Midwife wants me to have a homebirth!

[Redlorry75]

My midwife - who I really really like has suggested a home birth. But I am not happy about it.

It would solve the logistics problem of what to do with DD - but then again:

1. dont want DD to see or hear me in pain
2. what if something went wrong
3. where abouts in the house would I have it
4. the mess!

I have seen some truly awful programmes where the mum has the older sibling in the room at the time and I feel so sorry for the child - my dd will be 3 - having to witness mummy like that, I worry it will put thme off in years to come.

I do want to stay home as late as possible so I am not away from DD until necessary or am not hanging around in a labour ward waiting for it to happen.

TBH would be happy to have DH drive me to hospital and arrive just as head is crowning and give birth in the carpark or lift!

maybe she is training in homebirths and needs some to tick off the boxes (in the nicest possible way! she obviously thinks you are a great candidate)

but she cannot force you to do anything yuou dont want to

there are a few here on mn who have had homebirths, maybe they could give yousome good advice/tips

good luckx

She shouldn't be pressurising you. Do whatever you want to. Would be mad to have a home birth if you didn't want to.

Midwife has suggested it as an option but if you are not comfortable with it then you don't do it.

Did you have a fast labour before?

Midwives are prepared for the 'mess' at home so that shouldn't be a worry. If you are well and the pregnancy is normal you are not at more risk of something going wrong. Homebirths tend to have less interefernce that hospital. You would know at the time where you want to be - doesn't need to be bedroom. Often siblings sleep though it all

Thanks for advice so far.

DD labour was 7 hours and midwife - who is very mature - been there done that, say it like it is (which is why I like her) has said this time round I will halve that. Am not scared of labour - baby is in there it has to get out and pain is part of the process.

Thinking about it maybe I dont want to offend or disapoint my midwife! When my friend had a homebirth she was there for her even though it was her DH's 60th birthday party. She really is lovely.

DH is also against a homebirth as like me is v. worried in case something goes wrong.

Very unlikely for anything to go wrong but if you and DH do not want to try homebirth then it is definitely not for you. Midwife will get obver it

Hi
I think you need to stop worrying over what will happen 'if something goes wrong'. We are conditioned into thinking labour is somehow an unnatural and risky event, which of course it needn't be if you have an experienced midwife.
Do you have a neighbour you could leave DD with if you think it's getting a bit much? I understand your concern about her seeing you in pain, but if you went into hospital and baby came when she was sleeping anyway you might be a bit disappointed that you hadn't gone for it (of course I don't know you and I can't presume that).
You probably won't even know yourself where to have it until it's coming. Then you'll make up your mind! And contrary to popular belief, it's not that messy. This is usually a concern of the husband's, as he's scared he'll have to clear it up! I give talks on home birth at my local birth centre and it's always the husbands who ask about the mess. Save an old shower curtain and some towels and use them. The midwife will clean up any mess-you and DH won't have to do anything like that.
Whatever you decide, good luck

Its up to you!
You shouldn't feel pressured by your midwife.
It is VERY unlikely that things will go wrong -but if they do, then you're better off in hospital.
Whilst labour is entirely natural, it is risky.
How long would it take you to get to hospital?
How would you feel about being at home?
Where would you feel happiest?

p.s If you do decide to go for it the Mary Cronk (independent MW) website advises using that plastic covered cloth stuff that you can get for covering tables etc as it has one plastic side and one non slip side (she also says you can machine wash it then use it under the high chair later!)

Slightly odd this - usually people come on here wanting to know how to fight for their right for a home birth! Mine was at least 1000 times better than the previous (hospital) one but it's totally up to you. Btw, the midwives make sure there is no mess. And I had mine leaning against my sofa. And ds slept through it. And we live near a hospital. GOOD LUCK!

Hi there...now I think, personally, it's great that you have such a pro Homebirth m/w They don't come about to often!
Anywya, in the end it is your decision, but why don't you just go with Homebirth and if you do decide to go to Hospital afterall, it's not a problem at all to do that...it's much harder to organise it the other way round, iykwim!
Your dd does not have to be there at all if you prefer for her to be with someone else...often it is advcied that you have someone for older siblings anyway, so, that you can concentrate on labour and Birth
For your worrys about somehting going wrong...IF that would happen then your m/w will be aware of this at a much earlier stage, as you will have 1-2 m/ws with you that are there just for you, so, they will be very aware of how you are doing and what is happening, and IF there was to be somehting that would worry them, then there is no problem to transferre to Hospital!

I think that's a good point 3andnomore. How near do you live to the hospital? Plus of course nothing is set in stone. You've already said you want to stay at home for as long as possible, so why don't you just leave it at that and see how you get on? Your midwife sounds lovely and I'm sure she'd say that you can change your mind at any point.

Plus of course you can have your cup of tea made just how you like it [WINK]

Oops emoticon didn't work. Try again:

That's better.

I don't think home births solve the problem of what to do with the other children - despite all the 'oh everyone gives birth at night stories', not everyone does, actually. I laboured through an afternoon with my second (home) birth, and was very glad I'd sorted out somewhere else for DD1 to be.

re the other children.

i had to transfer with dd because, among other things, I was sooo worried about ds hearing me and getting upset that the labour not only failed to progress, but reversed...5 cm-3 cm...

(she was also spine to spine, so that did not help matters)

Having said that, I was there when my little brother was born (oooh, 25 years ago today!) and I was not scared at all. My non-godmother was there to look after me, but actually she looked after my mum. I do remember my mother being in pain but was not even slighly concerned by it. I was 4 and 2 days.

Oh, from what I have heard and seen , the mvs are really really good about clearing up mess.

and that was a HV and my mother is adamant she screamed the place down.

(top floor of a london council block too...)

home birth even....

Oh, my home birth was fabulous. But it did involve some of the same logistical complications as a hospital birth.

I'd really recommend this website www.homebirth.org.uk It goes into lots of detail about the safety, practicalities of childcare, mess etc. Having had hospital births and a home birth I would choose a home birth any day - you are less likely to need pain relief, and much less likely to need interventions such as forceps, ventouse etc. Just by booking a home birth you reduce your chance of needing a c-section by 50%, yet it is statistically as safe for you and the baby as a hospital birth.

HOWEVER, if you do not feel comfortable with it, then don't, as if you feel anxious then you are probably more likely to need the above interventions! But I would really encourage you to keep an open mind until you've had a look through the website.

Message withdrawn

If you don't want a homebirth then don't have one, please don't feel pressurised into something you don't want.

I had a homebirth 8 months ago
DD1 who was 18 mo slept right through it all despite me screaming the place down
as someone else said you have a MW with you at all times
I had DD2 on my bed was on my hands and knees for most of it then turned around as she was coming out
MWs cleaned all the mess as I had a shower they remade the bed and DD2 and I got in absolute bliss, there was no mess at all.

I would echo what sweetkitty says. it is important that you feel comfortable in the place in which you give birth.
My last baby was born at home and it was a wonderful experience. I normally suffer from some degree of pnd but it did not happen after the home birth.
There was very little mess and what there was the midwives cleared up. My other children were awake at some point but none of them said they heard any noise and infact being able to see the baby within minutes of her birth has made them incredible close to her.
I think I made LESS noise at home than in the hospital because I felt relaxed and not at all frightened.

Redlorry75 You could have been me posting, the GP even suggested the same!! Thanks now you've saved me the trouble . I don't know how old your 3 yr old is but my child at 2 and a bit ended up being there (accidently) when I had my last(not at home) and FWIW he doesn't remember a thing. (As evidenced by the fact he recently asked me how I was going to open my tummy?! to let the baby out). If this isn't clear it's because I'm expecting again.

Haven't read the whole thread. Have had 2 hbs. Logistically similar to having a hospital birth - children went off to friends' houses each time. No mess, mws sorted that out. We live 1/2 a mile from the hospital, so argued that if something did go wrong there was very little distance to transfer. Had the baby in our bedroom.

I definitely didn't want the children at home, you need to be able to think about yourself.

If you're not comfortable with the idea, then go for a hospital birth, but if you think it's something you might like then go with the idea for a bit - you're not committing to anything, and you can always transfer even in labour, so have a think about it!

Do what you and dh feel most comfortable with. IMO a homebirth always carries some risk both for you and your baby as there will be no immediate backup. The probability that you need this might be very small, however nobody knows until you have given birth. Also it is worth remembering that midwives do not receive the same extensive training as doctors and might think that you are low risk whereas a doctor might see this differently. Personally I wouldn't want a homebirth, but again, everybody is different. Good luck ith whatever you do.