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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Tearing during childbirth...

30 replies

TLH0307 · 05/09/2017 11:03

I'm 17 weeks with my first little one. So excited BUT I (stupidly) started reading an article about tearing during childbirth. Well now I know it's possible to tear upwards and into your "upper" bits!!! How common is this? I genuinely started crying whilst reading it...hormones don't help do they Blush

Also, how common is it to have more than a 2nd degree tear?

And also...seeing as a daren't actually ask any of my friends with children as it's quite blunt...is sex different after you've pushed a child from your lady garden?!

Thanks in advance, from an apparently clueless mum to be! Xx

OP posts:
TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 05/09/2017 11:14

Tearing can happen but it's less often that you would think. It's more common to be what they call "grazes" which is where the surface skin breaks a bit. No stitches needed and it's not some gory horrifying mess.
Water births reduce the risk of all that apparently. Perineal massaging helps too. Using oil to soften the skin helps the stretching.
As for sex after? It's the same. Or was for me. You're not all loose down there after. Most people snap back into shape.

terrylene · 05/09/2017 11:23

I was one of those who tore upwards. DS arrived fast, with his hand over his head. It hurt a lot, very momentarily and I bled a lot as a result (PPH) and was very anaemic (my haemoglobin was getting a bit border line before birth - didn't make that mistake second time Wink ) It all healed nicely and with no problems.

What did cause problems is the tear in the ring of muscles which surround the vagina, and the one in the back wall. These weren't stitched properly as there was no skin tearing there. It had them repaired 25 years later. If I had only known what the problem was I would have had it done a lot earlier.

Apparently these problems would have been avoided if I had had an episiotomy, but there is no way I would have consented at the time, and anyway, these have problems healing sometimes too.

I would do plenty of massage, plenty of yoga and relaxation and keep my iron intake up if was doing it again.

Original poster
TLH0307 · 05/09/2017 11:24

Thank you for this, I've been getting so worked up about it and I feel like it's not something you can just throw into conversation with your mates!

OP posts:
Original poster
TLH0307 · 05/09/2017 11:26

@terrylene oooh dear it sounds like you've been through a tough time! I'm glad you've healed now. I will try the yoga and massage etc! Thank you.

OP posts:
terrylene · 05/09/2017 11:31

Also, the second time I managed to get hold of material from NCT about protecting the perineum and birthing the head. This turned out to be really useful as I did DTD1 on my own as the midwife had buggered off to get the rubber gloves and the rest of the crew who were supposed to be there.............

I am not sure that it would have been particularly helpful the first time though. I really had a good idea where things would go second time. The first time I was clueless; you don't know what your body will do and what the delivery staff will be like. Sometimes you have to chill and let it happen Wink

terrylene · 05/09/2017 11:37

terrylene oooh dear it sounds like you've been through a tough time!

Nah - it was fine really Smile

Sex was fine. Pooing not, but I learned to live with it and really wish I had known about repairs etc.

Anaemia and non sleeping baby were the worst bits.

Bluebelltulip · 05/09/2017 11:48

I had a 3rd degree tear but I didn't find it as bad as it sounds. Healed really well.

24hoursfliesby · 05/09/2017 12:07

I had a 4th degree tear and was advised to go elective c section for any more pregnancies.
It didn't hurt at the time to be honest, I had an epidural but could feel to push as they let it wear off. I didn't realise I had torn and spent 2 hours in surgery afterwards being repaired.
I don't know if I am just very lucky but I was home the next day, healed within 4 weeks and you wouldn't know I had ever torn today.
For the first couple of weeks or so I had urinary issues, in that my bladder would release too early, so I'd start to go as I was pulling my trousers down and I would struggle to empty my bladder properly as I'd lost some sensation but now I'm absolutely fine.
I even wanted to go natural labour again the next time!

24hoursfliesby · 05/09/2017 12:08

I think chance of 4th degree tear is only a few % though, and my little one came out with a hand on their face which is what they think caused it.

newmumFeb17 · 05/09/2017 12:11

I had a second degree tear, my DD's head was born, the midwife said 'you need an episiotomy' she turned round to put gloves on, and she was born before she got the chance 😂

My DD was over 9lbs so pretty sure the tear was due to that. But it was fine, very little pain and healed up quickly.

I was so scared of tearing too, and definitely cried about it, so I feel your pain! I wish I could go back and tell the 'then' me that everything would be just fine.

I will definitely try the perenial massage (sp?) next time as I've heard it works. Give it a go! They sell the oils in Boots etc

Good luck 🙂

AutumnGlitterBall · 05/09/2017 12:17

I had a waterbirth and a third degree tear due to the baby's shoulder being stuck because he came quite quickly. If I'd been out of the pool, chances are I'd have had an episiotomy whereas, when I stood up to get out, gravity brought him out hence the tearing. I then had to wait an hour before going to theatre to allow my skin time to dry out. It was stitched well (in the surgeon's opinion!) and I only needed paracetamol for the pain.

MrsMyreton · 05/09/2017 12:27

Hi OP,

This was my top fear when I was pregnant with my daughter. I got myself so worked up about it!

I had a second degree tear when she was born, and I can promise you I didn't feel it at all (I used gas & air only). It healed really well.

Sex feels just the same as before! Smile

kikibo · 05/09/2017 12:36

Don't worry about the pain down there, honestly. And I'm saying that 8 days post birth with an episiotomy that's the biggest the midwife's seen in a long time by her own accounts (she's been in the business for 40-odd years).

Ok, I did feel the cut despite the walking epidural I had, but it was necessary as our DD's heartrate dropped to double figures. I wasn't asked for consent at that point. In fact the sensation of pressure which came from the shot pelvic floor muscles and the constipation 5 days after the birth was much worse.

I think for a next one I may try massage and yoga. I'll know better what I'm letting myself in for anyway.

AuContraire · 05/09/2017 12:45

I had a large episiotomy (and an emergency ventouse delivery) and it was fine. After the first two weeks or scary-as-fuck poos, the stitches healed fine.

Sex is fine now. I actually thought it was too tight, rather than the opposite I was expecting, the first few times, but that may have just been apprehension.

Imaystillbedrunk · 05/09/2017 23:55

I gave birth 5 days ago and had a second degree tear and I've needed to take any pain killers. I can feel the wound but I'm not in pain.

rachrach2 · 06/09/2017 00:20

First time I had a second degree tear down (perineum) and an upwards tear. It was quite painful but soon recovered. Second time his had an upwards tear. Didn't hurt at the time (no pain killers) or after but I did haemorraghe from it. Tear upwards didn't hurt at all during recovery either.

Tips from recovery of my first which was quite painful - take painkillers on rotation as much as you are allowed, breastfeed lying down and hold a pad over stitches when trying to poo (and take lactalose to make pooing easier!). It soon gets better!

Changedjustforthisonly · 06/09/2017 00:30

First time had episiotomy and tore as well upwards (inside) and down towards my bum, borderline 3rd degree but thankfully just missed my sphincter. This was forceps delivery, and recovery very painful and slow but probably mostly due to forceps, had big pph too. Repair took well over an hour by doctor
2nd tore a little ( drug free delivery) as the midwife had vanished at key moment so pushed too hard/fast. Minor tear up towards clitoris I think, quick to heal. Midwife did stitching which took around 15 mins.
All mostly fine except I don't really have a perenium anymore

LonginesPrime · 06/09/2017 01:03

I had a nasty and v painful graze with my second DC, and was absolutely terrified about tearing with my third as a result.

I was very anxious - the midwife had just been on a course based on new techniques from a Liverpool hospital and made me lie on my side, with bastard OH someone supporting my top leg at the knee and ankle, so the baby didn't put any pressure on the perineum.

I didn't tear and all was well.

Lenl · 06/09/2017 01:10

My first DC was face presentation, I had an episiotomy but still tore and ended up with a 3b tear. I then waited about 9 hours for a space in theatre for my stitches. On paper that sounds awful. In reality it was fine, those hours whizzed by as I was so tired I was dozing/breastfeeding, I didn't feel the tear happen (though my epidural had finally fully kicked in by the end), I healed quickly and we had sex again quite quickly at 5 weeks post partum which felt normal and great (to DP's surprise haha) I had a csection second time round and found that much harder all round, both during the procedure and recovery.

Tearing sounds awful but it's honestly better not to think about it in advance, in the moment you're just getting your baby out. Plenty of people have no tearing or only very minor. I'd try not to let the fear of it affect your pushing.

CherriesInTheSnow · 06/09/2017 03:34

You will be fine OP :) With my DD (first baby) I was so worried about tearing, I planned a load of stuff to do to avoid it but had a late epidural and ended up in the one position I didn't want to be - lying on my back on the bed. However I only had a tiny 2nd degree tear and it honestly did not hurt, I kept waiting for the pain relief (epi and local anaesthetic just in case as the doc was just about to do an episiotomy before I managed to push DD out) but it already had it just really didn't hurt much!

Sex was not different at all, which I was grateful for.

Blueskyrain · 07/09/2017 08:43

The vast majority of people will tear first time round, but there are things you can do to reduce your risk, or minimise it.

I've known two people that have torn upwards, but most I don't know the specifics of.

I had an Elcs due to a massive fear of tearing, and for me, it was worth it. I have known a few people who didn't tear, but they are in the minority. What I will say though, is in my nct group, we've had the range from EMCS, forceps, ventose, induction, suffered a range of tears and cuts, including none of them, and we all lived to tell the tale, and have recovered.

DrG13 · 08/09/2017 19:40

I was absolutely terrified of this too, but I am one of the lucky ones who didn't tear. Just a rather large 'graze'. It took about 6 months for sex to feel totally back to normal, but since then it's been the same as ever.

Pickleshickles · 08/09/2017 19:46

The grazing was worse than the second degree tears! I didn't graze with my third baby but did have a small second degree tear and compared to my first baby where I grazed and had a split labia (hand on face) it was fine! Healed in days.

Try not to worry, I did perineal training and I think it was helpful but it didn't really stop the tearing. My first was a longer pushing stage (2 hours) and that was much easier than my very short (2 pushes) deliveries. Faster is far more frightening!!

AnythingNotEverything · 08/09/2017 19:51

I've torn all three times and had stitches. The first two were 2nd degree and the third was borderline 1st/2nd degree but midwife advised stitching. Babies ranged from just over 9lb to 10.5lb. Sex is fine. Pelvic floor is fine. Stitches healed beautifully. Not even sure I could find them to touch.

Most people bounce right back and honestly, everyone feels like their insides are about to fall out in the first week or two after having a baby.

Original poster
TLH0307 · 09/09/2017 14:44

Thank you everyone!! A work colleague told me her midwife told her to think of it as "opening a bottle of wine not popping open a bottle of champagne" 😂😂 Well it must have worked because she didn't tear at all and that was her first!

OP posts: