Eeny's birth story - venting!

[eenywifemum]

Hi there! Ok here is my birth story, thanks for listening I really feel I need to write it down and just talk about it. I have to say though I KNOW that it was not nearly as bad as some women's but it was bad for me, IYKWIM. This will be so long but I have to write it all out, thanks for reading if you can be bothered!

I was planning a waterbirth at a lovely MW unit - Wed the 2nd at 35 weeks I started trickling liquid - phoned a MW who said it didnt sound like waters as it wasnt enough so could just be watery discharge. She said if it was waters I would be filling up pad after pad. This carried on for days - I posted about it here and most everyone was saying it sounded like waters. I phoned back a few times and MW said the same again and said there wasnt any point in going to get examined unless I REALLY wanted to as she was sure it wasnt waters. Agaisnt the sound advice on many MNers I didnt go in to get examined as I was trying not to be paranoid.

Saturday it increased a lot - phoned again and she said it sounded like a show. Again to stay home, no problem. Sunday I started gushing. Phoned again and was told to come in ASAP as it was my waters!

Went in and confirmed they had broken - the previous Wednesday - so I had already gone 5 days. I stayed in hospital overnight and was induced the next morning. First they tried a pessary which didnt work. Then they put me on the oxytocin drip, fetal monitor etc. They also had me on a moniter to moniter contractions which NEVER worked. According to that I never experienced a single contraction. After several hours my contractions came so fast one after another and ungodly painful with no break. It was hell. I went with it for hours but it was getting so bad.

Was examined and only 4cm so I asked for an epidural. Woman came in to give it to me - at this point I honestly thought I had gone to hell I was in so much pain it was unreal. And I have a very high tolerance for pain in general. To make a long story short, the epidural failed.

I was totally paralysed from the waist down but felt every single contraction, push etc along my left side - the right side was the only one that numbed. So I went through many more hours of labor like that, on my back, unable to move but feeling everything. Gas and air was helping but I had to limit it as it was making me throw up a lot so basically there was nothing we could do. My DH and I just cried it was so awful I know this sounds dramatic but it was like torture.

Baby's heartbeat started to drop so a doctor was called in. She wanted to put a clip on his head to monitor the heartbeat and we didnt want this so Sal insisted she examine me first as they hadnt checked to see how dilated I was for hours. Turns out I was 10cm so it was time to push. Doctor gave me an hour to have the baby out or she said she would use forceps or a section - WITH NO PAIN RELIEF???? I would have refused forceps as I am terrified of them.

An hour later and still no baby. The lovely MW who was with us the whole time gave me another half an hour before she called the DR. back. Still no baby although I was pushing with everything I had. MW said one more half hour then it would have to be section. Finally Alex was born - and I was as you can imagine elated and exhausted and I have never loved anything like him in my whole life. I'm sure you all know the feeling.

Then I had problems delivering the placenta - out of exhaustion really. It finally came out, inside out. Alex was on my chest at my nipple and I started losing a lot of blood. I dont remember much about that part of it but I remember feeling like I was possibly going to die and I felt really quiet and just wanted to hold my baby. Sal and the MW were at the foot of the bed talking while she was continually changing the pads I was laying on. Eventually it stopped and we were taking to the post natal ward where they gave me my own room which was great as I really needed some peace and I wouldnt have got that on the ward. Alex was born 6lb 6oz which is quite a good size for a 36 week baby!

A few hours later they came and told me Alex would have to go on a drip for anti-biotics - they said it was just a formality etc. Sal and I werent keen on it as we wanted to go home and didnt want our little baby to have a needle in him. When it was explained to us better why he needed it we of course agreed although we were sad.

After a few days in hospital we took him to get his injectin and they asked us to leave him with them rather than stay with him as we normally did. We reluctantly agreed and went to wait in the parents room. After a long long wait we heard him shrieking - we had left him asleep. I went in the room and was horrified to see a nurse cutting his foot - not heel prick, CUTTING with a small razor like knife while he screamed.

No one EVER told me they were doing this or asked my consent or anything!! I ran to him and took him and he calmed instantly and I was sobbing and saying basically, 'How dare you do that to my baby without my consent'

She said most parents didnt want to see it and I said well I would have, I would have wanted to stay with him and it isnt your choice its mine and how dare you cut him without telling me first. She I believe actually became appalled at her own judgement and was literally on her knees on the floor in front of the chair I was rocking Alex in while I sobbed and she was saying 'Please forgive me I shouldnt have done that' When she apologised to Sal as well she said to him 'Eeny is even more upset because today all her hormones are all over the place' and he said 'Well I havent got any hormones rushing all over the place and I am just as upset and furious'

Ironically the whole reason she was cutting him was for a test that didnt need doing. Which she didnt realise til after the fact. So it was a totally unecessary thing. And I DID know it didnt need to be done so if she would have told me she was about to do it I could have prevented it.

My poor baby I just wanted him to come into the world and be loved and instead he had that. I'm sorry for the parents on here who have had babies in a much worse position than mine, I am not trying to take away what you went through but I am still broken hearted remembering him screaming like that. Then we came home and he had the problems feeding which I posted another thread about.

Also while I was in hospital I was told by 3 MW's I was spoiling him by holding him so much and I was making a rod for my own back. What?? Sorry?? Holding a preemie newborn baby too much? WTF? I dont think I can ruin his character at that point in his life!

Basically after the very painful birth I spent the following days being lectured on spoiling my baby and watching a stranger cut his foot amongst all the rest. It was the hardest experience of my life.

Thanks for listening, if you've made it this far!

oh eeny

i'm so incredibly sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted and the hospital seem to have screwed up at every turn... no wonder your exhausted and stressed babe, you've every right to be. and do cry about it sweetie, a good cry is good for the soul.

what horrible nurses telling you not to cuddle him i've always been told the exact opposite by docs, nurses and mw's... holding them close so they can hear your heartbeat soothes and calms them and makes tham happier more content babies.... and skin to skin is vital for bf. don't pay any attention to them... they're obviously a load of imbeciles judging by all the crap they pulled on you.

big huge virtual {{{HUGS}}} for you and sal and alex from me and the kids

eeny, forgot to mention, that your midwives telling you not to cuddle your ds are talking b_llocks. There is an accepted practice called "kangaroo care" recommended for preemies whereby the baby is placed on their mothers' chest skin-to-skin for as often as possible. Apparently, studies show that this does wonders for their growth and heartrate/breathing and allows them to come home earlier.

So very sad at the ignorance of these midwives.

eeny, I wanted to second Uwila's comment about your epidural. Mine had to be re-sited twice by the anaesthetist, and still didn't work; in the end they called the consultant anaesth. in and he did the proper job.

I also think this should have been sorted for you.

Eeny - I am so sorry that you have had such an awful time. As others have said I think you should write it all down as a complaint to the head of Midwifery.
As Uwilla has said, your epidural should have been resited because it was not working properly. When you first phoned saying you were leaking fluid you should have been offered admission to be checked. A speculum examination should have been done to see if there was any fluid leaking through your cervix. It is not always 100% possible to tell, but had it been confirmed that your waters had broken then the management may have been different. You could have been offered oral antibiotics which have been shown to reduce the risk of preterm labour.
Once in labour you should have been offered intravenous antibiotics as your waters had been gone for over 24 hours and you are less than 37 weeks. Had you been given them there would have been no need to treat Alex with antibiotics. I am really unsure what was happening to Alex in your description. Were they trying to get a blood sample or was it to put a drip in?

There are lots of issues here and I think when you have recovered from the birth you should try and get answers to what did and did not happen.

I am appalled that you were told by midwives that you were cuddling your baby too much - that is just not possible.

These events are really fresh in your mind and you will find yourself going over them repeatedly. Have you discussed the birth with your community midwife? I am so sorry that it has been such a horrendous experience by the sound of things.

Take care - it sounds as though Sal will be a tower of strength for you. Keep up the cuddling

Not much to add to the other wise words on here Eeny, but I would spend the next few days concentrating on Alex and cuddling him. I agree that you should make a complaint, but I would wait so that you don't spoil the precious first few days with him. I am so sorry you had such a crap time but glad that you are all safe and well now.

Sending love and cuddles to you and your wee man.

Eeny, Congrats on your beautiful new baby.
Totaly sympathise with you about the epidural part - I asked for one with ds, when i got to that 'dark' place in my head and couldn't cope with the pain any more. It worked for about 45 mins, which was bliss but then wore off, and despite several top ups, didn't get any better. So was feeling all the pain - like ds was trying to come out of my back - found out later we were 'back to back' which causes this continuous pain rather than individual contractions. And the worst was not being able to move to my knees which i think may have helped. Not that the staff on duty gave me any advice about all of this before, during, or after.
But still - i survived, and the memories have faded, which is why, if you think you may want to take any of your situation further with the hospital, i think you should make detailed notes while it is all fresh for you.
And don't listen to anyone who tells you not to cuddle your baby. So about that.
Enjoy your baby.

Eeny - really sorry that baby Alex had a traumatic time entering the world.

As for the spoiling him by cuddling - FFS, he's a baby and that's what they are for!!!!!!!! That is one of the reasons why I am hoping that dd will come out of her own accord and I don't have to go into hospital. They treat everyone like a number, not like an individual. How dare they cut your baby's foot without your permission. When ds had heel pricks, the mw always used a pen, similar to a diabetic's injection needle, never cut it.

I know it's hard, but try and put everything that has happened behind you and Sal. You have a beautiful baby boy that needs all your love and cuddles. I know there will be times when you feel down as you start remembering the unhappy events, but just concentrate on bringing up your son into a loving and happy environment. It's not how he came into the world that matters, but how he develops now he is here and with love like you and Sal have got for him, I sure he will prove to be a very happy, contented and loved little boy. Thinking of you. Please keep in touch with all us August buddies. One day I hope to post my arrival news (if she ever decides to come out!

Eeny - I just want to echo what everyone else has said - I'm so sad and on your behalf that things didn't go well during the birth of little Alex - sounds like what they call a 'cascade of interventions' - once they start you off with an induction, it can be easy to lose control of the way you want to give birth, and end up at a place you just didn't expect to be. As many others have said, you should certainly complain (but give it time - you don't want any extra stresses just now).

Am particularly and appalled about the comment about 'spoiling your baby' - made by 3 different midwives!!! Especially as 'kangaroo care' and skin to skin contact is so recommended for prem babies, never mind the fact that it is impossible to 'spoil' a newborn FFS.

Loads of best wishes to you and Sal.

Eeny, sounds really awful. I agree with another poster that they should have offered you IV antibiotics if waters had broken for five days due to risk of infection. Did you ever have a test for strep b, I am positive for this, which is why my ds1 had to have blood tests after birth.
Dreadful about them cutting him like that, my son had this done, but was a little older, my permission was sought and I could hold him during. Why did they not ask your permission, terrible imo

Eeeny so on your behalf. But also on your new arrival.
I too had a horrible birth experience which mumsnetters helped me with at the time, I like you started a thread just to get everything out that had happened and that itself made me feel slightly better and knowing that I wasn't alone and people didn't think i was over exaggerating or being a complete loon. I wrote to the Head of Midwifery at my hospital but I never got anywhere with it, just got a completely lame letter saying there were sorry I felt that way blah blah blah.

Give Alex as many cuddles as you want - the claim you a spoiling him is completely ridiculous but unfortauntely not uncommon, I was told the same and my SIL is constantly getting told about her 4 week old

Eeny - mears suggestions for points to emphasise in a letter to the hospital sounds really good. As well as it hopefully being therapeutic for you to write, they need to know! Your experience may help ensure that otehr mothers get better care.
Hope Alex is still thriving and that his jaundice is settling?

Eeny, when I read your story it made me so emotional. I'm just about to have no. 2 and I;m petrified of getting midwives like that - again. I'm really pleased you're home now and baby Alex is doing well - and no, you can't cuddle him too much!

I'm a health professional (OT) by day and reading your story I'd like to really encourage you to put something in writing to the hospital - if one of my colleagues had caused so much distress to a patient I would really want to see the issue addressed, the trouble is that because people don't complain we never find out who's letting the side down so we can't deal with it. I'm guilty of not complaining when I should have done last time so if you don't feel you can that's ok too but please think about it. Also imo the thing with cutting Alex's heel should be treated very seriously, informed consent is a big deal in the NHS and it doesn't sound like you were either 'informed' or 'consented'.

Sorry for dropping into work mode for a minute! I'm first and foremost a mummy and my heart goes out to you and your family - I really hope this becomes distant memory very quickly (with help from thos lovely labour hormones) and you can just get on with enjoying your new baby.

Agree with previous psts : Go and put a complaint to the hospital.
It will give you the opportunity to tell them that you haven't been treated properly AND might avod someone else being in the same situation that you.
If you have the opprotunity, talk too to the gynecologist/consultant at your hospital. I would ask a referal to reviw what happen during the birth. They should be able to organize that for you. Then ask for some explanation and explan why you are not happy about it. Obviously in that case ask specifically for the consultant - not the registrar.

Congratulations eeny and sal

Haven't got much to add some excellent posts on here, I don't think you can spoil a newborn baby MWs talking out holes in their heads, cuddle him and spoil him all you like, DD1 spent the first weeks of her life cuddled up to me almost constantly.

I didn't have as bad as experience as you but certain things made me push for a homebirth for DD2, it was great and my wishes were followed to the letter.

Enjoy your little boy and take care x

I am so sorry you had to go through this experience, the birth of your baby should be special. If I do have a fourth I wont go anywhere near the bloody hospital, my first two ended up in unnecessay sections and my third shot out (thank god) in the theatre with knife poised ready for another unnecessary section.

May help to chat to someone or share experiences here

Eeny so sorry for the bad time you've had! You really must complain to the main person as that is awful. Really feel for you love.
Give Alex big hugs. I'm still snuggling up to ds1 whos nearly four and i've not made a rod for my own back. What a load of dogs.....

But congrats on a beautiful baby boy!!! xxxx

congratulations on alex's birth.

very sorry to hear it was such an ordeal though - i had a similar experience (was refused epidural and was too clueless to insist, ended in cs). it is true, the memory does fade and i felt much better for complaining. i did this through the patient advisory liaison, it was really easy, just told them on the phone what had happened, they did all the work and i got a written apol from head of midwifery. so you don't have to write it yourself or get the contact details etc etc. all hospitals should have this - i got info from the community midwife.

Oh eeny - gosh that sounds like a tough one. Poor you. But well done for getting Alex out on your own after all that and avoiding the c-section that you didn't want. 6lb 6oz is a v good size - my ds1 was 6lbs 10oz at 41 and a bit weeks! I don't know if anyone has mentioned it already, but you can ask the hosp to go through your notes with you as a sirt of debrief, they should give you this service. Some hosps have midwives who are specially trained to talk to women about traumatic birth/post-natal experiences, you could enquire about this. I know how you feel about the heel debacle too - my ds1 and dd both had to have their platelets checked just after birth, they were supposed to do it from cord blood but buggered it up and so they both had to have blood taken on the first day. They did it from the backs of their teeny hands and I was distraught. There doesn't seem to have been any lasting problems with pain though - dd esp is made of iron, she just laughs when she falls over now. Take care and hope you;re feeling better soon. xx

hi all! i am typing this one handed as Alex is on my breast with my left hand under his head. its slow going!

first of all - thank you all so much for your replies. I honestly thought my birth story was so long no one would bother to read it but I just had to write it all down anyway. Then I thought those who did read it might thing I was complaining too much (silly me!) so really thank you so much for making me feel like I wasnt making a mountain out of a molehill.

Mears i think you asked what test they were cutting his foot for - it was because one of the anti-biotics he was on needs to be monitered if the treatment is to continue because it can cause problems in the baby. But I knew we were being discharged that day so the antibiotics were NOT continuing. I dont know why a normal heel prick didnt work I wasnt given an explanation and was so distraught at his crying I didnt think to ask. I just wanted to hold him and cry really.

As for making a complaint - I dont know if I will or not. I cant really think about it now I am so tired and in love with my little boy! i started typing this over an hour ago its so hard to get anything done! My husband actually works at the hospital I delivered at... I am not sure how but somehow that must affect things. I have to think it over.

Thank you again for all your posts. I am going to be saving this thread so I can read it again and again as I am so comforted by all the support here. I know there are things I meant to say in this reply that I have forgotten - I will read it all again later tonight if little Alex allows me to and reply again.

Lots of love to all you wonderful people!

glad things are going better eeny, we've started an aug post natal so come join us when you've got the time and in the meantime take it easy and enjoy your little man