Tearing during childbirth...

[TLH0307]

I'm 17 weeks with my first little one. So excited BUT I (stupidly) started reading an article about tearing during childbirth. Well now I know it's possible to tear upwards and into your "upper" bits!!! How common is this? I genuinely started crying whilst reading it...hormones don't help do they

Also, how common is it to have more than a 2nd degree tear?

And also...seeing as a daren't actually ask any of my friends with children as it's quite blunt...is sex different after you've pushed a child from your lady garden?!

Thanks in advance, from an apparently clueless mum to be! Xx

I had a 2nd degree tear, my sons head came out sideways (basically widest way possible ) and needed a small amount of stitches and I would honestly say please don't worry too much about it. My boy was 10lb 6oz and I'm not going to lie, your downstairs is sore afterwards, but even with such a huge babe and his sideways head and stitches, within a few weeks I felt fine down there.
Sex has been quite scary the first few times but it's fine, it soon gets back to normal (as normal as it can do when you've got a young baby and are trying to find the time! Ahah). As long as your partner respects you and takes his time and listens to you when you say it's uncomfortable you'll soon get back into the rhythm! I'd recommend getting some lube in though cause if you're breastfeeding it can make you quite dry down there!
Good luck, don't worry about tearing, you'll be fine whether you do or not!

Hi OP,

Try not to worry. Tearing is very common - normal in fact. I had a third degree tear with stitches for my first baby. Having a number 2 was a bit weird for a while (couldn't feel what was going on, had to have a look...unpleasant) but normal feeling resumed.

I had some issues with the pelvic floor and had physiotherapy for it (common here in Switzerland). I also used a pelvic floor stimulator afterward for a while (easy to buy online) to maintain the tone and used geisha balls too. I'd say I'm probably better now than before I got pregnant and sex is certainly no worse!

I had an episiotomy and it was no bother, I didn't even know I was having it done and had no pain at all afterwards.

Sex hurt quite a lot for a long time but it's fine now (10m post partum). Not that we had time or energy for much of that anyway! Bizarrely, I feel tighter down there now - that's why it hurt. I think it might be scar tissue from the episiotomy. DH says there's no difference.

I was terrified of this happening to me first time round. I just thought it sounded horrendous.

I did tear the first time (3rd degree) BUT I didn't know because it's not during a time you notice it. I was repaired really well and healed nicely. Second baby I just grazed.

The difference between the two births was that birth 1 I pushed too fast. Birth 2 I didn't push I went straight to fast controlled breathing and took my time. It was a much better birth.

Midwives are good at spotting if you look like you will. My baby went from 3cm to fully dilated in an hour so they were shouting "look at me! Concentrate!! If you push you'll tear!!" So I got a cut! A cut heals fuck loads easier than a rip :) xxxx