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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Has anyone had the birth experience they want / plan for?

39 replies

afrikat · 04/09/2013 08:32

After reading quite a lot of birth stories it has occurred to me that I am not sure any of them progressed in the way the mother had planned and out of the 5 friends I know who have had babies in the past few years, all of them had some sort of 'issue' - cs for breach, induction as waters had broken but labour wasn't progressing etc etc.

I know there is no way of knowing how birth is going to go but is it actually possible for a birth to go how you have planned or is it just wishful thinking??

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Biscuitsneeded · 04/09/2013 09:16

Yes, DS 1 - wanted water birth with no drugs, got exactly that. He was OP so I will admit it was rather painful and it did take me a while to push him out, but really the only thing I would have liked different would have been for him to arrive on his due date instead of nearly two weeks later!

Also wanted a water birth for DS 2 and nearly got it but he had other ideas and shot out just as the midwife was turning on the taps to fill the pool after 2 hours of niggling and 32 mins of established labour! But as deviations from birth plans go, I was happy with that!

Meglet · 04/09/2013 09:19

Yes, a planned cs with DC2, foolproof .

ChicyMonkey · 04/09/2013 09:21

"Wot Meglet said". Planned CS for number 2.

curlyclaz13 · 04/09/2013 09:22

No.

MintyDiamonds · 04/09/2013 09:25

I got the exact birth I wanted. A home waterbirth, she was back to back which I wasn't expecting but was a 6 hour labour start to finish so was actually better experience than I thought it would be.

rachyconks · 04/09/2013 09:27

Yes. I think though what worked for me was to have a very "loose" birth plan. So, with regards to pain relief, I just wanted to see how I got on and didn't rule anything out. I did want a water birth, but my waters broke and were broken too long, so midwives were worried about the risk of infection. In the end I wasn't too bothered, and had a fantastic experience with great midwives helping me. I only had some paracetamol and gas & air at the end.

rachyconks · 04/09/2013 09:28

Yes, my DD also back to back, excruciating when the head was coming down, but worth every second!

Bloodsocks · 04/09/2013 09:33

Nope, I wanted a water birth, to be mobile and was very open to the idea of drugs!

My labour progressed too quickly, far far quicker than I was expecting 7 1/2 hours from first contraction to baby, someone else was in the pool and there wasn't any time for anything other than gas and air even though I was demanding pethadine and the midwife had to tell me there wouldn't be time for it to work as I gave birth within 2 hours of getting to the hospital.

It actually wasn't bad and I'm quite happy with how it went, the bath I had at home did naff all anyway so I'm not sure if the water would have given me the relief I wanted. Will aim for a water birth still next time if I can though and I'm so glad I didn't have a long drawn out labour where i had to go walking the corridors to get things moving.

ILoveAFullFridge · 04/09/2013 09:34

I'm not sure it hugely matters. Not in the sense of any OK, mum OK, nothing else important'. No, not at all. But in the sense that a birthing experience can be hugely empowering, satisfying, good, even if it didn't go the way the mum had planned.

In a way, your body is getting on with it, and you, your mind, are just along for the ride. You can help or hinder, but you can't be in charge.

Panzee · 04/09/2013 09:36

Nope.

Wanted candles, aromatherapy, water, breathing baby out onto a bed of woven lentils and all that.

Got elective sections both times for various reasons, :o

juneau · 04/09/2013 09:38

Yes - DS2. I wanted a completely natural and intervention-free labour and birth. With DS1 I didn't get that, but with DS2 I had a quick, uncomplicated labour (2 hours 20 mins from start to finish), and a short pushing stage and there just wasn't time for anyone to interfere! I felt wonderful afterwards and because I knew I didn't want any more DC I also felt I'd gone out on a high note. I hope you get the birth you want. It is possible, but some of it is luck.

ILoveAFullFridge · 04/09/2013 09:42

Oh, and with dc3 I did have the birthing I had hoped for with all my dc: gentle, tranquil, under water, no VEs, minimal intervention (midwife fully accepting my refusals), minimal drugs ( only a bit of G&A). Only thing that was not as plannedt was in hospital instead of at home.

callamia · 04/09/2013 09:43

Thanks so much to those of you with back-to-back stories.
I've been trying, in vain, to persuade my small person to turn, but they seem to be much more comfortable facing forward. I've been faintly terrified about what this is going to mean for birth, but you've all made me feel calmer.

baddriver · 04/09/2013 09:43

Yes, elective cs

ShowOfHands · 04/09/2013 09:47

I suppose in a way nobody gets the birth they planned for in any kind of sequential way because it's utterly out of our control. It just so happens that sometimes the birth you get tallies up against the one you wanted. You can't plan the nitty gritty of it though, only the peripherals. I think the key to any good birth plan is having realistically considered your options if the ideal doesn't happen or isn't available. Then you've planned for every eventuality.

I wanted two home waterbirths. I had two emcs.

emsyj · 04/09/2013 11:02

Not first time - but there was nothing anyone could have done about that. Second time, it was far better than anything I could have planned: I hoped for a VBAC in hospital but ended up staying at home. It was a lovely calm birth with a fantastic midwife - better than anything I could have planned or hoped for. I had my Hypnobirthing CD on, the lights off, nobody talking to me or telling me what to do, no vaginal exams, no directed pushing - nothing. Twas amazing!

HairyPorter · 04/09/2013 11:06

Yes elective cs with dc2 after emergency cs with dc1. Was amazing! No tugging/pulling that I felt uncomfortable with during first one, great recovery after- up and down stairs by day 2. Best way to have a baby IMO!

StarlightMcKenzie · 04/09/2013 12:07

My 2nd and 3rd went according to plan, but that was because I planned for everything.

Original poster

afrikat · 04/09/2013 14:55

Thanks ladies, good mix of experiences but all sounds positive! Am trying v hard to not plan too much other than 'as natural as possible' but am aware I just have to go with the flow. Being a bit of a control freak in normal life makes it v hard to accept the fact there will be little I can do to control things in childbirth!

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rallytog1 · 04/09/2013 15:51

Yes. I had a baby.

Remember, you're going with the express purpose of having a baby, not a 'birth experience'. I know several people who've been set on doing things a certain way and have come out the other end very disappointed and have struggled to get over it.

So try to be realistic and remember that the most important thing honestly is getting you and your baby safely through it.

namechanger1979 · 04/09/2013 16:04

I had 3 vaginal births. This was more luck than judgement.
I didn't have a birth plan at all for the first one....well I did it was get baby out as easily as possible and safely and get back to independence asap. I would have had any pain relief needed including an epidural. They could have monitored baby as much as they wanted just as long as he was safe. And if I needed a csection then so be it. As it happened I had a very straight forward birth and when I asked for the epidural it was too late as he was on his way out.
I don't have a high pain threshold.I was just very lucky indeed. Other 2 came out at home with short labours. Some people would consider this ideal and I guess it was but it was never my "plan" at all. And tbh I think a birth plan especially with the first is really hard. You don't know how fast they will come or how much it hurts and its sometimes best to go with the flow. That doesn't mean you should be disempowered ... just accept that it might not go "to plan" and that doesn't mean you have somehow failed.

SilverSixpence · 04/09/2013 17:09

Yes I had a lovely water birth with dd but unfortunately ended up with some bleeding and was on a drip for the rest of the night! I think it is possible to have a good birth experience, but it's not really in your control if things go wrong so a plan is more like a wish list of things you'd like to happen

Thurlow · 04/09/2013 17:16

I think the key to a good birth experience is not being too caught up on what will constitute a good birth experience for you. Understand everything that might happen and be prepared to go with the flow. It's being determined that you will have a water birth, for example, when there are so many reasons out of your control why you might not be in that pool, that can cause women to be disappointed or upset afterwards.

Panzee · 04/09/2013 20:11

Oh yes, despite my two CS being the polar opposite of what I would have wanted if I had a choice, they were boh very positive experiences.

I feel a little wistful about not getting a chance to labour, a bit like I occasionally wish I'd visited New York or bought a different house. But I don't regret it or feel disappointed in any way.

Original poster

afrikat · 04/09/2013 22:48

Rallytog1 I really like that way of looking at it - it's quite easy to get caught up in the whole labour planning and forget what the end goal is!

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