Eeny's birth story - venting!

[eenywifemum]

Hi there! Ok here is my birth story, thanks for listening I really feel I need to write it down and just talk about it. I have to say though I KNOW that it was not nearly as bad as some women's but it was bad for me, IYKWIM. This will be so long but I have to write it all out, thanks for reading if you can be bothered!

I was planning a waterbirth at a lovely MW unit - Wed the 2nd at 35 weeks I started trickling liquid - phoned a MW who said it didnt sound like waters as it wasnt enough so could just be watery discharge. She said if it was waters I would be filling up pad after pad. This carried on for days - I posted about it here and most everyone was saying it sounded like waters. I phoned back a few times and MW said the same again and said there wasnt any point in going to get examined unless I REALLY wanted to as she was sure it wasnt waters. Agaisnt the sound advice on many MNers I didnt go in to get examined as I was trying not to be paranoid.

Saturday it increased a lot - phoned again and she said it sounded like a show. Again to stay home, no problem. Sunday I started gushing. Phoned again and was told to come in ASAP as it was my waters!

Went in and confirmed they had broken - the previous Wednesday - so I had already gone 5 days. I stayed in hospital overnight and was induced the next morning. First they tried a pessary which didnt work. Then they put me on the oxytocin drip, fetal monitor etc. They also had me on a moniter to moniter contractions which NEVER worked. According to that I never experienced a single contraction. After several hours my contractions came so fast one after another and ungodly painful with no break. It was hell. I went with it for hours but it was getting so bad.

Was examined and only 4cm so I asked for an epidural. Woman came in to give it to me - at this point I honestly thought I had gone to hell I was in so much pain it was unreal. And I have a very high tolerance for pain in general. To make a long story short, the epidural failed.

I was totally paralysed from the waist down but felt every single contraction, push etc along my left side - the right side was the only one that numbed. So I went through many more hours of labor like that, on my back, unable to move but feeling everything. Gas and air was helping but I had to limit it as it was making me throw up a lot so basically there was nothing we could do. My DH and I just cried it was so awful I know this sounds dramatic but it was like torture.

Baby's heartbeat started to drop so a doctor was called in. She wanted to put a clip on his head to monitor the heartbeat and we didnt want this so Sal insisted she examine me first as they hadnt checked to see how dilated I was for hours. Turns out I was 10cm so it was time to push. Doctor gave me an hour to have the baby out or she said she would use forceps or a section - WITH NO PAIN RELIEF???? I would have refused forceps as I am terrified of them.

An hour later and still no baby. The lovely MW who was with us the whole time gave me another half an hour before she called the DR. back. Still no baby although I was pushing with everything I had. MW said one more half hour then it would have to be section. Finally Alex was born - and I was as you can imagine elated and exhausted and I have never loved anything like him in my whole life. I'm sure you all know the feeling.

Then I had problems delivering the placenta - out of exhaustion really. It finally came out, inside out. Alex was on my chest at my nipple and I started losing a lot of blood. I dont remember much about that part of it but I remember feeling like I was possibly going to die and I felt really quiet and just wanted to hold my baby. Sal and the MW were at the foot of the bed talking while she was continually changing the pads I was laying on. Eventually it stopped and we were taking to the post natal ward where they gave me my own room which was great as I really needed some peace and I wouldnt have got that on the ward. Alex was born 6lb 6oz which is quite a good size for a 36 week baby!

A few hours later they came and told me Alex would have to go on a drip for anti-biotics - they said it was just a formality etc. Sal and I werent keen on it as we wanted to go home and didnt want our little baby to have a needle in him. When it was explained to us better why he needed it we of course agreed although we were sad.

After a few days in hospital we took him to get his injectin and they asked us to leave him with them rather than stay with him as we normally did. We reluctantly agreed and went to wait in the parents room. After a long long wait we heard him shrieking - we had left him asleep. I went in the room and was horrified to see a nurse cutting his foot - not heel prick, CUTTING with a small razor like knife while he screamed.

No one EVER told me they were doing this or asked my consent or anything!! I ran to him and took him and he calmed instantly and I was sobbing and saying basically, 'How dare you do that to my baby without my consent'

She said most parents didnt want to see it and I said well I would have, I would have wanted to stay with him and it isnt your choice its mine and how dare you cut him without telling me first. She I believe actually became appalled at her own judgement and was literally on her knees on the floor in front of the chair I was rocking Alex in while I sobbed and she was saying 'Please forgive me I shouldnt have done that' When she apologised to Sal as well she said to him 'Eeny is even more upset because today all her hormones are all over the place' and he said 'Well I havent got any hormones rushing all over the place and I am just as upset and furious'

Ironically the whole reason she was cutting him was for a test that didnt need doing. Which she didnt realise til after the fact. So it was a totally unecessary thing. And I DID know it didnt need to be done so if she would have told me she was about to do it I could have prevented it.

My poor baby I just wanted him to come into the world and be loved and instead he had that. I'm sorry for the parents on here who have had babies in a much worse position than mine, I am not trying to take away what you went through but I am still broken hearted remembering him screaming like that. Then we came home and he had the problems feeding which I posted another thread about.

Also while I was in hospital I was told by 3 MW's I was spoiling him by holding him so much and I was making a rod for my own back. What?? Sorry?? Holding a preemie newborn baby too much? WTF? I dont think I can ruin his character at that point in his life!

Basically after the very painful birth I spent the following days being lectured on spoiling my baby and watching a stranger cut his foot amongst all the rest. It was the hardest experience of my life.

Thanks for listening, if you've made it this far!

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oh dear hun... at least its over and you can give your baby 1000000000's of kisses and cuddles and love now. My epidural failed, but I was lucky as they did 2 special top-ups via injection or something... and most the MWs were nice. I was scared to hold DS in hospital but was told I COULDNT spoil him. I did have one mean cow who had a go at me after DH went home because id moved DSs cot next to me and later that night she took DS off me when I was BFing and gave him formula because it was taking too long! Needless to say I got out asap to get home with DS and feed in peace! I even refused a blood transfusion to get home sooner. But thats noting compared to yours. I know its hard to forget, but you have a lovely baby now and are now warm and safe at home together. Baby will forget the pain. You've been through the worst of it now. Its all over. (((hugs for you and baby)))

oh eeny, i hope it helped to get that all out. during my induction my epidural only worked on one side as well and when they topped it up with morphine it made me vomit constantly... you have my sympathies.
also, my dd needed to have heel prick tests every hour which i did not enjoy watching, so a cut sounds really horrid indeed. she was only two weeks early and 6lbs 6oz as well, so we have a bit in common.
the funny thing is that i remember telling my friend the day after the baby was born how SORE it had all been, but i know that a few weeks later it had all faded. i was saying on here to someone just the other week that i had enjoyed (!) my induction, because i have forgotten pretty much everything except the good bits.

i do hope that happens for you too, and congratulations on having a new baby to spoil...

my DS was 6lb 6 oz too oh ,and I too was sick EVERYWHERE.

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Oh dear, eenywifemum. Sorry to hear you went through that. The cutting test thing made me very . There are so many people have to stick their oar in on how to bring kids up, even the professionals. Just ignore them! Awww, give him an extra cuddle from me!

You cuddle your baby as much as you want to and don't be told by midwives (who perhaps don't know what its like to have a baby) what you can and can't do to your own child.
You've been through a really difficult time.
Just enjoy baby as they're so special.
I was told the same as you with my first child, but i never listened!!!!!
If i didn't cuddle him he cried constantly as soon as you tried to put him down.
He was in our bed for most of the first year and i loved every minute of it.
Sadly my second child was stillborn.
I then went on to have two more children, both girls.
They had lots of cuddles, but the first one slept through the night from 6 wks and i was desperate to have her in with me!!!!
The next one had reflux (projectile vomiting after every feed) so you had to keep her upright for upto an hour after each feed.
More cuddles.
You cuddle your little one as much as you can and enjoy.
My baby is 3 years old and loves cuddles!!!
Sorry to go on.

I was told that you can't spoil a wee baby, so cuddle him loads!! Even if thats not true, so what, baby's deserve to be spoiled!
What a crap experience for you, it probably won't be that bad if you have anymore (hopefully this won't have put you off)!

eeny, what a tough time you have had. Well done for coping so well with the pain, you sound as if you did amazingly and well done on bringing Alex into the world!

i'm sure the regrets about how you and he were treated will be less 'sharp' in time and will fade a bit but I would say talk about it as much as you need to; life moves fast with a newborn to care for but you mustn't gloss over it.

Best of luck and enjoy all the cuddles you can!

Eeny - you just give that little baby of yours as many cuddles as you can. Sounds like you had a horrible time and you both need some cuddles any way.

MW (sorry to offend) can be bloody horrible some times - and so can most medical staff (if MIL is any one to go by).

Honey - you have lots of rest and sounds like Sal is lovely... lots of cuddles all round for everyone I think x x x

eeny - this sounds horrible (and sadly familiar - my first birth experience was a lot like yours and I went on to have my subsequent babies at home)

I know how washed out a pph makes you feel - are you taking Floradix? Eating well? You need to take it easy and get over it all physically and emotionally.

Sparkle is right - the upset about the cutting will fade in time, but it's so awful at the time, isn't it? When my dd2 was born blood tests needed to be done, and they had to stab her over 20 times until they found a vein. It was grim.

I'm sorry you had such a sh*t time. Make sure you look after yourself well.

oh eeny honey

That's dreadful.

I don't know if you remember commenting on my birth story (I posted if after wondering whether I could trust the hospital or a local MW-led unit again) but I had similar things happen - was told needed a CS which never happened, was paralysed (although by pethidine not epidural) and was shouted at for having crying baby etc.

I know it's hard now but while your experience will make you more wary, you will look back on it as at least you have a happy healthy baby. I do look at ds and think 'well it all worked out didn't it' even though I'm bricking it at the thought of the same hospital again!

I was sobbing at the bit with alex's foot, poor you and Sal. xxxx when ds was in for 5 days after birth, they kept on taking him for 'tests' (no idea what tests) up to the SCBU, but said we weren't allowed to go. This time round, if I don't go the baby doesn't go and that's it.

I hope getting all that out helped you hun, we're all here to talk if you need it xx

first and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You've had a beautiful new baby

But, eenywifemum, this sounds terrible I had some problems with the hospital when my ds2 was born. I was practically accused of neglect by one midwife when I told her I was taking my perfectly healthy newborn home. I think that you have done the best thing you can by telling people here about it. It's amazing how much help writing it all down is. It's not the time now, but you could consider complaining, when you're not as busy. I did and getting an apology made me feel a lot better too. Hope that you and nyour family are well.

eenywifemum,

Just wanted to send some hugs your way, what a terrible birth story.

It is good to hear how well you coped with all the hospital problems and how strong and confident a woman you are.

As for spoiling your baby with hugs, FFS how can you spoil a child with love.

If you are happy to carry on holding/hugging your child, why is this a problem ?

Hi Eeny, I said congrats on Sal's thread, but now above all I am horrified at your story. I also had a nasty first birth (second one STILL not happened yet, overdue but I will fight tooth and nail to avoid being induced this time) and when I told my reflexologist about it recently, almost 3 years later, still couldn't control the crying. Of course I want you to enjoy your beautiful son, but do consider making an appointment for you and Sal to ask the hospital for a de-brieifing session. All I wanted to do at the time was get out of the hospital and start forgetting about it all, but the forgetting part obviously didn't happen for me and am still 'getting over it' all this time later. Anyway, you will know best whether this might be helpful for you. In the meantime, well done on getting through it, you are obviously a strong and determined woman, and hold your baby all you want, I don't believe it's possible for you to spoil him in any way by showing him such love.

eeny, well done and congrats on your little arrival.

You both need hugs and cuddles galore. Here's hoping you get to bring baby home asap, and damn the midwives and health visitors.

congratulations and everything but you really need to get something done about this!
get it all written down while its fresh and do something!
that is absolutely appauling, especially when a nurse admitted she was wrong!
im really angry
i had a shit experience, not as bad as yours, and it shouldnt happen again.

Eeny, if you have the energy, do write to the hospital about this - head of midwifery or complaints department would do but I sent my complaint to the chief executive (after something much less nightmarish than you suffered).

I was very reassured by the response, particularly the disciplinary action and the fact they brought it up at an educational session for all the staff. It is worth doing. Allowed me to put it to rest partly because I can feel it's less likely anyone else will have the same experience at that hospital.

Eeny, big congratulations to you and Saalamnder - i missed his thread, but pleased to hear you have your darling baby.
It does sound a very very difficult experience, with so many different things to be upset about.

And I think they are all inter-linked back to the leaking waters and induction.

A friend of mine had early leaking waters, and the hospital simply kept her in and monitored constantly: I didn't think you had toi be inuced simply because your waters have gone early - did they talk to you about that?

AFAIK (and I am no expert or even vaguely expertish...just hearsay) there IS an increased risk of infection once the waters have gone, and DS had to be in hospital on iv anti-biotics because my waters also leaked for a long time before he was born and i was found, late in the day, to be StrepB positive.

But I ALSO undestood from my own experience, that they could have put ME on anti-biotics before the birth, which would have made it safer for DS and he wouldn't have been on them after birth. I know it is often necessary, but I found it terribly terribly traumatic when they gave ds his iv drip - it was hard siting the canula etc.

I would ask what options the MWs could have had once your waters started to leak - but maybe Mears can help.

Also, what a horrible experience you had once the birth was over...all those decisions that they felt they could make for you re holding him, leaving him for the blood test.

I'm not surprised you feel upset, and i really hope sharing it all helps. Well done for doing so mmuch snuggling with Alex. It sounds as if Salamnder is being brilliant, too.

Well done both of you, battling for your little boy.

Love to you all.

Eeny - I've just read your post with tears in my eyes. Your experience sounds so horrific and so much like my first delivery.

I had the one sided epidural problem too, but they did eventually do a section on me as I got stuck for 6 hours at 9 1/2 cmc so I couldnt get to pushing stage. The section was horrible too. I really wish I had made a complaint to the hospital after the event (my post natal care was terrible too and I was told not to spoil my precious dd by holding her).

That was 4 years ago next week. My dd is absolutely amazing, beautiful, fabulous and I adore her. The experiences have paled a bit, but I still get upset thinking about them. After 3 1/2 year I plucked up the courage to have another baby and I had a lovely boy 4 months ago. Having ds healed the events of dd's birth a lot. I had an elective section and it was wonderful. I found the care from the midwives both times absolutely appalling, so the second time around I stayed in hospital the minimum amount and whilst I was there I did my own thing (they do leave you alone with your second if you dont ask for any advice!).

Thinking of you as you recover, talk about it as much as you can and try to find a way to move on at your own pace. Enjoy your wonderful ds, treasure him, spoil him, hold him and love him. He is YOURS!

Ummm... I'm not sure if you want to hear this but I think you should know. They could have fixed the epidural problem. This happened to me. When I told the midwife that it was only numb on one side, she called the anesthetist back in and she straightened out the tube. And that fixed it. If I were you, I'd want to know why no one bothered to do that. Sorry, this is probably only going to add to your upset. But, I thought I would want to know.

You were treated horribly. What hospital were you at? I think you should name and shame in case any other pregnant mumsnetters are headed there.

That sounds awful eeny. What test did they need to cut a newborn babies foot for? I've never heard of that before. Has he got a dressing on it?
Cuddle your baby as much as you want to. You can't spoil a newborn thats rubbish. My ds had all his day naps on me untill he was 4 months when he started sleeping in his cot. I missed it when it stopped!

oh Eeny, so sorry to hear you had such a crap time and very on your behalf. I know how carefully you'd considered things before the birth so it sucks that you were treated like this. as everyone says, when you are feeling stronger, get in touch with them and make your unhappiness known.

take care and keep in touch.

When my waters broke at 34 weeks, i was admitted to hospital straight away and put on antibiotics as a precaution.
Had to stay in for two and half weeks until my dughter was born safe and well weighing 7lb.