Why is it not common knowledge what happens to you??

[rubyred84]

Firstly, a little disclaimer, I have tokophobia, so am coming at this from a point of bias anyway.

But I just think it's so awful that no one prepares women for the true possible after effects of childbirth. Prolapse, continence issues etc. Even tears. 90% of women tear in some way. I don't think that most first time pregnant ladies know this....i think it's seen as unlucky to tear, when it's actually the norm! And 45% assisted births. It just feels like a massive conspiracy, the ability to have the natural, no damage, no intervention, birth. Its actually much harder to achieve than we are led to believe. Only once your "in the club" do you realise from talking to other women/reading on sites like this, that birth injuries to mothers are pretty normal. And when you speak to doctors about issues afterwards, they look at you as if to say "didnt you know this could happen? Its pretty normal" But the risks of vaginal birth are never discussed before you have a baby.

You can probably tell I'm anxious, but I just feel like I've peeked behind the curtain so to speak, and it all feels so dishonest.

AnUtterIdiot Fri 29-Dec-17 22:04:08

YY brilliant post.

I did everything right - I had an amazing sense of calm once labour started - for two days before est labour - which was an amazing 5 hours for first timer...I had a small no stiches needed tear.

I had scrubbed floors and done everything right - my dh massaged me for about 3 hours straight with homepathic oils....

I was left mentally traumatized from the pain - back to back...

My elc was BEAUTIFUL...it really was...def pref to the other way - even though it was a good birth...and being in hospital for a few nights - meant wonderful bonding.

and the emphasis on postpartum psychosis which is vanishingly rare, but little mention of the baby blues which can affect up to 80% of women. And yeah sometimes it’s just feeling ‘a bit weepy’ but it can also make you feel really shit.

And I believe midwives are less likely to recognise it nowadays, because the trend is for earlier discharge.

I had a really terrible birth with my first. I attended antenatal classes, but all I took in was watching a nurse demonstrate with a doll how a baby comes through the pelvis. There was some vague talk about breathing, and that was it. My waters broke and I was just left with orssaries to start the labour. It didn’t work. The midwives were disinterested and gave me no information. Eventually I asked to be induced because I was fearful of infection. Still not given any information at all. I was in a lot of pain and strapped to the bed so asked for an epidural . At no point was I advised or reassured or offered suggestions. The epidural was not allowed to wear off. I was just told to push. Couldn’t feel a thing. Then the fun and games started. The baby got stuck too far down to do a section. Ventouse, forceps, the lot. Didn’t work. A room full of students were brought in to gawp. I was cut as much as possible, floor covered in blood. Screaming with pain. Consultant came in and said baby’s arm would have to be broken. Finally managed to yank him out. I lost massive amounts of blood and had to hAve a transfusion. I was in shock for days and the baby had to go into special care. I couldn’t breastfeed. I had no idea at all how to cope with it all and looking back I was treated appallingly. I had no idea at all these things could happen. I couldn’t sit for two weeks. Absolute nightmare.

I had my children in 1970 and 1973, and had an episiotomy on both occasions. Please can someone explain why episiotimes don't seem to be performed very frequently these days.
We were taught that it is much better to suture a neat cut rather than a jaggged tear. And it seems many women suffer bad tears these days.

Agree with PP that birth rate would go down, threads like this put me off having children no end and what's worse is that DH would probably get all queasy and tell me to stop talking about it if I told him half the stuff on here let alone if I ever suffered with any post-birth trauma myself

I’m expecting dc2 in a few weeks. Having ELCS due to complications with dc1 birth.

Now I’m at the end of my pregnancy, I honestly think if people remembered / knew how gross and debilitating pregnancy can be, that alone would put them off. I’d forgotten how shut this stage is! I know several women who say, given the choice, they would go through labour again before they’d go through pregnancy and some of its lovely side effects! And yet, here I am, doing it again! Must be bonkers.

*shit

This thread lead me down a bit of a googling nightmare last night, does anyone have any stories of positive physical recovery from a bad birth, I feel like most stories are at either end of a scale and would love to hear from someone who says "yes it was awful but physically (and mentally) I'm back to normal"

I gave birth just over a week ago- it was painful and exhausting but feel pretty much recovered a week later. The first few days it was painful to sit and when I first stood up I felt this drag like my insides would fall out.. but a week later I'm much better. And I had a couple of stitches which were fine.
One thing I never knew about was the night sweats after giving birth! I've been waking up soaked with sweat every night. Normal apparently..

Mist my friend is expecting and is desperate to hear stories of worse case scenarios made better again, she is getting quite panicky as her due date nears!!

@Mistoffelees I'm fine now. My DD is 21 months and I had a dreadful birth (I wrote about it a few pages back). 3 day induction after PROM which ended up with a severe shoulder dystocia, several forceps attempts, episiotomy, baby being pulled out by hand, bad tearing, PPH, then surgery for a retained placenta.

It was not nice and it took me a good while mentally to get over it. I suffered with post natal anxiety for the first year of DDs life and I'm sure the birth was a huge factor.

Physically, I'd say it took three months, maybe more to feel ok and at least six to be properly better. I bled PP for 9 whole weeks. I was in hospital for a week pretty much bed bound afterward and on morphine.

I am 100% recovered. I have an episiotomy scar but it doesn't hurt. Things are normal downstairs.

As bad as it was, I'm expecting number 2 now! I'm having an ELCS this time though, no question.

Exactly. And what they failed to mention in the parentcraft workshop despite talking loads about the pain relief is that for some women, the epidural doesn't work. Some women don't have regular contractions and are on a drip to make them come faster, closer together and stronger. So you could be sat there at 7cm for 24 hours with no relief with literally one contraction after another begging for a c-section just to get it over and done with.

However, I did recover within hours, mentally and was able to walk about. Our bodies may not be made for an injury free labour and a full recovery in no time but our minds are able to forget the pain which I think is definitely a plus.

Thanks rabbits that's actually really reassuring, even though it sounds bad I'm glad to hear you're all better now and congratulations on number 2!

Please can someone explain why episiotimes don't seem to be performed very frequently these days.
We were taught that it is much better to suture a neat cut rather than a jaggged tear.

Research has shown natural tears heal better than episiotomies. Episiotomies are only done now when it's necessary for the baby's welfare to get them out ASAP, as episiotomies for the mother's benefit turned out to be counterproductive.

sausagepastapot that’s interesting because I had an assisted birth and felt that my NCT course prepared me incredibly well for it. I still consider the birth to be a positive one even with intervention. I think the content of NCT must vary depending on who’s leading the class. Mine covered intervention, c-sections and pain relief options in plenty of detail.

The thing is, there's such a wide variety of experiences. The friends who told me on most detail about their labour both advised me not to listen to other people's birth stories. Both of them felt that people were very forthcoming with warning stories about tears and pain and icky bits, but they never heard stories that reflected their experience: hurt quite a lot, quite a tough challenge, but basically okay and over in 8 hours. I do not know how typical their experience was, but it isn't rare, and they wouldn't have been better prepared by hearing about all the potential complications that might happen.

I had a caesarean - technically emergency but only as my waters broke ahead of my elective date (breech baby). It was a walk in the park and I could pick her up off the floor from standing after a week. I was left feeling like everyone exaggerates the downside of c-sections. But again - my experience isn't everyone's.

No one can tell you what it will be like for you. There's a case for telling people every possible thing that might go wrong, it an equally good one for not scaring people with possibilities that many people just don't encounter. I think "what it's like" is just too broad and variable for there to be an obvious answer on how to prepare people.

Yes!

I think a lot of information isn't provided during pregnancy. For example, I had no idea about the risks or benefits of rotational forceps until I researched them AFTER I had them. In fact I hadn't even really heard of that type of forceps.

I think that's the case with a lot of procedures women go through during childbirth. It's astonishing really, how is it really informed consent when you don't have a clue about what is actually being done to your body, what the risks are, what the alternatives options are?

There's also that attitude of 'don't bother with a birth plan, it goes out the window' when birth plans aren't actually about having a set birth schedule but about educating yourself as much as possible about all the different eventualities and the different options available to you, so that decision making can actually be shared.

When I had DC2 I did my own research and had a much clearer idea of what I wanted and knew my rights and the importance of informed consent.

Women should definitely be told more about the realities of vaginal birth. I feel CS is very talked about and the risks constantly highlighted but with VB it's about the ideal, straightforward births with no injury or damage and never the common, everyday reality of tearing, episiotomies, forceps, shoulder dystocia and so on.

With knowledge comes power and tbh I think a lot of people don't want women having that power