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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Expectations vs reality

40 replies

MrsCD67 · 02/06/2018 20:29

I'm sure this kind of thing has been done to death but I was just wondering:
How did your expectations of childbirth compare with the realities?
thanks!

OP posts:

namechangedtoday15 · 02/06/2018 23:41

Completely agree with pp. No-one can describe what the pain is like not how labour will go.

For me - premature twin labour - it was about kind of letting go. Whatever the Drs said I needed to do, I would have done. I gave up any control or input but I ended up (eventually) taking 2 healthy babies home.

Just one other thing - have had 2 pregnancies and have never had the urge to push. It just never happened. So don't expect it to go as the text books tell you, be open minded & you'll be fine.

Donthugmeimscared · 03/06/2018 09:27

Expectation- tv style waters break rush in holding baby in a couple of hours having fallen madly in love with them at first sight. DH would be helpful and caring throughout.

Reality- my waters never broke on my own with any of my three. I had to be induced with the first and third. The pain was worse than I expected and it took much longer than I thought it would. I didn't feel instant love at all I just blankly stared at them and felt like a failure as I didn't feel anything. DH moaned about having a headache and didn't give a shit how I was throughout. He's now ex.

SnuggyBuggy · 03/06/2018 09:39

I had pretty low expectations, my own mother had always talked very honestly about giving birth and One Born Every Minute just made it look like something from the Saw films.

It wasn't anything like what I expected, waters broke early, went to hospital where they struggled to monitor baby's heartbeat. Started having some sort of contraction like pains.

I developed a high temperature so was induced. Had an epidural so I could feel the contractions happen but didn't hurt, it felt like I had some sort of machinery inside me.

Weirdest of all was that I actually slept a lot through the later part of labour in between obs as I hadn't slept at all the night before. I was almost annoyed when they said I was fully dilated.

Wellthisunexpected · 03/06/2018 14:35

I expected it to be awful, painful and long. It was so much worse than I could ever have thought. At points I actually wanted to die. I felt totally out of control, not listened to and abused. I was left with injuries both physical and mental. I did hypnobirthing, I went in with a positive attitude that whilst it'd be horrid, I could do it, it wouldn't be that bad and it was natural. Worst thing I ever did.

hoopdeloop · 03/06/2018 14:41

Expectation: I would never cope with the pain (I have a low pain threshold and whole family call me a drama queen if I hurt myself!). I envisioned screaming for every drug known to man

Reality: went into labour about 6.30pm, into the hospital for 8pm. On the gas and air, refused to move from the bed despite the midwives efforts to get me to move around. Had one injection of pethidine. Got to 1.30am, asked for more painkillers but was too late as I was 10cm dilated. They had to break my waters and DS had to get a wee clip monitor on his head because he had pooed in my waters. Had to get an episiotomy because he had a huge noggin. Had the gas and air taken off of me because I’m not coordinated enough to inhale not on a push and was effectively sooking him back in! He was born at 3.28am

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 03/06/2018 15:22

Expectations, it would hurt, but would be over within 24 hours, that I'd stay as mobile as possible and that I'd have a vaginal birth like everyone else in my family.

Reality, waters broke first. Labour when it started was entirely in my back. Ds wasn't properly on the cervix so his head wasn't helping me dilate. Every contraction went to my legs so they kept collapsing under me. I did eventually get fully dilated (70 hours later) but pushing and forceps couldn't make ds budge and he was born by an emcs by which point I didn't know which way was up.

humdiddlydoo · 03/06/2018 17:10

Pretty much matched.

Tilliebean · 03/06/2018 19:02

Expectations were that it would be VERY painful and take a long time. Despite that I figured I would manage with a water birth. I expected contractions to be the worst and pushing to be easier.

Reality- Despite DD being back to back it didn’t really take that long for a first. Had a sweep mid morning and she arrived at 5am the following day. Most of that was at home. Didn’t go to the hospital until 11pm. I went from 3cm to 10cm in 4 hours! I was fine with contractions, which felt like period pains to me, just got more intense with time. They had a definite peak so I just focused on getting through each one. I managed fine in water (TENS before that) but couldn’t give birth in water as my contractions slowed down (didn’t know that could happen). I hated pushing, which probably had a lot to do with DD’s position. It took 2 hours and I had to try different things to get her to turn. Luckily she did. Crowning was definitely the worst for me, but she had a big head and relief was instant. I totally agree about the superwoman feeling after! Didn’t expect it! Despite not sleeping much in the few days before or the night of her birth, I was so pumped up on adrenaline that I didn’t sleep the following night. Didn’t feel the rush of love either.

Other things that surprised me- not all babies know how to latch and baby blues caught me by surprise. Took me awhile to realise why I was sobbing so much! I would say birth was easier then expected!

butlerswharf · 03/06/2018 19:04

It was a lot quicker and less painful than I expected.

kiabella · 04/06/2018 18:10

expectations: labour at 38/39 weeks (had been having sweeps from 38 weeks), 10ish hour labour, water birth, didn’t even think about stitches or tearing

Reality: 2 week latent labour, final sweep the day before my due date sent me into labour within the hour. Very intense regular contractions pretty much straight away. Labour lasted 3 hours, couldn’t go in the pool as my old csection scar started to hurt and needed my waters broken and baby monitored so I laboured between the bed and standing. Can’t remember what it specifically felt like but I could feel a lot of pressure down below and like his head was between my legs the whole time. The pain was indescribable, gas and air took the edge off but as soon as I took my mouth away it was back in a second. Pushing felt like doing a massive poo that just wouldn’t come out (but I was flat on my back because of monitor) had an episiotomy which was the worst part of recovery. This was 4 weeks ago though and I’m healing well. As soon as he was born I said never again...I’m already very broody and look back on my birth as a positive one! I still can’t believe my body did that!!
You will be fine! Your body takes over completely. The rush afterwards makes you feel like Wonder Woman!

CaloryBunny · 10/06/2018 22:46

Reality had nothing to do with what antenatal class teacher had said. As long as you were relaxed, it all seemed very feasible. If only. I had many complications so I'm probably not a very good example so what I would say is that 2 of my friends (who were under 35 when they first gave birth, and I think this is really important, 35 for first birth is the third age and your body is just not as good as in your 20s) who had straightforward deliveries still describe contractions as horrible. Yes, they got through it but one it turned out had a short labour (4 hours) so bearable and the other was sent home, told she was not in labour and she ended up delivering at home so had no choice but to to get on with it. It was during the day so husband called midwives who came straight away and were very good but my friend still says labour was horrible.
I'm sure some women only experience period pain but I doubt it's the majority. Contractions were like big spasms and I could feel my cervix dilating, that's the bit I personally found horrid.

bunnyrabbit93 · 10/06/2018 23:15

Expectation - I would have the baby about 40 weeks give or take a couple of days. It would be painful but more cramps I would have the baby skin to skin a bit like one born every minute really

Reality had both at 37 weeks but I didn't mind that too much some doctors say they were premature and that 38 weeks is full term others say they are full term. More a crushing back sever cramp feeling. Didn't get skin to skin straight away with first as I had placenta abruption but second I did and it was beautiful. All in all it wasn't as bad as I thought and you get through it and lots of women have more babies so that just proves it's totally worth it :)

bunnyrabbit93 · 10/06/2018 23:18

First was natural labour 2nd I was induced (waters broken ) as I had a long latent phase and they were worried my placenta would come away again.
1 st labour 9 hours
2nd 3 hrs 18 min so shorter than expected
The induced labour although shorter it was harder to cope as once my waters were broken the pain was intense instantly were as 1st it was gradual

Candyflip · 10/06/2018 23:20

Antenatal classes taught me to expect the worst. I was very pleasantly surprised.

Ninjamilo · 15/06/2018 02:07

More pain than I ever imagined. First 17 hours were fine, contractions got to 5 minutes apart. The she spun back to back and the pain was just awful.
Managed 48 hours labour at home and after 3 hours pushing we transferred in for an episiotomy and ventouse.

I didn't feel the 'normal' pain of contractions and I found pushing the least painful bit, but I think that's because baby was just in such an awkward position - I was awaiting the ring of fire everyone spoke about!

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