Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

dna

53 replies

LumpyCustard69 · 10/05/2015 18:29

I'm not sure if this is in the riht place, sorry.

Has anyone had any experience with getting parental dna done in the UK?

The father of my baby wants one done, which is fine, but it means I can't register the baby until the results are back (because I want the child to have the correct surname). How long do they normally take?

I may have to have a C-section, which means I'll be in hospital a couple of days or so after baby is born, and I'd rather not have the father come to the hospital if I can help it, so that'll delay it a tiny bit already :(

I'm 25weeks and have to have a scan as the decider to c-section on the 30th July. So I'm just trying to organise everything, and have an understanding of it all before the time quickly disappears!

tia

OP posts:

CountingThePennies · 10/05/2015 18:33

First of all what do you mean the correct surname?

If you will be a single mother then the correct surname is yours!!

Also if he is being an arse now, do you really want him on the birth certificate?

You do realise that he can make things very difficult for you if he was to go on the birth certificate?

UnsolvedMystery · 10/05/2015 18:33

The correct surname is the name you choose to give your child. Why would you not just give your child your surname?

MagentaVitus · 10/05/2015 18:34

Jesus, give this child your surname!

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 18:36

If you will be a single mother then the correct surname is yours!!

I agree.

The father is being an arse. Register your baby without the father there and with your surname.

HeadDoctor · 10/05/2015 18:36

Put your name on the birth certificate. It can be changed to his surname or a double barrelled name at a later date if that's what you decide.

Lorelei353 · 10/05/2015 18:36

Also the father does not get to come to the hospital if you don't want him to.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 18:37

You do realise that he can make things very difficult for you if he was to go on the birth certificate?

He can do that without being on the birth certificate if he wants to put in the effort to get parental responsibility.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 10/05/2015 18:37

Don't understand what you mean by correct surname? The correct surname is the one you choose to give your child, and if you're going to be a lone parent it makes most sense for that to be your surname.

monkeyfacegrace · 10/05/2015 18:38

Eh? Is there back story? Why is the father being an arse?

And of course the father needs to be on the birth certificate. A baby isn't a belonging you know, it's a human person with its own rights and deserves a correct birth certificate

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 10/05/2015 18:39

Agree that the father should be on the birth certificate, but that doesn't mean the baby should have the father's surname in all scenarios.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 18:44

And of course the father needs to be on the birth certificate.

No he doesn't. Especially as he would have to accompany the mother in order to register the birth with him as the father. As he is behaving like an arse before the baby is born, I can't imagine he will change afterwards.

monkeyfacegrace · 10/05/2015 18:45

Why is he behaving like an arse? OP has made no comment about his behaviour

Original poster

LumpyCustard69 · 10/05/2015 18:46

I believe that a child should always know where it comes from.
I still use my married name, despite not being with my husband anymore. Me and my daughter share the same surname. I want to double barrel the surname with the father's name. I don't think it's right to only give the child my surname, as my surname is my ex's??
I also don't think that the father of this baby would come to the registrar if I refuse to put his surname somewhere in the child's name.

The back story is long, so I won't go into it. He is generally a decent guy, but doesn't like that I didn't want a relationship with him, and so says things in order to just wind me up. I suffer from depression, and he's aware of that.

OP posts:

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 10/05/2015 18:49

I don't think it's right to only give the child my surname, as my surname is my ex's??

No! Your surname is yours. You may have changed it to match that of your ex husband, but it is now your name. It isn't something he's loaned to you.

I am really struggling to comprehend why you would want to give a child the surname of a man who is such an arse he is demanding a DNA test.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 19:14

Why is he behaving like an arse? OP has made no comment about his behaviour

Initially reading between the lines

He is insisting on a DNA test.
The OP doesn't want him to come to the hospital.

And with the latest post, he says thing deliberately to wind her up and there is a long back story.

monkeyfacegrace · 10/05/2015 19:19

op could have slept with more than one man and been honest about it
I didn't want anyone at the hospital with me either, doesn't mean anything.

Assumptions on MN are ridiculous.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 19:24

Well, the OP didn't mention there being any doubt about the parentage so, despite hating assumptions, you're making a huge one :)

How about the subsequent information that he says things to deliberately wind her up to punish her for not wanting a relationship with him, despite knowing about her depression?

monkeyfacegrace · 10/05/2015 19:27

No, she said 'he wants one done which is fine'.

That says to me that it hasn't come out of the blue and is a reasonable request.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2015 19:34

There are those damn assumptions again :)

You made different assumptions to me, that's all.

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 11/05/2015 09:50

OP, does the father have any intention of being a dad?

If not, don't put him on the birth certificate. If he is on it, he can make life very difficult for you without having contact with the child. A friend of mine can't return to America as the father won't give permission, even though he doesn't have anything to do with their child!

He can always take you to court to gain parental responsibility (though he may not want to make the effort)

Bue · 12/05/2015 12:14

You want to give your child the surname of a man that you don't even want to come and visit you in hospital? Give the child YOUR SURNAME!

5madthings · 12/05/2015 12:21

Are you still married or has the divorce gone through? If you are still married you can just take the marriage certificate with you and register baby yourself in both names.
Re dna testing, is he paying for it or wanting to do it through the csa? Where there will still be a charge.

5madthings · 12/05/2015 12:23

Abd if you are divorced bit still use your married name then you can put it on the birth certificate as it's your name! And you could add your maiden name to double barre.

Cluesue · 12/05/2015 12:29

Please don't put him on the birth certificate,I foolishly agreed to do this with my ex and he's made our lives a misery for the last 3 years because of it,even with his name on certificate though, dd has my surname

Original poster

LumpyCustard69 · 12/05/2015 13:07

Right, sorry, because of my genuine question about how long a dna is likely to take etc, I didn't include a lot of information, because it wasn't relevant to my question. However, there are a lot of assumptions so I should clear a few things up.

Yes, I am still married on paper, been separated 3 years.
I slept with 2 men, 5 weeks apart, but I have PCOS hence the request for a dna test, and why I view it as a perfectly reasonable request.
There is such a slim chance of the other guy being the father going by scans etc, but, with my dd my scans in the first half of the pregnancy did not prove reliable. So, there is still the tiniest chance it could be the other guy (who was my partner before the fling with dna guy, and is my partner again now, but we weren't together at the time). However, I had an internal ultrasound for dating and they said 5 weeks from that, on Christmas eve.
Both men are fully aware of the situation.
Yes, I understand what a total fuckwit I have been to end up in this situation, and that I have truly messed things up for people, and hurt people, other than myself.
Dna guy says he wants to be a father to the child and be involved, but not all of his actions prove that, nor does his past, but everyone deserves a chance. He knows I will not have him mess my child about as far as contact is concerned.

I still get on well with my estranged husband, as he is the father of my dd and has regular (weekly) contact despite living 100 miles away. I'm not sure how he'd feel about this child having his surname, but was happy enough with me keeping it for myself.

Anyway, I'm not sure about the whole name on the birth certificate thing. I want my child to know the truth and never doubt it. I've known the guy a lot of years, but couldn't 100% guarantee him not being a pain in future. I don't suppose I really considered it. But surely if he has a piece of paper with a dna result on it, as far as causing issues regarding parental rights, he could do it anyway????

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3