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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Has anyone had older children present at home birth? How did you prepare them?

47 replies

gallicgirl · 21/02/2015 16:36

DD is 4 and will very likely be at home with us when baby arrives. DD was home birth too so have a fair idea how it will all progress.

Obviously we have no way of knowing how she will react to me being in labour and have a couple of friends on stand-by in case it all gets a bit too much for her.

Did anyone have their elder children present all the way through and what did you tell them beforehand? We've been reading a book that explains how babies are made and born in very simplistic terms but I'm uncertain whether to do more.

The birth pool arrived this week and DD keeps referring to it as a swimming pool and thinks she will be able to splash around in it. I've explained it's for mummy when baby comes but I'm wondering whether to show her some videos or photos or if that's all a bit too much.
I have found a lovely video of a home water birth where elder siblings are present and the shot of baby arriving obscures the birth canal and vulva so it's not particularly explicit. I can't decide whether I should show her this or just wait and see if she asks questions. I don't want to scare her but also want to be sure she's appropriately prepared.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
gallicgirl · 21/02/2015 20:10

Bumping for evening crowd....

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/02/2015 21:20

It is actually quite rare to labour with older children around. Most people seem to find things establish at night, or that things are going slowly until children are removed. Happened to me twice. Smile

LMLytton · 21/02/2015 21:30

DD slept through it in the end, but we read this wordery.com/hello-baby-jenni-overend-9781845071103?currency=GBP&gtrck=bFhnK3NGYkRlWjVvTjJYbXJJRFF5dmZxTktaOU5jaE03MHVkSUpwWEwrRmNWSjNGaFA3OWljRWlkRGlyNmV5c1BIUkViS24wTHc2Ykh6ODE5Z1VGL1E9PQ&gclid=COCGzrH988MCFTDKtAodZXwAqQ which is lovely. I warned her I might make some noise.

I would have no problem showing them a film of a baby being born.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 21/02/2015 21:33

I had an unplanned home birth so there was no time to prepare them. Boys were 5 & 3 at the time, I had a friend and DH here and the boys were kept busy having breakfast, getting dressed etc. They weren't phased by it all and they new it was because their baby brother was being born. They didn't actually see anything though.

AbsInTheClub · 21/02/2015 21:39

When are you due? I'm due end of April/start of May, and in the same boat. Our DS will be four and a half then, I had a home birth with him and hoping for one again this time.
I've also heard what Penguins said before re it being more likely to happen at night when existing DC are asleep, but obviously there is no guarantee. I would love for DS to witness the birth,

We have this book to read to him, www.amazon.co.uk/Hello-Baby-Jenni-Overend/dp/1845071107/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1424554617&sr=8-1&keywords=overend+hello+baby about a baby born at home, with an older sibling present. Only read it once so far, but I have a couple more months.

AbsInTheClub · 21/02/2015 21:40

Ha, cross post with the book recommendation!

Original poster
gallicgirl · 21/02/2015 22:06

Thanks. We've been reading How Did I Begin which is pretty good at explaining the how and why.
I'm due in a couple of weeks so I'll let you know how it goes Abs.

I've heard plenty of anecdotes about second birth happening at night too but DD sleeps quite lightly (once she goes the f* to sleep! ) so I'd hate for her to wake up and wonder what was happening.

OP posts:
PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/02/2015 22:10

DD1 woke when I was in labour with DD2. She didn't know why though so DH just resettled her like any other waking

StayGoldPonyBoy · 21/02/2015 22:12

I almost saw my sister being born. I don't remember much of it, but I remember my mum telling me that she was going to cry and it was going to hurt mummy but that's okay because my new sister would be worth it and not to worry because if mummies couldn't handle it, nobody would be born. It's important to tell your DC it'll be like that as they might worry to see you in pain.

She sent me out in the end as she couldn't focus on labouring for worrying about frightening me. I sat in the kitchen with my grandparents and came back in once DSis was actually born.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 21/02/2015 22:13

I woke up at 5.30am in labour and DS3 was born at 7.15am so it was all full swing when DS1&2 woke up. DS was born in the living room so they stayed in other rooms

AbsInTheClub · 21/02/2015 22:24

gallic, ooh, not long for you. Yes please, please do update!
Would you like for your DD to witness her siblings birth?

Beesandbutterflies · 22/02/2015 11:32

Also in same boat and interested in answers

IAmAPaleontologist · 22/02/2015 11:39

Mine slept through, both times the bigger ones (age 2 and then age 5 and 3) came down before the placenta though so met their sibling brand new. It odd important to remember this bit too in preparing them.

i just used a bog standard pregnancy book for pictures of baby in tummy to help me explain cord and placenta etc then we watched a few nice YouTube videos.

Original poster
gallicgirl · 22/02/2015 11:43

Not sure if I want her there or not, to be honest.

I don't want her memory of her sibling's birth being of her being sent away and not involved, but equally as PonyBoy said, I'm concerned that I might be distracted from the job at hand by worrying about DD being frightened or distressed.

Thanks for the heads up about the placenta, I'll make sure to mention that too.

OP posts:
AbsInTheClub · 22/02/2015 11:58

I am sure I read that second babies just pop out! One little sneeze and ooh, there they are! Grin
I have warned DS that when the time comes, I might be in a little bit of pain and I may make some noise, but that he isn't to worry, it is perfectly normal, and that's what happened when I had him, and I can handle it.
I'm planning on dealing with the placenta away from him, I hope he and their daddy will just be looking after the new baby while I do so.

Bees, when are you due?

Beesandbutterflies · 22/02/2015 16:57

September, lots of time to plan! Dd was a lovely easy home birth so essentially optimistically planning for the same!
I was very fast last time (midwife only just got there) so might not be time to make Childcare arrangements and this is worrying me already.

I like the idea of her being there but I don't want her to be distressed and she can be (naturally) very demanding of me and I know last time I had to be completely focused on the contractions not distracted so worried about having her there.
She'll be 3 then.

Ideally I think I'd rather she slept through it but you can never guarantee with my little monkey!
Also laboured in the day last time so maybe won't be able to rely on her being in bed

AbsInTheClub · 23/02/2015 11:20

Lucky you your first HB was easy! Mine was pretty tough, but this one should be easier.

It's so hard to know how they will react. I am just going to hope for the best! :)

Beesandbutterflies · 23/02/2015 11:33

I did put in a lot of prep Abs. I'm also hoping for the best

Guyropes · 23/02/2015 11:33

Gallic, I'm sure there are ways of managing it that don't mean she'll have a memory of being pushed away.

My view is that 4 is a bit young for her to understand and make a choice to be around, especially If you are struggling a bit with the idea of her seeing birth videos.

I'm keen for a 2nd home birth. My dc are a bit older and they have said they'll go round to their friends to play. I've said it's up to them, but they don't want to be around.

At 4 I think my dc would have found it hard to understand enough to make a choice, and I would probably have ended up wanting them out of the room, so if my plan had been to have them around, I would definately have risked them feeling 'sent away'.

Good luck I hope you find a solution!

AbsInTheClub · 23/02/2015 12:52

So did I, Bees, but he was back to back and taking his own sweet time coming out!

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 23/02/2015 13:01

Abs. I put in the prep with the first. Horrendous long instrumental birth. Second 9 hours. Hard as another back to back but fine. Third was 4 hours. The odds are on your side once you are past no.1.Smile

bullseyebraces · 23/02/2015 13:09

I put in the prep with DC1 - ended up transferring to hospital and an eventual forceps delivery… Did sweet FA to prep for DC2 & had a 3hr labour, second midwife arrived after baby was born…

AbsInTheClub · 23/02/2015 13:19

Thanks, Penguins, this is what I have heard, and am hoping hard for!
I'm hoping my body remembers it all from before, and that this one isn't back to back!

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 23/02/2015 13:24

Although my second was back to back, I found myself far more able to listen to my body to help her turn. With my first I overruled my body to do what I had been told (upright and mobile). I think that confidence helped. That and the charmingly named 'proven cervix "Grin

Beesandbutterflies · 23/02/2015 13:53

I know there's a lot we can't control and some of it comes down to luck. I've also been told about the 'proven pelvis' just charming I agree :-/

guyropes you've made me think about age and understanding and also them having a choice. I think my little one is too young to be involved but I don't want her to feel excluded/replaced. Probably pfb guilt Confused