How much support did you need after your EMCS/ELCS

[Writerwannabe83]

Morning everyone, I'm due to have an ELCS next March and there is a chance that the day after it my husband might not be able to be with me. I know women make different recoveries but in general how dependent on others were you within this time frame? I'm imagining being in lots of discomfort, bleeding everywhere, needing help to go to the toilet, needing help to handle the baby etc and the thought of having to rely on the midwives for this doesn't exactly fill me with much comfort. I'm probably going to show these responses to my husband as to be honest neither of us know what to expect. His parents have said they will come and sit with me but I know outside of visiting hours they won't be allowed to - plus, if there are any embarrassing factors to post c-section I'm not sure how comfortable I'd feel about that. So all stories, good and bad are much longed for. Thank you

I had an "em"CS at 31 weeks (not planned, but not a crash section either, so a rather positive experience all in).

There's a photo of me in a wheelchair visiting DS2 in NICU and I look like shit - bloated and pale as hell .

However, the next day I was up, I found pain not an issue as long as I held my wound when moving/coughing/sneezing and in fact I felt a lot better as soon as I got rid of my PCA (patient controlled analgesia - morphine drip).
I suppose I did not have a baby to look after, but did have 1 year old DS1 coming to visit.

Best advice:

• buy a pack of high waisted grannie pants/full briefs. Probably a size bigger than your pre pregnancy size.
• Bleeding will settled quicker after a section than after a VB, so of course have mat pads at the ready but a pack or 2 should do to start and you can change to normal pads when your flow settles as bit
• I found Paracetamol and Diclofenac (Voltarol) wonderful painrelief. If they offer you a Voltarol suppository in theatre, take it. The pop it in while your spinal is still working so you won't even feel it.

I started writing this over one hour ago, then got distracted, so have no idea what else has been said in the meantime.
I'll post it anyway - maybe something is going to be useful.

Can I just ask, if you delivery is planned for March 2014 could it not be deferred by a few days to allow your DH to do his Best Man duties AND be by your side after the birth?

Best of luck, whatever happens x.

IME you really don't want to be on your own the day after a CS,, or for at least 3 weeks afterwards. The hospital staff won't be able to help you much so you will need your DH there to help you get to the toilet / shower and hold the baby while you rest. I'm fighting fit and had no complications during either cs but I wasn't able to do much , or even walk very well after my EMCS.

For your peace of mind I think your DH should cancel going to the wedding and be there to support you and the baby.

I was in for 10 days after emcs and couldn't get out of bed for 4 (don't really know why, just took a long time to recover) - had catheter and nurses for everything for me and ds so didn't 'need' dh as such. Ds was in special care so no nappies or feeds to do there either. Wanted him every minute though and he wanted to be there, he certainly wouldn't have been going anywhere else out of choice.

I think I may have come up with a possible solution..

He goes to the Wedding at 11.00am and does his Best Man Duties, has some photos taken etc but then instead of going to the venue for the meal he comes to the hospital instead, which he would probably get to for about 1.30pm. He spends the afternoon with me and baby until about 6pm (because that's when I can have other visitors) and he can then drive to the Reception Venue and arrive there for about 7pm when things start getting going. He can still wear his suit and they would probably even let him give his speech then - I can't see it would be a problem to do that?? It would be something different

We got an invite through the post this morning to another swanky do in some posh Mansion out of town, and this one is 4 days before the planned c-section, lol. I really wish people would stop organising lovely things around my due date, lol

That might be workable but sounds quite complicated and quite a bit of to-ing and fro-ing.

Yes, I think your friends are most inconsiderate to not plan their events around your pregnancy .

Is there a particular reason why your elCS must be on that particular day?

Yes, workable if everything goes smoothly and with the understanding that he will drop everything to be with you if it doesn't.

I presume the problem with the section is that they don't want to plan later given your health conditions and the risk of going into labour naturally, so it's quite a small window? That being the case, I still think a day after is probably better than 3 days later, or a week later or whatever.

Hope you work something out!

I had an EMCS and stayed in hospital for 2 days after. I was able to walk on my own as soon as I could fully feel my legs (4 hrs after birth??). I needed a bit of assistance in hospital to take a shower.

Once I was home, I didn't need any assistance at all except for lifting heavy objects (such as the buggy out of the car boot or lugging groceries up 3 flights of stairs). 3 days after birth I was able to push our (light as air) buggy to the grocery store.

That said I did have some help available so I didn't do every little thing on my own. Hubby was home for 2 weeks and then 13 yr old niece stayed with me for a further 5 weeks. I wasn't properly on my own with DD until she was 6-7 weeks old.

Writer, has he spoken to the bride and groom? Do they know what he's planning and/or that your CS is the day before? Because if I'd discovered that our best man was planning to leave his wife and brand new baby in hospital to be at our wedding I would have told him to sort his priorities out and found a new best man pretty quickly. I think any couple who haven't strayed into serious wedding-zilla territory would be mortified!

OP, I'm booked in for my elcs next Wednesday and don't think I will have DP with me the next day or Friday morning either as he needs to work. My plan is to (hopefully) get a private room and just manage as best I can. I can't envision what it will be like (this is my first child) but I figure that I will cope on my own. There will hopefully be visitors but I don't have any parents to come and lend a hand either.

I do think with your situation your husband could possibly perform his best man duties and then be filmed for the speech which could be shown on a screen at the reception. So basically he attends the wedding but not the reception?

It all seems like rubbish timing - does your ELCS have to be on this day and not maybe 2 days later?

I am sure that whatever happens you will cope, OP but I can understand the trepidation you feel.

tricycle - The Bride and Groom know about the problem and have been fantastic - they have said they completely understand that me and the baby come first and I know they will have no issues at all about my DH pulling out and getting another Best Man. However, because my DH is convinced all will be well and that he'll be there they are happy to take him at his word. They have said that if my DH does need to pull out last minute then they won't mind..... But I don't think it is fair of my husband to put them in that position- it isn't right that he just rings them the day before and says, "Sorry, I know I'm your Best Man but I can't make the Wedding...." But, if the Bride and Groom have said they are willing to accept that scenario then I guess my husband is under no obligation no give them a definite answer.

Xena - we are seeing my Consultant in 4 weeks and we are going to talk dates. The whole issue could be avoided if flexibility is allowed. I could ask if it could be delayed until the Monday after the Wedding (as opposed to the Friday before) or whether it can be done a few days earlier so that by the time the Wedding comes round it will 2-3 days after the procedure and I will be hopefully feeling physically better and more emotionally stable and won't have an issue with my husband leaving me. I'm just crossing my fingers the date can be changed!!

Good luck with your c-section next week - are you excited or nervous??

8e had both emergency and elective sections.

I had a general anaesthetic with the first and was sore but up the next day, in hospital for 10 days.

This time (elective) was in for 2 days struggled but managed ok. Was walking ds1 to school & back 2 weeks after.
I didn't have much help so had to leave major housework, feed & clothe us each day.

You just on with it don't you.

Writer I am quite worried but not because of the C-section necessarily but because suddenly I am going to be a mum. I can't believe that I am going to go in and be given a baby to look after and be responsible for. I think I feel more nervous because I know the date of the birth - that makes sense? If I was having a regular birth I wouldn't know when it was coming so would just jump straight into the process but now I have a deadline to worry against!

I do hope your consultant will allow you some flexibility with dates - it would be nice to think you have one less thing to worry about as having a baby, and one by C-section too, is stressful.

Let us know what the consultant decides. x

Just wanted to say GOOD LUCK for tomorrow Xena