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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Will my boyfriend be aloud to stay with me?

27 replies

user1476968120 · 12/01/2017 16:11

I live in a town where my hospital's proper maternity ward has shut down, So all women unless its a straight forward pregnancy and birth have to travel to the next town over to have their babies. But my midwife has told me that If I want to be, I can be moved back to my normal hospital to rest for afew days after the birth. At any time, There is only about 2-3 women there so we will all have our own rooms, We won't be on a ward together.

I was just wondering, If anyone would know, Since we will be in our own room alone, Would my boyfriend be aloud to stay with me, Or would I only get to see him at the set visiting hours which is only about 3 hours a day :(

The idea of being alone and i do mean alone unless i need help from the midwivies because its so quiet in the old building now isn't very appealing to me, and tbh, my boyfriend is quite upset that he might not be able to stay with me and our baby afterwards.

I do live in the UK, Shrewsbury infact if this helps, I've tried looking for more information, But found people both saying yes and no to dad's being aloud to stay in the days/over night after the birth.

I do plan on asking my midwife, but my next appointment isn't for another month. Oh, And this will be my first child, if that makes a difference.

Has anyone got any experience with this problem or could give me some advice, Thanks :3

OP posts:
A1Sharon · 12/01/2017 17:49

Hi OP, first off, whatever you decide remember that childbirth is unpredictable, so whatever plans you make may change at any time. So have options, rather than set in stone ideals.
It would be great if you could take the option to have the help and private room in the nearer hospital,IMO.
In my experience (nurse) there is usually flexibility with visiting in side rooms, and your partner would be allowed to stay for longer periods. It may help that he gets some 'proper' sleep at home over night, especially if he is taking some paternity leave, so he is rested and can let you relax when you get home. I'd imagine with so few patients the midwives would be glad to look after little ones at night too?
Best of luck with it all.

HandbagFan · 12/01/2017 18:21

You'd need to ask the hospital / midwife. My local hospital gives their policy on the website. Unfortunately, no one here can tell you what your hospital's policy is.

ellesbellesxxx · 12/01/2017 18:22

I think the advertised visiting hours are for others.. I thought baby dads could come any time?

Gallavich · 12/01/2017 18:27

Unless you have complications, there is no need to stay in hospital to rest after the birth! I'm amazed you have been told this tbh. Assuming all is well just get discharged home where you can be together 24/7 in your own environment.

RozTheSchnoz · 12/01/2017 18:29

I had DS1 at Shrewsbury, albeit before the main maternity unit transferred to Telford (but only 4 years ago) and DH was allowed there all day bar meal times. I don't know if this helps?! Good luck with everything :)

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 12/01/2017 18:29

Unless you have complications, there is no need to stay in hospital to rest after the birth! I'm amazed you have been told this tbh

Me too tbh.

Blueredballoon · 12/01/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntiePenguin · 12/01/2017 18:35

I'm surprised you'd be offered some time in hospital just to rest, never heard of that before. If you have a straightforward delivery you'd be discharged same day/next day.

Official policy varies a lot between hospitals, it also varies how strictly it's enforced - we were told only the baby's father could stay the night, but the woman next to me in a 4 bed ward had at least four relatives with her at all times including nights and the midwives didn't object (I bloody did, they were always talking!)

Buttwing · 12/01/2017 18:36

Agree with everyone else. Straight forward birth at my local hospital and you get discharged after five hours! The visiting hours definitely don't apply to dads.

AuntiePenguin · 12/01/2017 18:36

So really only your midwife can tell you what's likely to happen in your case.

PhilODox · 12/01/2017 18:37

The women with straight forward births were sent home after about four hours when I was in having mine!
Fathers seemed to be able to stay until about 10om, then from around 8am.

Blueredballoon · 12/01/2017 18:43

Sorry yes, I meant visiting hours for dads seemed pretty generous from a friend of mine who had her baby there, but I don't have direct experience of there.

But as PPs have said, in my experience (a different area of the UK), a straightforward birth and you're sent home pretty quickly!

Tfoot75 · 12/01/2017 18:46

I had mine in a midwife led unit where they encourage women to stay for longer to establish feeding etc (although I had to transfer to main hospital and was discharged next day both times), so it could be that the Shrewsbury midwife led unit is taking that approach? If you had to leave one hospital to go to another though I think most women would just go straight home. The main hospital allowed my dh to stay overnight this year fwiw, but didn't 3 years ago. You could easily find this out by telephoning the maternity unit at both hospitals and asking if they allow this (and also possibly asking for a tour if you're worried).

Tfoot75 · 12/01/2017 18:48

Not sure of the situation in your area as well, but here there are so many different hospitals that I could have chosen, the midwife probably wouldn't have known the policies and procedures around visitors at any particular one so it's probably not worth waiting to ask when you next see her!

Floggingmolly · 12/01/2017 18:49

Are you sure you understood correctly? (Sorry, that actually sounds rude...)
In London, you are literally turfed out the same day. I can't believe they'd invite you in just to have a rest Confused

JohnHunter · 12/01/2017 18:49

Our local antenatal ward had a "no partners" policy overnight for privacy reasons. Lots of women are having intimate examinations, going into labour, etc. The rule seemed to be stretched occasionally on an ad hoc basis, e.g. for the partners of women in early labour and those in side rooms.

Of course, most women aren't admitted to an antenatal ward - they only come into hospital when they are in established labour and are admitted directly to the labour ward. Those who end up on the antenatal ward are those being induced or that have some other good reason for needing inpatient care before they deliver.

The labour ward will all be side rooms and, for the short time that you are there, your partner is likely to be welcome to stay. After the delivery, the post-natal ward is likely to have a similar set of visiting rules to the ante-natal ward.

Why not just telephone the hospital antenatal and post-natal wards and ask them what the visiting rules are for partners?

AndNowItsSeven · 12/01/2017 18:49

It's very likely yes but visiting hours fir parntners are similar to
8am to 9pm.

gamerchick · 12/01/2017 18:51

You can go home, do you want to stay in hospital?

BAFlightFury · 12/01/2017 18:55

Hi OP, congratulations. I had my daughter in a birth centre and had my own room, ensuite bathroom and patio. You may find that it depends on the time it is when you give birth.

My dp and dd1 were allowed to stay overnight with me. We all slept on the double bed and were left completely alone. The midwife popped in to check how much support I wanted - full, partial or none. We chose to opt for partial, so the same midwife would pop in and check on me and the new baby every few hours. If I was asleep, she just left me a note in the side of baby's cot saying the time they'd checked and whether baby was awake, sleeping and what response was taken. In my case, the midwife woke dp once and do held the baby while I slept.

We had lunch there and went home for dinner, although we were given the option to stay another night. I feel so sad when I hear of mothers having very short or very shit experiences.

Original poster
user1476968120 · 12/01/2017 20:39

First of all, Thank you all so so so much for the replies, they were very helpful.

To answer some of the questions, No I defo don't want to stay in hospital any longer than I have to, I'd love to be able to go home the same day or latest the day after, and be with my bf and baby.

He lives away from me you see, So being apart while he's only down here for a short time sucks and restricted hours to see each other is a tad annoying, but after afew days ill be heading to his town so his family can meet the baby.

And yes, it is strange that my midwife would suggest moving from one hospital to another but at the same time, its so its easier for me. The hospital I will be giving at is at least half an hour away, and unless my bf can get a lift of my parents, he would be relying on public transport to come and see me. So, Since the old maternity centre is pretty much empty but still has room and equipment, They said if I need to stay in hospital or want to to get support and rest for afew days before going home, I can be transferred.

I looked at visiting hours at my two hospital, Because my main one Shrewsbury doesn't officially have a maternity ward anymore, they don't have set visiting hours, however Telford have visiting hours of 9am-8pm, So that's not so bad, But I will still definitely be asking.

Thank you again everyone for all your advice and comments! xx

OP posts:
Oblomova · 12/01/2017 20:44

Again, giving birth is so unpredictable and recovery (and babies) so varied, that I certainly wouldn't commit to a lengthy journey with a newborn to let an LD partner's family meet the baby. Can't they come to you? It all sounds like lot of travel and faff when you probably don't need extra hassle at all!

AppleMagic · 12/01/2017 20:49

I think some midwife led units will accept transfers back from hospital for mothers to get extra feeding support if they wanted (Stroud definitely used to) so maybe that was what the midwife was talking about. Didn't need to be a medical reason if they had space.

annlee3817 · 12/01/2017 23:14

I was on a midwife led unit and offered a couple of nights stay, straightforward birth,no complications. I stayed the first night but opted to go home the following day. My husband was allowed there from 10am - 10pm. Normal visiting hours didn't apply to birthing partners.

SummerSazz · 12/01/2017 23:21

I transferred to a mlu 48hrs after a c section and stayed 5 days. It was lovely!!

SummerSazz · 12/01/2017 23:22

But dh couldn't stay all night. Longer visiting hrs