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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I dont want to give birth

73 replies

obeliaboo · 16/03/2015 21:19

Yes, i know at 36 & 6 its a bit late now.
Ive tried watching videos, and i end up having a panic attack.
I've tried asking my midwife but each one i see has said they would discuss my pain relief options after i attended an ante-natal/parentcraft class.
Well i attended, and i still dont have any idea what to do or a birth 'plan' on my record.
I dont want a c-section, but i dont want to give birth at all.
Im in complete denial. I've never feared pain in the sense of having experienced pain, but having no knowledge of this kind of pain.

Help :(

OP posts:

BigCatFace · 21/03/2015 20:50

Also gas and air is the shit. Some times I used it just for a laugh!

gaggiagirl · 21/03/2015 21:17

Gas air and pethedine was the dogs bollocks for me. I'll be asking for that again.

CheerfulYank · 22/03/2015 06:36

We can't have gas and air in the States. :( I'm so jealous, it sounds great!

slightlyconfused85 · 22/03/2015 07:00

I am sorry you are feeling stressed. I was also very anxious about birth with my first. My midwife told me her advice would be to not make a detailed birth plan as this can lead to disappointment and go with the flow.

I did, my birth was long but I was wonderfully looked after and whatever stresses I had melted while I just concentrated on getting that girl out! I'm even doing it again soon ...

Try not to overplan, midwives are amazing and they will get you through it

Alwaysinahurrynow · 22/03/2015 07:01

Definitely agree with the natal hypnotherapy CDs (mainly because it will give you an hour on the sofa everyday to relax). I thought it would be rubbish but actually having some time out everyday really helped me relax and calm down.

My birth plan the second time was just the BRAIN acronym (first was undiagnosed breech so went straight from triage to theatre - my choice). It made me feel like I was still in control but knowing that anything can happen, I wouldn't worry that things didn't go to plan.

Also with some of the drugs you can ask for just half a dose if you want to (though half of morphine didn't really help other than make me fall asleep between contractions for about a minute!).

JugglingChaotically · 22/03/2015 07:13

Felt just like you, OP.

It's grim feeling like that and knowing you must give birth.
I went to fab anti natal classes who said the key thing about birth was a well mother and baby afterwards.
I had no birth plan and it was just as well as non would have gone to plan as all were complex in different ways.
Drugs were the answer for me!!
Good luck! It's worth it.

gaggiagirl · 22/03/2015 16:49

yank that's awful! What do you get instead? I know they give lots of epidurals over there.

CheerfulYank · 22/03/2015 19:29

Epidurals or IV drugs. No gas and air, no TENS machines.

gaggiagirl · 22/03/2015 19:42

Wow! I had to ask a few times for my pethedine and they still tried to put me off it.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 22/03/2015 19:46

Ina May Gaskin's Guide To Childbirth has lots of great birth stories in. I read it loads in the third trimester and was re-reading it in early labour!

My first birth was a water birth which was great in terms of relaxation and pain relief. Second birth was an induction and I didn't like being stranded up on the bed with a drip so I tried gas and air but it made me sick. For me, the worst bit of labour was transition but I found pushing very satisfying - each one brings the baby closer! Good luck, I just kept telling myself most women do it more than once so it must be worth it - and it is!

Hobbes8 · 22/03/2015 20:15

A good old honk on some gas and air will sort you right out. It's super stuff.

I had an epidural for my first birth and none for my second. They were both fine. With the epidural it was obviously less painful, but I could still feel the contractions and I knew when to push. I could sort of feel my belly going tight and that was when I knew to bear down.

My second birth was much quicker. The pushing wasn't too painful - it was more a huge sense of pressure when the head popped out. I really got in the zone in a way I didn't the first time - just head down and got on with it without really being aware of what was going on around me.

Good luck - it's only natural to be scared, but hopefully you won't find it too painful, and if you do - take all the drugs! You don't get a medal for doing it naturally, and they let you take a baby home regardless!

ohthegoats · 23/03/2015 09:20

i have considered as a last resort is an epidural but the idea of not being able to move is part of what sets me off into blind panic; i dont want to be stuck on a bed on my back and immobile

Absolutely - I was with you all the way. I was having proper dream nightmares about being stuck on the bed, and hired an expensive doula to try and avoid an epidural etc. In the end the midwife mistakenly told me I was OK to push before I really was, so I ended up with an epidural so that my body would STOP pushing until I'd dilated properly. The epidural was amazing, made the end of my birth experience enjoyable, calm and humorous. There are photos of me 'stuck on the bed' with a grin all over my face.

Epidurals are a great last resort.

Gemzybelle · 23/03/2015 16:49

Having just given birth yesterday morning I can honestly promise you it isn't as bad as you imagine. And I was terrified despite it being my second DD.

Gas and air is much better than you think it will be but if you need more than that, take it.

Stay calm. Easier said than done but I did notice my contractions were markedly worse when I started panicking a bit (again gas and air will help with that)

Crowning was what worried me. My first DD was prem and very small so I never really noticed it first time around. Honestly it is like needing a great big poo but with stinging/burning sensation in lady garden area also. The pressure to push is so overwhelming powerful that it almost distracts you from any pain if that makes sense. I found it the least painful part of labour purely because I was so focused on what I was doing.

Noise - I said I wouldn't be one of those screaming, scary women. I mooed like a prize cow. It helps

Original poster

obeliaboo · 24/03/2015 10:49

Thank you ladies :) its giving me a little more confidence each day.
Gemzybelle Congratulations! I think i'll be a moo-er tbh xD baby was corkscrewing down onto my cervix last night and im pretty sure i sounded like a farmyard animal both times!

I've obliterated my birth plan and just written a couple of bullet points. I'm going to just try to go with the flow as much as possible. Body is built for this, i just hope i dont snap at anyone xD

OP posts:

Gemzybelle · 24/03/2015 15:48

Thank you. My DD is totally scrumptious and well worth the scary build up!

Going with the flow is probably the best frame of mind to be in. You will amaze yourself at what you are actually capable of, both physically and mentally. I'm sure you will be absolutely fine - come back and let us know

Also you will snap at someone. Another thing I said I wouldn't do. DH got a sharp 'fuck off' for eating a ginger biscuit during one of my contractions. The sound of him crunching and the gall of him eating or indeed, existing full stop, made me feel stabby He got over it lol

PacificDogwood · 24/03/2015 16:47

Snapping is positively expected from a woman in transition

I found labour took a lot of concentration - I had to be 'in the zone'. I had to hum, not moo ; no screaming here at all either.
Crowning was stingy, but as it came towards the end it was over before it distressed me much.
Btw, the flipping 'urge to push' - what a misnomer!! .
It's a biological IMPERATIVE to push, your body pushes, you have v little say in the matter . It was the most amazing experience, topped off with getting to hold a baby which I was allowed to keep and take home and look after!!

You enjoy. Your revised birth plan sounds just right. I almost envy you the experience of having your baby but wild horses could not make my look after a baby again

houghtonk76 · 25/03/2015 08:07

I'm nervous too, as its my first baby at age 38 and I'm 39 weeks. Have been persuaded into water birth with gas & air at birth centre as quite natural and water really helps relax you apparently; but am keeping an open mind about any eventuality as may be in more pain / get tired if it gets long (my sister had her first in Nov too and was meant to have water birth, but at 24 hours in and worn out, she had all the pain relief going). Just relax, go with flow, doesn't matter if no plan & ask for pain relief if you need it. Talk to GP or MW about temporary anxiety meds if you are still anxious...

houghtonk76 · 25/03/2015 08:10

My MW is male (luckily gay) too, which is def a worry when you're gonna be naked waist down in birthing pool, but am hoping will end up wiv whoever is free from MW team as he's on hols til 4th and baby due 1st April.

NobbyNobs · 29/03/2015 22:03

I doubt any midwife male or female has looked at a woman labouring and found them sexually attractive houghton. All women are beautiful, and pregnancy is a beautiful thing, however I don't think anyone is stunning enough to turn on a gay female midwife or a hetro male midwife during labour.

I've never had a male midwife however I have seen posts on Mumsnet from women who have and they said they were brilliant at what they did. So if you do get him don't worry. He's a professional and I'm sure he'll be great. Certainly just as good as a female midwife. Not all female midwives have had babies themselves so gender doesn't necessarily give an advantage.

tinymeteor · 29/03/2015 22:33

You are going to be so bloody proud of yourself on the other side. Good luck, you'll do great

Sparrowlegs248 · 30/03/2015 14:44

I feel exactly the same as you OP and am only 22 weeks. Reading stories on MN. really hasn't helped, as to start with I was scared of giving birth. Now, i am bloody terrified of all the things that could go wrong! Reading this thread though has helped. People just don't post their positive stories so much do they?

I have ordered a hypnobirthing book so hopefully will have plenty of time to get to grips with that.

Good luck and hope you report back with a nice positive birth story.

qumquat · 31/03/2015 13:41

I see that others have already recommended Birth Skills by Juju Sundin. I saw it recommended on here when I was pregnant and I am so grateful because it is amazing! It's not at all woo or trying to claim labour can be pain free, but it gives lots of pain management and pushing techniques which are soooo helpful and practical. I completely credit that book for me being able to have a positive experience of labour. After my birth I just wanted to shout from the rooftops how great the book was. As others have said, contractions are like bad period pain, but with breaks; pushing is like bad constipation. If you can cope with those, you can cope with labour.

HappydaysArehere · 31/03/2015 15:38

Really understand but just concentrate on holding that little darling in your arms. It really is true that the birth experience soon dims in your memory. Ask yourself why women go on to have more babies. It's because it is doable and well worth it. It will be the best days work you are capable of. Wishing you lots of joy.

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