DH at birth?

[trixymalixy]

I would really like my DH to be at the birth, but he is not so keen.

Although he is keen to be there in the hospital he is not so keen to be in the room as he is worried it might put him off me.

I think that he would be gutted to miss it and would like his support.

I was just wondering how many of you had had your DPs at the birth and how they felt about it and whether it had affected your sex life afterwards?

DP says the birth of the DDs is the most wicked thing he has ever seen and he cannot wait for me to do it again

TBH he didn't actually do anything (I am the get away from me let me die in peace type of woman in labour) but just knowing he was there helped.

It actually brought us closer as we both witnessed something so brilliant and he sees me as a superwoman having given birth, it hasn't affected our sex life at all. DD2 not sleeping has done that all on her own!

I had both dp and my mum as birth partners.

Both stayed away from the 'business' end (IYSWIM)

Although it was hard on them both (not an easy birth) dp was so glad he was there.

Didn't want to cut the cord - fine with me.

But one reason I am really glad he was there is that I collapsed soon after giving birth and was unable to do skin to skin - because dp was there he could do it - and was so happy at having that amazing oppotunity.

This for me was the most important reason as to why I would want him there again.

Ds was born on dp's birthday so dp spent basically all his birthday in a delivery room . We got in there at just gone midnight.

just wanted to add - that my baby should have skin to skin contact asap after birth was very important to me.

I wasn't upset cos I missed the oppotunity (made up for it later) but if dp hadn't been there to do it I would have been devestated.

Also I really appreciated having him there and he was glad he was able to watch our son being born.

After innitiatly not wanting to be there my dh came round to the idea, i specifically told him not to look (easily done as i gave birth in maternity skirt and dd was born in her waters so not much to see) but he did see her before me (i had eyes closed every time i pushed) which was very special for him, midwife was great though even i didnt see placenta or anthing apart from liquid blood as she knew he was a bit nervy.
I was with my sil when she gave vbirth (3rd time) when i was pregnant and she had sheet on her legs so i didnt see until baby was handed to her. So it was after this i knew it could be done and was comfortable dh wouldnt get freaked out half way through.
This was in birt centre and we both gave birth on a large beanbag so i think being lower to the floor makes you (feel?) less exposed than on a bed.

My dh was at birth of my two and will be for db. To be honest never put him of sex at all even though I had thought it would. When I was having ds remember telling him not to look at the buisness end of things but he didnt really have much choice in the end..lol He says it is one of the best things he has ever witnessed and if anything makes our bond stronger.

ilovecaboose...with ys dh was the first one to have skin to skin...as I ended up with a C-section and I had added this in my Birthplan, that, for whatever reason I was unable to give skin to skin asap, then I wanted dh to do so....I always found that they have a some sspecial bond Which is fine by me, as with my other 2 I had the first skin to skin!

Dp was not there for either of my births. He was pretty sure form the outst that he would not be able to cope and if that isthe way he felt he was better off not with me. You need someone who can be a fantastic support to you and if he does not for whtever reason feel he can then he is no good to anyone on the day.
I think it is good if you can persuade him to be there and give him the option to leave if he feels he needs to.
DP came into the labour suite with me and did stay longer than I thought he would but there did come a time when he needed to leave but I had my best friend and mum there to support me through the rest of labour and as soon as DD was delivered my mum called him and he was there within minutes and as the first few minutes after birth are pretty manic anyway then I do not feel he missed out. With DS in April he stayed at home with DD as I went to hospital in the night and my mum drove me up and stayed with me.

My DH didn't want to be at the birth as he's very squeemish but he was and in retrospect I wish he hadn't been. He found the whole thing really traumatic - not just the gorey bits but seeing me in pain and not being able to do anything about it. I was so wrapped up in dealing with the labour that I didn't really even notice if he was there and he might as well as been out in the corridor (he just sat in the corner looking scared).

Think my DH is probably really at one end of the spectrum (OK, off the scale - he won't even watch me breastfeed) but they're all different. If your DP really has an issue with it, let him wait it out. He's not going to be any help supporting you afterwards if he's freaked out.

DH was there when my children were born. The first labour was really long, and DH and the midwife struck up a great friendship - I felt a bit in the way TBH!

She kept him busy by asking him to keep an eye on the monitors, or read the blood pressure reading etc.

I did get the feeling that for a lot of the time she was giving him jobs to do to keep him quiet - a bit like you would with a toddler!

For DS2's birth he was much more composed, and kept asking 'technical questions', which was just as annoying!

But I was glad he was there - he gave an air of normality to the proceedings, as both births had quite a high level of medical intervention.

My DH was rather like yours, HC - given lots of things to do to keep busy. He'd definitely wanted to be there, although did go a bit pale when he saw the needle for the epidural. I'd been worried it might put him off me, but I think he had a new-found respect once he'd seen what hard work it was giving birth. DD was delivered at 7.30 at night, and I had a massive adrenilin rush afterwards - high as a kite way into the night. Eventually he begged to be allowed to go home - I was wanting to sit up and chat until the early hours. He said he'd found it 'a tiring day'! LOL.

After Ds1 DH was so traumatised that he didn't want to be at Dd's birth. As it turned out he missed it because she was born at home very quickly. the midwife was with me to check things out after my waters broke and we told him to get some sleep before labour really startedthen it really did start, the midwife barely had time to get gloves on let alone wake DH. I was actually REALLY pleased he wasn't therei would never have imagined i'd feel like this but the first time round I didn't relax as i was so worried about him being worried about me. Hes squeamish, hates hospitals, and above all never recovered seeing someone he loved in so much pain and he describes he was terrified we were both going to die and he felt inadequate.(it never affected sex though) For no.3 we agreed he didn't have to be there. i told him i'd like his support but i'd go alone rather than put him through it. As it happens my mum was going to try and be there but lives such a long drive away she missed the actual birth and DH decided last minute to stayit was very quick again and turned out to be very healing for himi'm pleased he got to see the baby first seeing the world, and secretly delighted that he was full of admiration for me

not read all the thread but he doesnt have to be at the business end!!!

My ex, father of my kids,was always adamant he would come to the hospital but not be in the delivery room when our 1st was born. When the time came thought, he was great at keeping me calm, sorting things out and he even cried when she was born! But he wont admit to it. He was also there for our 2nd, out of choice, and was great again, our 3rd he couldnt be there for because i had an emergency section instead of my elective, and the 4th was an elective section again and he refused to come. My mum came with me that time, which was equally as good an experience, although i was disappointed. Most blokes i know that say they didnt want to be there, usually end up staying and do nothing but talk about it at every opportunity!!

My DP was present at the birth of his first ds with his ex wife. When we got together he made it clear that he found the whole thing traumatic - the pain his wife was in and tbh he's not great with the birth side of things either. He said he found it quite hard to cope with it all. Anyway, he made it quite clear that if we ever had kids he wouldn't be at the birth. Tbh, it never really bothered me. I would prefer him to do what made him happy and whatever it took for him to enjoy the experience. Imo the birth is a very small part of the whole "having a child together" thing and if he was happy not to be at the birth, then fine! We have now got a ds and dd and no he wasn't present at either of the births. He was however at the hospital both times and present in the delivery room quite frequently - he just quietly excused himself whenever there was anything messy or involving examinations. My sister was my birthing partner and she was fantastic. My dp was involved in any decisions that had to be made and was with me as soon as the baby was born. He is a fantastic dad, and I couldn't have asked him to have looked after me and our children better or to have been any more supportive after the birth. I don't feel that he has missed anything major in their lives - at the end of the day, the kids didn't know he wasn't there the minute they were born!

I do hope this message makes sense as I know I have waffled on a bit. However, the point I'm trying to make is that you have to do whatever makes you and dh happy. It worked for us the way we did it, and I'm sure whatever you do will work for you - as it does with everyone. Personally, after seeing the effect it had on him when he was pressured into being at his first ds birth, I certainly wasn't going to make him do it again. Everyone has a choice, and if your dh decides he doesn't want to be in the delivery room, then ask him to just be "around" and have a good friend or relative in there with you.

Good luck with whatever you decide together.

To start with ds's dad didn't want to be there at the birth so I asked my mum if she would be there with me instead. As the pregnancy progressed ds's dad mellowed and decided that he would like to be in there after all, but only at the top end as he's very squeamish. When ds was born I had his dad on my left and mum on my right, and I can still remember ds's dad saying 'it's a boy' and breaking down in floods of tears as if it was just yesterday! It didn't put him off being present in the future and it was something I thing he would have regretted had he not been there. Saying that though, I did have an epidural and gas and air so the pain wasn't as bad as it could have been, which probably made a difference. My mum certainly enjoyed (if that's the right word??) being in the delivery room and she even touched ds's head as he was crowning. She thought it was absolutely amazing and still thanks me to this day for letting her be there at the birth of her grandson!!

As for the sex life, ds was born in the October and I bled for 8 weeks afterwards and ds's dad just didn't want to do it and to be honest neither did I, but after about 11-12 weeks it was fine and back to normal.

My dh was present for each of our three children. He was a fantastic support and I was glad to have him there. He was a bit nervous with the first, but he copes well under pressure! He cut the cord on our first, got covered in gunk with our second (my waters flew out and covered both him and the midwife!! and he was actually just permenantly in a headlock with our third!! (no time for any pain relief whatsoever)
He said he would never have missed them for the world, and cried like a baby after each!
As for a sex life it seems to have taken it to a different level, because now we really are a special team!

My DH (DP at the time) was there when DD was born, tbh, it wasn't even mentioned that he wouldn't be. I can't guarantee how I would react to him saying he didn't want to be there but i don't think it would be a particularly pleasant response, after all, the men are half the reason we are there in the first place.

My DH was amazing and it was a good job too because I seemed to go from having the most amazing midwife to have the bitch from hell just as I started pushing, she was crap beyond belief, telling me "Its mean to be hard, that's why its called labour!" - I wont tell you what my response to that was .....

My personal opinion is that partners should be there, its not a situation a woman gets into on her own so why should he just bottle out because he's squeemish. We don't particularly like passing melons through polos but we have to do it

Oh btw, I'm 32 weeks pregnant with number 2 and DH will be there - again, its not even been suggested that he wouldn't be. Although he will stay head end, he had a peek down business end last time and nearly fainted, I caught him hanging over the sink splashing his face with cold water .

Yes my DH was at the birth. He had always said he would be there but did not want to go 'business end', i.e. he categorically did not want to see MY lady bits in that way. He was worried it might affect our sex life. He's a medical professional and had seen babies be born, so knew what to expect. I was fine with his decision. However, when it came down to it and I was actually giving birth, he couldn't help but see what was going on 'down there', unless he had completely looked the other way. I didn't care at the time. He saw dd's head come out and then the rest of her. He said it really wasn't that bad, and now, he is actually really glad that he did see that. Previous to birth, he was very unemotional man, never shed a tear (not even at sight of me on our wedding day as a lot of men do!!! ha ha!), but when dd was born, he cried. That meant sooo much to me.
It definitey hasn't affected our sex life. we had sex for the first time 6 weeks after dd born. I kept asking him if I felt 'different' (i.e. bigger??!!) but he reassures me it feels the same (suprisingly, he must be lying!)
Personally I think partners SHOULD be present, it's their baby too, and if they're worried they might not cope with it all, tell them it's nothing compared to shitting a melon!!!!
I think it helps them bond with baby, and also they should appreciate what we go through. My labour was pretty straightforward, but still bloody hard work and painful!!! Good luck!

My head is saying "Don't force the issue, if he feels uncomfortable then fine, get a more reliable birth partner" etc etc but a more primal part of me is screaming "TELL HIM TO GET A BLOODY GRIP OF HIMSELF, STOP BEING A WIMP AND FACE UP TO HIS RESPONSIBILITIES!"
But seriously, it's not that much to ask of him, given your side of the bloody bargain!!

Dh was at both births, although I have to say he was far less keen 2nd time around. 1st time he was up the head end, not watching the action IYSWIM but he was pretty traumatised by some emergency bits and felt he was completely useless. He wasn't he was brill and just having someone there to hold my hand, who wasn't involved in the action was truly important.
He was there for the 2nd birth, and a much better experience it was for both of us. He still kept his eyes well averted from the birth itself, he was there to support me, not to watch.

Before birth of DS,DP was adamant he didnt want to be there.He is squeamish at the best of times.I was upset but thought oh well,if he really doesnt want to I cant force him.When it came to it he did actually come with me.At the end he was clutching a leg and yelling "Push" with the midwife! Bless him.He really surprised me and I really appreciated his support.He was there for dd as well,her delivery was so quick we were both in shock I think!!!Your dh is probably anxious about the unknown.I hope he suprises you and mellows as it gets nearer the big event.The look on dps face when he saw both dc(especially as he got to hold dd before I did) was priceless and I know he would regret not having been there.
The only thing that affected our sex life was having two children under the age of three ha ha.

My DH was petrified that he would see blood or needles - not a real macho one my man!! We agreed that he would stay up my end the whole time - that was where I wanted him to be anyway. He ended up being amazing and even took a peek and saw DS's head emerging in an act of immense bravery. He wouldn't have missed it for the world and as for being 'put off me' the whole experience seems to have had the opposite effect....

dh was at both. found dd1 incredibly stressful - felt powerless and scared - hospital birth, machines and interventions. dd2 was somewhat different - homebirth but midwife didn;t get there in time, so dh delivered her. apparently the most amazing, exhilarating thing he's ever done. In fact, in the same way as a good second birth can be healing for women, I think it was healing for him too. Neither remotely put him off me or sex. Childbirth is such an amazing experience - sharing in it is not an opportunity that's likely to come his way all that often. I think he could regret missing it.

Hi guys, this was a high topic in our family a few weeks ago, My DH is going to be with me, and wants to be the only one, this I do not mind, he calms me down so will be great i think. He does not want to go down the other end though, I keep trying to tell him it is such a fantastic thing (ask me again afterwards!!)The thing was also that my mum thought she could come in and help, but DH doesn't really want this, My mum was quite upset but i think we'v sorted it now. Dont need anymore difficulties going on in the room do we!