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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

How soon after birth did you allow visitors?

66 replies

Bigoldsupermoon · 10/10/2014 16:47

I'm currently waiting for my first born to arrive, and I'm just wondering about people visiting after the birth.

Obviously it depends on how everything goes/whether I'm in hospital or at home/how long it all takes, but I'd be interested to know your experiences - how soon did you have visitors, and would you do the same again?

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Couchkitten · 16/10/2014 22:27

I had an emergency c-section and was in complete shock after the birth - totally shell shocked and I still wanted people to visit. Inlaws arrived 12 hours after. Then we had a quiet couple of days then 70 people visited in the first month! Was nice, enjoyed the company.

madamginger · 16/10/2014 22:52

When i had dd my mum and mil were my birth partners (by stealth - long story!). as well as dh obviously, my dad and sister came to see her on the delivery suite. Everyone else came over the next week or so.
My 2 boys were home births and people were welcome whenever so long as they brought cake and made tea.
I did the school run 3 hours after ds2 was born, couldn't wait to show him to DD!

Strokethefurrywall · 16/10/2014 22:56

We live overseas so no family close by.

With DS1, our friends arrived within hours bearing sneaky beers, gifts and cuddles - parents arrived 3 weeks after.

DS2 was born at 6am, visitors by the time I'd settled into my recovery room, again bearing gifts of food, tea, chocolate mini eggs.

Loved it.

306235388 · 16/10/2014 22:59

Visitors in hospital then the day after we got home with Ds and the day we got home with dd .

Kewrious · 16/10/2014 23:01

Parents and ILs live on another continent. As I was being wheeled out of theatre, BIL came. Stayed for a few hours with DH and was v helpful. My sister and her family came the next day as did my best friend (male). Once home loads of ppl popped by. I was more than happy for ppl to visit and would shamelessly hand DS over and get a break. Was also bossy enough to instruct close friends to make me tea or help with stuff (CS so not v mobile in the early days). I generally really enjoyed having ppl over and quite happy to pass DS around for cuddles.

ch1a · 16/10/2014 23:08

With ds1 it was a long induction and dp's family came the following day. It was hard - feeding was going badly and I didn't know them that well at the time. I felt overwhelmed and very sore.

With ds2 by this point I was very close to them and found them amazing for ds1's life this far. But I had another epic induction this time ending in emcs and then both me and my baby were on iv antibiotics. I was determined to breastfeed and felt overwhelmed by trying to do that, taking ds2 to have his antibiotics thrice daily and having my own four times a day.

I was going to tell them to come and then ds was rushed in for a lumber puncture and the whole experience threw me and made me a bit shell shocked. As much as I wanted them to see him I just Couldnt face putting on a brave face for anyone. sounds silly now because as soon as we were better and out of hospital we went straight to theirs and I feel great to see them and have them see him. but that first week it was just so tense I Couldnt share the tension with anyone else.

The only person who came was a good friend who is a doctor because I had a bit of a meltdown 're lumbar puncture and he came straight up to help calm me down and give me some perspective and speak to doctors with me.

HippyPottyMouth · 16/10/2014 23:10

Both sets of parents came at visiting time the first day. I wasn't up for talking to anyone, let alone seeing them, in day 2, so only DH came. Day 3 a good friend came and so did BIL and SIL. There were occasional visitors once I came home, but I can't remember the details now.

ZenNudist · 16/10/2014 23:22

Ds1 was born in hospital and I had all 4 gps descend on me by day 3-4. I was a bit of a mess and crying a bit. They drove a long way and didn't stay long.

Ds2 was born at home. My DPs arrived to look after ds1 and just happened to arrive 15 mins after the birth. It all worked out beautifully. They helped clean up the birthing pool and feed the midwives (& me) tea and toast. They got to see a brand new baby as well which is lovely.

Redling · 17/10/2014 00:02

Wonderful timing for me , my parents live 300 miles away so we accepted that they'd have to wait to see DS, but I went overdue and Dad had taken 2 weeks off work so they said they would come and see me on the Tuesday anyway and stay to help me out. Went into labour on Monday night and when I have birth DH rang them and they were 20 miles away! They met DS at 2 hours old and I was overwhelmed as I hadn't thought it was possible. They were around to help us for 3 days, I loved it. Then the next day I was able to go home and DHs parents came. I'm actually quite upset with some or our friends who were very close before he was born, they're coming to meet him in 2 weeks... He'll be 10 weeks old. There's giving you space, and then there's showing no interest ...

teenagetantrums · 17/10/2014 00:10

DS first grandchild, had my parents and ex mum at the hospital the next morning was fine and lovely to see them all. friends and other family came to our home over the next few weeks. DD I was only in hospital for 5 hours after birth, my parents came the next weekend, and im sure others, but 2 days after her birth was taking DS to nursery and doing shopping so wasn't any special come and visit time we were busy, i expect as a second child she just fitted into our lives rather than the other way round.

elliejjtiny · 22/10/2014 21:38

nice people, as soon as I was out of labour ward. Irritating people had to wait a bit longer

Ikeameatballs · 22/10/2014 21:48

My parents and pil were waiting outside delivery suite when I had dd, tbf I was very ill, dd was prem and they were all just desperate to see that we were both ok.

With ds (ELCS) they were there as soon as I was wheeled round from theatre, with dd who couldn't wait to see her brother. I had more visitors the next day before I went home from hospital and then had friends round on day 3 for Xmas Eve drinks (though I did regret that a bit).

tabbycat28 · 25/10/2014 12:09

My Mum was there throughout the labour & the remaining grandparents all visited in hospital the same day. I had a horrific birth and was very ill but felt that it was important for all the grandparents to see DS as soon as he was born. And it was fine - they all got their newborn cuddles and only stayed for a little bit to give us all time to rest.

elliejjtiny · 25/10/2014 13:54

Forgot to add that I wouldn't commit to anything beforehand. With DS1, DS2 and DS3 I was desperate to show off my new baby but with DS4 and DS5 I had traumatic births and only really wanted to see DH and the other DC's

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2014 22:19

I think that is very wise advice, elliejjtiny. Every labour is different, and it can be very difficult to predict how you will feel afterwards - especially with your first one.

I love the fact that my PIL met their first grandchild when he was only 4 hours old - it is a treasured family memory. But what was right for me could be completely wrong for someone else.

I think it is vital that a woman's dh/dp is sensitive to her, and prepared to facilitate whatever is right for her at the time, whether that be visitors or no visitors.

There was a huge thread, some months ago, by a man who was desperate to get to show his son off to his parents as soon as possible after he was born, but due to tensions between his wife and his mother, his wife was saying that she wanted to be able to decide when she was ready to see her MIL, even if it took a few days. He wanted MN to help him talk his wife round, or to back him up when he said that his second option was to take the baby to meet his mum in a different room.

We did our best to explain how overwhelming an experience childbirth is, and to help him see his wife's point of view - and that she might be very unhappy at the thought of her brand new baby being taken away from her, even by is dad - but I am not sure he really understood, and I think at the end of the thread, he and his wife had temporarily separated (the baby hadn't been born at that point) - and I don't think he ever came back to tell us what happened when the baby was born, or whether they managed to sort things out.

It was a very extreme example, but he really wasn't listening to his wife's needs, and was putting his proud papa moment with his son meeting his parents ahead of his wife's feelings - a real no-no.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 25/10/2014 22:24

DF appeared with her DH and toddler twins when DD2 was 8 or 9 hours old. She'd been on babysitting call for DD2s HB. Since DD1 slept through the whole thing, they cam and chattered and the older DDs played, before she spirited DD1 of to her place for tea and DH, DD2 and me slept.

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