why don't midwives believe you?

[Colabottle10]

30+1 here and starting to think about giving birth.

I read time and time again that MWs don't believe you when you say your waters have broken/lost your plug/not in active labour and then your babies are born an hour or so later so it's too late for pain relief.

This petrifies me. Why don't they believe you?

1st pg, from about 34 weeks - "my baby's breech, he's kicking me down there"
All community mw and obstetricians - "you don't know what you're talking about, you've never had a baby before. Of course he is not breech, that must be a punch you felt."

DS was delivered by emcs due to being and undiagnosed (except by me!) footling breech.

2nd pregnancy, after about 7 hrs labour and at 10 cm dilation.
Me: "There's something wrong, this doesn't feel right and I'm bleeding".
MW: "a little blood is usual, Would you like a paracetamol?"

DD was born about 30 mins by crash section under GA due to uterine rupture.

Dc1 b2b i was only 2cm when went in. I never progressed for 12hrs+ ended up syntocin to speed up as in agony.
Still took another 12+hrs.
Dc2 allowed to go in. But contractions stopped on the drive in (loads of traffic). Allowed to stay but aside from monitor on saw no mw.
I had to beg for any examination. Finally got to magic 5cm and allowed pethidine but as per my birth plan i asked for epidural first.

About 7hrs till i gave birth and somehow there was no anesthetist available in that time.

I was so angry in labour. It wasnt what i wanted at all. Ended up with huge tear
So i agree with others sometimes they purposefully ignore you.

The 'didnt you do well' from the mw and others (as pethidine would have worn off) were not well received- lot of gritted teeth. I did want to complain about mw/hospital nit having anesthetist but was too distressed to do it.

I think the comment - saved me a lot of work is spot on. If you labour at home, seemingly by accident, they are saved from doing anything.
Along with this is the push for home births and pain relief free birth - its like they feel they are doing you and baby a favour, saving you from a 'bad' choice.

The fact is you are the one in labour, everyone feels it differently. So they should be listening to us.
If i wanted a painrelief free choice i would have gone to the mlu, but i didnt...

NICE allows for pain relief at any stage, not just this ridiculous 5cm.

Keeping active and walking does seem to help (though i suspect my willingness to try birth ball etc may have had something to do with the absent anesthetist).

I was induced with my first. Obviously, induction is usually a lengthy process, and i think I read somewhere that the average, textbook first time labour is roughly 8-12 hours (active)......My labour took 3 hours from my first contraction to my baby being born! I was examined about 2 hours in, and was still only 2, not quite 3cm dilated. An hour later, I felt the unmistakeable, uncontrollable urge to push. I told the midwife and she understandably said "no not yet, you're only 2cm!". I couldn't stop myself from pushing, so I just went with it, and then shouted at the midwife that she really needed to have a look down there....and she could see my baby's head! I had dilated from 2cm to 10cm in about an hour....I think I must be some kind sort of freak I wanted to avoid pain relief (other than gas and air) anyway, but had I wanted pethidine or similar, it would have been pointless, and my baby probably would have been very drowsy at birth.
Anyway, my point is, I don't think it's a case of them not believing you. O think they just rely on experience and what their training tells them about textbook labours - so when something out of the ordinary happens (like my crazy quick induction) especially with a first time mum, they don't anticipate it, so aren't as quick to realise when it does happen.

If you think you need to go in and be examined then be insistent and head to the unit. Just be prepared that you might be one of those who do go home swiftly after not in active labour.

I rang twice about 90mins apart with 2 different mws. The first was lovely and I was happy to stay at home for a bit longer. The second was useless and was convinced I wasn't in active labour as I could talk. I can talk through anything! I was getting quite angry and upset on the phone when she suddenly changed her tune and said come in. Turns out my own MW had turned up seen the name and said she's a dr she knows what she's in about. I would've felt like a prat if is only been 2cm. Luckily I was 6cm and the other midwife got the finger through the curtain.