Advice for dads - Do's and Don'ts During Labour!

[JamesRourke]

From your personal experience, what's the best advice for a soon-to-be Dad to help his wife during labour? What to say, things to do, or of course, what NOT to say or do!

Good list giraffe ! As a ps - there may not be blood. My waters go at the last minute and there was never any until the baby arrived. That doesn't mean something has gone wrong!

I have a few...

Don't try to take the gas and air off her! Some midwives say it can make women sick but your partner will know what she's doing. If she's sucking it down it's because she needs it!!

Make sure you keep her water glass full. I've never been so thirsty.

Don't expect conversation. Your partner is probably using all of her energy and in her own zone.

Paternity leave is to support your partner and bond with your new baby, not a holiday for you. Please make sure you really look after her and let her recover properly and rest. However tired you are, it's nothing on what's she's been through!

I'm impressed you're on here doing your research. Best of luck and don't forget to update us when you baby arrives!

Don't be a spectator. Do try to gently be supportive (offer to walk, change position, water, food, music).

Be an advocate. Gently but firmly question staff about what they are doing.
Can you explain what is happening? What does that mean? What are the options? What if we do nothing? What are the risks?

And yes I wholeheartedly agree with other posters, birth is definitely not about you. You are not trying to get a human being out of your own body, your partner is.

Don't pressure her to stick to the birth plan if she's obviously struggling. If she wants pain relief, don't try to talk her out of it. She knows how she's coping better than you do.

Don't be offended if she yanks her watch/necklace/bracelet off and shouts, 'Just get this fucking thing away from me' as she throws it at you.

At home:
Once it's over and the baby is cuddled up in the bed with its mum, make tea for mother and midwives, and get the first (and if you are lucky the only) load of old sheets and towels into the washing machine.

Do exactly what she asks of you. Be calm, don't give advice, just support.

Rest when you can (and if it's not a critical point for her.) dh felt really guilty at sleeping but I pointed out to him that he was more help to me if he could actually function!

If you end up with a c section:

Keep an eye on how full the urine bag is. Those fuckers hurt when they're full and backing up!
Ensure she has enough pain relief.
Make her as many cups of tea as she wants. Keep her topped up with water - I was immensely thirsty post section, I've never experienced anything like it.

Good luck! My husband has been so incredibly supportive through the entire thing - I am lucky to have such a fantastic life partner. ;)

Do listen to her and do EXACTLY what she asks. Make sure she drinks enough and eats enough. Don't drop the Percy pigs on the floor and don't answer for her when the midwife asks if she wants any more pain relief.

All the above. Just listen. She may tell you now what she wants, but that may (will ) change during labour.

I wanted OH in the labour room but I didn't want him to talk to me, or touch me or ask me questions, because I was concentrating. However, when I was mid section, I wanted him right next to me reassuring me I'm not going to die.

Be prepared to sit quietly in a corner until told to do otherwise

Do not get your camera out and start filming your wife when you're supposed to be getting the bags in the car to rush to the hospital.

I can't comment on labour because dd was a planned c section. But if your wife ends up staying in after a section, make sure you get there the moment you're allowed in the morning. I had 3 nights in hospital with a nocturnal baby who fed All The Time. Morning 3, my husband did some jobs in town before he came in. He was trying to be helpful but I had literally been counting the hours since 8:30 the night before, and that extra90mins felt like an eternity. I just needed him to hold the baby so I could sleep!!!

Bless....I already know you will be a great birth partner from the question you asked. If you have not already gone through it by now, I'd advise just to take your cues from your partner. DH is really supportive and wanted to be involved as much as possible but I found that whenever he touched me it seemed to set off contractions - I spent the whole time yelling 'don't touch me!'.

He was also clearly exhausted as we had to wait 13 hours for a delivery room after I was induced and waters broke so I suggested he take a nap! He actually managed to get about 2 hours kip in the corner of the delivery room while I was groaning away through my contractions and I wouldn't have had it any other way as I became very internally focussed and he would have been a distraction. Midwife was like

When I started pushing he sprung into action, revived after his nap, lots of hand holding, positive encouragement, telling me he was so proud, staying AWAY from the business end as I demanded...all the plans for massage, music, aromatherapy etc went right out the window, but he dealt with it brilliantly as he responded to what I needed and didn't try to push anything.

Not recommending you take a kip in the delivery room but be open to things not going as you would expect! Good luck

Don't bring your wife a copy of OK magazine if that week's cover story is Kerry Katona: how I almost died giving birth

I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been said, I just wanted to say how impressed I am that you have made the effort to come on here and be pro active regarding your wives labour. It really is fantastic! My husband won't even read a book, or a leaflet, nothing. Won't even touch my bump. I feel quite emotional about it actually :( . Good luck to you both! Wishing you a swift smooth labour and delivery x

Don't shove a video camera up your wife's fanjo (friend's OH)
Don't go to the pub and miss the birth (my dad)
Don't fall asleep (OH)