First Labours are really bad?

[KRabbit]

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my firstmand I keep reading how "much better" 2nd and 3rd babies are to deliver than firsts.

So does that mean first labours are really really bad and dangerous and unbearable?

My mum's first labour was bad with me (24 hours) - she was only 6 hours with my brother. With my mum in law, her first baby was easier than her second (7 hours as opposed to 4 days)

I'm going to a birth centre where they don't have epidurals and I'm really scared now. Is it possible to have a first baby without an epdiural or are they always long, agonsing and dangerous? I don't know how i'll cope.

I have to echo the previous posts, I went from 4 cm to 10 cm in 45 minutes. The midwife and nurse were no where around, as they though ds wouldn't have been born until well into the next day.

KRabbit,

All labours are different and you have nothing to compare it with. I think the worst part of your first labour is the not knowing what it feels like & what to expect.

If it reassures you, mine wasn't at all bad. Yes, it was painful but not unbearable and quite a positive pain, if there is such a thing. I knew at the end of it, I would have a baby and that was all that mattered - that he was healthy & arrived safely.

Briefly, my waters broke (at 37weeks + 4) in the middle of the night with no contractions. 30 minutes later, contractions started 3 mins apart, lasting 1 minute. I had a shower etc then went to the hospital and was 8cm dilated. So, 4 hours active labour & 2 hours pushing. No pain relief but a big tear & lots of stitches. Bit sore for a few weeks but not awful. Didn't matter though as DS was wonderful (and still is, most of the time anyway)

I know I was very lucky to have such a short & uncomplicated delivery. I actually quite enjoyed it and wish I could remember more of the details. Definitely no qualms about doing it again!

HTH - really don't let yourself worry about it. Whatever happens will happen - your priority will be your baby.

Hope all goes well.

KRabbit. Yes my labour was awful and agony, but I didn't have an epidural or any pain relief at when in established labour. It wasn't that long though (13.5 hours). In fact I don't know any one who has had an epidural with their first baby. My labour might have been bad, but 2 women in my antenatal group (1st timers) had very easy births in less than 4 hours. I have another friend (1st timer) who popped hers out in 45 minutes and didn't have any pain at all!!

It is a scary experience as you don't know what kind of birth you'll get. You'll find a way to cope though, whatever happens.

Do you feel confident about the birth centre, other than them not providing epidurals? Do you have a birth partner who knows what you want and will speak up for you?

Well,, my firs labour and BIrth was all in all the shortest and definately not unpleasant, and if I never had agreed to them breaking the darn waters when I was already fully dilated it would have probably as great and experience as my 2. labour was, which was very long incidently my longest but my most painfree one...now my 3. was the crappiest experience....so, ime, there is no mould....it all depends on so many factors on how a labour turns out, some within your own control, others you can't do anything about....my advice, just let it happen and wait and see....right after I have had es the m/w ask, will we see you again...and I said, am ready to pop out the next now ,lol, after he went into the terrible twoes I changed my mind,,,hence big agegap between 1 and 2, lol...after #2 I was ready to have another asap...and 21 month later ds3 arrived...after him I said NEVER AGAIN, lol! But that is just my own opinion and down to my personal experience...and everyones take on this will be different...what I mean is, don't go by what other people tell ya...

KRabbit - another positive story for you. I had my first DD 8mths ago at home (planned homebirth). So no major pain relief just a birthing pool and gas and air, labour was 28hrs (established for 13hrs) and got to 7cm without any pain relief.

Yes it hurt but it was manageable and I really enjoyed the experience because it genuinely wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I did have moments of "arrrggghh" but the midwives were so supportive as was my husband - can't stress enough the importance of having a supportive environment which the birth centre will provide I'm sure. You will cope, just take each contraction as it comes andwhen the baby arrives everything you have been through will pale in comprison to the joy of holding your baby. I loved my birthing experience and look forward to doing it again - honestly!

I went into labour with my dd just after 6am and delivered her at 1144 on the same day.
Contractions opened at 4 mins apart. Sat in my bath until I felt the pain was getting unmanageable at home.
Got to hospital about an hour before I delivered. Was found to be fully dilated on arrival in delivery suite. Got gas and air and delivered naturally.
Only regret is that I got stuck on my back, would have preferred (and probably slightly easier) to be on front/side.
I hope that you have as positive an experience as I did.
Good luck

DD2 is 12 weeks old so this is fresh in my mind.

I can honestly say that it hurt just as much as the first time. In fact I think it was intense much earlier on in the labour. It was slightly shorter ... 13 hours from first regular contraction to birth versus 19 hours with DD1.

The only bit that was easier was the pushing. I pushed for about 40 mins with DD1 and only 10 with DD2.

With both babies, I had gas and air only. DD1 was born in the birth pool - it was a wonderful experience.

With DD2, the pool had a leak so I couldn't use it. As it turns out it was fine - I sat on the birthing ball, bounced and swivelled my way through it, used my TENS machine and gas and air, and kind of visualised the contractions as waves starting small then getting bigger until they were gigantic waves crashing onto the beach when the contraction was at its worst, then getting smaller again. This really really helped because I'd keep telling myself that calm waters will be here soon. Sounds mad now but it kept me looking forward to the end of the contraction rather than panicking. Oh and I made a conscious effort to really relax as I felt a contraction start. I can honestly say if you tense up, it hurts twice as much.

And my final tip - listen to your midwife when it comes to pushing. They know what they're doing and their objective is to get the baby out safely with minimal damage to you. I didn't listen with DD1 and as soon as her head crowned, I just pushed her out. She was nearly 10lbs and I had a tear that didn't heal that great and had to be re-done months later. With DD2 (nearly 9lbs), the midwife talked me through it and I did everything she told me to do and I only had a tiny tear that didn't need stitches. So much better.

You will cope. I used to think about all the drippy looking women you see around with kids ... if they could do it, so could I.

Good luck

without telling the whole of both stories, my first labour and birth were much better than the second.
the second one hurt like hell and i thought i was going to die..!!
and they say they get better and easier the more you have!

my 2nd is fresh in my mind too being only 9 weeks ago.

My first labour was more painful than my second, but only because DS1 was back to back and bigger (8lb 10oz as opposed to 8lb 1oz DS2).

But it can't have been that bad because as soon as he was born, I was talking about doing it again!

Good luck - and yes, perfectly possible to have babies without any pain relief at all - but if you need it, have it. No shame in that!

Message withdrawn

When i had my first child, it took me 9 hours,from when i had the first pain to when he was born.

I had to stay on the bed most of the time as they were worried about baby and i had to have a clip on his head so that he could be monitored.

With my next pregnancies, they took 7 hours and 3.5 hours.

Had gas and air with all three.

I had a fear before the first one, because my midwife had told us to expect to be in labour for a minimum of 36 hours!!!!!!

I think it's a fear of the unknown.

It does hurt, but look what you'll get at the end of the pain.

It's a special time, so enjoy it.

Definitely the worst thing about the first time is the fear of the unknown. The brilliant thing is that when the baby is born you feel so elated that it doesn't matter. For most people the pain stops the instant the baby is out - except that you do then have to deliver the placenta and you get afterpains for a few days, especially if you bf.
If it was too bad none of us would go on to have more, would we?
Do you know of a birth centre where it would be possible to have a mobile epidural? Maybe you wouldn't feel so scared if you knew that you had that to fall back on?

But honestly, you'll be fine. A good friend has been a midwife for 20 years and has only attended one unexpected stillbirth. As others have said - people tend to tell gory stories but most births are relatively straightforward and the really painful bit doesn't usually last too long. By the time you push the baby out the nerve endings round your fanny are being squashed flat by the baby's head so what you get is a sort of burning sensation rather than the pain you'd imagine from stretching it like that.

oh, and just after they give you the baby they bring you the best cup of tea and slice of toast and butter you will ever taste in your life. i think i focused on that nearly as much as the actual baby...

DS took 3 hours start to finish. I had a totally natural childbirth with nothing whatsoever to help with the pain. He was 9 lbs and had a big head (not just what I thought, both my dr. and his dr. said so). It wasn't fun, but if I could make it through it, anyone can. DD was easier in that it was a little more than an hour shorter, and she was 1 & 1/2 pounds smaller, but not that much different.

I think 2nd and 3rd etc births may be easier because you know what's coming, relax and go with the flow. The reward at the end is so overwhelming that the pain is forgotten remarkably quickly. I know my 1st was made all the worse by my fear of the pain due to the stories I'd heard. I was so tense that progress was slow and all the more painful, my 2nd two labours were far more pleasurable and exciting even. Yes it hurts but the baby will come easier if you can relax into the whole process. Enjoy it if you can! Good luck.

labour is different for everyone- from my experience i preferred my 1st labour as it was more straightforward but the pain was as bad as 2nd labour, but you do get over the pain afterwards!

my daughter was born after a pretty easy 10 hour labour (but it didnt feel as long as that) and 15 mins pushing with one shot of pethidine... no epidurals for me, you'll be fine, stay relaxed, getting stressed is the worst ever thing for you and your baby,

and you know, when your in labour, and the MW thinks you'll need a helping hand, pain relief, etc, you'll get it honey, they wont just ignore you and make you cope with it.

youll be amazed with what you can deal with

GOOD LUCK X X

Like a lot of people have said, they are all different. My sister had a long-ish labour, but really cruised through it. Not so much as a graze. She said that by day 3 she felt like herself again (apart from the lack of sleep

I had a long labour. I had some complications later, but the labour itself was ok, and even though it lasted about 26 hours it didn't seem like it was as long as that

I found labour a wonderful positive experience. You should look forward to it.

First born was at home in 7 hours with gas and air in the last hour. I didn't think g&a did anything at the time but after second, (also born at home in 8 hours with no pain relief) I realised it had taken the edge off the pain, helped me relax and provided something to bite on beside my husbands groin. After my first birth I said 'that wasn't too bad I could do it again!' second time I said 'never again!'.

I think the main thing is not to get too wound up and worried about it. Try to stay focussed but to some degree just let it happen, keep moving and finding comfortable positions.

It hurts like hell but the best way I can describe it is: starts like period pain, gets stronger and becomes like the waves of pain you might get with bad stomach upset, then like feeling you have a large lump of concrete stuck inside, then like doing the most enormous poo.

Frankly the hardest thing with my first birth was the month after - I'd had an overnight labour then never seemed to catch up on the missed sleep as I had a hungry colicky baby, Also the shock of becoming a parent took a while to get over.

I was really scared I wouldn't be able to cope with the pain with my first labour. When it happened, yes it was painful but bearable. For me it wasn't a constant pain so there was always time to recover in between contractions and because I knew why I was in pain, I didn't panic but really tried to stay calm. It worked because by the time we got to hospital I was 9.5cm dilated! The pushing lasted about an hour and a half. Remember you always have the option of pain relief too.

hi Krabbit - i gave birth for the first time 10 days ago and like you i was pretty terrified at the prospect of a hard labour. In the end it was really hard - 27 hours and i was at home (with a birthing pool) and at several points was desperate to be taken to hospital for drugs, BUT i think i would say just try to have faith in your body to do the business - its easy to say from the other side of the experience but reminding yourself that it WILL be over whatever happens does help! Lots of luck - and i can definitely say its worth it!!

There is no fixed rule...with me, first and 2. were fine, with each I only used Gas and Air for the last hour, with es I also had a Tens machine...ys....complete nightmarish pain in labour, and then ended up with Emergency C-section in the end....so, for me, personally, I'd say avoid 3. labours, lol...but that is just my personal experience!
In the end it depends on so many things, some wihtin your own control others out of your control...just try not to worry to much and keep an open mind

krabbit, my first was Ok, second easiest and third the worst, was does that say? Every one is different. good luck, can't wait to hear your 'nappy' news!

Hi. Think it's great you CAN'T have epidural. I was given it at 9cms (they didn't measure me before) and it made the labour about 8 hours longer than necessary plus created lots of complications. I found the TENS was brill, and having the people you need around (I was left alone on a ward till 5cms, avoid this one if you can!). I'm sure it will all be much better in a birth centre than a hospital (better ethos, better staffing etc.). I wanted to go to one, but nearest one was Edgware, which in rush hour could easily take 3-4 hours...