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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

First Labours are really bad?

50 replies

KRabbit · 15/11/2006 17:59

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my firstmand I keep reading how "much better" 2nd and 3rd babies are to deliver than firsts.

So does that mean first labours are really really bad and dangerous and unbearable?

My mum's first labour was bad with me (24 hours) - she was only 6 hours with my brother. With my mum in law, her first baby was easier than her second (7 hours as opposed to 4 days)

I'm going to a birth centre where they don't have epidurals and I'm really scared now. Is it possible to have a first baby without an epdiural or are they always long, agonsing and dangerous? I don't know how i'll cope.

OP posts:

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Californifrau · 15/11/2006 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulumama · 15/11/2006 18:09

KRabbit....i won;t lie...it hurts....but you can get through it and when you hold the baby ,the pain is forgotten! it is a positive pain, the mindset you should aim for in one of welcoming the pain, not fighting it as each contraction brings the baby closer to you.

to cope with the pain you can use:

TENS
water
gas & air
massage
pethidine
moving, keeping active & vocalising..

epidural has benefits...but drawbacks to IMO- not least can slow down labour and dull the urge to push and if you cannot have a mobile epidural, you will not be able to move!

2nd and subsequent babies seem to be born more quickly and more easily for 2 main reasons , IMO

your body has done it before, and remembers what to do , so it tends to happen quciker. and you know what is going on so you do'nt tense up as much.

you know what you want from a birth ..and usually, how to get it!

don;t fall into the mindset of first labours being long, unendurable and terrifying....labour is really quite exhilarating , IMO.....yes , the pain is something else...but it is a positive pain with something wonderful at the end of it!

HTH!

lulumama · 15/11/2006 18:10

you say 'dangerous' twice in your OP...do you have a particular fear playing on your mind?

cupcakes · 15/11/2006 18:11

it may be better than subsequent labours but that doesn not automatically dictate that you will have an awful labour.

ilovecaboose · 15/11/2006 18:14

my mums first labour lasted a couple of hours. She was at home for most of it cos she thought she was having braxton hicks. She got to the hospital just in time (after my nan had made her phone them 'just to check' and the hospital had convinced her not to drive).

Second labour was about twice as long (still not very).

Midwives can't tell you what your first labour will be like, but that doesn't mean it will be bad. Most women do worry though leading up to the birth so that is normal.

Try to relax though

Pixiefish · 15/11/2006 18:16

If it's any consolation I can hardly remember it
I had all the pain relief on offer and dd arrived safe and sound albeit after a few tramas. BUt she's here safe and sound and that's all you'll remember and that thought will get you through it.

You'll be fine xx

Original poster

KRabbit · 15/11/2006 18:18

lulumama -

I keep reading people saying things like "Oh my baby got into distress and needed an emergency C section" - "My baby nearly died" - "my baby stopped breathing and needed resusc" - "my doctor said we both could have died"

etc etc when talking about their first labour - its making me think that first labours are really risky.

OP posts:

lovelybird · 15/11/2006 18:18

Hi KRabbit,
I only have 1 DS and I had a long labour with just gas & air and the birthing pool. I was in the 1st stage for 24hrs (contractions every 7-15 mins) and established labour for 11 hrs.
Yes it hurt, but I was OK with just gas & air, and I knew what was going on and felt in control. I'm sure you will be OK, as everyone has said each labour is different and how you cope is different but every contraction is one closer to meeting your baby, you can still have other drugs and the midwives will help you.
Good Luck and hope all goes well.

LazyLou · 15/11/2006 18:23

I agree with everything that has been said. Yes it does hurt, but no two births are ever the same. With dd I was in early labour for 4 days then established labour for 8 hours.

My friend on the other hand had start to finish labour of 7 hours with ds and then 5 hours with dd, but she said the second was harder because it is the same pain, just crammed into a smaller time space. I don't know because I only have dd, but try not to worry.

I especially agree with the point that each contraction should be counted as one less until you meet your baby!

Toady · 15/11/2006 18:27

krabbit

I think all labours and births are different, my mum had an easy labour with me (her first) two hours and I was out and with my sister.

Personally I would recommend that you have as little intervention as possible and have a look at websites like gentlebirth and natural childbirth.

My mum learnt a technique about directing her pain to a "prop" in the corner of the room and she also said she counted backwards through her contractions.

Will try to find some websites, have not got a lot of time at the moment. Lulumama has a link to gentlebirth I think.

Sorry will come back later

ilovecaboose · 15/11/2006 18:31

YOu will be hearing more about the bad births cos people often need to talk about it. Those who have good births don't so you get a skewed view of how many of each there are (IYSWIM).

I ahd a difficult first birth. But it was worth it to get my ds. Its not something I've had a problem getting over. Find out about different techniques like toady suggests. Remember the people who are treating you at a birthing centre help people give birth every day. If you have any fears ask them, they will have heard it before.

If giving birth was so bad, noone would have a second to find out it was easier would they?

AitchTwoOh · 15/11/2006 18:31

i think lulu got it right when she said the pain is exhilirating... it's mad sore, crazy sore but it's all building to the most amazing crescendo you'll ever experience in your life when you hold your first-born child.
i genuinely look back on my labour with a sense of nostalgia, and i had an induction which was followed by a late epidural which didn't work. i hadn't had any pain relief up til then but they wanted to give me the epi to bring down my BP.
anyway, it didn't work and kinda caused more trouble than it was worth and i ended giving birth on my back, which again wasn't as bad as i'd heard...
good luck, it's all so exciting from here on in.

lulumama · 15/11/2006 18:36

gentlebirth

great info re more natural labouring.....incl homeopathy, reflexology, non medical induction etc...

i will also link to a recent thread about POSITIVE birth stories that was on here...not all re first births..but good nonetheless.

In a birth centre - IMO - you are more likely to have a better birth experience..less likely to be the cascade of intervention that often happens in obstetric led care. My own obs. told me in no uncertain terms that you are better off delivering under the care of the midwives..they are experts in normal birth!

i also suggest you read anything you can about birth by Sheila Kitzinger and Ina May Gaskin--

birth is a natural, physiological process.. you need to the courage and confidence to go with what your body tells you!

And, re the scary stories........well, you are more likely to hear those as when you are traumatised by an experience, you do need to tell and retell the story as part of the healing process...

people do take a most unpleasant delight in telling you the worst stories they have heard or experienced....

lulumama · 15/11/2006 18:38

reassurance for those worried by childbirth

AitchTwoOh · 15/11/2006 18:44

...and yet lulu, i trusted my lovely obstetrician so implicitly that i believe it helped me to relax because i knew he was in the building and would be there in a jiffy if somethign went wrong.
which nothing did, of course, and he turned up an hour after the birth for a nosey and a cuddle (first the baby, then a hug for me)... what a great doctor he is.

PinkTinsel · 15/11/2006 18:44

i had my first with no epi or any other pain killers, the pain only get unbearable as your going into transition and the contractions start piling on top of each other and if you've got that far your almost home.

mine did drag on a fair bit though, 3 days of on and off then 18 hours established labour..... although my second was also 18 hours of established and neither of them progressed til the lovely midwife got out the hook and broke my waters lol.

tbh it wasn't the pain that caused the problems with my first but my dd having the cord around her shoulder and being born flat (not breathing, no pulse) and i was very grateful to be in a hospital with lots of resuscitation equipment and doctors for that reason

AitchTwoOh · 15/11/2006 18:45

so it's horses for courses is what i mean...

mummyplonk · 15/11/2006 18:53

There are at least 10 horror stories for every good one and remember some people get a kick out of being a hero afterwards by saying how awful it was. As toady said all births are different, I think the second time you know the pain wont last, it really is worth pushing and you will know what a wonderfull feeling of truimph you will have at the end of it, together with a beautifull baby.

Looking back I guess my first wasnt great, went in a birthing pool (which was fantastic!) but contractions slowed so they gave me a drip with no pain relief and then had to deliver him by ventouse. But less than 2 weeks later I said I would do it again, and 54 weeks later I did. Look for the good stories they are out there I promise, a friend told me to take massive breathes in an out with all of your might on my second, It made me giddy as they were so huge but it really did help as well, number 2 just had tens and lots of puffing. Stick with the birth centre imo & good luck. xxxx

liath · 15/11/2006 18:56

My mum had a HORRIFIC labour & delivery with me (her first baby) and I was really worried I'd be the same - in the event my labour took 8 hours and I used TENS and a warm bath. And yes, it bloody hurt but I managed. So, as everyone has said you really can't predict these things but the more relaxed about it you are the better (easy for me to say...).

TuttiFrutti · 15/11/2006 19:44

KRabbit, are first labours worse than second? Yes, nearly always. The uterine muscles, like most muscles, won't be as strong if they've never been used before.

But there is such a huge difference between different births, you really can't predict how it will be for you. I had a horrible first birth (23 hours, ending in emergency cs) but some of my friends had an easy time with theirs, just a few hours in some cases with little or no pain relief. One friend gave birth at home in the bath by mistake because it happened so quickly, and my cousin gave birth in the back of the car in the space of 10 minutes - it was her second, but the first only took 20 minutes!

So you just don't know. Be as open-minded as you can, is the best advice I can give!

MKG · 15/11/2006 19:48

I had a great first labor and birth. It was 12 hours from the time they gave me the pitocin drip to the time my ds was born and 5 hours of "labor" and 2 hours of pushing.

I can't wait to do it again.

USAUKMum · 15/11/2006 19:49

Hey KRabbit -- Just to give a nice first birth story....my waters broke with DD at 2am, I dozed on and off until 6am when woke DH to put on Tens. At 7am DH says "you realise you are having contractions every 5 min? You should call." They said "Get here now!". So got to hospital at 8am, 3cm dilated at arrival. 10am 5cm At noon-12:30ish (fuzzy at this point), I saying I think I need to push, they said It's too early, I said Please. They looked, Oh you are ready. Started pusing by 1pm def., DD born at 2:03. Did need an episotomy. She was 8lb 8oz.

So there you go. Done & Dusted in 12hrs -- and that's not even the fastest I've heard of.

marjean · 15/11/2006 19:51

Don't worry - anxiety, fear and tension only makes the pain worse. I had my first at home, so obviously there was no epidural for me either, and it was a wonderful experience. I used a tens machine and gas and air during parts of it but the best pain relief for me were breathing techniques and a hot water bottle pressed into my back - epidurals aren't the only thing to help you out. It may sound odd but I really enjoyed the whole thing and would gladly do it again tomorrow. It was 15 hours of excitement and drama and at the end of it, I had my gorgeous dd but also a sense of awe at how remarkably well my body coped - very empowering. If you're worried (and sick of hearing horror stories, as I was) you might find some hynobirthing cds/courses helpful? There was also a positive birth stories thread somehwere around here not so long ago - you may want to seek it out.

AitchTwoOh · 15/11/2006 19:57

USAUKmum, same thing here... them saying 'we're going to check how dilated your cervix is, don't panic if it's only few cm as things quicken up near the end' and me saying 'the way i want to push right now... i bet you a tenner i'm fully dilated'. i was, thank goodness. (am i weird for saying that i'm kinda looking forward to doing it again?)

lulumama · 15/11/2006 19:58

marjean..have posted the positive birth thread!!

Aithc bar is open..xx

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