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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

First Time pregnancy and scared of birth!

45 replies

SophieB · 20/04/2006 18:43

This is my first pregnancy, im 4 months and im 21, its going well so far but the one thing i keep thinking about is the birth!! im sooo scared! im worried about how painful its going to be, will my partner pass out?! can anyone re- asure me? is it normal to panic like this??!

OP posts:

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desperateSCOUSEwife · 20/04/2006 18:47

sophie cant lie to you but
yes it does hurt at the time
the pain is stronger than period pains cramping etc

but believe me when i say this

once the baby is born you wont feel any pain and holding the babe in your arms will be all worthwhile
I promise:)
good luck sweetie
xxx

compo · 20/04/2006 18:49

I felt exactly the same way as you. But I can honestly say it wasn't as bad as I imagined. DSW is right - it is like really really bad period pain. Then I had gas and air (lovely) and an epidural and din't feel a thing

Socci · 20/04/2006 18:49

It is usually very painful (in my experience anyway) and I think you'll find it easier if you prepare yourself for that. However, there are loads of things you can do to make it easier for yourself - like keeping upright for as long as possible - gravity will help your baby move along the birth canal. I have found that by breathing the right way I could ease the pain and make it manageable. I actually think it is less painful if you can use your own techniques (after my first experience of a drugs controlled labour). Drugs can be useful of course, but I think natural techniques are better and more successful so try them first.

Everyone experiences it differently though - that's just my point of view

Socci · 20/04/2006 18:50

gravity also helps the first stage when your cervix is dilating.

JoolsToo · 20/04/2006 18:51

yes it's normal - try not to worry, you've got ages to go yet.

Can you not ask for an epidural? I've had 2 (out of 3 births) they are brilliant. YOu can see how you manage and if it gets too much scream til you get one

desperate is right about soon forgetting the pain when you see your baby and let's face most of us have more than one child so it can't be that bad!

Distel · 20/04/2006 18:52

Just keep thinking that it can't be that bad or the world would be full of one child famillies. I have had 3 children, and to be honest with no1 diddn't think about the birth to much. I ended up having an epidural but my baby was back to back which apparently makes a longer and more painfull labour, but I still went on to have 2 more. I agree with DesperateSCOUCEwife, that the second you have your baby in your arms it will all be a distant memory.

Socci · 20/04/2006 18:54

Sophie - I would recommend NCT anti-natal classes. I was terrified to give birth the second time so I went to an NCT labour day and it was very helpful to me.

TheBlonde · 20/04/2006 19:02

Remember the pain won't last forever

Original poster

SophieB · 20/04/2006 19:06

all this advice has really helped! the thought will still be there tho! doesnt help when my partner carnt even watch when i have a blood test, that i carnt help but think what on earth is he going to be like at the birth!

OP posts:

desperateSCOUSEwife · 20/04/2006 19:07

sophieb my dh is scared of blood
he goes giddy and faints sometimes
but he was a star when i gave birth and wasnt queezy at all

Original poster

SophieB · 20/04/2006 19:18

ive warned my other half, he passes out then ill have to leave him where he is!! he says he'll be ok so hopefully he will!!

OP posts:

desperateSCOUSEwife · 20/04/2006 19:26

wishing you and your dh the best of luck:)
xxx

sunandmoon · 20/04/2006 20:09

It could be worst... starting by the happy feeling then the pain but no, you will definitely start by the pain and then the wonderful happy feeling when the little one gets in your arm.. Wish you all the best.
And if your partner pass out (i doubt it!), it will all be a good fun story to tell

HelloMama · 20/04/2006 20:19

Nature does something to you, so that at 9 months pregnant, you are actually DESPERATELY looking forward to the birth! You will do ANYTHING to not be pregnant for one more day / night! You are big, hot, uncomfortable and you cannot sleep. I was also dreading the birth, but by the end I was doing anything and everything to bring on labour, and if you read many of the threads on here, you will see that many women feel the same! :)

jazzyp · 20/04/2006 20:42

So true HelloMama! I was pregnant all last summer, dd was six days late and my ankles were the size of footballs!!!

SophieB, you'll be fine. The birth itself is such a short period of time compared to how long you are pregnant, it will be over before you know it and you will have your lovely baby in your arms!

morningpaper · 20/04/2006 20:47

Fair enough Sophie, for lots of women (including me) giving birth is totally horrific and mentally scarring

still want more babies though :)

also, having a newborn is far worse than giving birth, so try to focus on that instead

Hattie05 · 20/04/2006 20:53

havn't read all the other posts, but i don't think you are alone at all in the way you are feeling.

Your dp is unlikely to pass out. Mine is the most squeamish you can get, and he thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience, was really supportive, cut the cord AND studied the placenta which i couldn't even bring myself to look at!

I found the further on my pregnancy went the less scary the labour seemed, because you get so desperate to meet your new baby you don't care what you have to go through to get it.

Its definitely worth making yourself as informed as possible about different ways to deliver, and all your options available r.e pain relief etc. Read up, ask friends and search the internet. This will make you feel more in control and less reason to be scared.

Yes birth is painful, but by the time i got to the really painful bit i had been through 5 hours of contractions and just wanted it over and to meet my baby. I used gas and air - which made me feel very drunk and as though i was on another planet, its hard to describe but yes i felt the pain but it was in no way traumatic because a) i was away with the fairies and b) as soon as the pain passed i had this beautiful creature in my arms!

HTH!

kitty4paws · 20/04/2006 20:53

Not much to add to what everyone else has said but a quote I heard somewhere

"It's called labour because it's a hard day's work"

I thought of my births as a physical job to be done, not easy , but ok, just keep going till its done , like any job, and what a pay-packet !!!

Good luck.

morningpaper · 20/04/2006 20:57

I found it helpful to think that there are 100,00 women giving birth in the world at the same time as me. :)

But when I had the baby in my arms I was still in agony because after all that I'd done my back in. :)

morningpaper · 20/04/2006 20:57

100,000

Hattie05 · 20/04/2006 20:59

The best thing for me was, once i'd be cleaned and stitched up and left in peace to admire my baby - i could hear another woman screaming in the next room giving birth - and i just closed my eyes and thought 'bliss' its all over for me!

bramblina · 20/04/2006 21:16

In each contraction- think to yourself you will never have that contraction again, and they do pass very quickly, they all come to an end and inbetween each one you kind of get back to normal. You do forget labour very quickly. No-one told me that the head was the worst bit, so remember when that's out, the rest is actually fine. Good luck!

Unity · 20/04/2006 21:25

hmmmm how to help you chill out???????????
Well - I looked around me, at the people walking up and down the city centre etc and i thought, every single person here is here becasue someone gave birth to them, and many of these people have given birth, and all the people in the buildings you can't see are all here becasue someone had to give birth, and they all survived it. I thought about all the living in this world and how many people have given birth, and that I'm just someone else having a baby.

It really isn't as bad as you think it is. The contractions hurt, sure, but your body gives off endophines, natural painkillers and your body knows what to do and takes care of itself. As well as that there's a team of people at hand to help you through. It really really isn't that bad. And for every contraction you have it brings you one step closer to meeting your son or daughter and the wonderful maternal bond oyu're about to feel and never llok back from. it;s the best thing that will ever happen to you. Congratulations.

TravelFiend · 20/04/2006 21:31

Agree with Kitty4paws, for me labour was not so much painful as a hard mornings work. When you hear the women shouting (terrified me before I did it myself) it´s not really through pain so much as the huge effort involved in heaving the wretched baby out! It never occured to me to ask for pain relief but why not take it if it will make you more comfortable? Childbirth is a huge privilige in a way and an experience you will maybe never have again. And yes when you´re 9 months pregnant you will be trying to bring it on as soon as possible! Good luck to you, try not to worry, be positive!

Nonyummymummy · 20/04/2006 21:56

Hi SophieB - I cannot fully comment on actually giving birth as I ended up with a caesaeran for lack of progress but what I can say is that I was the world's biggest coward and terrified of needles, hospitals etc etc but it is amazing what happens when you are actually in labour! I always thought I would feel sick at the thought of an epidural but I had it done twice and then a spinal block as well and I hardly noticed. Also I always swore that there was no way they would operate on me whilst I was awake - again when it came to it I was very calm. My SIL was very nervous so she had hypnotherapy and I don't know if that is what did it but she had a 5 hour labour and breezed through it. Also as the others say, unlike other pain, there are rests in between and you know that it will only go on for so long. Things like water pools can really help with coping with the pain as well - I felt really relaxed in between contractions in the pool and able to cope without anything else. Sorry if this is a bit of a rambly post

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