!!!!!!!!!!!! calling all Mid wifes and Wise women !!!!!!!!!!!!! im sure there are plenty of you

[dressedupnowheretogo]

due to rising anxiety levels and being under the peri natal mental health team at my hospital me and mw have come to the conclusion that having a c section would be better for me

but after my appt with the lovely consultant yesterday at QMCnotts she has decided to send me round the mw led unit to discuss and observe stuff and maybe the cons led unit for the same again rather than yes have a section hope on

i spent two and a half hours sobbing after my appt yesterday as i felt i'd been fobbed off by my mw and the cons

im meeting with the peri mental health team on monday and they were previously discussing going on medication before i gave birth which is was previously opposed to but now im starting to think maybe this would be better

so do you think medication a detailed birth plan and lots of discussion would be better overall than a c section

im really in knots about this and would appreciate any sound advice from anyone but particularly from people with experince of this

thanks

i don't know ur history but sounds like you are being given the opportunity to go and view that possible places of labouring to see ifd that will help with your anxieties at all. it will give you teh chance to see the environment u will be in as well as ask the approriate people any questions that u might have.

Sounds like they are just trying to give you all the options before they coinsent to section

what are you anxieties regarding? the birth?
Maybe you could try to picture yourself in both situations, what do you want?
It doesn't sound sgood if you were crying for 2.5 hours afterwards. I had to fight for my section, so I jsut wanted to post to say if that is what you want then don't be fobbed off. Put your foot down and tell them you want a section, and ask to see another consultant if necessary.

my anxieties are un explainable its the birth the affect of anything going wrong of losing control of the situation the baby it self but more the fact my emotions are completely and utterly taking over my life i cant talk about it as i just end up crying

im normally a very articulate emotive person and i find my emotions crippling at the moment and had done up until talking to my mw and she said a section was the way to go but now thats up in the air again im now back on the roller coaster i feel like im going mad

going round teh units is agood way of you finding out what facilities ther are there. If you are worried about giving birth then you could co in the cons unit and if need be support would be there. C sections are not without risk so maybe if you feel strong enouggh you could write out your fears I did this when I had dd (first baby after a number of M/c etc.)my fears where around something happenning taht ws out of my control in the end I opt for a natural birth (gas and air and pethadine) I refused a c section adn epidural becasue I didn't believe they were right for me. So if I was you I would read up about everything write a list adn listen to your own body do what is right for you but make teh decision based on all teh information you can get hold off

boobylicious, hi, I'm not a midwife, but thinking possibly about it in the future. What do you want for your birth? Is it a c-section you want or are you undecided? Was the section for medical reasons connected to your medication?

I don't have experience of this, but I just wanted to say what you're going through sounds a lot worse than the normal nerves that most women get before the birth.

Maybe you could try hypnotherapy or something like that to try and manage your emotions differently (I don't know if you've tried this already, sorry)?

Otherwise, a detailed birth plan is no guarantee of a calm birth. I had mine all planned out and it still ended in em cs.

If you are aware of the risks associated with cs and happy to take them, then that might well be the best way to go. If the hospital isn't happy to give you one, is there another hospital you can go to for a second opinion? If you were having an elective cs travel times etc wouldn't matter so much.

Oh poor old you...I'm getting the odd day of pre-natal depression where my emotions completely rule my life. Nowhere near what you're having to go through, though.

It sounds like you were pleased to have a definite plan - ie c-section - and now this has been replaced with a different plan you are finding it very hard and frightening to adjust. Your consultant is following the NHS party line: providing you with the information you need to make a choice, but they're asking you to make the decision. If you're anything like me, then that is the hardest and most frightening thing of all: to be commit yourself to a course of action when you feel you have no energy or ability to follow it through.

So you might find that medication pre-birth can take the edge off the extreme anxiety. How far along are you? Do you have time to take the meds, let them kick in and then go along to the hospital to observe the MW led unit etc?

It is possible that a good natural birth could do positive things for your mental health. Problem is, it won't if you feel you have been railroaded into it, because you haven't the energy to think about the options. Maybe if you can tackle the severe anxiety first, even if you use an artificial method to do so, then the rest will start to swing into place and you can create a positive cycle to lift you out of your dark place...

According to these guidelines (see p.54-55, it is a massive doc) , they should offer you cognitive behavioural therapy (is this what the mental health team are doing?) and if you still want a cs, they should refer you for a second opinion if they aren't prepared to do it themselves.

im 35 weeks today and so far my mental health appt has been postponed three times iwas supposed to see them at 30 weeks to discuss this possibly happening so i had time to take things in the mean time

as far as i can remmeber my consultant yesterday was very see how you feel and then we'll talk and ive got to see her in 2 weeks time for a definite answer she didnt rule it out but i felt she felt i was being silly ifyswim

which has maybe made me feel that meds and a plan might be my only option if she turns me down
and yes i think the planned thing is the key element here

they are either fobbing you off in the hope that you'll change your mind or it'll be too late to make the decision iyswim, or they are majorly incompetent. on your behalf.

Do you think it's too late to change hospitals? Or can you see another consultant at the same hospital for a second opinion?

What!!!

Postponed three times!!!

Dear GOD what a farce - do they not appreciate there's a bit of deadline here .

exactly my thoughts exactly
my consultant was llike you''l only be 37 weeks thats plenty of time to make decision im mad at my mw as well as when i saw on thurs she gave me the impression she would contact me after the appt but ive heard nothing
i dont know about changing hospitals might mention it will go and have alook now

So the consultant's thinking is:

Start meds at 35 weeks. Leave two weeks for them to kick in?

See if anxiety lifts by 37 weeks then tour hospital facilities. Make decision about C-section vs natural by 38 weeks.

Is that about right?

Well, yes, I can see that it might work, although it doesn't leave much time to sort out any issues that might crop up, does it? It also puts all the pressure on you to make a decision in quite a tight timescale, which surely isn't helpful for someone suffering intense anxiety.

On the positive side, though, you might be able to enlist your consultant's help to make sure you get the help you need from the mental health team. Maybe drop him an email pointing out that if they postpone the appointment again you believe there would be no alternative to a c-section.

Can't believe I'm writing this, by the way, as I'm normally a 'natural birth rocks' kinda gal...

gizmo i really appreciate that advice even more if your normally a natural birth girl

i would love to send her an email but have no address

gizmo i really appreciate that advice even more if your normally a natural birth girl

i would love to send her an email but have no address

You might find contact details on the hospital's website?

This must be a strain for you, but FWIW, you sound as if you're still fighting to function and get the advice and help you need. And that's great: you should be proud of yourself for that. On my sad days I just want to get back into bed and pull the duvet over my head (and quite often do )

boobylicious, if feeling "out of control" is central to your anxiety, then if you are comfortable with the risks and recovery for a cs, I would say go for an elective cs.

The main issue with natural birth is that it could be straightforward, or it could go pearshaped very quickly, but you just never know. There are so many variables, like your perception of pain, the quality of support you get from your midwife, how well your baby copes, how quickly you dilate, your pelvic outlet etc etc. and of course, your mental state. JMO - I was hoping for an active birth proponent, ended up with induction and em cs due to foetal distress.

The "out of control" feeling and having things done to me was the worst thing about that birth. Of course, it could just have easily gone well, if it was another mother.

just to give support to you boobyl

best wishes xxx

Looking forward to reading your happy news when your little one is born xxx

Booby, I am so sorry that the hospital is arsing you around. If they weren't so terribly incompetent, I'd suggest demanding an emergency appt to see a consultant MW to discuss your options. That's what I did when I was extremely anxious about having DD (although it was offered to me - I didn't have to stamp and shout, but would have done if I'd been treated as shabbily as you have ). The MW went through all my fears and gave me the confidence to have a go at vaginal birth - I had to have a section eventually as DD was nearly 10lb and my pelvis was too small, but I wasn't afraid.

This is a time when you need to be nurtured and supported, not fobbed off. A consultant MW should have the experience to allay your fears and help you reach the right route for you. That may well be CS, but I don't think you have been adequately supported in making that decision thus far.

The mental health team should be supporting you in this difficult time but they're not. Have you someone who can help you fight your corner? What about DH / DP / GP/ assertive friend? I would gladly be your advocate if I lived a bit nearer. I think someone supporting you as you try to get what should be being offered to you freely might help you feel better. Take care and keep us posted. X

Sorry, by "they" I mean the hospital admin, not consultant MWs!

Message withdrawn

it was my mw who said oh im sure you'll have no problems with the consultant go and test the water have a talk she has been fab havent seenmy gp at all during pregnancy

my dh was not there with on monday but has been to all my other appt with me

ive decided if no one has got round to me tomorrow either my mw who i have left a message with or the mw unit AT THE HOSPITAL IM GONNA RING THE CONS sorry re caps and see if i can bring the next appt forward as i think 2 weeks is too long i will be 37 weeks and i think that too late i may also see if i can get in with the mental health team this week as well

its not as if ive got time to havre therapy re this situation before i have baby and ive read up on procedure and such like i have a full understanding of what goes off having attended ante classes i just think they are trying to postpone things so i have no choice

Ah B

Lots of hugs for you sweetheart.

I think if this was me I would just be drilling it into them that I'm having a section and thats that.
Can dh come along to your next appt or your mum so you have some support?

The consultant hasn't ruled out a c/s, right?

A c/s is a significant operation and they need your informed consent to it suggesting that you have a look at the birthing facilities is just making you better informed. I think in general, and from what you've said, that it's very unlikely that if you go to your next appointment still wanting a c/s that she will turn you down she just wants to be sure that you understand the choice you are making and the options you are turning down.

I am that they keep putting off your mental health appointment, though -- it's ridiculous to do that to a pregnant woman with the kind of anxieties you have.

But Leah E, the NICE guidelines say they should be offering her therapy and referring her for a second opinion if they won't do a cs themselves. Boobylicious will be 37 weeks by the next appt. Electives are usually done at 39 weeks. So if they refuse a cs at the appt, it would give her all of two weeks to follow up the second opinion - who might also refuse a cs (as they are entitled to do under the NICE guidelines). And no time at all to complete a course of cognitive behavioural therapy.

I'm not trying to freak Booby out, just pointing out that the hospital needs to stop pussing-footing around and make some decisions.

I really hope they are willing to give her an elective cs, but by not being straight with her about it they are just piling on the anxiety .