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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Considering having a 3rd

37 replies

gold123 · 29/02/2004 16:23

I don't whether I'm mad or not, have a boy and girl 6 & 4 and are seriously considering a third. 2nd just about to start school, so I will be getting my life back, just started a new job, so you would think I was happy. I just can't see my life without another. I can think of 100 reasons not to have one, but only 1 to have one - I want one ! has anybody got the same age gap, how have you found it - I just don't know anybody with the same experience. Also my family keep saying that anybody who has three are mad - I don't feel as if I have there support. Incedentially I am one of three, so that makes me feel great when my own Mum says I was a mistake. My husband really wants one, so I guess I have the only support I really need. I need hope that it won't destroy the relationships I have with my other two.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

spacemonkey · 29/02/2004 16:43

I don't see why it should destroy the relationships you have with ds and dd gold123?

I too am tentatively considering a 3rd, but the age gap is bigger - dd is nearly 13 and ds is 10. Also don't know whether I'm mad or not! (Well, actually I know damn well )

mummytojames · 29/02/2004 16:59

realy its got nothing to do with your family whether you have another one or not its down to you and your husband and when your mother says you were a mistake please dont take it the wrong wat she probably means she didnt plan to have you but she loves you all the same my mother in law planned on having one shes got five i think realy though you should sit down and explain to your kids first because i dont know if you had the problen with your eldest but when theres a new baby in the pictur some kids feel pushed out but if you want a third one and your partner wants a third one and you both think you could cope with a new baby aswell as the other two the realy you should go for it

misdee · 29/02/2004 18:15

i want a 3rd but the age gap is closer with my 2 atm, dd1 will be four soon, and dd2 is coming up 18months. now thats mad!!

Freckle · 29/02/2004 18:42

Deciding to have a child should be the decision of the parents-to-be only. The views of extended family should only be taken into consideration if you are expecting them to take a major role in the child's life, e.g. childcare whilst you return to work, etc. I have 3 children. My mother, particularly, was completely against my having a third (mainly due to my age, but there were other factors). I'm one of 3 - she said that that was why she knew that 3 was a bad number! Mind you, I am one of 3 girls and I only have boys, so the make-up of my family differs in a fairly major way.

Go with your gut instinct. If you don't, you will wonder for ever if you did the right thing.

lavender1 · 29/02/2004 18:42

gold123, sort of similar situation, ds and dd 8 1/2 and 7 and have just also got life back, enjoying job etc..but can totally understand what you are saying...like an inner urge or something within you makes you feel it's the right thing to do? dh and I also want a third and the age gap would be 9-10 years between oldest, possibly...sounds like you have the right reasons for having another one...if you feel you could cope with the upheaval and don't mind nappies and all that stuff again then good...think it's great that you both feel the same way btw..hope you can decide about this and reach a happy decision for all of you

jac34 · 29/02/2004 18:49

I'd love a third, I know my parents would think I was mad. My only problem is DH he is dead set against it, so thats that. However, if I were in your position and he wanted another too, I'd just go for it and forget what family think.

Original poster

gold123 · 29/02/2004 19:03

thanks everybody, I know you are all right. I think I have made the decision already. I think when the feelings are so strong, you have to act on them or regret them for the rest of your life. I'll just have to be considerate to the other two and make sure that I give them alot of time and attention when they are not at school, fortunately my husband likes to muck in so that helps.

OP posts:

Karensara · 29/02/2004 21:55

I was in the same position as you. Boy 6 and girl 4.(they are nearly 7 and 5 now) Wanted another, everyone thought we were mad, (getting life back and all that) but we didn't listen and now have the most beautiful baby girl (8 months now). The funny thing is, is that now I've had my third, I absolutely know that she will be my last and I can hold someone else's baby without getting broody because I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT I do not want any more, but before I had her, something inside of me said I had to have another and our family was not complete with just two children. I didn't want to get to 40 and then think 'if only...' Yes, it is hard work and I have to wake her up to collect the children from school in the afternoon and then she gets shunted around in the car seat when they have their 'playdates' and 'activities' (I sometimes give her to a neighbour to mind while I pick up or collect if I can) but 8 months down the line, we are so pleased to have had her and do not regret it for one single moment. The gap is really not that big, you will find the older two are fighting to be the one to 'help' get the baby's clothes out, fetch nappies, and to hold him/her. All the people who said we were mad are now fighting to have a cuddle when they see her and it's lovely being a mum of three so I definitely think go for it - you won't regret it!

capecod · 29/02/2004 21:58

exaclty ditto Ks except mine are all young, 5 , 3 and almost One! (yipee)

capecod · 29/02/2004 21:59

ooh expecially about the others fighting over the baby

Mine both jump into his cot when we go up to get him in the morning

nutcracker · 29/02/2004 22:00

I have 3 and want a 4th. Now tyhat is crackers

Heatherbee · 01/03/2004 20:28

Hi there gold 123!!

I TOTALLY know where you are coming from!! My DS is 6 and DD nearly 4 and due to start school this summer and yes, me and DH are thinking about a third! You have summed up my feelings exactly regarding how the family feel etc-My Mum makes me feel awful everytime I mention having another- she thinks it would be 'cruel' to my DS and DD -Even though I know I shouldn't ,it is SO hard not to take on board what your immediate family think -it's terrible the way they take advantage of that too. lol! I too just have that inexplainable urge to have another baby -

I want to thank you for posting! Now I truley don't feel mad OR cruel

handlemecarefully · 02/03/2004 08:13

I don't see why anyone who has three is mad! - I'd have 3 myself if I wasn't so ancient and past it (almost 36 and only just got around to having no 2 who is due on 19 April)

Your 4 and 6 year old will probably enjoy having a baby brother or sister....and I think they will cope better with the slight dimunition in parental attention that they will get than younger children would

lazyeye · 02/03/2004 08:58

3 is the new 2 so they say.........

harman · 02/03/2004 09:09

Message withdrawn

lazyeye · 02/03/2004 09:15

Yeah Gold123, if you do decide to go for a 3rd, I would echo what Harman said..be prepared for some strange reactions. More than 2 and most pple think you are 1)mad 2)it was a mistake and NOBODY says congrats. My mum actually tutted and shook her head. Ouch! hurtful stuff.......

monkey · 02/03/2004 09:18

if you really want one, and your husband does, I can't even see the question.

ime lots of people have plenty of negative things - the hard work mainly, but what can be morre wonderful than a wanted and loved child?

my family all had comments to make - what another??? etc, but they're all just as soppy over new baby, and so are his siblings.

good look - will watch out for announcement

secur · 02/03/2004 11:19

Message withdrawn

Original poster

gold123 · 02/03/2004 11:59

Its so nice to know that there are people out there who understand. I have now realised my true feelings and am going to go for it ! (husband beware) Thanks for responding - will keep you posted. Loved reading all your stories now I know I'm not mad (well that's debatable to those who know me !!!).

OP posts:

secur · 02/03/2004 13:36

Message withdrawn

2under2 · 02/03/2004 13:41

good luck gold123 - having three is fun (most of the time ) I had lots of stupid comments during pregnancy, too - particularly as I'm only 27 - when people realised that this wasn't my 1st but my 3rd I could see them think that I must be some kind of breeder! LOL
Having a 3rd doesn't seem to have affected my older ones much at all - they're so used to sharing attention anyway and both are in love with the baby.

LucyJones · 02/03/2004 15:03

Hi everyone. I agree with what's already been said. It seems attitudes haven't changed much - I'm the youngest of four and I remember when I was 10 a school friend accused my mum of being 'posh' because she had had four children!! I can only assume that she'd overheard her parents saying what insanity she was to have had four and that she must have had loads of money of something!

suedonim · 02/03/2004 16:09

It took us a while to get round to No's 3&4 but we didn't have any negative reactions at all - at least, not our face! People seemed very happy for us and we were deluged with presents for them. Lots of people still remember their birthdays, even though they are almost 8 and 17yo.

Elderberry · 26/10/2004 22:24

Hello - thought I might revive this thread as this is close to my heart at the moment. Like gold123 I know all the practical reasons not to have a third but still want one. Only thing is dh is not all that keen - not def no but if I wasn't bothered we wouldn't be discussing it. He's 40 and I think can see an end in sight to nappies etc. We have 2 boys aged 18 mths and 3 - it's not even that I want a girl - 3 boys would be fine. Any thoughts anyone?

Skate · 26/10/2004 23:09

Have one - 3 is fab! Mine are 3.5, 2 and 8 weeks!! See, I'm a headcase! AND, like Nutty, I'm considering another!!

When I was pg with ds3 some people did think I was mad but most of the midwives told me that they actually see more people having 3 and 4 now than just 2.

I was one of 3 and had a great childhood - I loved having 2 siblings and just knew that 2 would not feel 'complete' for me.

Still undecided about a 4th but we'll see....

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