I'm scared

[Shernadewright]

Me and my husband are trying for a child and I want one so desperately but I am terrified of child birth everyone I talk to says it the most painful thing in the world but is worth it in the end, I just don't know if I can do it, please give me some reassurance, thanks ShernadeX

Oh lord Jesus I swear to you it is the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life. 10/10 would never do it again children are awful

You don't have to be in pain. If pain is what you are scared of, you can choose an epidural.

I wasn't scared of the pain, I was more scared of the process/having complications/big needles etc, so I didn't have pain relief except gas and air. It did hurt, but I survived perfectly well.

@Newmrs22 you're a liar

Op: please give me reassurance
Supermumsusan: does complete opposite and terrifies op more

I think everyone is scared of childbirth. It is painful but the human race would die out if it was that horrific. To be honest by time you get to labour you just want the baby out regardless of pain. My 1st birth was traumatic ended in c section. 2nd was an unplanned Vbac, it was very painful but I declined epidural and pethidene as I just wanted to get the baby out and go home. It's all different once you are in labour.

I had an epidural with my first because he was back to back and I was induced and it hurt a lot (completely pain free after the epidural).

With my second I didn't want gas and air so did the whole thing on nothing even though I was induced again, the midwife didn't believe I was progressing until I started pushing. Amazing experience. And I'd say the dry socket I'm currently suffering from is worse than my second birth!

It is really scary. I've had a natural birth with complications and a planned c section, both were scary in their own way.

But if you want children, you are going to have to do it. I tried to think it of it being just one day out of my life.

@ChocolateButton15 thank you so much, I have never heard that view on it before this has given me so much more confidence! X

i had something called a walking epidural. i could get up , very wobbly, but i could squat and go on all 4s and still feel the sensation of child birth but with zero pain bloody amazing stuff.

I think most people are scared of childbirth, but many go on to have at least one more baby. You'll be fine OP.

One word.Epidural.Brilliant

I am being completely straight with you - the first baby I had an epidural and didn't feel a thing, the second time I knew what to expect ( every contraction is so brief and passes very quickly) and knew that I could manage it by myself, it really isn't that bad, as you have pain free breaks in between until the very end.

So I had no pain relief whatsoever, not even gas and air as one couldn't be found at the time! I would say I almost 'enjoyed' the pain, it was coming and going, and I embraced it, once I did that the only thing that was a little sore was when she crowned, but then she was born and I felt fine immediately afterwards.

I left the hospital three hours later and can honestly say I loved having her. Don't be afraid. Like everything else it is your reaction to it, rather than the experience. If you feel good about it, and positive, and accepting then it will be fine.

@rocketgirl22 thank you, really needed that! Xx

You will be fine, but there’s only one way to find out! You might surprise yourself and breeze through on gas and air.
If it’s awful say yes to all the drugs and know it won’t last for long

Well - I've had two babies, no drugs for either. First was very long labour and I stupidly refused any drugs. The tiredness was worse than the pain. The actual pain lasted a very short time (in my experience). If I'd had some help earlier I might have coped better.

Second time, I had requested an epidural but was only in labour for 20 minutes so no time to give me one. It was a much more intense labour but it was only 20 minutes. I could have jogged home afterwards! They did ask if I wanted gas and air for stitches but one whiff made me nauseous (probably with all the adrenalin and hormones - I hadn't even got undressed!)

Everyone is different. You'll have a lovely baby at the end and every contraction is one step nearer to that wee bundle.

It isn't that bad. Everyone kept telling me how horrendous it was and that I'd be screaming for an epidural, blah blah blah.

I can only assume that some women are liars and want everyone to be in awe of how they got through childbirth, or theirs was actually one of the minority that was truly awful and are incapable of seeing that all births are different, and some are even enjoyable experiences.

I had back to back DC1 at home, it was nowhere near as bad as everyone had been telling me. DC2 is due in a few months and will also be born at home if all goes to plan. I think the birth of DC1 went 80% to plan and I actually had a really lovely experience. The contractions felt kind of like when you have a severe upset stomach, they weren't unbearable. If they were then obviously I'd have gone into hospital for pain relief, or at least tried the gas and air. The pushing stage was actually enjoyable and the placenta being delivered made me laugh.

If I had gone into labour thinking it would be the most traumatic experience of my life then it probably would have gone badly no matter what happened.

May I suggest you get counselling for tokophobia and then look into hypnobirthing. Your fear shouldn't be minimised, you need help to overcome it so that you can enjoy pregnancy without having your fear of childbirth hanging over you.

I had an epidural, labour up to that point was uncomfortable but I managed it on paracetamol and lots of warm baths, the only problem was I couldn't get any sleep, so after three days of that, I went to the hospital and asked for pain relief, they gave me pethedine, which was really good, and allowed me to sleep for a few hours. Then they transferred me to the consultant unit, put in the epidural and I slept through a significant amount of the rest of my labour. I felt pressure during the actual delivery, but no pain, and they had to tell me when to push because I couldn't feel the contractions. it was fantastic, the last 12 hours of my labour were so calm and relaxed. So if you're scared of the pain, I would definitely recommend discussing an epidural as an option with your midwife.

Supermsusan is a troll.

my births were hands down the most exciting days of my life. ye sit does hurt but it's not like breaking your leg hurting.
It's hard to describe.

if you can stay calm and stay upright and move about as much as possible that will really help. When you see people on one born every minute they are alwasy lying down on a bed- and i am shouting at the tv-get up for gods sake!

Then the actual birthing bit is really really intense and then the baby is born and you get this huge rush of love-amazing!

There's no getting away from the fact it will be painful, without intervention. That's the key. You have options. I had planned to have an epidural, but my birth progressed so quickly there wasn't time so I used gas and air and honestly, it wasn't half as bad as I expected and next time I'm going to try do it with gas and air again. Think of the end result! Xx

I won't lie. It hurts. But follow the advice of the midwife and take the pain relief and you will be fine. As my lovely mum said, if it was that bad people wouldn't reproduce and they certainly wouldn't have more than one!! They really are worth it!

Yes it was sore, but not the most pain
I've ever been.
There was at no stage I thought I couldn't bear it anymore x

It hurts, yes, but I thought it was bearable and not as bad as I was expecting. There is a purpose to the pain, an end in sight, which is what I focussed on. It was an amazing experience for me and I didn't feel scared at all.

You will be okay. Look around and see how many people there are, and they all were born. My MIL made me laugh when she told me 'it smarts a bit', she was right.

It’s natural to be nervous of childbirth, and to wonder how you’ll cope with pain. But modern deliveries are nothing like the movies of the old days, with screaming mothers labouring for days, bleeding to death etc etc!
You can have as much or as little pain as you want. If you want none, book into a hospital consultant obstetric unit and have an epidural. You will also have all the emergency back up on site, to save your life if the labour runs into any unexpected problems.
At the other extreme, you can give birth unattended in a field chanting mantras if you want, or anything in between, such as stand alone midwife units or a planned home birth!
Your care team will discuss your options at the ante natal clinic, and you can discuss your fears there. My hospital offers appointments with the obstetric anaesthetist to discuss epidurals if you want, too.
I’m a retired anaesthetist who administered literally thousands of them over 36 years in the NHS, and I can reassure you that they’re very effective.
Being in labour will only take a few hours of your life, and the end result is a much loved baby. Don’t get the fear out of proportion, so that it stops you having the family you want.

Everyone is different but I personally didn't find it that bad. Although I'm not sure if that's because I'd heard so many horror stories that in comparison I felt OK.

It's definitely not on my top 3 list of worst pain I've ever been in. I don't know if you exercise or anything like that but I found it similar to doing a long run or a really hard exercise class ie it was a bit shit and i didn't really enjoy it but at the same time I knew I'd be pleased id done it once it was over.

If you're that bothered though have an epidural or a planned c section. I've never had an epidural but I had a section and it was lovely!