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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

DH at birth?

86 replies

trixymalixy · 22/09/2006 16:31

I would really like my DH to be at the birth, but he is not so keen.

Although he is keen to be there in the hospital he is not so keen to be in the room as he is worried it might put him off me.

I think that he would be gutted to miss it and would like his support.

I was just wondering how many of you had had your DPs at the birth and how they felt about it and whether it had affected your sex life afterwards?

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siang · 26/09/2006 22:45

hi. i have four kids, only 2 with current boyf and he was there for both their births. have been induced with all my kids due to previous complications and had varying labours. first was very long at 32 hours and nearly had cs, 2nd was quick 2hrs15mins and difficult spent most of labour in bath, 3rd was also quick,4hrs37mins and spent whole of labour kneeling up leaning over back of bed and last one was ultra quick. was induced at 6 15pm baby born at 7 42pm. also spent leaning over back of bed as it was most comfy position- both babies were back to back. my oh nearly chinned the midwife with third baby as he hated seeing me in pain but went out for fag got over it and when he came back in he was great even cut cord. with fourth he didnt know what hit him went from zero to all in about 10 mins and actual birth was so quick no time to prepare she went from crowning to being delivered in about 10 seconds flat dont even think i had to push once. he was great overall and would not have wanted to do it without him

harrisey · 27/09/2006 14:09

My dh was there for all 3 of my births (first a ventouse, other 2 uncomplicated) and we are both glad he was. He's a doc, so the gore side didnt bother him, but he was a bit freaked out - not by the pain I was in, but that I didi it at all. HE says that in many ways he has been in awe of me ever since! He cut the cords for 1 and 2 (3 had hers round her neck so was done by the midwife) and was even invited to inspect teh stitching after them all (had 2nd degree tears with dd1 and dd2, but ds - the in between baby - was just a little one).
I was glad I had him there on a lot of levels. We had talked throught he birth a lot (he had of course seen a few births - as a med student then as a trainee Gp he had had to be at a fair few), and I knew I could count on him to be my advocate - he knew what I wanted from a birth experience - and he did that brilliantly - after a lot of reading I knew I didnt want to have an episiotomy, I would rather tear, and he was able to communicate that to the midwives. He knew I didint want an epidural and helped to talk me out of it with dd1 - my first. He was also there to see his daughters and son born, and he says while the happiest day of his life was the day he maried me, the most amazing days were those on which his children were born.

No affect on sex life, or only positive. Because we have been through the birth experience together, we are closer as a couple and of course that makes for a better sex life!!

lorina · 27/09/2006 14:15

But isnt he worried that if he doesnt come into the room to support you that you will go off him?!

shhhh · 27/09/2006 16:10

"he is worried it might put him off me"...so he's happy to be at the conception but not at the birth..??!!! IMO it's a joint effort from start to finish.

My dh wouldn't have the choice...! Yes sure it was not the best of sights but I don't think he would have had it any other way. He was my voice throughout my birth and I hope this is the case again in 4 months time. I would love to witness a birth...to see life being born but without the pain and exhaustion of it all. Sadly I will probably never get to experience it from that end..!!

newgirl · 27/09/2006 21:55

I think it is really nice to have a woman there who has been through it so your mum could be great.

My friend had her dh and her best friend and he stepped out for final bit and then came back in when baby was born. He would have been hopeless and best friend was great. He was very good at getting drinks for people and fetching things from bags and photos!! Seemed to suit them all x

pamirka · 29/09/2006 11:33

I was slightly worried that DH wouldn't want to be there because he's from a country where men don't even go near the hospital during labour... but to my relief he was very keen and even though we were there for over 24 hours and it was very long and painful, he wouldn't have missed it for the world. When the doctor was sorting me out after the birth, he held DD and I remember seeing her staring at him with such intensity. It was a real 'bonding moment'.
And now he gets to tell his male compatriots the 'gory' story of what it's like to see a baby being born

Fiona365 · 30/09/2006 14:13

Sorry to bring a downer to this, but I suggested he didn't come, as he wasn't really that keen on the whole having kids thing, but he said he wanted to be.

He was very helpful and supportive, but ended up down the business end, and we haven't had sex since, as it totally put him off, which makes me feel just lovely (13 months).

If he's not keen, don't make him. Find a supportive friend/relative.

RudiRedNose · 02/10/2006 17:44

Just remembered joking with the midwife while she was stitching me up (I was stoned on gas and air at the time) that I hoped she was being careful 'because aesthetics are very important if you know what I mean...!'

She had just finished her handiwork (stirrups still in place!) when DH appeared having popped out for 10 mins to make happy phone calls. He was not expecting to be asked to 'check' and replied with an 'errrrr sorry what am I supposed to be looking at??????' Does not seem to have affected him long term though!

Judy1234 · 02/10/2006 18:25

It's the least they can do, accede to your own wish. Tough if they don't like it.
My ex husband was there for the first three. I would have liked him to have been one of those fathers at the NCT class very into it all but he wasn't but even so I thought he must be there. With the twins he didn't want to be there and I didn't make him.

What is sad is men who don't want to be there. I know a lot of men who say it is one of the most special moments they've witnessed. They don't even have to look at any messy bits if they don't want to.

ilovedolly · 02/10/2006 19:28

I think yr dh might regret it afterwards if he doesn't attend - when people ask him about it he will realise he missed something amazing. My dh stayed at head end out of preference despite having a job where he sees 'worse' everyday. Was soo glad he was there supporting me at the time but was not so sure weeks later when he could a) do impressions of the weird groans and b) whip out the WRITTEN NOTES of all the loopy things I said which he had made over the 10 hours I was on gas and air, gibbering. What a charming fellow.

Clare78 · 02/10/2006 21:12

Husband talking: I was there and I wouldnt miss it for the world. I had active role at each end and inceased the love, care and admiration i have for my wife and other women. Tell him/them not to be a wet soft shite and get in there!!!

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