Body after c-section

[CommanderShepherd]

Not sure whether this is the right board or not but needing reassurance. Had ds 2 weeks ago by emcs, I've recovered really well but there is a coupe of things that are worrying me. I can feel a lump underneath my scar, which I'm assuming is the muscles they had to cut as it goes across my stomach. I assume this is normal? My second issue is that the scar had caused a 'pooch' which under my clothes feels like a huge fat roll that super obese people get. (I'm size 12/14)
Will this ever go away? The rest of my bump is pretty much gone although I know it still takes a few weeks for the womb to go back to normal. So, fellow c-sectioners out there, I'm not going to have a washboard stomach but are these lumps and bumps anything for me to worry about

What? You didn't give birth?
I had a CS and I definitely gave birth! Having my skin and stomach muscles cut from side to side, not being able to bend over for weeks without yelping or worse getting frozen in position, constant oain relief for six weeks, itchy stitches for 10 days, bleeding continuously for weeks - so DD didn't get a trip through my vaginal canal but I think I can safely claim to have given birth!
Nothing pisses me off than those saying how lucky you were to have a CS. Er no, not really.

I would say I gave birth to my DS, despite the process ending in an EMCS. Giving birth just refers to the process of your baby being born. That could be vaginally or with assistance such as a c section/forceps/ventouse. Bar the pushing him out myself, every other part of labouring and recovery was the same, and the EMCS was the only way he was coming out. So I had no choice in the end over the actual method of expulsion- that was my only available method of giving birth in the end.

Anyway, I have some numbness still around the scar which is improving, and I probably have the overhang thing, but I'm 6 months pregnant so I can't tell anymore. At 2 weeks post c-section, my scar hadn't even healed up properly and was still fairly swollen and unhappy. I had pulling pains for a fair while after but I don't feel it at all now. I think you'll notice a big difference between how things are now compared to 6 months, and then a year down the line. It's too soon to assess what it'll be like long term.

Once you've recovered fully and got the all clear to exercise, doing something gentle like yoga or Pilates can really help to flatten out that area post c section. I'm not super slim but I've done regular exercise since six months after my emcsection and apart from the scar line itself have very little evidence. The muscles seemed to have rejoined themselves.

Sympathies. I'm ten weeks post EMCS, and can identify with a lot of what you say. I wish I had been gentler with myself in those early days (I came home and vacuumed the house - don't do this!).

I have an overhang which bothered me a great deal at first, but less so now. I think perhaps it will go eventually once I'm able to get a bit fitter.
My scar was horrible, but again has improved out of all recognition, and I'm slowly coming to terms with it. And yes, the surgeon stitched a tuck into one end of mine, which is lumpy and I think won't ever go away I'm afraid.

I will say as well, the improvement in just six weeks was surprising to me, even the difference between week five and week six - it was as if that was the week that I made the jump back to something like normal. Every week after about week three I felt a bit better. Really be kind to yourself in between.

And as for birth stories, I think people learned not to ask as they got a bit of a rant from me, however bless my friends and my husband that have let me talk about it and try to make some sense of it.

My GP said that the numbness over the the scar will probably improve, but could take a year-18 months. I hope it does as it gives me the shudders.
Try not to fiddle with your scar too much, I accidentally pulled out a stitch!

I still can't really connect my baby with what happened so I do see where you're coming from in terms of 'not giving birth', although I don't think that's how I'd phrase it. There is this thing that happened. And somehow I have this baby. I don't have any sense that one thing produced the other! And I think some of that is to do with trauma and some to do with the disconnect from what was happening - you can't see it or feel it properly, and they don't tell you anything.

Thanks everyone. Once I get some time between this I'll look back with good memories about ds's birth, it's just all still so raw. The plan is for us to only have one kid so I was gutted that I never got to experience pushing out my child, (I basically got to 5cm and didn't progress). But my DH got to tell me the sex, my hospital stay was great and I've recovered really well. My head says who cares how he got here, just my heart needing to catch up. I'll look into yoga / Pilates as suggested

After two DC, I have found time the greatest help in getting back your normal tummy. Just eat sensibly for your lifestyle, don't worry about Pilates or Yoga unless you enjoy it and accept that it will take probably a year or two for your body to be back to more or less what it was. For some women who are very very slim or lucky it springs straight back, but even with a vaginal birth my tummy had overhang and pouchiness. Be assured it does massively improve but usually very gradually. Learn to live with it a while and if you are planning holidays get yourself a nice supportive swimsuit. In the meanwhile treat yourself to some comfy clothes you feel nice in. And Well Done

I think I've been lucky, no-one has ever asked me by birth story thankfully I know what you mean OP, I don't feel I gave birth with my c-section. But only because of the terminology. Both methods are equally worthy and deserve the same awe.

I did feel all the rummaging and tugging and then DD was presented to me for kisses whilst they stitched me back together.
The oddest thing was she was presented to me in a babygro and hat so it was like she came out like that! But she was breastfeeding as soon as I was stitched up so I definitely feel that connection.

OP, my experience was exactly the same as yours (except I only got to 3cm). I also feel like I didn't really 'give birth' but 7 months on and it is what it is. As long as you're healing well I wouldn't worry too much about how it happened.

Congrats on being a new mum.

And p.s. I also have a pooch that I'm hoping will eventually go once I start exercising and eating properly

I'd like to say I have that pouch, and I DIDN'T have a section, I'm also size 12/14.

You must go to birth after thoughts or seek counselling if you continue to feel like this op. I had a emc under a general anaesthetic so it really didn't feel like I'd given birth, I just went to sleep and woke up (barely!) with a baby next to me. I used to have nightmares and feel guilty but birth afterthoughts helped, esp when I realised that if I hadn't had the section then my baby might not be here now. It will take time but you will feel more positive about it i hope

I had a crash section with DC2. The overhang went after a couple of months (weighed less than pre-preg and was exercising though).

DC3 is 4 weeks old. Have a wicked overhang, even though I am again back to pre-preg weight. I have a feeling that it will be harder to get rid of this time.

I do have a slight bump on the right hand side of the scar. The MW explained that this is where the surgeon ties off the stitches more tightly than the others.

I have had one 'normal' birth, one crash section and one ELCS. I gave birth to all my children

While I understand that some people would legitimately feel offended by OPs sentiments, I'd also ideally hope that we could allow someone 2 weeks post EMCS dealing with birth trauma and scar concerns the room to voice her feelings without fear.

OP congratulations on your baby. It's ok for your head to be in a mess. Newborns are so hard. They don't get easier when you're recovering from abdominal surgery. Two weeks is such a short time after such a physically significant event. You're in the trenches. As for your feelings of missing out and not really giving birth, would it help to hear views from someone who's done both? I didn't find the VB to be some marvellous, life defining experience that it would've been terrible to miss out on. Plenty of women don't. It was entirely unimpressive. I didn't give birth to the VB child any more or less than I did to the EMCS one, there were just different ways to get them out of my body. Whevs. My field of fucks is barren. Unfortunately, we are fed a great deal of shit about birth- a toxic mixture of misunderstanding of evolution, sins of Eve mentality, bad science, biological determinism, well meaning attempts at a feminist take that sometimes cause more problems than they solve and plain old misogyny. Sometimes it sticks a bit. Look after yourself.

She has vented her fear, so clearly has felt able to do so, and I hope she better for doing so. There are lots of people who have been able to identify with how she feels, and to support her. I think that's really positive. Also plenty of recommendations for her to have a debrief, but she doesn't think that's required- but still, good advice and very positive. It’s also legitimate advice to caution that some people will find her particular turn of phrase (“I can’t even say I gave birth to him”) a bit daft or even offensive- that's just life, and it doesn’t mean that she is unsupported. As in real life, so it is on mumsnet- if you’re going to make a bold statement, be prepared for the fact that not everybody is going to nod along with it.

Very well, if you for some reason feel that being critical of the turn of phrase of someone who is 2 weeks postpartum and upset is so very important that it needs to be done once again, I can't stop you. I can, however, think that on this occasion even more so than the others on the thread, it would have been considerably better left unsaid. And that it's entirely unsupportive and could easily have driven the OP away. As in real life, so on MN: cut postpartum mothers some slack.

Yeah, that's fair point Harlot, and I'd hate to think of someone not being able to voice what they feel, especially when it was so raw to them. The statement about the birth just sounded so preposterous to me, the way it was thrown out there, and she seemed quite angry . It wasn't prefaced by any kind of 'obviously a cs is a valid birth choice'- it was just out put out there as 'I couldn't even give birth to him', which is why I mentioned that people who have had CS births could find it demeaning, And some did, it turns out.

Just because someone is the OP does not mean that their own experience or upset trumps those of other people who may post or lurk and feel dreadful by reason of reading such a thing. I do not think we owe a greater duty of care towards an OP's feelings than we do to other posters tbh, but maybe you disagree on that.

Regardless, I'd hate to think it was criticism or a discouragement from her opening up and I desperately apologise if that is the case- it was not the intention, but I have perhaps been thoughtless myself. If anything, I hope it has stimulated some discussion around the issue, as the OP clearly has some thinking to work through in order to reconcile her feelings bout what happened, and many others have shared their own similar experiences- which is what makes this such a great site imo.

I agree with several of your points city, but should be clear that I don't think the OP is owed greater consideration because she's the OP. She's owed greater consideration because of her particular circumstances. If someone who had an EMCS a fortnight ago and feels very upset says something about their own birth and body that bothers other people, the correct course of action will pretty much never involve berating the postpartum mother about it. There are plenty of occasions when an OP isn't owed anything other than a stfu. This just isn't one of them.

With Dc1 I had an emcs and had the pouch but once breastfeeding was established I lost a lot of weight and the it went. I had DC 2 by elcs about a year ago and unfortunately the pouch was much more pronounced. I lost weight breastfeeding again and it reduced bit have put a lot of weight on since stopping by this time around, and the pouch is very much there, but hidden by clothes thankfully. I hate it. I guess if I got off my lazy arse and dieted and excersised like a demon it might go. The scar is pretty neat. It does get itchy sometimes.

2 weeks is very early days. It'll all look completely different in a couple of months.

Had the HV out yesterday, the lump was the tissue underneath right enough and the actual scar is healing well. The pooch thing doesn't bother me too much in the grand scheme of things, my stomach is a wreck any ways with stretch marks and a weird discolouration around my belly button lol
My DH and I had a good long chat about how the birth went, our expectations and disapointnents. Tears were shed, feelings acknowledged and vented. It helped.
I know I gave birth to him, just that particular day I was feeling a bit down, cheated from the pushing experience and generally that my body let me down, I was labouring for 24 hours, 4 of which on the drip with just gas and air. I thought I was at least 8 or 9 cm after getting to 5cm another 4 hours previously. So to be told I was still at 5cm and baby wasn't coming out by himself I was crushed.
But! I have ds now and we're bonding fine, breastfeeding is going well, HV is happy with weight gain etc. So instead of dwelling on something I can't change, I focus on ds.

Commander, just wanted to say that the,advice to go for a Birth debrief is a good one. I was also booked in for a water birth and in the end wasn't allowed a single contraction. I was in a fair amount of emotional pain about it afterwards and also felt the birth had been done to me rather than me giving birth. Anyway I went for a debrief and it helped alot. There are also birth listeners out there too. Xxx

Glad you're feeling more positive OP it will take a while to get over the trauma of it but it slowly fades, and this time around I've chosen another c section rather than a vbac which I originally really wanted to do it 'properly'. Everything will work out for the best.

I understand how you feel. I had an emergency c section and then didn't see my baby st all for 5 hours. I didn't get to hold her, see her, I didn't hear her cry and didn't even know what had happened. j didn't know if she was alive.

I don't feel like I gave birth. My body is still a wreck 5 weeks on and I feel so guilty that she had such a tough start.

I'm sure it'll pass and it's a case of time heals all. Don't let people say you're being disrespectful. Your feelings are as valid as anyone else's.

2 weeks is very little time. I couldn't even look at my scar without bursting into tears at that stage. It has got better over time. I had a lot of fibrosis under the incision so it felt very hard and swollen. Took quite a bit of time to heal.

If it helps I have no pouch and no overhang post c-section. And plenty of people with vaginal births do have them so it's not necessarily a c-sec thing. As pp said, your stomach muscles won't have been cut, just separated. Scar massage is important to break down scar tissue. Post natal Pilates is a good idea, regardless of delivery method stomach muscles often get separated during pregnancy, and learning how to safely knit them back together can improve your strength and the appearance of your tummy.
I'm so sorry you feel upset about how your birth turned out - but congratulations on your new baby and I'm pleased things are going well. It's hard but please try not to obsess on how your baby arrived in the world, what matters is that you took the safest option in the circumstances to deliver a healthy baby. IMO There is a lot of pressure culturally in the UK to have a vaginal birth and I don't really get why others care how our child was born. You're doing a good job, I wish you a speedy recovery.

I can't even say I gave birth to him, he was removed from me.

Attitudes like this are frankly depressing. I'm really fucked off and offended reading this.

And yes, having a baby will change your body. Pity you can't just put it in perspective and be grateful you're both healthy.