The pushing phase

[Wonderflonium]

I'm 32 weeks now and watching One Born Every Minute while I knit.

So, when it's the pushing phase I've noticed it's like the last 30 seconds of a room in the Crystal Maze
"PUSH THE BABY OUT! YOU CAN DO IT! KEEP GOING! GET THE CRYSTAL! COME ON!"
everyone's talking at once and it's all a jumble of excitement. And no one is saying anything that isn't pretty fecking obvious. It's not like the midwife is saying "wait a sec, give your perineum a bit to stretch, panting breaths now" she's saying "the thing you are physiologically unable to stop right now? keep doing that, ok!" over and over.

Are they doing it for the cameras or is that typical? How do you get them to tone it down? Am I just a grumpy pants?

(When people did this sort of stuff while I was learning to ride a bike/swim/skip/anything physical, I'd typically fall over because I couldn't handle the self-consciousness or the amount of processing power for understanding what they were saying and doing the thing on account of my dyspraxia, so I have a thing about cheerleading already)

Does it help to know that I had another baby after the emcs/pph first time round? And it was another emcs and a joyful, happy, positive and uplifting time? An induction can be utterly positive too. The words induction or caesarean have become so loaded. My second caesarean in particular was fab.

It does, thanks Show.

I really hope I get a good (and nice) midwife.

I don't remember anyone shouting at me. I did some shouting, and was calmed down by a very firm-speaking woman.

I remember being encouraged, but no 'cheerleading'.

I also remember hearing 'Let her get on with it, she's zoned out'.

But then the birthing pool videos I watched showed babies being born in nice, clear water. Not my experience, either!

So you can't believe everything you see on TV.

Besides, would a calm, quiet birth make good watching? Where would the drama be?

My Mw was super quiet and just let me get on with it. Put that in your birth plan maybe? They know I wanted peace when I pushed. I'm like you OP I would've told them to shut it! Saying that in 2 pushes she was out.

Aye I was induced. I had 4 sweeps & the drugs they give via a cannula. I've only had one but my experience was fine. I knew when to push etc

My DH was rather disappointed that labours aren't like OBEM! he had binged watched to prepare haha

I went from 4cm dilated to 10cm and pushing in 10 mins. I had the uncontrollable urge to push but my MW was fab and guided me through it. I did get shouted at to open my legs though. It was so painful I wanted to cross them. Opened them and out popped a head. Two pushes and he was out, no stitches. That MW got the biggest bunch of flowers and chocs as a thank you. Especially as I practically swore him out (couldn't stop saying fuck!) and accidentally kicked her at one point

My midwife quietly left me to it most of the time, and for first hour of 2nd stage to let it come on its own. Then when nothing happened atall started giving more instructions, first to change positions then telling when to push and keep pushing. Later still ( still no movement) had more people around and more instructions. Tho i have no idea if anyone was actually shouting i think some loud clear and direct encoraging instructions were necessary to tell me to do something as id gone from being in the zone to giving up. The loud volume needed to cut through my exhausted daze and make me pay attention to whats important, as lots going on by then! They definitly were saying KEEP PUSHING as i was giving up before the end of the contraction. I was in the dignified position of having feet on midwifes shoulders by then..

Sorry that was long post but guess point is tho id also pictured a peaceful breathing baby out stage, sometimes shouting is appropriate!

With my first I had an epidural & was quietly talked through pushing by MW.
With second at home in pool MW sat at other side of the the room. No pushing at all baby was expelled by my body (ejection reflex) the best way I can think to describe it is the involuntariness of being sick but down & baby!
Third at home in pool no MW, ejection reflex :)

Humans like other mammals are primed to give birth when they feel safe (because we're vulnerable to predators during & after), in the dark & quiet. Stress hormones can wreck births (as can tricksy babies ).
I would never give birth again without hypnobabies!

On the pool question - my first pool (but second baby) like a shark attack in a swamp, second crystal clear water!

Wonder I was left with PTSD and needed therapy after my hospital experience due to staff. So even if I were to go to hospital I'd have a panic attack and probably end up with a c-section.

People that say some births are dangerous obviously haven't bothered reading up on it. But on the other hand some women have higher risks so it's down to them what risks they want to take. I don't have any risks so a home birth is safer for me. Laying on your back increases the risk of tearing and closes the birth canal up to 30%. Having an epidural with an induction increases the risk of assisted delivery or a c-section. Hospital intervention sometimes causes complications that could have been avoided in the first place. I don't agree with their timescales and this 'failure to progress' crap, a lot of the time it's wrong.
It winds me up because I wasn't at all encouraged to kneel or be upright like I wanted. It was "get on the bed", monitors were strapped to me for no reason then midwife left the room, even when I said I want to push. Told my waters are getting broken then I was cut without consent. It took me years to deal with it and I still feel disgusted by what was done. Absolutely rubbish time. Hence wanting a home birth now so they can't dissect my vagina ever again!

I had a back to back first baby born sunny side up with arm around her neck so I needed some help and coaching To get her out. Pushing stage was 2.5 hours 😩

Dd2 I was at home in the pool. The midwives kept an eye on me but I wanted hubby to catch her so he watched for her coming and caught her and passed her through my knees to me as I was kneeling at the side of the pool. Pushing was about 3 pushes for her. Very different experience and no coaching as my body just did it all. I didn't get the urge to push. My body just did it by itself.

Yea my midwife was saying kept it going keep it going keep it going so would you believe my partner joined in and he was like in my ear!! I was so focused on the burning pain and why my gas and air had been taken off me lol

I didn't actually DO any pushing!? Babies came out on their own thank feck. I had a lot of involuntary bearing down with some involuntary grunting but it wasn't what I would call pushing. In fact during the second delivery the MW said, I know you've not been pushing but please don't start now! (head being born). Plus I didn't actually get on the bed until I had started bearing down so was upright for hours.

We're all different. All labours are different. I am convinced OBEM is played for the cameras though. Don't get too sucked into believing it has to be like that.