Midwife wants me to have a homebirth!

[Redlorry75]

My midwife - who I really really like has suggested a home birth. But I am not happy about it.

It would solve the logistics problem of what to do with DD - but then again:

1. dont want DD to see or hear me in pain
2. what if something went wrong
3. where abouts in the house would I have it
4. the mess!

I have seen some truly awful programmes where the mum has the older sibling in the room at the time and I feel so sorry for the child - my dd will be 3 - having to witness mummy like that, I worry it will put thme off in years to come.

I do want to stay home as late as possible so I am not away from DD until necessary or am not hanging around in a labour ward waiting for it to happen.

TBH would be happy to have DH drive me to hospital and arrive just as head is crowning and give birth in the carpark or lift!

Animalfarm...can I just point out at this point, that at a homebirth m/w's, because they solely concetrating on that one woman, will see much earlier if there is any problem going to occur...whereas in Hospital there might be all the equipement, but tis no good if the m/w's rush from one woman to the next ,trying their mighty best, and often things are not followed as closely and they are more lilely to be really stressed etc....too....and therefore a potential problem might just get picked up much later then at a homebirth, with ample time to transfer!
Also,a lot of problems do occur due to Hospital policys and Intervention happyness, which do not happen at a Homebirth!
also, Baby's are much more likely to get ill after a Hosptialbirth, i.e.Mrsa infections...!
Not saying everyone should have a Homebirth, just that it shows just how conditioned we are to see Birth as somehting dangerous and somehting that in most occasions it isn't or wouldn't be if we wouldn't be in a Hospital in the first place!

When I was pregnant with 2nd child, my mw suggested a home birth. I was horrified and immediately said no. All I could think of was 'what about the mess?' However, 7 months into the pregnancy I began to read some threads on mn about home births and it led me to reconsider. Am I glad I did!!! My dd was born 3 weeks ago at home in a birthing pool with only gas and air for the last 10 minutes. I was so relaxed being in my own home. I could move about wherever I liked, and because it was during the day, ds went out with his nannan and grandad. There was no sense of panic or need to rush to get to the hospital (tbh I don't think I would have made it!). DD was born at 1.38 that afternoon after starting in labour at 11am. Both mw's that came were excellent and one was my community mw I had seen at clinic throughout my pregnancy so we knew each other well.

As for the mess - what mess? The mw's cleaned everything up (what bit there was - it was mainly in the pool!) while me and dh sat on our sofa drinking champagne whilst holding my little girl. It was also nice to go upstairs into my own bathroom and use my own toilet and shower - and then get into my own bed!!! DH later cleaned out the pool but he didn't mind. The look on ds face when he returned was priceless. Instead of mummy with a big tummy there was mummy with a smaller tummy (but still big!) and a little sister for him to look at. Also, was able to have both sets of grandparents there afterwards at the same time without hospital staff saying stuff about only 2 allowed to a bed.

If I can cope with a home birth, anyone can. I hate muck and dirt with a vengence and if I see blood, especially my own, have been known to go a funny colour! I would DEFINITELY recommend this to others. My ds was a water birth in hospital which was OK at the time, but pales into insignificance when compared with dd. As for things that can go wrong at home - things go wrong in hospital as well you know. Nothing is certain and every birth is different. No amount of reading books or listening to numerous birth stories will help as it is purely a personal experience.

As others have already said on this post, because you are more relaxed, you tend not to be as tense and make as much noise as you thought you would. With my first, I remember making a lot of noise in the hospital, with my 2nd at home, I hardly made any noise.

Sorry, this has turned into an essay . At the end of the day, it's your decision and if you're not happy about a home birth then don't do it.

animalfarm - midwives are extensively trained in normal childbirth of which doctors know very little about. They certainly know who is high risk. Doctors and midwives work in partnership - normality is the midwives remit - abnormality is the doctors.

Redlorry - have not read all the replies
But I can say

1. that most HB are at night (especially if yu don't want DD to see it... your brain won't let you go into labour until you feel safe) and anyway you can always have someone pick her up if it's daytime... as you would if you went to hospital
2. HB are statistically safer for low risk pregnancies (and have a very low rate of transfer for 2nd time mums... and transfer does not mean an emergency either BTW!) as MWs are actually looking after you... they haven't got anywhere else to go. Very often incidents happen because of over management/over medicalisation (for example combi of synto and epidural is not a baby's favourite !!!! they do get distressed) - or becasue they are just too busy!
3. Well that is up to you.... bedroom, lounge, bathroom.
4. MWs leave the house tidyer than when they came... believe me I've witnessed that!

Your MW would not suggest if she had any reason to worry of any difficulty!

My last client (I am a doula) opted for the birth centre - e had discussed a home birth but she really was not interested, she didn't want a home birth.... the 1st thing she said the morning after the birth "I should have had a home birth!!!" The ward was noisy - only 2 other mums but hey babies cry, her bed was more comfy, her food tastes better!

When my dd was born she was delivered by the SHO because she had been on her labour ward rotation for several weeks and had never been present at a normal, straightforward, uncomplicated birth. Doctors are not experts in childbirth, they are experts in problematic childbirth. Midwives deal with women going through it everyday, without the need for a doctor to be present.

Redlorry, I'm half toying with the idea of a homebirth because dd was 3 hours from start to finish. Ds had taken 33 hours so the info about halving it, especially with your second, may be worth thinking about. A planned homebirth is less stressful thatn an unplanned one!!

My DDs homebirth was really great but I really wnated it and DH was pretty supportive.

My bestfriend came and looked after my DS, I gave birth listening to Thomas the Tank Engine on constant replay downstairs. DS was 2 yrs 9 months btw.

Hi again I will now try and post somethig that makes sense instead of my previous post. Havn't had a homebirth but from what I've read you can give birth where you want and the mess doesn't seem to be an issue. What I was trying to say is that my LO wasn't bothered by seeing me in labour but he was very small, it was very quick, thankfully nothing went wrong and he haad been dragged out of bed at 4am. If anything does go wrong then you would need to transfer to hospital by ambulance (so you would need to give that some thought as to how far it is) things are unlikely to go wrong not least because only people for whom there is no actual or predicted problem are "allowed" to have a HB. From what I have read you are ment to be able to get someone in to look after other children, if that is not possible then should something to wrong I guess your DH would be expected to make his own way to hospital with them rather than go in the ambulance.

Don't feel pressured into anything your not comfortable with. You might find this useful

I'd hoped for a hospital water birth but had an unplanned homebirth with DS because he came so quickly (less than 4 hrs from very first twinge). Luckily I'd been to active birth classes so wasn't scared of having him at home and it was a very positive experience.Our bath and a warm showerhead run over my lower back during contractions served well for most of the birth but we were unprepared and had no groundsheets and no proper birthing pool. Yes it did get a bit messy, but mostly because I had a retained placenta and had to stagger around with a clamped cord and a bucket for a bit (not ideal!) Insurance happily paid to clean the carpets and replace the posh wedding gift White Co towels that got trashed! We did end up going in to hospital by ambulance to have the placenta removed manually - but my point is once the midwife called it, it arrived superquick and I was at the hospital in 7 minutes. I'm expecting number 2 in April and my midwife has actually told me they'd prefer me to have a home birth given the likely speed. I'm looking forward to it, but hoping to be better prepared this time mind!

Hi redlorry75 the choice is yours but like 3andnomore says why not book h/b and hospital you might feel like a h/b nearer the time.
My experience was a good one and what a talking point. "Where was your baby born? just there on the lounge floor delivered by my d/h!"
Thank goodness i didn't go to hospital my dd would have been born in a freezing car (mid jan)3am on the way to hospital.
Midwife was on the way when i needed to push took m/w recommendation to ring 999 if i needed to push, ambulance arrived 2 mins after, girl on phone was fantastic and we made the local rag
As for the mess (what mess?)we used decorating sheets and old towels which were rolled up and taken by the m/w to be incinerated
My 4 yr ds slept through the lot and when he woke in the morning looked into the moses he said wow its magic there is a baby in here. its like christmas.
if there are complications my local hospital transfers you 20 miles up the road so i felt my house was closer and i would have had an ambulance anyway so whats the difference.
hope all goes well with you and don't worry just enjoy the experience.

My DD1 was a 7 hour labour. I ummed & aahed about having no. 2 at home but chickened-out. I have a fabulous midwife-led unit 10 minutes away so I didn't exactly choose a hospital but I felt a bit safer. Labour no. 2 was much quicker - 3 hours - and I only stayed in for the required 6 hours.

With my third baby I was confident enough to have a home birth. It was brilliant. Born in the bath, in under an hour, other children asleep but I had a neighbour in just in case, DH completely relaxed, midwife only just arrived in time! Lovely to be in my own bed and new baby slept across me for 7 hours straight. Utterly fab.

Forgot to add the important bit... so just do what you are most comfortable with. Good luck.

well only have one if you want one! had one myself so wd highly recommend it (and looking bakck i was in some ways "talked into" it by a couple of mws - but that's becuase i was wavering anyway).

Hi Everyone,

I have read this entire thread, from my second posting on Friday and thank you all for your advice, support and encouragement - have given myself a bit of a headache - but it was worth it. From being 80/20 against a HB on Friday I am now 50/50. Have 28 wk appointment tomorrow so will talk over with M/W, whom I am really fond of and have complete faith in. I am not worried for me with complications as am strong of body and mind when it comes to pain - however worry for baby. DH is still right against HB, but that could be because when DD was crowing in hospital they bought him dairylea on toast and a cup of tea. I just had the capri-sum I took in and was rationed on that in case I needed pain relief and was sick. So think as a typical man he;s worried who will be there to fuss over him and make him toast

Still I will let you all know what comes of my conversation tomorrrow - I might go with the suggestion to book both and hang about at home until I have to make a choice - dont I make it sound casual.
For those that asked:
The hospital is about 10-15 minutes away by car
And DD will be 3 and 2.5 months at my due date

Speak to you soon.

Waits patiently...

rofl at your comment about your dh....but that could well be the possible reason...lol...tell him there are 2 m/w's and they are often also really nice and look after the hubby if he is busy with the mum
Also, maybe it would help your dh to talk to other men who's Partners/Wifes have had a Homebirth....I daren't put my own dh forward, as our Homebirth didn't quite work out, even though he is still comepletely with me, when I am saying that, should we ever have another, we will try for HB again....so, he isn't to traumatised, lol!

I'll volunteer my dh if you like. I'm sure he would only have good things to say about our hb experience, expecially compared to our hosp exp.

I'm 11 wks with no2,and mw has suggested HB, which I'm really in favour of.DS was induced,and it was a very long labour, which resulted in using suction to get him out! so it didn't feel very personal, but very happy at same time that everything was ok. DH is supportive of HB but has some reservations (think he's of the mind "what if something goes wrong") my mw excellent and said theres no pressure. But agree with other posts, its better to say yes to HB first and then if you want to go to hosp during labour,its no big deal. my DH is coming with me to mw appts nearer the time to get a better understanding of HB - might be an idea for yours to do the same? Good luck with everything, and at the end of the day, its your choice

I am planning to have a homebirth next month. My DH was quite nervous so I brought him to meet the midwife and she answered all his questions and now he is really into the whole idea.

Having said that - it's about how YOU feel. I was a bit wary initially but I have the horrors about giving birth in the middle of the night and DH being turfed out. Think I would get very weepy etc if I had to say goodbye to him! This is my first, so can't say how I would deal with the other kids issue.

Just thought I would update you. DH is slowly coming round to the idea, and I am more in favour every day.

My fav MW has said she will be there along with her maternity asistant. She has told me to tell DH not to worry about anything going wrong as she knows what to look for, and that all he has to worry about are cups of tea and lean bacon sandwiches after the event! He even smiled at that!

If I am still feeling this way at 36 weeks she will come round and speak to us at home and talk about what will happen etc. Feeling more inclined towards this all the time...1.5 weeks to go then!