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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

40wks today. no longer want a homebirth cos i have no faith in mw. can i decide now to have elective cs?

70 replies

gigglinggoblin · 14/02/2007 16:33

every mw all the way through has been crap quite honestly. none of them seem to know what they are doing, they all want to send me to consultant cos they dont trust their own judgement, i am so miserable and depressed at the constant not knowing what is going to happen. i def do not want to be induced, i hate hospitals and i dont want to go at all, but i think if i hold out for a homebirth they are going to panic and i will end up going in unnecessarily.

its getting to the point where i am not wanting the baby cos i am so stressed, and its all because of little trivial things they dont seem able to cope with.

today i was told i have to see consultant cos i am measuring 48cms - last week it was only 40. mw says baby feels huge, about 9.5lb possibly. i have already had 2 bigger than that so what is the sodding problem?

its not the first thing they wanted to send me in about, its the 3rd but i have refused to go in previously and consultant has checked my notes and seen no need to see me, which just reinforces my concerns

i have never encountered such a shower of muppets in any of my pregnancies before and i just dont trust them to know what they are doing. frankly i am scared they are going to screw up if i stay at home.

so any advice? need to decide fairly quickly obviously, dont know where to start

OP posts:

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hertsnessex · 14/02/2007 22:18

Good for you! Keep smiling, keep calm, and keep the picture of a relaxing, empowering birth in your mind!

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 00:32

i dont think it is one extreme to the other. i cant imagine a cs being any more painful, humiliating or traumatic than an induction. and i would have been in hospital less time with cs. i probably am panicing about the thought of hospital and induction, but its a real possibility and i just dont want it.

was relaxed before, am now back to original state possibly due to being so knackered. doesnt help i cant sleep due to stress and dh doesnt seem to be aware of this at all. suspect he would think i am being very unreasonable to wake him up just to rant at him

OP posts:

funkimummy · 15/02/2007 00:40

Gigglin,

Not read all others on this thread, but I had to have two elective c-sections (breech and grade 4 placenta previa) and wished I could have had natural births. Above the scar is now this weird overhang thing that occurs with my belly. All other people who've had c-sections have mentioned same thing.

Homebirths and vbacs although incredibly traumatic, have a much quicker recovery rate. It's hard to do much at all after a c-sec, let alone look after other children!!

Relax, it's your third. Don't worry about size. My consultant told me my first born would be a whopping 9lb (I'm 5 foot 1 BTW) and he was 6lb 10oz. It was insinuated that my second child was dead at my 36 week scan for placenta previa, because she was small, and guess what - she was 6lb 8oz, barely any difference, and yet mega wrong predictions both times.

lulumama · 15/02/2007 08:44

induction can be done in several ways, whereas c,s is one way only !

you can have a pessary to ripen the cervix, or waters broken if you are already dilating..you can ask if you can then walk for a while and bounce on a birth ball to get things moving...... you can also request that you have intermittent monitoring and be as active as possible to give yourself to best chance of a good, quick delivery.

being on the bed, immobile with a an epidural, as i know you know is not the best way to labour.

have you considered asking for a sweep, to see if that helps to start things off, before considering c.s or induction.? they work if you are going to go into labour anyway....and you will need to have an internal before an induction to assess if your cervix is ready for induction ( Bishops score)

just seems to me that going from a homebirth to a c,s is such a massive leap....one extreme to another...

what is that you think will be humiliating...? is it the fact it will be out of your hands

Aloha · 15/02/2007 08:50

You don't have to be induced. They cannot do it to you. If you get to, say, 42 weeks with no sign of a baby, why not reconsider then? I loved both my caesareans and can completely understand why you don't want a repeat of your seven day ordeals - they sound horrific and I'm not surprised at all that you are feeling upset and panicky now after going through that. But could it be that you didn't get going because you weren't ready - ie the induction was too soon? Maybe a naturally starting labour would be better?

morningpaper · 15/02/2007 08:59

Can you contact your local NCT/ABM and speak to someone who might be able to reassure you? Maybe someone with local midwife /hospital knowledge? Good luck.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 09:40

i think the biggest problem is that i had a really good birth last time, which means i now realise how different it can be when you are not forced to stay on the bed, bullied into having pain killers which make you feel worse, have a string of people doing internals and just generally have no control over the situation.

im panicing about induction cos i have had no labour signs at all yet, and i was induced with ds2 because i was told he was huge, much bigger than ds1 who was 9lb13. ds2 came out at 8lb7. it took 3 months before i was able to make the 25 minute walk into town, stitches took ages to heal and i just feel it was all unnecessary. i really struggled to do anything afterwards, my parents had to help out for weeks as even the washing up was too much of a challenge. thats why i dont see it as one extreme to another, if i have a birth like last time it will be wonderful, but i dont feel like i did at this stage last time and it all seems to be going down the other route.

mw has just turned up to talk to me. if i could have that one all the time i think i would be far calmer, she was more positive than any of the others have been. told me how fab homebirths are and that i dont have to do anything i dont want to. very different to others i have seen but am wondering if its cos i got upset and ranted at them on the phone yesterday. anyway if it has worked then thats good.

i really appreciate the posts, dh doesnt seem to have a clue why i am upset, he has only seen ds3s birth and i think he thinks its always like that and im just hormonal and panicing over nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 09:47

i was really confident about not being induced until the other day when dh said he thought i ought to do what they advise, and now i just dont know. he doesnt realise it has had such an effect on me but to me it feels like i dont have his support. i know there are lots of ways to be induced, but the fact is once you get to hospital they can bully you into whatever they want, thats why i am so desperate to either not go at all or to know exactly what will happen.

i think im getting a bit too obsessed about this now but cant think of any way to stop myself. have tried everything i can think of to get things started but i really think stress is stopping anything happening

whenever i talk to anyone about it they say one thing, then i get upset and they then change ever so slightly to be more reassuring. i just dont trust them

OP posts:

Aloha · 15/02/2007 09:51

Did you get the phone number of that midwife? If not, can you get it and talk to her. There is absolutely no need to worry about being induced at the moment, surely. You are only just 40 weeks!

FioFio · 15/02/2007 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 15/02/2007 09:54

Message withdrawn

Enid · 15/02/2007 09:58

ggobline you sound a bit like me at the end of my pg with dd3. I really feared going into hospital and I understand what you say about being pushed into things.

My dh, like yours, really wanted me to do what the doctors and consultants recommended. What really helped was having him there when the midwife was talking about the homebirth.

I ended up having dd3 at home after one horrendous and one OK hospital birth (dd1 and dd2). It was amazing .

lulumama · 15/02/2007 10:01

induction should not be even suggested until 41 + , IMO...in France your due date is 41 weeks, a full term pregnancy is anywhere between 37 - 42 weeks, according to WHO

you do not have to have internals

you do not have to be induced

you do not have to have any drugs you do not want

do a really detailed birth plan, and include the phrase DO NOT OFFER ME ANY PAIN RELIEF, I WILL ASK FOR IT IF I REQUIRE IT

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 10:04

never had a section. have had two awful inductions and one really wonderful birth where i went into labour on my own. i do know people who have recovered from sections quicker than i recovered after ds2, a repeat of that is what i really want to avoid. dh is coming to mw appt next week, i think he needs to know a bit more of the reality.

all the midwives at the hospital are positive about hb, its just the ones i have seen for check ups that arent!

i need to pull myself together, i am just getting obsessed and wallowing in self pity now, thats why i am worrying about induction. yes i do feel like a scaredy cat which is odd cos i have never worried about birth before. i am also going crazy cos im stuck in the house, i can hardly walk so thats not making me feel great, i need to find something more constructive to do with myself

OP posts:

lulumama · 15/02/2007 10:05

how many weeks wwere you at your spontaneous labour?

Enid · 15/02/2007 10:06

you need a good RL mate to come round with some gossip mags and chocolate

It will be FINE! you will do it!

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 10:08

i was 10 days over, which is when mw says they induce now. but i had loads of braxton hicks before and this time ive had almost nothing. i know i can just say no but then its my fault if something goes wrong

OP posts:

Enid · 15/02/2007 10:10

ggg I had nothing either with dd3 - nothing leading up to it - suddenly had one almighty contraction

it woke me up I can tell you

FioFio · 15/02/2007 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 10:14

thats what i would normally do enid, but i just cant face seeing anyone. ive had almost no sleep and i just dont want to make the effort. im turning into a totally different person, i am whingy and pathetic. i cant wait to get this baby out and become me again. and to make matters worse, i dont really enjoy chocolate anymore, havent since i got pg. how is that fair?

OP posts:

Enid · 15/02/2007 10:15

you haven't got long to go. Don't be scared. You have had two healthy babies before and this will be no different.

Original poster

gigglinggoblin · 15/02/2007 10:17

good to know 3rd baby doesnt necessarily need to be same as others. who knows, maybe there is hope.

im not trivialising cs at all fio, i would far rather do it at home. its just the fact that at least you know what is happening with a cs, its the not knowing which is the problem.

OP posts:

Enid · 15/02/2007 10:18

dd1 was the most horrific birth, dd2 was lightening fast, dd3 was not as quick but easily the best and most mellow. all totally different. She looked different to the others too!

lulumama · 15/02/2007 10:30

i had a similar issue with the 'not knowing bit' with DD, who was VBAC..i just wanted someone to say, she will be here on this date, at this time , after a 4 hour labour !! the fear was quite strong..all was well though !

funnypeculiar · 15/02/2007 10:31

Awww, gigglinggoblin - what a bummer of a siutuation! Glad your last m/w was better ...I sometimes think m/w don't really think about how much 'little' comments they make can affect you - I had a wonderful m/w through most of my preg last time, who made me feel 100% safe in my homebirth decision ... then saw a different one for 2 appts, who told me I was measuring small for dates, should I be having a h/b as ds had been early/I'd had bleeding in both pregnancies etc etc - she really paniced me.
It sounds like you do really KNOW what you want to do, and you're just having a last minute (and very understandable) panic. Don't let them bully you inot anything you don't WANT to do. You know already that the fundus measurement stuff is largely bollocks, don't you? And, as you say, you're a big baby kind-of-a-girl anyway
Plus you know that the hospital m/ws are good & supportive of h/births ... and just keep doing everything you can to bring this birth along naturally (millions & millions of pineapples & nipple tweaks!!)

I know you said you don't feel like it at the minute, but I'd bet you 10 English pence that if you get a mate round/go out for coffee, have a HUGE rant/moan/whinge session, you'll feel MUCH better ...

Good luck

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