Terrified and need opinions / advice

[Dowhatmakesyouhappy1212]

Hi everyone!
I feel a bit of a fraud using this site because I'm not yet a parent...
However!!!
This is my question...
What is better a vaginal birth or a c section??

I ask this because I am absolutely terrified of giving birth vaginally (and I have been since I was about 14) I can't explain why the only reason I can think of is because I've heard so many horror stories.

Before somebody gets on the bandwagon and starts saying I'm too posh to push or anything like that it's not that at all. I'm not frightened of the pain involved because I've had several operations that are quite painful and dealt with them just fine.

I'm frightened of things going wrong, every mother you speak to loves to share their gruesome tales of what went wrong and the trauma they endured. No one is open to tell you that actually the birth was quite well controlled and a nice experience.

I'm really hoping there are some mothers out there that did have a good experience and aren't frightened to share that with me because I'm on the verge of not having a child at all because I'm so scared.

Sorry if this irritates people but you wouldn't stick a woman terrified of spiders in a room full of them and that's how it feels!!

Please help!! I really really want to get over this fear.

Thanks

Also bit of background I'm 27, married and have been with my husband 7 years I'm an only child and only one of my friends has a baby (which she had a section due to medical reasons). So don't have much experience of labour (by being a birthing partner or anything like that)

People do like to share their horror stories.
DC 1 born two and a half hours after I got to hospital. Water birth. Calm and lovely.
DC 2 whole thing over in just under an hour!
You can't plan a birth though. Know your options and see how it goes. A birth "plan" is a misnomer!

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and scheduled for a section because of a phobia of childbirth. I'm terrified of the surgery, but less so than a natural birth. I've found the midwives and hospital to be excellent, and I've had lots of support, and no one has tried to dissuade me from my preference for section. I've been seeing a psychologist during pregnancy but more to support my anxiety over pregnancy and birth (I also have a needle phobia...) than persuade me to go natural.

I expect I'll post an update in a few weeks on how I've found the section, so given you are similar to me, you might want to watch out for it.

For what it's worth, there seems to be a lot of undue optimism in midwifery. I've spent a lot of time looking at birth statistics, and 50% of first time births end up either instrumental or with a section, either planned or emergency. Then there are non instrumental births with bad tears etc. Frankly, I can't cope with the idea of any tears at all, that's what sets my birth phobia off, so for me, my choice was clear. Who knows if I'll regret it, I'll find out in a few weeks.

But what I mean is, yes you'll hear the worst stories and not the best, but the reality seems to be that most births don't actually go to plan, women cope, but I don't think it's helpful thinking that things will definitely go wrong, or that you only hear the worst and most births are fine. The reality seems to be somewhere in between.

Overall, I'd say, let the medical staff in the your fears and work with them on what's best for you, and you'll get through it. I am so surprised that I've made it through so far, relative happy with everything, and frankly, if I can do it, so can you.

I have had three children and still can't bear to watch One Born Every Minute!! Turn off the TV!!

Before my first I had no idea what to expect, but it was fine. Yes painful at times but all managed with gas and air, I used the birthing pool for labour but did not actually give birth in the pool (my choice). Second labour was very similar. Third I was not allowed in the pool for medical reasons but it was fine really. Nothing went wrong, I didn't need any other pain relief and I think that is not uncommon. All three times I relied heavily on breathing exercises I had learned years before in trying to manage anxiety.

I suffer lots of health related anxiety and was much more worried about surgery than vaginal delivery. I have had lots of therapy for my anxiety and one of the important things I've learned is that people generally cope better if they expect things to be fine. Usually things are fine so by worrying in advance you've wasted a lot of unnecessary angst. If they're not fine, you'll cope better being calm to start with.

Best of luck, I'm sure you will be fine

Sorry if this has already been suggested OP, bur have you looked at the Positive Birth Movement? :)

Their goal is to help women sort of "take back" childbirth as a safe an natural process and empower you to feel unafraid and in control. It's not judgemental or anything, nor does it aim to make you feel bad ifor you don't do it "naturally". You can also look at a website called Positive Birth Stories for inspiration. Maybe this will help if your main source of fear is horror stories from other women?

I'm pregnant with my second now, and when I was pregnant with my first in 2015, the woman who sat next to me at work (who had never given birth) loved to share awful stories with me, show me picture of 12 pound babies etc. I don't understand our fascination with the "horrors" of birth, and of course it's natural to be so afraid when it's part of our culture to view it this way.

I wish you all the best, good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Thanks for your replies and the more I read the calmer I become. I saw a comm midwife today and explained my fears and she was amazing! So lovely and said there was nothing "irrational" about my fears and that I was doing the right thing doing as much research as I could.

I'll definitely look into that birth movement thing thanks :-) xx

That sounds really positive OP, so glad you are feeling better :)

I'd like to add OP, I was exactly the same as you right up until I found myself pregnant, and then still up until about 14 weeks pregnant.. I'm now 4 days past my due date and the thought of childbirth actually excites me!! I might just be a weirdo but I think your body prepares you over the 9 months. (and the excitement that comes with getting to meet the little person who's wriggling inside you, and the thought of finally getting rid of the pregnancy symptoms like indigestion, sore hips etc)

So don't let it put you off :)

Positive story here for vaginal delivery!
Very boring. Went into hospital the night before as had a little bleed. Went for a fry up while 4cm dilated which was nice. Just had gas and air, can't say it was particularly painful. Labour was 7 and half hours. No complications, left hospital the next day. 33 weeks with number 2 and hoping it'll be the same this time too, although medical issues that have occurred since my DD (not related to childbirth or having children) may mean c-section but I'm hoping to give it a go first!