home birth?

[turquoiseamethyst]

I am getting increasingly concerned about the birth of DC3, which isn't until July.

The primary issue is I have no one to take my two older DCs. DS is 8 and my DD will only be fifteen months when no3 arrives.

it is starting to look as if a home birth is my only available option - can anyone talk me through if this is the case?

I'm scared

That's a fair point about the childminder I suppose. Just trying to throw ideas really.

I don't mean to pry or keep barking onbut if your income is below £16k a year and your midwife will give you a referral, you don't necessarily need to be on benefits. It's worth calling, just to find out?

There must be a solution. Like I say, you can't be the first. Your midwife is probably going to be the best bet I think. Does she know of your situation already? It's her job to help you. As is the health visitor if your dd is still under one? You could contact them?

The midwife isn't particularly approachable to be honest (which isn't a criticism of midwives generally. The one I had with DD was just lovely)

I don't know about not being the first - I imagine most people do have somebody they can ask.

Really try to speak to your midwife, she might have access to more useful local info than us here.

Also on the doula front, doulas who have trained often need a certain number of births before they can qualify and therefore offer very reduced rates. Might be something to look into. Sometimes the doula - and this can really depend, but worth a try - can help with other children at least some of the time.

I had a planned home birth and my son was there (because the people who said they'd help with him didn't at last minute). He was downstairs with DH at crowning stage and DH left him to come upstairs. He started crying (18 months, didn't want to be alone ever), my body stopped - baby came back inside - and I told DH to get him (I may have shouted). They came up to head end (midwife's suggestion) and birth recommenced!

Everybody's experience is different, of course, but thought I'd share as an example of the body reacting to children.

Good luck there is a solution, it's just hiding right now!

Thank you but my understanding was a doula helped the woman with giving birth - I need somebody to help with the children who are already here!

I've had 3 home births out of 4DC and it is not a solution to a childcare problem...
With one of them I had to transfer in an ambulance immediately after birth for meconium obs. There is no way they would have accepted 2 other children with me.
And being scared is not the best place to approach a home birth from IMO, you need to be pretty confident in your set-up and body.
Is there a local teenager, student from uni, local college with students on childcare courses, neighbour, childminder, mum from school?

Well - none that I know put it that way, or would feel comfortable potentially ringing in the middle of the night and saying "take my children!"

It IS an issue and one that requires thought.

Someone might correct me on this but I thought that doulas provide practical and emotional help to women and their families assuming this includes children. They are non medical?

When the mw comes to do a 'home birth assessment' (they have to check that your house is a safe working environment for them and for you) one of the questions they will ask is 'who is going to be responsible for the other children' you can't say no-one.
If you can give a vague idea of where you are maybe even a mnetter could offer a hand...

How long have you got to go?

How quickly could you trust/confide in someone?

You're right that they're there for the mother emotionally, but I knew a doula (she isn't in the UK, but trained in the UK) who was involved in a similar situation when she was training and she was there to help the mother emotionally by relieving her of the stress of the child (there was one - can't remember age, but not older than 8).

I'm not saying it's a sure fire solution, just not necessarily a closed door either.

However, it seems that there are some other good ideas here now too.

I am not due until the end of July so a while to go yet :)

I was also going to mention Homestart
Worth giving them a ring and seeing how they could help you.

That is ages away, thought you were going to say 2 weeks!
I'd start with your local children's centre, midwife, and HomeStart this week, see how you get on. If no joy, look into the doula thing - see what hardships funds are available, you've got time to save up. Or get closer to a parent at school, perhaps the mum of one of DC1's good friends.

Well since it says in my opening post the baby is due in July I don't know why you would think I was going to say two weeks.

Just to shed some positive light on this, I had a vague acquaintance I had met once or twice at a soft play place... We got chatting one day while our two year olds played and she was in this situation. No one - not partner, family, friends, MW was useless - that she could ask. So she asked me for ideas. We are now good friends, the girls play once a week so her DD can get to know me and I'll collect her when my friend goes into labour. I'm glad to help, always happy to make a new friend.

OP, you've got a few months yet! Can you be bold and ask someone?

I'll try of course but I just don't have anyone to ask

What about emergency short term foster care?

Well yes but there's still the last minute nature, unless I put them both in for a couple of weeks before my due date which would be so traumatic ...

do you go to any classes with you baby? i go to a class and a mom was pregnant (our dd's were only months old so similar age gap as you're describing) and she confided in me about her situation and we found a solution together as I have a young dd it's going to b my sister).

you don't need to meet someone and ask immediately. if you went to a class with your 1 year old you could make some friends. it sounds like you're lonely and I really feel for you. my mother in law had 2 within a year and she was ever so emotional, so she describes.

i love nearby salisbury and southampton and would be willing to help you find some help if you're a bit shy/ just want somebody to talk for you ?xx

What happened to your friend/partner from this thread OP? Can't she help you?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2317812-when-should-you-be-thinking-of-moving-a-new-partner-in

ISolemnlySwear - I said that moving in wouldn't be fair on the DCs and as such she has said she can't live in limbo.

The situation is slightly more complex than that but that is its essence.

zzzz possibly thanks.

Oh I see. I only asked because if she cares about you, she could be the valuable help you need as your dc already know her.

I think we both know that's not why you "only asked" but its okay; I understand.