Am I being unreasonable? (Asking husband to stay sober from 37 weeks).

[OdaBear]

I'm just curious on your opinions on this one. I'm 37 weeks pregnant, and frankly having a horrible pregnancy. (Lots of muscular pains to bump area, sciatica, pelvic girdle pain, horrible Braxton Hicks on any kind of exertion). This is my second pregnancy - the first was easy and painless. Our first child is 18 months, and I can't really lift him without getting pains and spasms. So I have asked my husband if he could refrain from nights out from now on, as I don't think I'll be able to coordinate getting our son to my parent's for childcare, whilst organising all of his and my paraphernalia etc, in the event my husband has got trollied on a big night out. Unfortunately, he isn't the type of man who can compromise on one pint and stay relatively sober, so I have to ask him to refrain from going out altogether. He's not very happy, but is complying.

Am I being harsh?

Hell no !! X

No I don't think you are at all. Its not like its going to be for too long.

I was like you and had a great first pregnancy and a really painful second, luckily the third was like the first!

Good luck, not long to go now.

You would be being a tad unreasonable if he was able to go out and just have one or two drinks, but as he can't, you are not.

However, my biggest problem with this situation would be that he can't just have one or two drinks but has to get trollied....

not in the slightest im 37+5 and my oh isn't having anything to drink, granted he doesn't drink much anyway, we had friends stay last week so my mum said if he drank 1 night she'd be on standby (granted she's on standby as it is!)
But anyway I digress YANBU in the slightest OP

Tell me about it - I wish he could just go and have one or two, and come back at a decent hour. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, without fail, it is all night and wasted. And this is the crux of the problem. I can't rely on him to be there if I were to go into labour, and I would really need him. Maybe if we didn't have a child yet, I could probably get myself to hospital in a cab...

no, I didn't exactly set any rules for dh, but I did make it quite clear to him what an idiot he'd look like if he was drunk or even tipsy at his own child's birth, that was enough to keep him sober. it was first child so I think I only felt it relevant from about 38 weeks onwards though. but that's only a few weeks out of their lives just don't mention the newborn weeks yet

YANBU

Ask him how he'd feel if he missed the birth cos he was trashed. Or how he would feel with a raging hangover at 5am when you woke him to tell him the LO was nearly here?
It's 3-5 weeks; you've managed >30 weeks with very few drinks and no big nights out (I assume)
Good luck

No YANBU. My first was due on New Year's Eve and I asked my DH not to drink (he could have one as long as he was ok to drive) from 38 weeks! I didn't think this was harsh at all! He still fondly recalls his sober Christmas!

Old Bear - you shouldn't have to 'get yourself there'. How long has your DH been an alcoholic and what does he intend to do about it? He has a child - soon children - he needs to sort himself out.

Chipping - his mum is an alcoholic, and unfortunately a culture of casual drinking seems to be acceptable. I actually said he could go out this evening if he has one or two light drinks (that wouldn't lead to a criminal driving conviction). Then he opens up a beer at home (before our son has gone to bed) and tells me he would get a cab - implying that he would be out to drink more. I actually challenged him about drinking before our son has gone to bed, especially as he's at that age where everything he sees us eating/drinking, he wants to sample. He totally jumped down my throat and basically said that I was being neurotic. I digress - he has admitted that he needs to cut it down etc in the past, especially after doing some despicable things whilst drunk. I don't know what will make him change his attitude towards alcohol. His mother should be enough to put anyone off drinking.

Nooooo! YAdefNBU!

I got quite cross with DH when he got drunk at a family do when I was 36 weeks. Then I felt bad thinking I was BU as surely I'd have weeks and weeks left, then went into labour 37+2 and was 5hr45 from first contraction to her coming out so thank god that didn't happen the week previously! You are def NBU.

I also just want to add that he isn't a totally awful drunken man. He's looked after us so well, he does all the donkey-work he can, HE'S packed my bag, he does a lot of hands-on care for our son, and he's been exceptionally patient with me and my lack of wanting to put out (sorry for TMI!) for months on end. BUT, he values his nights out, and he is totally incapable of remaining sober when in social situations. I feel a little sorry for him, as pre-pregnancy I've been more than able, and happy to socialise sober.

I know there will be more responses, but thanks for your support and opinions girls! Xx

You are not being unreasonable at all! My DH is like this and so I asked him not to go out after 37 weeks.

People around me thought I was being abit precious about it.

I had a 1.5 hr labour and had an unassisted home birth because it all happened so quickly. Luckily my DH was with me and he had to deliver the baby, god knows what might have happened if he had been under the influence!

Yanbu! Dh has been given notice on his drinking and availability. He's been told from 37 weeks he must be able to drive and be within an hour of me or the hospital.

It's the least he can do

Good grief! Unassisted home birth and your hubby delivered?! Glad to hear it all turned out ok (as in he hadn't been drinking!).

I've been at 2 births where the husband was clearly drunk. One picked an argument with the anaesthetist prior to the emergency cs and was almost arrested. It was very unpleasant, frightening and mortifying for his wife.

The other was a normal birth where the loudly snoring man gradually slid off the chair onto the delivery room floor, blocking a lot of space. I deftly rolled him with my foot under the bed into the recovery position as his wife started to push..

Oh dear mayhew. Shocking stories of male idiocy!

There is a lot I have seen??.

I don't think you are being harsh at all your husband should be there for you without thinking twice about it. Both you, your unborn baby and your young child should be his highest priority above anything else.

No, that is a must! I had a similar pregnancy so feel for you and know how vulnerable you must feel

I posted a very similar thread on AIBU (but nuch less well worded)and got the message that I was in fact BU... but I'd still say that you are being totally sensible! It's the problem about being able to stop at 1 or 2, and frankly after 9 months off drinking (and with possibly more months of BF to come), 3 weeks is a very small ask.

In the end my DH agreed to go teetotal from 38 weeks, which was a good thing (he's also not a big/regular drinker, but does like to party on the weekends), and the baby arrived right on 38!
Hope you can agree on this and good luck with the last few weeks.

Although he was really sulky on Saturday night, he has subsequently said that he knows he shouldn't go out, and was just being a prat. (He's good at that).

May be a slight digression, but I'm getting tired of all the emphasis on alcohol. I'm 32, and I have been plenty drunk in my years, and I do enjoy a glass of something. But the idea that you have to drink to have a good time is getting really tired. I have been teetotal (aside from the odd sip here and there just for flavour) for this pregnancy, and will continue to for breastfeeding. But I'm not looking forward to the day I can get blotto again. It is nice being able to drive home, it is nice not having a hangover and it is nice not making a prat of myself whilst under the influence (it has been known!). I also actually enjoy alcohol-free lager. It isn't such a bad thing being sober.

Sorry about the rant! I hope I (we) can bring up our sons to have a healthy attitude towards booze...