How soon after birth did you allow visitors?

[Bigoldsupermoon]

I'm currently waiting for my first born to arrive, and I'm just wondering about people visiting after the birth.

Obviously it depends on how everything goes/whether I'm in hospital or at home/how long it all takes, but I'd be interested to know your experiences - how soon did you have visitors, and would you do the same again?

2 weeks to house....

Best friend nipped to hospital with a whole Stilton and crackers....

I let my parents pop in hospital for a peek as I was there 4 days.

I had just parents both times. Wished more people felt they could come to visit. I found being in the hospital pretty lonely.

My lovely friend visited me on the high dependency unit on her way back from work - about five hours after a complicated elcs. She's a gp though - and the only person I would have been comfortable seeing. In fact it was very reassuring!

MIL and my two eldest the day after and frowns piping in regularly once I got home. Was really happy to see people and dh was on hand to serve drinks and snacks!

When I had ds1, MIL and FIL came to visit when he was four hours old - but they were sensible people, and I knew they wouldn't overstay, if they could see I was getting worn out.

I had ds2 and ds3 at home, both during the night, and had visitors the next day - in both cases, the older child/children had gone to friends whilst I was in labour, and they brought the boys back to meet the new baby, and that had to be pretty quickly after the birth (mid morning, if I recall correctly), so the boys would be the first people to meet their new sibling - and that meant that the friends who'd looked after the boys for us were the next people to see the new baby.

To be honest, I loved having visitors - yes, I was pretty knackered and sore after the labours (37.75 hours with ds1, 24 with ds2 and 20 with ds3), but it was lovely sharing the experience with my friends and loved ones. To be honest, I saw people when I was in labour too - MIL and FIL visited me in hospital when I was in labour with ds1 - they even bought the dog, and I walked down to the carpark (a walk that we hoped might speed labour up a bit) for a cuddle with the dog. When I was in labour with ds3, I hosted an NCT coffee morning - which was great - everyone made their own coffee and tidied up at the end for me, and it really took my mind off the contractions!

I was in hospital for 36 hours after giving birth. My mother and sister and her daughter (my niece) visited me the evening after I had DS. My other sister came to see me the following day. When we got home, my neighbour and her mum came in to see DS - I think the mother was one of those people who just can't resist a newborn, but I was happy to show DS off! Friends started coming round the following day and my father arrived at the weekend. No-one was a nuisance and I was really happy to have the company and to bask in everyone's praise for having produced such a lovely baby.

Birth went well, uncomplicated, but had no idea how whacked out I'd feel after. I'd heard of people off to shower and change after birth but I couldn't, after a few hours I managed to drag myself into the bathroom (was an ensuite so it wasn't like I had to go far!), do a basic wash but no shower, get dressed very slowly...

One of DH's relatives was visiting as he worked nearby, we get on really well, so in theory I didn't have any problem with the visit, but once he was actually there it was a bit of a struggle as I wasn't confident in getting myself from bed to bathroom without some sort of nudity occurring, in the end I sent DH out with him! Obviously DH wasn't a problem, but I felt a bit bad for sending him out and figured some company would make it better, they went to get some food. Later on I was trying to bf under my top and MW sent them out of the room as she realised I was trying to stealth bf because of his presence.

Once we were home most visits were fine, but some people's ideas of helpful didn't match ours DH still tells stories of loved ones coming to generously make us dinner, only to use every single pot, pan, dish, utensil, you name it, in the house, then leaving us with all of the washing - we have a very small kitchen, low water pressure and no dishwasher, so that kind of sucked! After that we declined the cooking offers.

I also had a relative who wasn't sure if another relative would be 'okay' with me bfing in front of them (think older male relative), and tbh I didn't really want to bf in front of them either, but rather ridiculously I chose then to whisk myself off to the bedroom for every feed. It was just me and DS in the bedroom for about 40mins every 2 hours whilst everyone chatted and ate I was still healing and could only get relatively comfortable by perching on the edge of the bed, which wasn't ideal.

But, these were all one off things, and which definitely only happened once because we learned from them! Expecting DC2 fairly soon and will be making sure none of this is repeated And nothing was awful or malicious, just not ideal.

I have just re-read my post and realised I didn't say the thing I came onto the thread to say.

I think it partly depends on the people who will be visiting. If you know your visitors will be helpful (without leaving piles of washing up, of course), won't require waiting on hand and foot, will be sensitive to,your needs and the baby's needs, and will push off when (or even before) you get tired, and if you'll enjoy seeing them and showing the baby off to them, then it's probably going to be fine to have visitors pretty soon.

If I am being totally honest, I loved being the centre of attention with the baby, so lots of visitors was fine by me. But plenty of other people want some quiet time, just them, their dp/dh and the baby, recovering and bonding - and if that is what you want, that is absolutely what you should get!

We had a nightmare when DS was born.

We asked for 24hrs after the birth, for me and DH to bond with DS, recover and start getting bf going (had made this clear all the way through the pregnancy).

Less than 12hrs after birth in barge MIL and FIL - literally barged, didn't even knock and I had to scrabble to cover up (had my chest out doing skin to skin). They don't even speak to me, snatch my son off me. Complain that he's daring to sleep when they were there, go on about how ugly he is (he's the spitting image of DH - you could confuse their baby photos, and DH was a very cute baby, so not just my motherly love making me think DS is cute), they moaned to hell when DH said he needed to change DS's nappy, told DH he was useless and doing it all wrong (he wasn't), just so mil could snatch ds back. Over 2hrs later the midwife forced them to leave because DS should have had another bf by then and they wouldn't hand him back (I physically couldn't manage and DH was petrified of them). It was horrific.

Then when we were discharged from hospital the bastards turned up again, claiming they hadn't had any "cuddles" at the hospital! Tried to snatch DS from me, so I pretended to be trying to latch him on and refused to hand him over until he'd fed. Had a go at me for not making them a cup of tea/coffee, moaned on about how useless I was for not having started cooking DH's dinner, again complained how ugly DS was and that he was boring for falling asleep. Told DH he shouldn't be tired, that he should be resting whilst the looked after him (apparently paternity leave is for the man to rest, after the tiring trauma of watching a woman give birth, whilst the woman waits hand and foot on them and does every single piece of child care), and told him to start sleeping in the spare room (on a different floor to master) so that baby definitely couldn't disturb his sleep. After an hour DH manage to pick up enough courage to get them to leave.

Thankfully DH is now estranged from his parents (they are evil through and through, the things they've done to DH, throughout his childhood and the to DH, DS and me are awful and could fill a novel or two) and he is no longer scared of them. So we won't have to deal with them again.

Posted too soon. Other people were nice and waited not only 24hrs but a whole week and were lovely when they came (although my mom stayed with us the first night home because I wanted her to and she'd been at the birth so had seen DS first - but my mom is fab in those situations and never gets in the way).

DS1 - my mum, sister and BIL, and some friends of DPs came that evening, could have done without DPs friends to be honest. My friend abd BiL came the next day. Can't remember if FiL came!

DS2 - my sister, my mum came the mornign after (he was born during the night) My SiL, my BiL and FiL all came at various points the next day, along with my friend.

Various people then came when we got home.

Only on mumsnet do I read about banning visitors!!

As soon as possible! I wanted as many people as possible to tell me how clever I was and how extraordinarily beautiful and talented my babies were- and wonderful as they were, the hospital staff just did not do this enough!

First born - my parents, in-laws and a close friend all visited when i was still in hospital. I had a two night stay due to difficulties feeding.

Second baby - same day discharge so my parents, inlaws & SILs visited me at home the same evening. Saw the rest of the family at a family party a couple of days later.

DD1 - my parents came to stay with us 3 days before she was born and left when she was 4 days old (they live hundreds of miles away). It was really helpful but got a bit much towards the end, my parents acknowledged this too! In-laws visited that evening and the rest of the families met her at various points in the first month, took her across home to meet my family at 4 weeks. I really enjoyed seeing people.

DD2 - in-laws had DD1 whilst I gave birth (homebirth, laboured through night and arrived at 10.30am) and brought her back at around 6pm that evening and they all met baby. Rest of DH's family met her at DD1's birthday party 6 days later. My parents came over 2 weeks later when DH's paternity leave ended so that I would have help for the first month. This worked brilliantly as DH works long hours. Took both the DC's across home to meet my family at 6 weeks.

Both times I've just gone with the flow and whilst there has been some stressy moments, on the whole I've enjoyed seeing people and found visitors to be mostly respectful and sensible about the fact you've just given birth. I'm expecting DC3 and it will be the same setup as with DD2.

We had people visiting us pretty much straight away with DD and I have to,say I found it a bit stressful. I had a traumatic birth and was struggling to breast feed the last thing I wanted to be doing was entertaining, and DD was asleep so much at first that people kept waking her up,to have a cuddle and she'd get quite upset. This time I'd like a few days where it's just DH, DD the new baby and our parents before what rest of the family come and visit, and we'll probably make friends wait a couple of weeks.

My blinkin' inlaws were waiting in the living room when we got home from hospital yesterday. Meaning that one of the first things my boyfriend did, was go to Sainsburys to buy stuff to make dinner for 4 people. I specifically asked them not to do this, and not stay in my house for the first two weeks - they stayed overnight in a B&B but were still far too much 'around' in the last 2 days - arrived at 10.30am this morning for example. I'm trying to be zen about it, but they wrapped my baby up in clothes they'd brought with them, took loads of photos, were here when I was walking around in my nightclothes and the midwife turned up etc. They sort of ruined my plan of me and my boyfriend staying in bed with our new baby. Ah well. I mostly ignored them, kept the baby away the majority of the time - not to be malicious, just because I wanted a 'babymoon' for the first few days, I wanted to establish breastfeeding, I wanted to catch up sleep.. I didn't want to make awkward conversation or feel that I had to help make dinner. Which is what actually happened.

My parents came to hospital my first night for 15 minutes, gave me chocolate, cuddled, then left.

No one else is welcome this week. Other family probably on Sunday.

ohthegoats i actually nearly cried for you when i read that.

I'm 4 days overdue and dreading the visitors. As in losing sleep over it.

6 hours I think. I thought I would want more time alone with my new family, but actually I couldnt wait to show DS off.

I've banned people and especially the inlaws!!

Firstly DH has children from previous relationship, has experienced the joys of time as a new family, staring at his babies without being interfered with and I want that time too.

Secondly, he didn't want my mum arriving from abroad and cramping his style so I've banned his parents until my mum gets here.
I understand people are excited but I really just want us to find our rhythm before they all start getting involved

DD born 8:45pm after a long induction and then a cs.

I had visitors - my parents - the next day. I couldn't wait to show DD off to my mum and dad. And then MIL came later that day (FIL was in hospital hence why he couldn't come). My little sister day after - then I went home.

I couldn't wait for visitors. I was desperate to show my beautiful new baby to our family and close friends.

But everyone was great - even when home no one stayed for hours, bar my mum - who came specifically for some whole days to give me a hand after the cs and when DH was at work. But she helped out, and gave me chance to sleep etc.

Likewise, when my little sister had her ds last year she couldn't wait for me and DD to go and visit - we managed to get up there n day 2.

FGS only on MN are people so arsey about bloody visitors.

I gave birth 1000 miles from home. I had no visitors for 2 weeks. I was completely on my own and it was fucking hideous.

Be grateful for good friends and family who want to visit and show support.

I can sort of see both side tbh, with DC1 there was the usual visitors in the hospital and then guests arrived after a couple of days, just one set per day though as I wanted lots of time to sleep etc. All visitors kept it short and sweet, some made cups of tea for us, most brought cake. Same for DC2.

By the time DC3 arrived the novelty had worn off and because he arrived home on a weekday everyone was busy at work (my parents had already taken time off work to have the DC's while I was in labour so they needed to go back as well). We had no visitors for almost a week, it was utterly blissful. After that I can understand why people like the idea of not having visitors for the first week or so.

My parents at the hospital the next morning after having him, in laws on the doorstop when we got home that night, best friends the next morning followed by Sil, Bil and their 3yo.

Unfortunately ds born on 22/12 so at 2.5days old we spent 7 hrs at the inlaws which ended with me being hysterical in the bathroom until dh broke me out and took me home while I howled and sobbed the whole drive home.

Take things slow OP

I didn't want to restrict visitors.

I had a CS at 10pm, so had no visitors until the next day. My bestie visited briefly around lunchtime as she was passing. She saw me but not the baby who was prem and in NICU. My parents came next and stayed for a while. My husband took them down to see the baby. My BIL came by on his way home from work and saw me and then my husband took him down to see the baby.

Everyone came from both sides of the family for ds, he was the first grandchild. It was lovely, loads of gorgeous flowers and presents. My lovely sister stayed to help for three days with both my dc and I adored her for it, was lovely having someone to help calm me down when I was worried I was getting it all wrong. Dd, hardly anyone came, obviously the novelty had worn off.

The only think I am annoyed about when I think back was SIL had a bad cold and said maybe she shouldn't come to the hospital to see ds, MIL insisted she did just so she could get her big family photo . I still seethe when I think about that.

Both our sets of parents on the same day (12hrs ish later) and siblings, etc from then and into the next day. Lovely to know how loved they were and warmly anticipated their arrivals were. Would absolutely do the same again not that I'm going to have anymore. Would have been extremely sad to be sitting there thinking no-one cared