are entitled to r quest a specific one and not many people know this. Your midwife would probably know who to see.

Think of the woman who lose babies or never get the chance to give birth and desperately want to.
You've be gifted life twice.

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Hi, Backinthebox, they haven't actually offered the "best advice". They've offered the "doctors know nothing next to midwives" advice, which many MNers have suffered to their and their babies' disadvantage. The great majority of women on here have non-biased advice about their experiences which I think the OP is savvy enough to absorb and filter.

I had two C Sections as advised by my obstetricians. I don't think I have missed out on anything- I have two beautiful and healthy children and I am here with them. That's the most important thing.

Exactly what I was going to say. A friend told me after my 2nd section that she felt sorry for me that I wouldn't get to experience a vbac. I didn't care. I feel sorry for the women who desperate want to experience childbirth and can't. I have 2 healthy children and nobody ever asks how I had them.

OT but @NerrSnerr you have to be from Hull wirh a name like that?