Any midwives around? Would you have judged me?

[Snap8TheCat]

I had all my babies at home. Dd was my third and final. She's 6 now but this still haunts me and I need someone to tell me how bad this is.

I used gas and air for the final part, (probably 8cm- delivery) and though crowning hurt like fuck, I don't actually remember Dd being born. I was completely out of it on gas and air and think I fainted or close to it through using the g and a. First thing I realise is the mw telling me to turn around and Dd was wrapped up, cord cut and placed on the sofa next to my head. We knew she was a girl and they asked if I 'wanted to check'. I peeped under the blanket , smiled and put my head back down and closed my eyes.

I must have been fine after a few minutes but I feel dreadful that I barely registered that she was here.

As a midwife what would you think? That I didn't care?

I'm not a midwife but I was pretty similar after DD was born! I just wanted to lie down i was kneeling and they tried to pass scissors to me to cut the cord and I ignored it, then tried to get me to hold her whilst I was kneeling and I just couldn't do it! I'd say it was quite normal, it's exhausting and completely overwhelming.

Why would they judge you for that? You were exhausted. They see it more than you think! Don't worry about it!

I ended up with an emcs with ds. Totally lost the plot, passed out and didn't know I was having a baby, refused to hold or look at him because I thought he was a doll and carried on discussing Russian literature with the anesthetist.

G&A does weird things to people. I wouldn't expect anyone who works with people who have ingested large quantities of it to judge their behaviour, especially when you factor in potential exhaustion.

I'm not a MW either, but when DS2 was born (and it had been a full-on intervention birth, with turning, drip, breaking of membranes etc. and then his head was stuck for a bit) - they were just about to do an ultrasound to check exactly where he was and rush me to em CS, when they turned me on my back and he dropped clear of the anterior lip (or whatever) and popped out in the next 2 pushes (head first, then the rest of him) - I was completely bewildered when this "thing" was plonked on my belly and couldn't for the life of me work out what it was, just was so thankful that whatever "thing" I'd been straining to push out had finally come out!

Took nearly a minute for me to realise that the "thing" was DS2!

So no, I don't think they would have judged you at all, I think it's more common than you think. :)

I didn't have any pain relief (not a stealth boast just explaining that I had a 'clear' head) and I still tried to scramble back onto the bed after DS was born while he was still attached via the cord and being held between my legs by the MW I gave birth standing up, half leaning on the end of the bed. MW told me to take him as she held him between my legs but I was so exhausted and my legs went to jelly, I just wanted a bloody lie down!

I was in complete shock after DD was born. I think it's very common.

Ooops, posted too soon. I had issues delivering the placenta and had to have more gas and air while they got it out manually. All I was thinking about was making sure they didn't take away the gas and air! It took me a while to acknowledge my baby was in the room.

I think it's worrying that this is still haunting you 6 years on! Have you not had a chance to talk about this previously?

It seems perfectly normal to me, and I am sure that any one, midwife or not, would say the same.

I think that you need to start being kind to yourself.

I had an emergency spinal (narrowly avoided emcs) after using gas and air for hours - I'm sure i fell asleep with dd on my chest while being wheeled from theatre to recovery!

If it's any consolation I accused the midwife of trying to sew my labia to my leg during stitches after DS2. Joys of gas and air. Didn't have that effect with third child luckily!

To be honest I judge the midwife a bit not you, I can't understand why she wouldn't have turned you around and helped fasciliate skin to skin, with you rather than cutting the cord and wrapping her up like that. If you were completely wiped out could she not have given your dd to your birth support person (if one was there) until you came back to yourself? I think you have absolutely nothing to feel guilt or upset over. We all lose ourselves and it's the midwives role to gently hold the fort, without taking over until you are ready.

Ps. I'm a midwife you were completely normal.

I was so spaced out on the Pethidine I had, that the first clear memory I really have after being administered the Pethidine, was an hour or so after birth when I was being stitched up! Can't really remember being passed my DS or the first feed, it's all a bit hazy, although I do have pictures to look back on which is nice.

I'm sure most midwives have seen every reaction after birth imaginable- yours does definitely not sound out of the ordinary. Childbirth is exhausting although I can't say I really remember

Nope. They will not have judged you. Are you still in the same area? You could ask for a debrief or you could talk to a local midwife. They are humans who see the miracle of life every day... as well as the exhaustion, exhilaration, supreme effort, joy, grief, trauma and occasional tragic psychosis. Midwives aren't motivated by the fat pay check or the chance to sit in judgement on people, they may have empathised, admired or simply silently celebrated another successful birth.

Absolutely normal.

I remember the midwife holding up DTD1 and telling me to look over and over again when I had just gone through a rapid delivery, mostly with DH and me on our own. I still had DTD2 to deliver, was in a side room and had to be rushed into the delivery room at the other end of the ward (we had used the equipment from the near one) along with all the fecking monitors that they didn't look at.

I was only too aware of the risks of delivering DTD2 and knew DTD1 was alive and that was enough for me

DTD2 turned and practically delivered herself in the end - she is a

Was going to add that you do what you can in the circumstances you are in. Midwives must be well aware of that.

I don't remember large chunks of my post birth time with my DS. The next day I was delusional with tiredness and a huge crash in mood (I'd had little to no sleep for two weeks before he was born as I was on a ward at the height of summer) and threatened to jump out of a window and begged my boyfriend to take our son and leave me to die I know full well I was considered a nuisance on the ward because I cried a lot and asked to pay to be in a private room so not to upset other mums but they refused. My whole experience sucked though.

I never have been lucky enough to have children but I have been privileged in my life to help many woman to deliver hers. You sound completely normal. Birthing a child is painful and hard work and hugely emotional intense experience. Any woman who does it , on any way she needs to be it with no intervention or everything known to medical science is an absolute star ( so endeth the sermon)

PS if you still feel bad all these years later than go and talk to someone.

I'm quite sure the midwife thought you were totally normal.

Who would judge you for that?

Both of my children were born around midnight and taken to SCBU straightaway.

With both of them, when they asked if I wanted to be taken down to see them the following day, I said no because I was so shattered and didn't really have any inclination to do so.

My youngest was nearly 24 hours old before I saw her beyond that first glance because she was born by EMCS, I spent 12 hours in recovery and then felt terrible and completely disconnected. I was just relieved I wasn't throwing up for the first time in 8 months.

Never occured to me that someone might judge me. And don't give a shit if they did. Frankly.

I'm a midwife and I promise you this is quite a normal reaction. Women are often exhausted, physically and emotionally after having a baby.

To be honest I'm more likely to be silently judging the ones who are updating Facebook and making ten phone calls before the placenta is even out.

I fell asleep immediately after DD1 was born. A quick 30 sec hold then I was out. The mw told me off for not listening to the dr. I was really out of it and exhausted. I don't feel bad.

Thank you all so much, I do feel reassured that I acted normally. My two previous births I hadn't been like that, ds2 I had no pain relief at all and held him straight away and was happy and chatty etc. I feel bad that they might have though I wasn't bothered by her. We're super close now, she's a complete mummy's girl and I'm besotted with her as I am my boys.

The midwife was lovely, can't fault her at all. She actually had a student with her who took part in a lot of my checks and the second midwife who attend just before delivery was a male midwife who brought a takeaway along for DH and I. Can't fault them at all.

I have birth on my knees leaning over the sofa. DH was with me and I think I just conked out on the sofa face down whilst they did everything they needed to behind me! My legs were also numb from being in the same position on my knees, there was no way the mw was going to get me to turn around and do skin to skin.