I'm scared

[Shernadewright]

Me and my husband are trying for a child and I want one so desperately but I am terrified of child birth everyone I talk to says it the most painful thing in the world but is worth it in the end, I just don't know if I can do it, please give me some reassurance, thanks ShernadeX

Oh and I second chocolate button, my the time your due date gets nearer, you're that sick of being pregnant labour is more than welcome!

I was very scared and had to be induced early. People only ever tell you their horror stories and some are exaggerated. The world wouldn't be over populated if child birth was that bad.

You may need to change your perception of pain. Child birth pain is for a good reason and you get a baby at the end.

My induction took 4 days to work and my labour was fast, afterwards I sat on the bed and said 'was that it'! You may surprised yourself

Knowledge = power, and certainly less fear. Read up as much as you can.

I’ve had 3. Each one, tbh, was hell. But, yes, sounds cliche, worth it.

There are options for pain relief. Everyone gets scared. You will be fine.

You need a very supportive partner/husband with you, this makes a big difference.

Op - chick we've been doing this for an unthinkable amount of time as humans !

WE ARE MADE FOR IT AS WOMEN

Your body is strong and powerful and will help you along the way

On a personal note I had an induction which is sometimes known to make contractions more painful - I won't lie it wasn't ideal but I decided I'd like an epidural before the pushing stage and I honestly couldn't recommend it more - in no time I was joking , calling friends , napping etc

I really hope you give yourself this chance to enjoy what your body can do and I promise you won't regret it !

Good luck

If you want reassurance probably stay away from this forum. The horror stories on here made my fear go from 100 to
1 000 000. I am pregnant but I'm having an elcs. No way could I go through birth after spending a few hours on here reading!

"Really isn't that bad" surely that's just your experience you can't tell someone it won't be that bad just coz you managed..
Same way I wouldn't say labour is definitely painful and unmanageable..
For me I had the epidural too early on my first birth
I couldn't feel a thing when I was supposed to be pushing.. had an episiotomy
Second birth very quick, got epidural at 5cms
30 mins later I was 10 cms!
Never had an urge to push on first dc but with second my body took over and forced me to give birth!
You can't compare your pregnancy or birth to anyone else's.. you just won't know until it's your time

OP some people can rationalise the pain, some people find it unbearable. Certain things make it more painful e.g.. back to back presentation.

Your best bet is to read up on hypnobirthing; I think there's also a book called Childbirth Without Fear. If you're prepared and have a 'toolkit', you'll be more able to cope. It also helps to put off any intervention for as long as possible, if you're able to.

Every birth is different, and it can be an amazing experience.

Good luck!

Well it's definitely painful. But you can do it, and yes it is worth it.

My first birth was horrendous, immensely painful and long and I swore I'd never do it again. Yet here I am, pregnancy number 3.

Childbirth is such a minor part of having a child, it's a big deal at the time but once you have your child it's almost forgotten.

I genuinely wasn't scared. Maybe a bit apprehensive if I'm really honest, but not scared.

I was lucky enough to be low risk, no complications except low iron levels. I wanted a home birth and my iron levels after pills were just on the lower limit of what they'd 'allow' but they were good enough. I felt well educated, well informed and comfortable in my choices.

I went into labour at 40 + 5. It was very long- 36 hours start to finish (including a sweep at 21 odd hours in) and a good 10-12 hours of active labour, 3 hours of pushing (and nearly a whole hour for his head) but it was honestly fine! Really, really hard work and definitely painful but I never felt out of control, never felt like I couldn't do it and never needed more pain relief than gas and air. My 8lb 3 son was delivered at home in the pool. We actually ran out of gas and air at the end, but by that point it wasn't really doing anything anyway.

I had very minimal damage- 2 stitches for labial grazes that were stitched really just to be on the safe side and a tiny tear that didn't need stitching. He was born at just before 11pm and I was up making breakfast at 7am, and out taking the dog for a walk at 6pm the next day. I don't really mean that as a boast, just as an example that birth can honestly go like that.

Mine was not an 'easy birth' in terms of some women who feel little pain and who get their babies out with no effort, but it was amazing! It was definitely the most painful thing I've ever experienced but I just sort of got into the zone and didn't find it hard to deal with. I went from wanting one to instantly wanting another! 100% would do it again.

This is hard to explain in text so I really hope it comes across right but: I strongly feel like everything you do in labour can a positive effect on your birth experience, and anything that you can do to educate yourself will have some kind positive effect, even if it's just relieving any fear. Things can go wrong and there is certainly bad luck in labour, but anything negative that happens is not your fault. Does that make sense? You can't be in control of the bad things, but you can be in control of the good things! That kind of thinking really helped me. Hearing positive stories really helped me too.

Do hypnobirthing, it will help a lot to help you feel confident and in control. I’ve just had my first and it was a tour of all the ways - 24 hrs at home managing contractions, gas and air, induction, epidural and then finally emergency section. It was never frightening. The epidural took care of the pain when it got too much and the midwives and doctors were amazing and calm. I was cracking jokes going into the theatre to be honest. I can honestly say it was a really good experience.

I think if you’re in a good state of mind from the hypnobirthing then your hormones kick in. But I took my hypnobirthing music everywhere with me including into surgery (they had magic fm on and I told them to change it ) and that helps to ground you in a place where you feel comfortable.

Please don’t be frightened it’s such an amazing experience, I had 2 quite different births. First I tried gas & air then had pethadine, I couldn’t walk around as baby was being monitored. Second labor I used a tens machine which was amazing and then got in the birthing pool, couldn’t believe how much the water eased the contractions. Midwife sat at the side and left me to it, 2 pushes and she was out.
Yes it is painful but wonderful as well, like someone else said it’s a few hours of discomfort but the end result is worth it.

I found it really painful (sorry) it was the worst pain I've ever had. Dd was back to back and I was uninformed and stupid. I was given paracetamol and gas and air. If I'd known more I would have asked for something stronger...I assumed it would be offered to me. I left the room and cried when I asked for pain relief and they gave me paracetamol.

The easiest part was pushing, because that had purpose. I could focus my energy on to that and ignore the pain. But if I could do it again (not planning to) I would ask for an epidural or some pethidine straight from the off.

@GummyGoddess I second everything you have said here, you are totally bang on too with the fear and anxiety effecting labours progression and creating problems for those women too.

Honestly, labour can be easier then so many things you have probably already suffered or experienced, physically or emotionally. And if it is too uncomfortable they have some fantastic drugs too see you through these days

@Huuwayeye you 100% needed pethadine. Probably not even an epidural but you were in serious pain and needed the real deal basically. But op, learn from that experience that they often do not offer you these things, you HAVE to ask. So be informed and research Everything and you will definitely have a positive experience.

Knowledge is power and midwife/consultant care & experience wildly differs so make sure you know what your rights are and what your options are