Terrified! Is anyone willing to share their experience?

[LatoyaLondon]

15 weeks pg. Scared of childbirth already but also strangely looking forward to it. I'd like a water birth if possible but am well aware that plans often go out of the window. Would anyone be willing to share their experience from the point you knew you were in labour to giving birth? Specifically for first babies! Happy to hear the graphic bits (of course only if you're comfortable with sharing!). Thanks all!

I will give a little breakdown of my main points I can think of - I found my 2nd labour better as I knew what to expect IYKWIM and I always find myself handling things better when I have an idea of what's to come (that's not only with labour). So hope this helps.
Just to clarify though - I was very lucky to have straightforward births with no need of intervention and this is just my personal experience.

• contractions were not as terrible as I expected but I've always had painful periods so that might have contributed, they did get a lot worse towards the end but the main thing to remember is that they only last a little while and you get a "break" in between so try to relax as much as you can in that break.

I kept reminding myself that it's only a little longer when going through painful contractions as it stopped me going into "oh my god I can't do this" panic mode.

• get as comfy as you can no matter what position you end up in, I ended up delivering both mine on my knees clutching the back of the bed (had it raised up) and I think that helped for me to not tear as much.

• the transition is the worst bit , it's towards the end when the baby makes its way down in preparation for pushing and first time around I panicked as I didn't know what was happening to my body it was a very alien feeling but it's completely normal and when it's time to push you end up feeling this weird pressure on your whole lower region and you just want to "push".

• at one point with DC2 my midwife said "ok if you don't want to tear listen to me now" and ended up telling me to do lots of little pushes so that the head wouldn't come out too fast - it was worth paying attention as I didn't have a stitch despite DC2 coming out with one hand up and she was fully expecting me to have tears.

• don't tense up, I know it's hard but when the pain is there try to relax your muscles as much as you can, otherwise you're wasting your energy.

Also useful bit of advice I used with DC2 - remember to only push with your lower half, tensing your face and shoulders will only result in popped veins and achy muscles and you don't need those parts deliver your baby.

That's all I can think of but hope some of it is useful x

I'd meant to do Hypnobirthing, but my waters went at 35+5 after I'd done the reading but no proper practise.
There were no contractions, so I was admitted to antenatal ward for observation.
Waters kept leaking/refilling/leaking, and I was strapped to various monitors.
Spent two days on the ward, then my mucous plug turned up, and eventually contractions at 10:30pm.
Back-to-back labour, so all the pain was in my lower back, and I stood for the entire thing. It was manageable pain on gas & air, as long as I stayed standing, leaning over the bed. Lying down for examinations was agony.
As I was early, I was on Labour Ward not the birth centre, and had a midwife with me the entire time. She kept the lights low and was fab.
I was using my Hypnobirthing reading to cope, but as it was b2b labour there weren't any breaks between contractions, just solid ache that got worse during contractions.
When I felt I couldn't cope and asked for an epidural, they checked and I was ready to push. Knowing that the finishing line was in sight gave me the energy to carry on with gas & air.
DS born mid-air at 09:30, at 36+0, caught by the midwife!
I'd say I had a good birth experience, pain was definitely there but not crazy, and I felt all went pretty well.

DSis had a fairly standard first birth with G&A, then learned about Hypnobirthing and had a 100% pain-free second birth. Third birth with DC3 was under tricky circs so not as successful as her DC2, but far less painful than DC1.
No G&A required for either DC2 or DC3.
It's not a magic bullet tho - a friend did all the HB practise and it just didn't work out as she has complications.

Knowing someone who has had good births is immensely helpful in preparing mentally for your first birth.
It is sensible to know that you will need to go with the flow and be prepared factually for what could happen, but please don't listen too hard to 'bad' birth stories - they aren't helpful emotionally and can actually make things physically worse due to the tension.

Both DSis and I were told we couldn't possibly be as far along as we were in labour as we were 'too calm'. Being relaxed/knowledgable about the process helped us, as nothing was a scary shock.

Hope all goes well for you OP.

Both my labours we're fine, less than 11 hours each, from first contractions. One needed an episiotomy, the other was a water birth and completely textbook. Gas and air for both.

With both births, I was out and about the next day, took a train journey after four days. No lasting effects, everything feels the same.

Things I did to try to prepare my body during pregnancy;

Multi vitamin
Aqua natal classes
Walking daily, especially close to due date
Pelvic floor exercises
Rest and eat well

Things I did to prepare me mentally;

NCT classes to find out options for pain relief
Hospital tour
Discussion with DH so he understood what I wanted and would like to avoid so he could be my advocate

Try not to stress about it, no matter how it goes, it'll be worth it.

my midwife came to check me on the 18th,after she touched my stomach i had a sharp period pain in my lower belly that wouldn't go,had some bleeding so when oh came home from a night shift he took me down the hospital at 6 in the morning,he went home to get some sleep. i got examined and nurse said bleeding was from a ruptured cyst and i was 3cmd! one of the nurses couldn't believe i was 3cmd cause how hyper i was,it didn't bother me the slightest. anyways the sent me home and around 10 in the night my contractions came more frequent so oh meet me in the hospital,i think i was only 4-5 cmd,but they took me over into labour ward. i attempted a water birth - i went in the water till i was 7cmd. my contractions were fine and didn't bother me,i was thinking to myself in the films they make it out to be like unbearable (everyone handles pain differently) anyways at half two in the morning the broke my waters. then i felt the pain,i did find the water relaxing and I'm upset i didn't give birth in the water. but i had pethidine because i couldn't deal with the pain (worst mistake). i woke up feeling so drowsy and hanging,i was to tired and drowsy when i was pushing so ended up being cut and having an assisted deliver (ventouse) witch was like a suction cup put on babys head to help when i was pushing. 2 minutes later lg was out and healthy. just remember to stay calm,dont think about the pain. people tend to get themselves more scared about the pain and it wont be as half as bad as you think. remember with every contraction is one contraction closer to seeing your little one,its gonna hurt but its all worth it! good luck:)

transition is the worst bit , it's towards the end when the baby makes its way down in preparation for pushing and first time around I panicked as I didn't know what was happening to my body it was a very alien feeling but it's completely normal and when it's time to push you end up feeling this weird pressure on your whole lower region and you just want to "push".

exactly how to describe it ! it feels like a you need a poo but its just the baby coming down it is a scary feeling but just remember to stay calm x

I had my first 4 weeks ago and it was honestly a fantastic experience. I was 12 days overdue and eventually consented to an induction. I was terrified of the induction failing and being in labour for days only to end up with an EMCS.

Anyway they gave me the gel at 9.40am and told me to go home and come back in 24hrs for the second round of gel. But at 2.30pm I started getting strong contractions 2 minutes apart. Got to hospital about 3.30, was in triage for a bloody hour! Shown into birthing suite at 4.30pm (8cm by this point) into the water, beautiful 8lb 12oz baby born at 5.30pm in the water. Only had the tens machine til 8cm, then gas and air. So 3 hour labour! Had a second degree tear but no discomfort at all after a day or two, and it's healed and stitches dissolved now.

I was 37 weeks when I went for a routine exam. My dr (abroad) gave me the full works every time, so after being subjected to my usual monthly internal examination he informed me that I was two cm dilated I was then hooked up to a machine, which found that I was having contractions. I had no idea.

I was sent home with instructions to stay home from work for the next few days. Three days later I was lying in bed at about 8am when my waters popped. Contractions started straight away. I phoned DH who wanted me to go to hospital straight away but I refused to get in a taxi while I was still leaking amniotic fluid all over the place! I went in for a shower.

DH came home and we went to the hospital in high spirits, joking around, a bit nervous but excited.

From there the experience kind of went downhill as it became apparent that labour is fucking agony beyond anything I had ever imagined. I cried, screamed, retched, begged, pleaded for help, all the time knowing that nobody could do anything about it.

I requested an epidural but the baby was having some heart decelerations so the midwife implied (she couldn't tell us, just implied) that this would slow labour and be bad for the baby. So I committed the single most heroic act of my life, and sent the anaesthesiologist away. I cried. It was awful. Gas and air was shit. Pethidine is a LIE.

I was made to labour on my back for the entire labour. DS got stuck. I pushed and pushed and fucking pushed and he would not move. I have never felt despair like it. Then my dr came. He rolled his eyes at my screaming, shouted 'how am I supposed to work in these conditions??' and ten minutes later DS was physically pulled out of my body by a 6ft Lebanese bloke armed with butcher's scissors and a ventouse.

It was a surreal and terrifying experience. I couldn't feel DS coming out until his head was out - then his body coming out felt exactly as you would imagine it feels to have a tiny wet human body slither out of your vagina. Weird.

They took him away (for no reason, he was fine - skin to skin would admittedly have been difficult given that my hospital gown was a neck-to-ankle polyester number the size of a wedding marquis) and I was left lying there, pain gone but shocked to my core, having just undergone the most terrifying experience of my life, bleeding into the bed. All this and yet nobody really seemed very interested in me any more! It's fucking bizarre. Anyway I suddenly felt a finger up my arse and then a stabbing pain in my vagina. I cried out and looked down to see my dr's head pop up between my legs, a big bloody swab and tongs in hand, and he shouted indignantly 'What?! I am cleaning!' Sorry to interrupt mate but you're cleaning my fucking vagina! Bit of warning would be nice!

Afterwards they brought me a salad. A fucking GREEN SALAD.

Mine was LONG! First contractions were Monday night and felt like period pains, gradually getting more frequent and painful throughout Tuesday and Wednesday. Went to hospital Wed night, 3cm so they sent me home. Went back 9 hours later, 3.5cm. So frustrating. Went home. Went back Thursday evening, 7cm - hooray. Was allowed in birthing pool and never wanted to get out. By Friday morning they finally established that DS was back to back, completely stuck and in distress, and I was literally falling asleep on my feet having been awake and in pain for 70+ hours, so they rushed me to theatre and got him out with forceps and episiotomy. Hypnobirthing was great, up until that point I'd had no pain relief at all, just breathing and visualisation, I think I was so calm they hadn't realised anything was wrong! Postnatal ward was hell because I've never been so shattered but it was so noisy and roasting hot that I couldn't sleep. I'd have done it all again in a heartbeat immediately afterwards though because DS is absolutely amazing

I really recommend hypnobirthing classes. It’s a time commitment but worth it and you can work through your feelings about birth.

First child- I needed an induction for a gestational diabetes complication. Spent al day at the hospital and things weren’t starting. Went on the drip just before 9 in the evening. I dialated quickly and they had to turn drip off as son wasn’t coping. Obstetrician suggested that we carry on in theatre. As he was about to leave the room to get ready I asked him to check me again and I was ready to deliver. So we stayed put. People came into the room. I pushed. They left. 25 min of pushing son was born all fine. I wasn’t scared. I noticed all the people come in and then leave again. It was intense but it’s not pain in the usual sense. It’s like you can’t get comfortable and can’t get relief. I asked my obstetrician “is this an emergency and do I have to push?”. He said “yes”. When my son was put on my stomach I had a completely euphoric moment with endorphins. He was warm and wet! So brilliant! But then they wisked him off, dried him and wrapped him up. I wish I had that moment for longer!

Second child - I was 37+2 weeks. No complications. I felt very grumpy that morning. So grumpy! Then at 10.45 I had a very intense contraction. It felt like two contractions ran into each other and I could hardly register the gap. I decided I was going to go to hospital straightaway as it was too much to cope with by myself. I sat on the toilet. Rang doula (I was meeting her that morning, I wanted her postnatally) to cancel meeting. Rang my husband to tell him it had started. They said things like “things take time”, “are you sure?”.
Left my home. Rang ward to say I was coming while I was waiting for taxi. Got a taxi. Was able to talk to the driver. I couldn’t sit down so I put my towel on the floor. My waters broke in the taxi. Took my tights and knickers off and out then in a bag. Texted my husband to tell the ward that my waters had broken and that the birth was one iminent. Not the I thought it was. I basically just wanted them to be ready. Taxi driver stopped asking a passer by for help. She didn’t. He carried on driving. We
Talked a bit. My daughter started to come out, I didn’t need to push I just realised she was coming. It was intense but manageable. It’s very different being by yourself as no one is telling you what to do. Her head came out. I checked her neck for the cord and looped it off. Then her body came out. I had to kind of pick her up and sit up at the same time. And then I held her as I didn’t have anything else with me. I got to look into her eyes for a while. No interrruptions. She looked at me like she knew about the world already. Got to hospital. Midwives got in and wrapped us up and clamped the cord. Husband arrived and paid the taxi driver. I got in a wheelchair, went in and birthed the afterbirth in a bed with my obstetrician.
Second birth was much better because I felt safe (on the way to hospital) but I didn’t have anyone interfering. I didn’t have any endorphins because it was just too quick. Instead I had some lovely minutes where I looked into my daughters face and I was just alone with her and nothing else. I much preferred this. No pushing. She just came out herself. Like a sort of ebb and flow. But she was 37 weeks which is term, but obviously she wasn’t very big. It
Doesn’t sound calm but it was calmer than the hospital. I was coached to push in the hospital. I didn’t like it as the actual birthing bit is more private than that and I don’t mind the people but I would prefer quiet atmosphere.

A water birth would be lovely. I would have liked one. Sorry a bit long.

With my first my waters went in bed at midnight. (I was not prepared for the amount of waters of the fact that they kept coming for hours and hours!). Contractions started at 2am. From when my contractions started to when the baby was born they lasted 40 seconds and there was less than a minute between them so it was intense. Uncomfortable and unpleasant but not painful. Stayed at home but started to struggle at 7cm. Went to hospital, got in the pool, baby was born less than 2 hours later in the calm/dark. Was an experience I’d happily repeat (though not an option due to high risk babies now unfortunately). Transition was hard - I was a bit panicked without knowing why until I found out it was transition. I was sick with most contractions (and I’m emetophobic but whilst it was unpleasant it wasn’t as bad as it sounds). Pain was manageable with the tens and lots of stomping around at home, and the water was fantastic once I was in the pool. Crowning was fine except for a tiny split second. I felt amazing immediately afterwards. Good luck

I know everyone has totally different experiences and totally different pain thresholds but both of my births were fine honestly.
The first is what I'd call your typical labour, 12 hrs long. It was sore, I'd never deny that, and at many points I said I couldn't continue but you do. The pain isn't like any pain I can describe and, for me at least, the old saying that you forget about it is certainly true.
My 2nd was 45 mins start to finish, 15 of these in hospital with the midwives telling me to push and me saying no, I've got hours to go yet! Listen to your midwives
Good luck op, I found people only wanted to tel you horror stories about labour, I for one can say it wasn't nearly as bad I as was expecting

Baby was in perfect position for labour. Went into labour spontaneously at 40+6. Laboured at home for a day. Was in a lot of pain (screaming level) but contractions not close enough. Went to hospital. They sent me home as only 4cm dilated. Stayed at home another 12hrs. Screaming my face off every 40 seconds. Ate some chips in the bath. Back to hospital. Had gas and air - magic! Pain significantly reduced. Laboured another few hours. Midwife not happy with progress so they break my waters. Meconium in the waters (stressed baby). They put me on hormone drip to speed things up more. By this point gas and air doing nothing for me anymore. Ask for epidural. Takes two attempts to get it in. Scream at husband for eating crisps near me. Epidural in. Rest for 30mins and pain relief sets in. They bring a portable ultasound scanner in and discover baby has turned the wrong way! Going face up. This explains why the pain was so extreme. I get to 10cm and do some pushing for 30mins. Not a lot happens. I “feel” a really loud click in my body....

I’m taken in for forceps or csection. They manage to get baby out with forceps. They take him straight away and I don’t even see if he is alive. His heart rate was 200. He was very stressed.

I have the episiotomy sown up and a second small tear.

Days and months later the real outcome becomes apparent. Baby is fine (although did scream for the first 10 days and sleep less than 10hours). I was shaking for 2 days straight afterward - they said it was Adrenalin.

The “click” was my coccyx breaking. It’s taken years to recover. My stitches were botched so I had to have them redone 6 months later. I got ecoli and had an indwelling catheter for weeks as I couldn’t pee properly. Had to learn to self cathertrise.

So all in all it was by far the worst experience of my life. Midwives just kept telling me everything was fine, and it really wasn’t. I only really had one sentence in my birth plan and that was to tell me what was going on - that wasn’t respected.

The good news is that 2 years later. I’m 95% better. No peeing problems. Vagina is the right shape again. Generally I can sit without being in pain. I’m pregnant again so I guess that proves it’s all worth it.

Of my nct class of 10, I had the hardest time by far but parts of my story are not uncommon. It’s unusual to have so many things go wrong in one birth.

I’d highly recommend reading the positive birth book. It’s brilliant. It covers lots of different scenarios and how you can deal with them and importantly gives good birthing stories in each case. Often our fear of childbirth makes the reality worse as stress leads to less oxytocin and more pain. So keeping calm and positive is really beneficial.

My top tips are to keep your plans flexible as you’ll never know what happens and to do your research. The NHS can be very very pushy when it comes to guidelines and telling you that you have to do things a certain way. You don’t. It’s your birth, you can choose everything that happens to you.

Induced Thursday, gave birth by emergency caesarean Sunday.
Best piece of advice I was given, breathe thro the contractions don't fight them

I always thought I had a high pain threshold...until I went in to labour.

Baby had been in perfect position for over 3 months. Had a sweep at 11.30am on the Thursday and contractions started at 5pm, by the time I went to bed at 10 they were 5-10 mins apart and then 5mins apart by the morning. Things seemed to be going well, but then they became irregular and then a heck of a lot more painful.

Baby had decided to go back to back. From lunchtime on Friday until 5 on the Saturday, my contractions were horrendous and there were times I wanted to die 🤣 However, all of my pain was in my back so I would be interested to know whether I would have been in such agony had she stayed in the right place.

I had planned a homebirth but had to be transferred in at 5pm on the Saturday for ventouse and episiotomy - she was born at 6pm.

Despite it being the most horrendous experience of my life, I am happy I did everything bar the last hour at home with just gas and air and a tens machine. She was worth every single pain and I'd do it all again - we've already been talking about a home birth for our second and she's only 2 weeks old!

Don't let my experience put you off, I just wish someone had told me just how much it could hurt. But it is true what people say, that you don't forget the pain necessarily, but it gets out to the back of your mind.

Definitely recommend hypnobirthing, the positive birth book and the calm birth method. 😊

My baby is now 5 months I was absolutely terrified about labour! I just had the mindset that "it's just one day, it's going to hurt and it's going to happen" I kept myself up at night just overthinking everything and I kept telling my partner something was going to go wrong and we are not going to come home with a baby. To add to the stress I had group b strep which I had got so worked up about....in the end I ended up giving birth to my baby girl on the living room floor with no pain relief and it's safe to say I would do it again tomorrow and I can't wait to get pregnant and give birth again and I want a home birth for my next. It's a beautiful experience when you think back...maybe not at the time...my contractions started at 1am and she was here at 4:30am I was lucky everything was ok and she is the best blessing in my life

I was in labour for well over 24 hours with increasingly painful contractions because my baby was badly positioned and I was failing to dilate. By the end I was immobilised by pain and even morphine couldn't relieve it, plus I was exhausted and beginning to hallucinate due to lack of sleep (my labour started late at night so by the end I hadn't slept for 40 hours). I ended up having an emergency c-section and by that point I no longer cared about my plans for a drug free natural birth, I was just desperate for the pain to stop and for the baby to be born safely. Recovery was a doddle after that and I barely register pain any more because I've been to hell and back so nothing else compares. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again for my child.

I had no idea what to expect before I gave birth with it being my first. I tried reading and preparing myself as much as possible but quickly discovered that there’s no blueprint for childbirth and it’s clearly not as portrayed in TV/film!!

As you can see from previous posters there are just endless different scenarios. Mine, however, was as follows:

Latent phase began on a Wednesday morning before my midwife appointment at 39+6 but only had a few contractions and they didn’t restart until Thursday morning. Had contractions sporadically throughout the day with hours rest sometimes between them until 11pm when they got a lot stronger lasting about 30seconds and 10/15 mins apart. I first phoned hospital at around 4am as they were starting to get much more painful but was advised by midwife to stay at home as long as possible. From this point on I couldn’t sleep because of the painful contractions. The pain was similar to period pain but more intense which increased to a peak and then faded.

Mucus plug started to dislodge in the afternoon and managed to stay at home until 4.30pm on the Friday - during the few hours previously the contractions had become unbearable and something in my brain instinctively said I needed to go in.

After arriving an hour later I was 5cm and encouraged to go into the pool (despite not being keen on a water birth). This made it easier to move about but don’t think it gave me much pain relief.

At this point (and for the rest of established labour) the contractions were coming with virtually no break in between. Was given gas and air but I struggled to concentrate on it when having contractions and didn’t really get any pain relief from it. I ended up being a screamer (I really struggled breathing and acting calmly so this form of release worked best for me) clinging on the bath handles and biting on a towel. After about three hours I had enough of the water and wanted to get out and ended up on bed on my back (the only position comfortable). Waters broke just before pushing stage started (another thing I didn’t realise varied so much in childbirth)

Pushing stage stung as you would expect but nowhere near as bad as the contractions for me. The only frustrating thing about it was that baby would go back in slightly after each push. Once head was out though rest of body quickly followed and the sense of relief was amazing.

Honestly, the moments after baby was delivered felt great - both me and partner were in tears and I felt overwhelmingly relieved and euphoric which made the hours of labour before quickly fade away.

Unfortunately I can’t reassure you that childbirth isn’t painful - because it was the most painful thing I’ve experienced. However, I didn’t use much pain relief so may be worth looking into those options and discussing with midwife.

Overall, it was a great experience where I bonded with my partner, baby and also the lovely midwives who took care of me. Care was one to one. After baby arrived and first feed had been done they offered to look after baby for a bit so we could sleep. However, I was so high on adrenaline I couldn’t sleep so spent the early hours of the morning talking to my midwife about all sort of stuff (they were quiet so had the time). A bit strange really when you consider that hours before she had seen every part of my body!

Discharged the following morning as there were no complications.

Good luck with your pregancy and best wishes for baby’s arrival. Get as much advice from friends, family and midwife as you can. Have a good browse on Mumsnet too as I spent ages looking at loads of threads. After reading all the NHS material and other professional information it was refreshing to read real-life examples of childbirth - especially the more recent stories (its crazy how quickly you forget the pain and reality of childbirth once it’s over).

Also only suffered some minor grazing so relatively lucky compared to a lot of other posters. But don’t focus on this part of childbirth as for me that’s what scared me most - just take it as it comes and know whatever is best for both you and baby is all that matters.

Waters broke suddenly at 10pm and contractions started about 20-30 mins later. They were intense and only 2-3 mins apart from the very start so we went into hospital but I was only 1cm so sent home. Couldn't cope with the pain at home so went back in around 4am and had pethadine which enabled me to doze until 08:30.

Was examined and was 6cm so as the pethadine had worn off I had gas and air for the next hour at which point I was ready to push. Had the gas and air removed to help me focus and midwife said baby would be here in minutes.

Turned out baby was back to back and after 3 hours of pushing with no pain relief I had an episiotomy. Still baby wasn't coming out so they said one more push and then forceps. I just refused to stop pushing then until baby was out as I wasn't having forceps. Baby was born at 12:36 so 14 and a half hours after my waters broke. It was so exhausting and I felt as though I had failed due to the episiotomy but a fab midwife came into my room and said 'so I hear you are the one who pushed like a trooper' and that made me feel much better.

What I wish I had known was that not everyone had a drawn out latent phase with contractions gradually building, able to go for walks etc. Sometimes labour is full in from the moment it starts, I was so unprepared for that. I also wish the birthing pool had been available as I think I may have avoided the episiotomy that way but who knows. It was all worth it and is now a distant memory :)