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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Expectations vs reality

40 replies

MrsCD67 · 02/06/2018 20:29

I'm sure this kind of thing has been done to death but I was just wondering:
How did your expectations of childbirth compare with the realities?
thanks!

OP posts:
PonderLand · 02/06/2018 20:36

I thought my waters would break and we'd be at the hospital 10-12 hours later. I thought I'd be 5+cm dilated for a while and would have episiotomy and forceps and difficult vaginal birth.

Reality : slow labour three days, reduced foetal movement 4th day so got to the hospital to get checked over. Check over revealed drops in babies heart rate so to the room for induction and waters popping, rapidly decreasing foetal heart rate, my vagina tried on at least 5 different pairs of hands to try and get a needle into babies head (only 4cm dilated at that point), then heart rate dropped really low so it was a cat 1 emcs in the end.

I was expecting it to be a shit experience in all honesty, I never had my hopes set high. I'm just glad the induction lasted less than 3 hours. I hated the room and the midwife!

MaireadMacSweeney · 02/06/2018 20:37

I didn't expect it to be so painful

I didn't anticipate the overwhelming rush of love for my babies or the weirdness in realising I'd made a new little person!

Kraggle · 02/06/2018 20:38

A lot more painful than I imagined. It surprised me to have no control when it came to pushing either, my body took over which was a complete shock.

ParentInCharge · 02/06/2018 20:40

Pretty much what I expected tbh.

My labours were completely standard. I woke with contractions, went to hospital, laboured in absolute sheer agony for what seemed like FOREVER then baby was out. I had said on my birth plan that I wanted gas and air and whatever pain relief I could have. Sadly my hospital didn't do epidurals but I did hold on to the gas and air for dear life.
I was surprised though at just how painful labour was. I mean, I knew it was supposed to be painful but looking back, I don't remember much of the experience other than agony and not being very "with it" because of it. It could have been days or just minutes for all I knew. (12 hours in fact for DC1). The same happened for DC2.

By baby #3 I had decided to try something different and went for a water birth. It was HALF the pain. Seriously. Totally manageable and I felt far more lucid than my other labours. (Still refused to take the gas and air out of my mouth though 😂) Now that, I was certainly not expecting and I wish I had done it earlier.

Original poster
MrsCD67 · 02/06/2018 20:50

Thanks for your responses!! Can anyone describe the feeling of contractions and crowning and the baby actually coming out? I've not a clue what to expect Sad is it true it's like period cramps?

OP posts:
ShadowKitty · 02/06/2018 20:56

For me, contractions feel like someone slowly squeezing your insides into a tight ball really hard and then releasing them. Crowning and pushing the baby out felt like having a really big poo! Contractions hurt and it's hard work but if you go with the flow and everything goes as it's supposed to then your body seems to know what to do.

EveMoneypenny · 02/06/2018 21:08

I had very low expectations for the whole birth experience first time around, but I did expect to go into labour, and that the baby would make his way out. Neither of which happened Confused ( induction/emcs).

Fintress · 02/06/2018 21:12

I fell the day before my daughter was born and a few hours later couldn't stop being violently sick. Midwife came in to check me over and said due to the vomiting being so severe she was admitting me to hospital. She also told me I was in labour (I wasn't feeling contractions). At hospital, they gave me an anti sickness jab and I went to sleep, still no pains. At 6 am I had a show and my waters broke and contractions started full force with barely a gap about an hour later. I asked for pain relief and was told to stop being ridiculous. Another midwife examined me and I was 9cm dilated. It all happened so fast I didn't have time to think about it. Beforehand I was petrified at the thought of giving birth and was fully expecting to be in labour for hours on end. In reality I was quite fortunate.

BuffyandHen · 02/06/2018 21:15

Expectation - lots of aromatherapy and coping with waves of contractions - thinking I could think any pain away

Reality - loss of control and lots of pain and realisation that I could not do without pain relief!

BuffyandHen · 02/06/2018 21:17

I should add my child was in an awkward position- “face” which may have added to view.

aurorie11 · 02/06/2018 21:19

First one I was expecting 24 hours of pain and then would have baby
Reality, hind waters broke at 5.30am, went off to hospital, born at just after 2pm. Painful but not unbearable, gas and air. Discharged and back home before 24 hours up.

stargirl1701 · 02/06/2018 21:23

Reality was what I expected, for the most part. I didn't expect to feel so empowered though. I was 'I am woman, hear me roar' after DD1's birth. It was the first time I felt such a raw, female power in my own body. Femaleness had just been inconvenient beforehand. Remarkable experience.

DD2's birth was quicker (no time for the pool) and I had been troubled with PGP for many months. It was more relief than roar!

Pixiedust2017 · 02/06/2018 21:32

I expected the worst with my birth to be honest as I think I have a really low pain tolerance.
The plan was to go with the flow.
My waters broke at 37 weeks.
There were a good few hours where I was told a C Section was imminent and at the end I was told by the doctor that she would have to perform an epiostemy.
I was very lucky to have such a great midwife and was given an epi very early on with a syringe driver so I could top it up when required.
I literally felt no pain and had no issues at all. No epiostemy was required in the end as my midwife intervened the doctor as she knew I didn't want to be cut if at all possible. No tears, no complications and no issues at all afterwards with anything to do with the birth at all.
I was up and walking 2 hours after the birth and my little girl is doing very well 5 months later.
So the experience was far better than I ever could have imagined it would be and if I could guarantee the same again would not hesitate to want to do it again.
However I have a friend who gave birth a month after me and also had an epidural. Her midwife let the epi run out "to help with pushing" and she ended up having 3rd degree tears as the pain was so bad she just wanted to get the baby out and pushed too hard against midwife advice. She is still suffering now with complications and has been having a very hard time of it all :(
I think it depends on you and your body, your baby and also the medical professionals that are there to help you.
From my experience I would just make sure if you want something or think you might want something ask as soon as possible. The sooner the request is put in for medical assistance (epis / pain relief etc.) the faster it can be sorted out and you can always refuse it later on if you change your mind.

savagehk · 02/06/2018 21:37

IMO it starts like period cramps yes. It ramps up after that. I didn't have the crowning sensation much - epidural with first, just didn't really notice it with second. Hypnobirthing was fantastic.

GruffaloPants · 02/06/2018 21:37

I thought I would labour quietly, focussing in on the pain and stoically pushing through it. There was a lot more screaming and swearing!

I thought the pushing stage was 20 seconds or something. First time I pushed for an hour before moving on to forceps.

I can't describe the pain. It is far more intense than anything I had ever experienced. However you survive, you might even choose to do it on further occasions!

AshOutside · 02/06/2018 21:38

Expected to go in about 6cm have a bath then some gas and air and a few hours later have a natural labour then go home next day.
Reality was contractions at home for 10 hours, got in at 7cm. Stayed at 8cm for 18hours, pethidine made me violently sick then had an epidural and csection. Baby was back to back looking up and stayed in for 5 days due to suspected sepsis.

It sounds horrendous but the midwifes were very calm and reassuring- the worst part was the tiredness from being awake 48hours

GruffaloPants · 02/06/2018 21:41

Crowning feels like your cervix has been stretched open 10cm, with a baby sized object wedged in it!

Fwend · 02/06/2018 21:41

Thought I'd have a calm elective like births 1 and 2.

Reality was an unplanned VBAC that ended in scar rupture and category 1 emcs. The pain as the scar tore after my waters broke was genuinely the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. I thought I was dying - DS very nearly did.

birdinatree · 02/06/2018 21:49

I'm one of the lucky ones, both mine were pretty quick (4-5 hours from first twinge to baby arriving), I wasn't even convinced I was in labour - but when measured was nearly fully dilated. Water births with both with no tearing, crowning feels like a burning sensation and is quite intense. Second one I do remember just wanting the contractions to stop as at the end there was no time between them. I'm sure being in the water really helped as did having done a breathing class the second time round. Oh and 'intimate' stretching for a month before hand helped me not tear according to the midwife...

Essexgirlupnorth · 02/06/2018 21:57

That it would be quicker than it was. Was in slow labour for about 24hrs went to hospital they wanted to send us home. Finally broke my waters and things moved quickly.
Didn't feel the ring of fire when baby was crowning probably as was pushing for quiet a while. The midwife told me that head was out. Didn't notice I had torn till afterwards. Was knackered after being in labour for 48hrs hours then went home with a tiny baby we had to care for.

namechange38473 · 02/06/2018 22:10

Mine started exactly like period cramps. My waters didn't break the midwife broke them for me. Like afew others have said you can't prepare yourself for the pain. I couldn't speak Gas and air became my best friend.
I don't think triage took me seriously at first as it was my first and had only been in proper labour for a few hours. They kept trying to put me off coming in. When I did go in I was 9cm! I was whisked off to the birthing suite. Never got my water birth though as my blood pressure was too high.
The pushing felt exactly how I imagined it would like having a massive poo from the front basically very surreal. Also the moment DD was lay on me just surreal and amazing. Think I was in shock I had had an actual baby Grin

Timpani · 02/06/2018 22:17

Honestly....

I loved giving birth. Yes it was painful but I felt awesome afterwards. For weeks, especially with the first. I just had had and air for both. I second the people who said water. I used it as pain relief both times and it was the best thing.

As for actually describing the pain, it's impossible. I distinctly remember being a bit "Oh god this will knack" with the second baby, having known just how much it hurt last time. But when it came to it I remember saying to DH "Oh God, I'm having flashbacks - I remember just how painful it was last time now. I Had forgotten". Do I remember how painful it was now? No, can't say I do. I just know that it was seriously seriously painful. But I am do it again in a heartbeat over and over. I'm currently trying for number 3 with IVF.

MsMotherOfDragons · 02/06/2018 22:25

My waters didn't break until the end! (Both times). I always thought that was the first thing that happened before contractions started... how little I knew!

How amazing it was to give birth. I felt incredibly empowered and strong and full of adrenaline afterwards. I would say that the birth of my second child (catching her myself, in a birth pool in my house, with no pain relief!) was the most extraordinary experience of my life. The first one, in hospital with help from obstetricians with a ventouse, was equally amazing though in its way.

The first time around, I didn't really realise that I could say no to things or ask questions. The second time, I had done a lot more research on my options (and rights) beforehand.

BackforGood · 02/06/2018 22:52

Nobody can describe it to you, because it is completely different for every woman, and for every birth any woman has. It will be what it will be, so worrying in advance is a bit of a waste of worry, tbh.
Nobody can answer your 'is it like period cramps' as of course, not everyone has period cramps, and, out of those that do, they will be different.

Biscuitsneeded · 02/06/2018 23:00

The pain for me was like really, really bad cramps from a horrible bug mixed up with period pain, and sort of vice-like. Like when your leg muscle cramps up and you know you've just got to wait for it to subside - but all around your abdomen/pelvis/back. Not very nice but totally worth it. I was surprised that I could feel DS' head bouncing/butting against my cervix. And also the crowning wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be - I was just so desperate to have the baby out to stop the contractions I was glad to be at that point! DS 1 was back-to-back and I had him in water - without the water there's no way I could have done it because it was so painful. With DS 2 I remember thinking, right, this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and then suddenly he was born! Only then did I realise HOW bad a posterior labour is!!