Help me understand my traumatic labour. Any midwives on here?

[Cheeseandpickle2]

Before I begin, I just want to say that I know my labour was nowhere near as traumatic as many others. It has been playing on my mind and I just want to understand what happened.

I arrived at the hospital early, this was planned because the hospital is an hours drive away so I went with the logic that I'd rather be too early than too late.

I was 3cm at 8am and was having regular contractions that were very mild in terms of pain.

They carried on like this, minimal pain until just before 10am when I asked for some paracetamol. The pains went from naught to a million in moments. By the time they brought the paracetamol, i needed gas & air. The pain was in my back as well as stomach. By around 10.30 I was begging to be examined. They refused. They told me they were the experts and knew when the time was right. I became very emotional, cried actually. They came over to check the babies heartbeat but they couldn't find it and called for the senior midwife. They helped me onto the bed for her to check what was going on and at that moment my waters broke and my daughter was born 6 minutes (2 pushes) later.

This was my second labour so I have a comparison and I understand every labour is different and the pain is immense, but the pain this time was like nothing I could have prepared for. That 40 minutes were like hell and to be told that the midwives knew best made me feel like I had no control over the situation.

This is coming from someone who got to 8cm at home with my first labour and when I walked into the labour ward they told me to prepare to go home before examining me and being in shock at how far into labour I was. I know I have a good pain threshold and that's why this all took me by surprise so much.

Could the severe pain have been a result of the fact my waters hadn't broken but my baby was right there, ready to be born? If they had broken my waters half an hour before, could that have all been avoided?

I would love to have a 3rd child and I've always been anxious about taking any more pain relief than g&a but there is no way I could go through that pain ever again.

Please help. Thank you.

[terrylene]

I had this with twins. I was supposed to have them in a room next to the theatre with an epidural. It was obvious that would never happen because DS1 was a 3hr labour.

Anyway, I went from 4cm when the Very Young doctor faffed about finding out, breaking my waters then attaching a foetal monitor they had not told me about (all important stuff - not ) whilst I had had painless contractions every 3 minutes from the off.

I went to the loo and went from painless contractions to the my entire insides falling out of my bottom.

[AllTheGlitters]

Thank you Margaret :) I never knew about the bumcrack thing!! Nor about being able to refuse internal examinations. I know that DH will much more firm this time, he knows how much the way I was treated and was angry himself. Am also hoping I can give birth at another hospital that's within easy driving distance, will ask about it but worried about offending modvife

[MargaretCabbage]

AllTheGlitters, good luck. The thing that helped the most was having DH fight my corner, so I think you'll be okay if you have good backup.

I kept making DH look at my bumcrack () but the line was really high up for days before it happened!

[PossumInAPearTree]

Not all women get the purple line. But it's great when they do.

[geekaMaxima]

I had said in my birth plan that I didn't want vaginal exams unless absolutely necessary, and my wonderful delivery midwife was fine with that and used the red/purple line in the bum cleavage instead.

An hour after a horrendously painful internal exam at triage showed I was 4cm, I was sure I was in transition and about to pop. The midwife took one look at the purple line and agreed. I had DS2 minutes later.

I wish more midwives would use that method, esp when a woman is insisting something's happening but they don't want to take the time to do an internal exam.

[AllTheGlitters]

Wow Margaret that is so similar to what happened to me and it's so disappointing to hear that they were still dismissive of you during your second time when you already knew what labour was like for you! I thought it was because I was a first time mum, really worried now :(

I really like the idea of asking not to be examined, just like you it wasn't an accurate indicator for me and my initial examination a couple of hours earlier just made me incredibly uncomfortable, the pain got so much worse. I wish I had known better as I went home on the midwife's advice and was back in a couple of hours later ready to give birth, but the contractions in the meantime were well beyond what I could cope with, I completely lost control :/

[AllTheGlitters]

Wow haven't read the full thread yet but I will, looks like you had a really similar experience to me :( I was a first time mum and had laboured for a long time at home, by the time I got to hospital I I got my epiduralwas very distressed. Luckily I got my epidural, but the midwife I had was horrible to me :( She refused to give me any form of pain relief whatsoever, baring in mind I was having constant contractions at this point (later found out this was transition for me). Would't even let me have gas and air until she had examined me, which took ages because having her examine me was too painful during a contraction, but they were coming every few seconds! She told me after my epidural that she would come back in 4 hours and see how I was getting on I was already feeling the urge to push as soon as the epidural took effect, and a few minutes later DD was born! She also made a comment to me when I was in lots and lots of pain and being refused any pain relief about me basically needing to get a grip and calm down :( My birth turned out quite straightforward but it really ruined the experience for me and I am still bitter, as well as anxious for the next time (just found out we're having number 2 today) :)

[Ohyesiam]

Not being listened to when you ate in a vulnerable state is traumatic. Sorry you has to go through it op.
You said in one of your posts could the waters have been stopping your baby from being born? My daughter was born without the waters breaking, so it I'd possible.

[MargaretCabbage]

In my first labour I was sent home for only being 2cm, although I was struggling to cope and couldn't stand. I was back within 90 minutes, already pushing. I had believed the midwives when they told me it was still hours and hours away and it had made me feel like a drama queen and scared that if I was struggling at 2cm the labour would be horrible. The pushing stage took a long time and I had a great midwife with me so in the end it felt like a good experience.

Second time around I said I wouldn't have vaginal examinations as the midwife had dismissed me because of it the first time. I went to hospital when I was still coping but knew it was ramping up and the midwife kept trying to tell me I wasn't in labour. I told her about my first birth but she wasn't intererested. She sent me for monitoring because she said I felt hot (probably because I was in labour 🙄) and I agreed to a vaginal examination as I was really hoping it might make them believe me but I was 2cm. She wanted to send me home but I told her I absolutely wasn't going home, so she'd have to tell me where to find a quiet space to sit. She disappeared for a few minutes and when she came back she ran to get a wheelchair to rush me down to the birthing suite and my baby was born within 15 minutes, and an hour after the first midwife said I wasn't in labour. I'm glad I was expecting it to go quickly after the first time, because I'd have been terrified otherwise.

It doesn't seem to be uncommon so I don't understand why women are ignored and dismissed. I'm so sorry for your experience.

[Duckie17]

My second was just like yours. Had a sweep at 12pm (knowing I was already in early labour), done by community midwife. Headed to hospital at about 4pm. Wasn't really dilating (had a very long labour with ds before) but by 8pm pain was ramping up so asked for gas. Was examined at 10.10pm, waters broke as she did this and midwife said i was 6cm. Was told not to push but could not help it.DD was born at 10.22 just 12 mins after being 6cm! The last few cms just happened so quickly. She was back to back (as my previous had been)but I can absolutely sympathise with the pressure. It was intense in every contraction from very early on.

[Funnyonion17]

This happened to me. I arrived a few cm. Went.upto labour ward at 6cm. Was sent home and totally patronised, told I wasn't in active labour etc. Minutes late DS was born. I was so angry as I was refused gas and air, even at 6cm.

[tankerdale]

I can't be much help but just to say that I similarly to you, with all 3 of mine actually have progressed from 3-4cm dilated to pushing out very swiftly and it seems to have taken midwives by surprise/they've not thought I was ready to be re-examined or anywhere near each time. It is frustrating because it's obviously one way that it can happen and they don't always know best and you need to feel listened to.

With my 3rd I found the best way was absolutely not to be stoic, not to hold back on noises etc and I kept telling them that things had progressed quickly after a certain point with the other two. It was effective in a way as they initially said I wasn't in active labour so put me on the ward rather than delivery suite (actually asked if I wanted to go home but I refused as we lived some distance away, and a good thing too!), but then as things ramped up so much I was making so much noise and disturbing other patients (sorry ladies) that I did get moved to delivery suite and bubba came about an hour later.

[MrsPringles]

This happened to me, they refused to check me over and tried to send me home without any checks at all.
Ended up in a hospital corridor on our way back to the car having the worst contractions, temporarily thought I was going to die with people gawping at me A nurse from that floor thankfully looked at me and called the head midwife who came down to collect me with a wheelchair.

Back up to labour ward and DS was ready to be born and was out half an hour later with no pain relief at all, not even G&A.

She told me when we went in originally that I couldn't be very progressed as I didn't sound like I was in enough pain
I've never met her before, she would have no idea how I act when I'm in pain. Absolute bonkers.

This was my first and last baby. Not doing that again, no no no

Op congrats on the baby, I'm sorry you had to go through what you did

[wrinkleseverywhere]

Your hospital will probably offer a post labour de-briefing service so you could contact them & go through your notes with them. That will, you can find out what their perspective was which may help set your mind at rest.
It did for me. DC1's birth was bad, I thought I was fine with it afterwards as, after all, she was alive (there were several minutes when we weren't sure she'd make it) & healthy and it was only when pregnant with DC2 that I began to get really worried about going through labour again. The review of my notes really set my mind at rest & made me realise that set of circumstances was unlikely to arise again.
When I did go into labour with DC2, I went from not knowing if I was in labour but set off for hospital as it is 50mins away, I just couldn't get comfortable & they were quiet so said they'd examine me, to realise during the journey that I was in labour & getting DH to do the journey as fast as possible to delivering 29mins after we arrived. The first 10 mins were quite calm & were me being hooked up to various monitors, chatting through my notes etc, to a MW going to examine me just as my waters broke so she went off to change & sent another MW in to examine me but I started throwing up & puked all over her so she went off. The pain seriously ramped up and I was writhing in pain & screaming (and still puking) so sent DH off to get another MW, MW1 re-appeared took one look at me, shouted not to push whilst she shot across the room & pressed the emergency button & then caught DS as the staff raced in.
I do always think that if I had known that that level of pain was going to be for such a short period, I may have been able to control it better. As it was, everything felt out of control. My body was just doing its own thing and I didn't know what it was. I was in complete shock afterwards - and I don't just mean emotionally but physically too. They got DH to do immediate skin to skin rather than me as they thought my heart rate was too high to settle DS and had to wait 45 mins to do my stitches as I was still shaking. They told me they could discharge me after 3hrs but would like to keep me in overnight & monitor me in because of the shock levels.
Yes, quick labours can be hard!

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Immediately before dd was born I could feel bulging (had been lifted onto bed on all fours and asked to turn round but refused as felt I needed to stay in that position) and just about thought 'waters haven't gone, maybe if I push it'll break them' and in that push she was born.

When I told dh I needed to get back into the ward and collapsed by the bed he was making 'come on' sort of comments and I was pretty cross because I felt he was implying it couldn't be that bad and I was being a wimp about the pain, but at the same time I was doubting myself and thinking I was being a wimp - headfuck is about right In that sense the fast birth was a vindication. It's rather dispiriting to think that many professionals who are used to accompanying births will give priority to their idea of how a birth goes rather than what a woman is telling them. Guess we're still not taken entirely seriously

[RedCrab]

Yes to cinnamon's post - the awful thing for you was that what you were going through was dismissed. Leaving you probably feeling frightened, unsupported, out of control and more than a little disturbed? When you needed calm support and emotional security. It must have been so difficult for you. The difference that talking to MWs makes really does help. I had completely different problems with DC1 but was left with a similar mistrust. I knew going into DC2's labour that I needed to trust them and so spent a lot of time explaining this. To their credit, though they were not the same actual MWs, they were dismayed I felt this way and certainly went to great length to build a relationship with me that enabled some trust.

[RedCrab]

Oh also I've no idea when my waters broke but it wasn't before I got in the pool. It obviously happened at some point between being 4cm and getting in the pool and giving birth but being in the water, I couldnt tell and I didn't feel them go. Transition was kind of distracting me.

I just asked my husband and he said it was more half an hour from getting in the pool to giving birth.

[Cinnamon2013]

Feeling like you're not being listened to, particularly when you're in such a vulnerable position, can be really undermining and upsetting. The one thing that could have been easily rectified in this situation is how you were listened to and treated. I would suggest giving feedback via PALS so that the midwives can understand and learn from your experience. You could also arrange a birth debrief consultation. I did this and found it really cathartic and helpful. Good luck.

[Cheeseandpickle2]

Thanks Redcrab yes, it does sound similar to yours. My pains started at 3am and woke me up but just continued to be mild. So that was 7 hours of mild but regular contractions and then all of a sudden, it was just hell! The midwives has been joking about how I was going to be in there all day. I think they made their minds up how my labour was going to go and then when it didn't go the way they had expected, they just put it down to me not being able to handle the pain, rather than that the pain was literally unbearable because of the speed at which things were happening.

[RedCrab]

It does sound like you were labouring fairly slowly/ normally/ progressively from when it started at home (and arrived at hospital at 8am) until around 10/10.15am when suddenly it ramped up and you went through transition and gave birth. The head fuck for you was that no one believed you

How long do you think you were labouring at home for?

My second labour was similar: started at home with very mild labour pains which very gradually increased over five hours. I was at home, planned home birth. But I mean verrrrry gradually increased. It was totally manageable, no pain relief needed, I was laughing and relaxed. At 10.15pm the MWs examined me but I didn't want to know what I was. I got in the pool. Then nothing for ten minutes and then BOOM - wave after wave of contraction, transition and birth at 10.55pm. The MWs told me later I was four cm when they examined me and I got in the pool. So not quite as short as you but similar at around 45 mins. The difference being, everyone beleieved me, everyone was on hand for me and let me go through the process supported.

I think if you decide to have another baby, talk this through with the MWs and explain it left you feeling like this. I had had an awful birth with DC1 and it had overshadowed my pregnancy with DC2 but it was all over my notes that I had to be treated very differently this time.

Poor you. It can be a shock and I can't imagine going through transition with those around you saying it's not happening.

[Cheeseandpickle2]

I basically was feeling a lot of pressure down below for quite some time (the intense pain started at 10am, the pressure started at around 10.15 which made the pain even worse and then DD arrived at 10.45) which I had told the midwives but they seemed so dismissive of. My waters obviously hadn't gone so it's not like I could just push. That was part of my reasoning for wondering if the waters being broken could have prevented a lot of the pain. I wondered if my baby was basically ready and waiting to be born but the waters were preventing me from actually just delivering her.

[ferriswheel]

My labouring experiences were all quite different.

DS1 18 hours
DS2 2 hours
DS3 13 MINUTES

Please don't let your labouring experience put you off having a third child. I wouldn't swap my boys for all of the tea in China. And, fwiw, there is a year and 38 minutes between DS 2 and DS3!

[JassyRadlett]

I'm a bit surprised by all the people saying that the waters not having gone wouldn't have added to pain - with DS2 (went from 1cm to 8cm in an hour, then he was born 40 minutes later), my waters going was a massive relief and the pain much more manageable immediately afterwards.

Fast labours definitely have downsides. Poor you - I was lucky to have a brilliant midwife who really listened and supported after a rubbish dismissive one in triage. I think a good midwife makes such a difference. Mine was called Sue and I think she should be cloned.