Anyone else survived a 3rd/4th degree tear and still feel sad and angry over the whole thing?

[sksk]

Just wondering, I still get upset and angry over it. I still have some small issues. I am not incontinent apart form wind occasionally, some faecal urgency and the wiping issue. It is almost 17 months since I had my baby, my first. Does anyone else still harbour anger and feel upset? I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself! Hoping to get all the nasty feelings out before 2015!

I had a relaxed water birth with unexplained 3a tear. No one could tell me why but assured me it was "really rare"

The time I spent in surgery afterwards is honestly the absolute worst time in my life, it haunts me: the indignity, lack of control, pain, shock, brutal treatment from some of the staff.

And then I over healed, which was again "really rare" so I had to have a bridge of extra skin removed surgically. This was after 6 months of continual chasing and horrible appointments with dismissive people.

Now I have a small bridge of skin which has regrown and it's painful in the area. I can't be bothered to face a doctor about it, so I've not told anyone but my DH, I now have a phobia of any medical professional.

I am very angry. Angry at the lack of information, at the humiliation, and the PTSD that I suffered, and the PND.

I'm also scared about having another baby. And I know that I'll possibly tear again, and that they won't want me to have a c-section, that no one will care. (can anyone advise - was it a battle to get a C-section after this type of injury?)

Finding this thread has been a revelation, that other people feel the same way. I hope that my post might help someone else.

I'm so sorry you've suffered so badly fromage. I too have awful memories of being painfully examined by a miserable registrar, lying in theatre feeling like I should be happy but actually feeling like shit. I too had postnatal depression and anxiety and probably an element of PTSD as well.

FWIW, once I could actually entertain the idea of getting pregnant again, I insisted on ELCS and will be having one in May. Although the consultant completely dismissed my concerns over tearing again, of incontinence, etc. I didn't have to fight at all. He says I can have one for mental health reasons. I wasn't bothered how it was justified, tbh.

Hope that's of some comfort to you.

I had a 3b tear and healed without complications, btw.

I had a 3a tear with my first DC. It was horrible, I feel I didn't get the guidance from the midwife at the pushing stage, to minimise the tear. I went to theatre and like others on this thread, I missed out on several hours of spending bonding time with my baby. However, DH was there with him, so it wasn't a complete wash out.

I had a 2nd degree tear giving birth to my second DC. I did ask if an ELCS would have been a better idea, but the medical staff said that it may not happen again. Thankfully it wasn't another 3a tear!

I am actually beginning to wonder if I'm just shit at pushing out babies, because when I speak to friends, they've just had a 1st degree tear, or a 'graze'.

I didn't know what a 3rd and 4th degree tear was (and have given birth twice) so I googled. I am so horrified for all of you who have posted your experiences . How can this happen in a modern hospital? I sympathise with Rowan wanting to start an mn support group. These injuries are life-changing and the effects long lasting. I am so sorry .

There is support thread, it was called the ragged bits?! Or something thread. Will see if I can.find it and link.

Of course you can still start your own :)