Help me understand my traumatic labour. Any midwives on here?

[Cheeseandpickle2]

Before I begin, I just want to say that I know my labour was nowhere near as traumatic as many others. It has been playing on my mind and I just want to understand what happened.

I arrived at the hospital early, this was planned because the hospital is an hours drive away so I went with the logic that I'd rather be too early than too late.

I was 3cm at 8am and was having regular contractions that were very mild in terms of pain.

They carried on like this, minimal pain until just before 10am when I asked for some paracetamol. The pains went from naught to a million in moments. By the time they brought the paracetamol, i needed gas & air. The pain was in my back as well as stomach. By around 10.30 I was begging to be examined. They refused. They told me they were the experts and knew when the time was right. I became very emotional, cried actually. They came over to check the babies heartbeat but they couldn't find it and called for the senior midwife. They helped me onto the bed for her to check what was going on and at that moment my waters broke and my daughter was born 6 minutes (2 pushes) later.

This was my second labour so I have a comparison and I understand every labour is different and the pain is immense, but the pain this time was like nothing I could have prepared for. That 40 minutes were like hell and to be told that the midwives knew best made me feel like I had no control over the situation.

This is coming from someone who got to 8cm at home with my first labour and when I walked into the labour ward they told me to prepare to go home before examining me and being in shock at how far into labour I was. I know I have a good pain threshold and that's why this all took me by surprise so much.

Could the severe pain have been a result of the fact my waters hadn't broken but my baby was right there, ready to be born? If they had broken my waters half an hour before, could that have all been avoided?

I would love to have a 3rd child and I've always been anxious about taking any more pain relief than g&a but there is no way I could go through that pain ever again.

Please help. Thank you.

I can't be much help but just to say that I similarly to you, with all 3 of mine actually have progressed from 3-4cm dilated to pushing out very swiftly and it seems to have taken midwives by surprise/they've not thought I was ready to be re-examined or anywhere near each time. It is frustrating because it's obviously one way that it can happen and they don't always know best and you need to feel listened to.

With my 3rd I found the best way was absolutely not to be stoic, not to hold back on noises etc and I kept telling them that things had progressed quickly after a certain point with the other two. It was effective in a way as they initially said I wasn't in active labour so put me on the ward rather than delivery suite (actually asked if I wanted to go home but I refused as we lived some distance away, and a good thing too!), but then as things ramped up so much I was making so much noise and disturbing other patients (sorry ladies) that I did get moved to delivery suite and bubba came about an hour later.

This happened to me. I arrived a few cm. Went.upto labour ward at 6cm. Was sent home and totally patronised, told I wasn't in active labour etc. Minutes late DS was born. I was so angry as I was refused gas and air, even at 6cm.

My second was just like yours. Had a sweep at 12pm (knowing I was already in early labour), done by community midwife. Headed to hospital at about 4pm. Wasn't really dilating (had a very long labour with ds before) but by 8pm pain was ramping up so asked for gas. Was examined at 10.10pm, waters broke as she did this and midwife said i was 6cm. Was told not to push but could not help it.DD was born at 10.22 just 12 mins after being 6cm! The last few cms just happened so quickly. She was back to back (as my previous had been)but I can absolutely sympathise with the pressure. It was intense in every contraction from very early on.

In my first labour I was sent home for only being 2cm, although I was struggling to cope and couldn't stand. I was back within 90 minutes, already pushing. I had believed the midwives when they told me it was still hours and hours away and it had made me feel like a drama queen and scared that if I was struggling at 2cm the labour would be horrible. The pushing stage took a long time and I had a great midwife with me so in the end it felt like a good experience.

Second time around I said I wouldn't have vaginal examinations as the midwife had dismissed me because of it the first time. I went to hospital when I was still coping but knew it was ramping up and the midwife kept trying to tell me I wasn't in labour. I told her about my first birth but she wasn't intererested. She sent me for monitoring because she said I felt hot (probably because I was in labour 🙄) and I agreed to a vaginal examination as I was really hoping it might make them believe me but I was 2cm. She wanted to send me home but I told her I absolutely wasn't going home, so she'd have to tell me where to find a quiet space to sit. She disappeared for a few minutes and when she came back she ran to get a wheelchair to rush me down to the birthing suite and my baby was born within 15 minutes, and an hour after the first midwife said I wasn't in labour. I'm glad I was expecting it to go quickly after the first time, because I'd have been terrified otherwise.

It doesn't seem to be uncommon so I don't understand why women are ignored and dismissed. I'm so sorry for your experience.

Not being listened to when you ate in a vulnerable state is traumatic. Sorry you has to go through it op.
You said in one of your posts could the waters have been stopping your baby from being born? My daughter was born without the waters breaking, so it I'd possible.

Wow haven't read the full thread yet but I will, looks like you had a really similar experience to me :( I was a first time mum and had laboured for a long time at home, by the time I got to hospital I I got my epiduralwas very distressed. Luckily I got my epidural, but the midwife I had was horrible to me :( She refused to give me any form of pain relief whatsoever, baring in mind I was having constant contractions at this point (later found out this was transition for me). Would't even let me have gas and air until she had examined me, which took ages because having her examine me was too painful during a contraction, but they were coming every few seconds! She told me after my epidural that she would come back in 4 hours and see how I was getting on I was already feeling the urge to push as soon as the epidural took effect, and a few minutes later DD was born! She also made a comment to me when I was in lots and lots of pain and being refused any pain relief about me basically needing to get a grip and calm down :( My birth turned out quite straightforward but it really ruined the experience for me and I am still bitter, as well as anxious for the next time (just found out we're having number 2 today) :)

Wow Margaret that is so similar to what happened to me and it's so disappointing to hear that they were still dismissive of you during your second time when you already knew what labour was like for you! I thought it was because I was a first time mum, really worried now :(

I really like the idea of asking not to be examined, just like you it wasn't an accurate indicator for me and my initial examination a couple of hours earlier just made me incredibly uncomfortable, the pain got so much worse. I wish I had known better as I went home on the midwife's advice and was back in a couple of hours later ready to give birth, but the contractions in the meantime were well beyond what I could cope with, I completely lost control :/

I had said in my birth plan that I didn't want vaginal exams unless absolutely necessary, and my wonderful delivery midwife was fine with that and used the red/purple line in the bum cleavage instead.

An hour after a horrendously painful internal exam at triage showed I was 4cm, I was sure I was in transition and about to pop. The midwife took one look at the purple line and agreed. I had DS2 minutes later.

I wish more midwives would use that method, esp when a woman is insisting something's happening but they don't want to take the time to do an internal exam.

Not all women get the purple line. But it's great when they do.

AllTheGlitters, good luck. The thing that helped the most was having DH fight my corner, so I think you'll be okay if you have good backup.

I kept making DH look at my bumcrack () but the line was really high up for days before it happened!

Thank you Margaret :) I never knew about the bumcrack thing!! Nor about being able to refuse internal examinations. I know that DH will much more firm this time, he knows how much the way I was treated and was angry himself. Am also hoping I can give birth at another hospital that's within easy driving distance, will ask about it but worried about offending modvife

I had this with twins. I was supposed to have them in a room next to the theatre with an epidural. It was obvious that would never happen because DS1 was a 3hr labour.

Anyway, I went from 4cm when the Very Young doctor faffed about finding out, breaking my waters then attaching a foetal monitor they had not told me about (all important stuff - not ) whilst I had had painless contractions every 3 minutes from the off.

I went to the loo and went from painless contractions to the my entire insides falling out of my bottom.