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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

First time mother - Do i hold my baby first?

68 replies

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 11:44

Im new to this so sorry if this seems a silly question. My partner has already got 3 children from previos relationships and this is my first, he keeps mentioning how all his kids have been placed in his arms first and how it will be same for this one - Is this correct? I want to be the first to hold my baby and the thought of the baby going to him first upsets me , any ideas?

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 15/01/2015 14:00

Is your DP insisting on getting first hold of the baby? Because if he is, I'd worry rather a lot more.

I can't actually remember who got first hold of DS1, apart from the MWs who whipped him away to weigh him and give him a bit of a clean up as per my Birth Plan request - but I think it was me.

DS2 was definitely me - he was plonked straight on me after he came out - I was so out of it in terms of wtf was going on, that I didn't even realise what had been put on me for a short while!! He'd been a bit stuck and I was just concentrating on getting this thing out of me, so it was a massive relief when he dropped clear of the obstruction (the anterior lip) and came straight out, and the relief kind of obscured what I'd been doing, so the "baby" was a bit of a shock! Only for a minute, tops, though - and then he was taken off for weighing (and a bit of a clean up).

But yes, nowadays unless you specifically say you don't want it, they like to plonk baby straight onto you to get that "skin to skin" bond. Don't let your DP interfere with that.

DayLillie · 15/01/2015 14:02

I aways wanted my baby delivered on my tummy. Put it on your birthplan.

It didn't happen for me, and I wished I had written it down. With hindsight it would never have happened - DS1 arrived in a hurry, I was lying sideways, got a brief look at him, then they dealt with my PPH, and DH held him after weighing etc whilst they delivered the placenta and did stitches etc.

Second time, was a bit too fast, did not want to look at DTD1 as I had another to deliver and we had to move into the proper delivery room from the side room. DTD2 was delivered on one of those delivery tables with no end and stirrups (delivery room in emergency mode by then, but no problems), so they put her in a cot, wiped her and wrapped her up and gave her straight to me. I managed to track DTD1 down at the other end of the room with the poor Junior doctor who was supposed to have been looking after me. HE looked like he had never held a baby before and had gone all soppy!! Anyway, I got her back and held both Then DH got a go whilst I fed one.

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 14:02

It's fine everyone is entitled to an opinion

OP posts:

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 14:12

Thank you weeblueberry your right it was just conversation him saying how the other 3 had been held by him first nothing nasty on his behalf in any way.

OP posts:

wanttosqueezeyou · 15/01/2015 14:32

Sorry Lea if it was just a chat about what happened last time,thats quite different.

I thought you meant he'd said "I'll be holding the baby first" as a statement of fact.

scallopsrgreat · 15/01/2015 14:38

But why would you think you were silly for wanting it to be you that holds the baby first?

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 14:39

No need to apologize wanttosqeezeyou - I appreciate all of the comments good or bad :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 14:48

Scallopsrgreat - Just with it being my first and i dont kknow how it works etc that was all really i didnt know what usual practice was at the hospital once the baby arrives

OP posts:

scallopsrgreat · 15/01/2015 14:53

But you know what you want. What makes you think the midwives wouldn't follow your wishes?

atticusclaw · 15/01/2015 14:57

Both DH and I did skin to skin. I had the DSs handed to me first and then both times DH lay down next to us and we all had skin to skin cuddles together. It was lovely. (mine are 10 and 8 btw)

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 15:02

I didnt for one minute think they wouldnt follow my wishes just never done this before so as i said didnt know the procedure thats all

Thanks atticusclaw :)

OP posts:

scallopsrgreat · 15/01/2015 15:05

There is no 'procedure'. What you want counts.

Your DH will be OK with that?

jemima1988 · 15/01/2015 15:05

absolutely not!!!
The baby is placed straight on your chest for skin to skin
I kept my ds there for an hour having a cuddle.
If you choose to breastfeed skin to skin is so important.
This is NOT about your partner it's about you and your baby

congratulations

Gwlondon · 15/01/2015 15:09

What Guyropes said.

Did your partner's exes breastfeed? The reason I ask this is, if you want to, and they didn't breastfeed, he already might have set views on a lot of things that could make breastfeeding more of a challenge.

After giving birth there is a "golden hour" where it is good to try and give the first breastfeed. If you prioritise your partners wishes too much that is the sort of thing that will go out of the window.

Perhaps find out what else he has set views on. Just because he has done it before doesn't mean you have to do the same things at all. Don't forgot that. Good luck.

Original poster

Lea2014 · 15/01/2015 15:25

Thanks for your congrats and kind words people. I dont believe they did breastfeed Gwlondon im pretty sure they were all bottle fed.

OP posts:

Guyropes · 15/01/2015 17:12

Thanks gwlondon

maccie · 16/01/2015 18:06

Lea. I would read up on delayed cord clamping if I were you. There are many many advantages to the baby if you do this. Lots of midwives are up to date on this and will do this as standard but it would do no harm to mention that you are in favour of this.

It takes approximately 20 mins for the cord to stop pulsating and then the cord is cut. During this time baby can only lie on your tummy or chest at the furthest as you and baby are still attached to each other.

I've done this and is a beautiful experience. You get to lie holding baby as they open their eyes and see the world for the first time. They can wake up slowly, all warm and snug on your chest. It also assists with there first breaths and means they are still receiving oxygen and blood from the placenta into there bodies. There are no down sides to doing it this way from what I have learned only benefits.

The added bonus for you is that baby is going nowhere whilst it is still attached to you. It is not a way to exclude your partner as he can be right there with you ( my DH was still right at the side of us snuggled in and meeting our daughter too) but it does mean your not being excluded from those precious moments either.

Baby then went to dad for their own cuddles whilst I passed the placenta and got cleaned up. Then she came back to me for more skin to skin and her first breast feed.

Just do your own research on the idea to see if you think it could work for you. I found it very natural and instinctive and now could not imagine it being any other way.

guineapig1 · 17/01/2015 17:49

Ideally you should do whatever you prefer and mention your preferences to the midwives beforehand. I too had visions of the baby being lifted onto my chest first like in the films! Reality was that baby was whisked off by paediatric team with me yelling at shell shocked DH to follow them! All was absolutely fine in the end btw but by the time i had been stitched up and sorted out and DH and the baby had got back baby was fully clothed and probably about an hour old before I had a first cuddle! Didn't mind a bit though in hindsight.

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