Could I ask how you chose to give birth the second time if the first time was a disaster, and did you regret your decision at all?

[Onezerozero]

I am trying to decide what to do this time, after an unpleasant and rather traumatic vaginal birth last time.
I keep swinging one way then the other.

I had a traumatic labour, forceps, emcs. DD1 perfectly fine.
Second time I had an easy labour, threatened with forceps (I declined) and crash section. DD2 not terribly well before birth, perfectly fine afterwards.
I don't regret trying for a VBAC though. The labour part was fine.

I chose a home birth with dd after horrific hospital birth and episiotomy with ds. I didn't quite have a home birth in the end as dd was actually born in the ambulance that had been phones to transfer me to the hospital after my labour didn't progress as expected. Really I had just gone into transition and wasn't coping with the end pain, hence why ambulance was called but as soon as I got in there I was up on that stretcher and pushed her out in 5 mins. I don't regret it in a way as its a funny and unusual story, particularly as she was also born in her waters, but I'm opting for hospital birth for my third Nd last one that's due later this year.

First birth: induced due to pre-eclampsia, 40 hour labour, two failed epidurals, no other pain relief, baby got stuck, forceps, episiotomy and tear, large PPH, blood transfusions, 7 months to heal fully.

For some reason I decided to do it again but I'm glad I did, it was a healing and empowering experience (the only downside is I'm not sure it did my pelvic floor any good).

Second birth: went into labour naturally, long latent phase then 9 hour active labour, successful epidural so sat and chatted up DH happily joking and playing games, told I was ready to push and 15 pain free minutes later out came DD2, no tear no bleeding.

1st labour went on forever & ended with lots of panic & intervention.. (DS weighed 7lb, hospital birth)

2nd labour lasted 3 hours & I actually enjoyed it! (dd weighed 8' 11, home birth)

From talking to others, very different labours seem quite common? So a bad experience could well be a 'one off'

1st labour - termed as "failed induction". Had pessaries, waters broken, hormone drip...the works. Ended up with high temperature, flat out with epidural and never got past 6 cm dilated. DS born by ECS 3 days after induction started & I was transferred to HDU. He was just under 9lbs.

DC2 due anytime and am aiming for a VBAC with ELCS booked for 10 days after due date. My confidence in my decision changes by the moment I blame the hormones

I went for an elCS the 2nd time. One of the best decisions I have ever made.

Lovely peaceful and short birth, baby with a normal round head on my breast shortly thereafter. Relatively low level of pain, for much MUCH shorter than the three weeks of torture I suffered after 1st (vaginal) birth.

I've never regretted it and plan to recommend it to everyone who asks for the rest of my life

I had an horrendous first birth. I was offered a c section second time but I decided to try vaginal birth again.

I'm very glad I did as second birth was 2 hours of easy labour and 5 minutes of pushing. My second birth cured me from the trauma I felt from the first.

1st: long long labour with malpositioned baby, many shift changes of midwife, syntocin drip, epidural (in pain but immobile), ventouse and many stitches followed by horrible postnatal ward experience.

2nd: homebirth with doula. I needed not to be on a clock, to be more in control and to have an advocate for me - DH had not stuck up for me in my first labour, he'd held me down for the epidural (for instance) and agreed with every intervention suggested rather than questioning. He also left as soon as he could afterwards and didn't come back until 10am. So the doula helped by asking questions and managing the midwives; being at home helped because when he tried to bugger off for a cup of tea and sit down afterwards I could go and get him

Emergency CS the first time. Was being induced in the middle of the night and the baby's heartbeat disappeared. Was rushed through to Theatre with alarm bells ringing etc but was on my own as they'd sent my husband home earlier in the evening. He missed the birth of our son and I had to go through traumatic eviction process all by myself.
Second time around I opted for a planned CS and it was the most relaxed pleasant experience I could have hoped for. I'd recommend it.

First birth was quite traumatic, drawn out and I had every drug on the planet. The placenta got stuck and I ended up retaining parts of it which got infected. And it felt like every member of staff in the hospital was present. Left me not able to bond with dd1 for almost a week.

Second birth was in MLU only had 2 midwives present. Only had diamorphine and gas and air. Was completely relaxed and was probably the best day of my life if I'm being honest. It was a wonderful experience. I bonded with dd2 instantly.

Both were vaginal births.

My options are either a C section or a hospital birth.
I wouldn't be able to homebirth or go to a birth centre.

I just feel too... frightened of a vaginal birth again, if I am honest. When I was pregnant the first time I didn't worry at all about the birth, and I expected my hormones to make me feel the same way again, calm and accepting, but they haven't!

But, the doctors say my previous birth was successful, in the end, so there's no reason not to do it again. And I know other women do do it again. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I am not brave enough to face it. :(

First birth was very traumatic. Lasted 3 days, had the works and ended up with emcs. The second I had a vbac. Healing was so much quicker. Glad I did it. It took me a long time to decide but I definitely made the right choice for me.

Traumatic first birth; agonising brow presentation after induction (waters broke and no labour), eventually delivered by forceps (ventouse broke) after epidural stopped contractions. I was in hospital and the midwife would not believe I was in labour/agony until my husband turned up, ran for the doc and I was found to be 7cm dilated. In the meantime I put on a nice spectacle for the others and their visitors in the ante natal ward.

After that I waited 3 years to have second child. When I went to ante natal class I became extremely distressed and opted for an elective C Section. It was a very civilised way to give birth. DD2 was a calm and happy baby. DD1 was a screaming wreck for the first few months of her life and never breast fed and became jaundiced, prolonging our stay in hospital.

Personally I would definitely recommend the elective C section, though tbh I sometimes wish I had been to give birth in the normal way - both babies were born in the operating theatre. There are risks with any op, but I had no complications. There was some pain after, but they give you pain killers and to be honest I was in better shape physically after that than the vaginal birth.

I had a crap first birth because the care I had in hospital was bloody awful, although luckily both my dd and myself were physically fine. I coped by having a home birth for my second. It was lovely.

1st time- 3b tear, needed many stitches and took ages to heal
2nd time- elcs, no regrets!

I know what you mean about feeling you're not being brave enough to do it again, I felt that way for a while. But it's so irrelevant how he arrived now and I'm happy I made the right decision for me. Good luck.

Had elective c/s after life-or-death crash c/s first birth. No regrets and luckily consultant agreed that I "deserved" an elective after first birth.

Dd1 - birth unit, long labour, long pushing stage, no drugs, transferred to labour ward, episiotomy, ventouse 3 rd degree tear. Some issues following

Dd2 - birth unit, meconium in waters, transferred to labour ward, induced, epidural, passed out, 2 nd degree tear, badly stitched, more issues following.

Ds - elcs, bloody awful in every respect!

I think that each time I made the right decision for the time, but regretted it afterwards - sorry, I'm not much help! But all you can do is go with your gut.

EmCS with dd1 following textbook labour, unfortunately midwives didn't notice that she was back to back until she got stuck and the epidural wore off because in the fuss no one thought to top it up. Terrifying and agonising. Awful traumatic birth, I couldn't even look at her. Couldn't establish bf, perfectly fit and healthy otherwise. Not the best way to stay family life. We're fine now obviously.

Decided half way through pregnancy with dd2 that I'd like to try for a natural birth again. Textbook labour, textbook delivery in an hour and a half! Bf like a dream. Totally different experience and like MrsBungleBear said it helped me get over the first time.

The recovery from a vb was also bloody marvellous compared to a cs. Was up and about the next day, felt great.

you have to think about your own emotions in all sorts of situs - ie can you just get on with things or are you very emotional and over think things etc....

i had text book first birth on page to people reading my notes- i have fab birthing pelivs - was only 23 mins pushing and 6 hours full on labour - one small tear no stiches.

emotionally every second was hell - physically turned out she was back to back - pain horrendous...it was like torture....

i opted for section next time and the theatre - made me panic - because I have never been in a theatre before, bright lights - stainless steel...instruments

the staff were amazing, they said after i was the most nervous person they had had in a very long time!!!!

i found it extraordinary to get my head round the fact i was AWAKE during a major op!!! I panicked about so many things - HOWEVER....

It was over extremly quickly, it was painless - I knew I was in 100% professional top notch hands - and more than one pair also....I was so awake and aware when dd was born....not like first time when after days of sleep deprivation etc...felt like a zombie....

it was wonderful to have an intact undercarriage and no probs down there - and pelvic floor still intact etc...

elc was still a shock - its still hard core, I had a nasty faint when I first got up, they had to ring the bell etc.....and after i had a severe pain in my side but that was because i did a stupid big twist hours after the op - otherwise it was all painless...

people dont lie when they talk about recovery - i was so lucky to have huge amount of help from hubby. having said that - it took my body a few years to recover from VB that was so called text book! This time - i have been more severly restricted due to op - short term but still feel much much more intact now if that makes sense>

My first birth was hideous. I was induced, and had every intervention going up to episiotomy and forceps. Afterwards was even worse, the care on postnatal ward was not good.

I decided that I was not returning to that hospital again. So had homebirth second time round. It was great. Only drawback was having to replace the bedroom carpet.

DS1 - attempted homebirth. Transferred to hospital for forceps. 2nd degree tear. Very very long labour

DD1 - homebirth. 10 hour labour but manageable throughout. Fantastic being at home for recovery.

Not doing it again though!

btw

there is nothing wrong with you feeling afraid to go through something that you have already been trhough and been emotionally scarred by.

There is something wrong with you feeling there is something wrong with your fear now - that is a cultural problem that crops up on these boards time and time and time again!

CB is IS IS SCARY!!!!!

Its not guaranteed how it will be or end...

I guess you have to weigh up what your priorities are for you emotionally as people say you carry the baby for 9 months - you will then be a mother until the day you die to that child for the entire rest of your life - how much does the birth really matter in terms of how/when/where etc....

if vb is important to you to try again - hypno birthing is apparenlty the next big thing - or the big thing and is amazing...

First birth in a foreign country that believed women should suffer and didn't offer pain relief - despite being hooked up to syntocin drip on full pelt for 8 hours after 2 induction pessaries. From waters breaking (bit nothing happening) to emcs lasted 36 hours. V. traumatic and the general rudeness, countless unnecessary internals and non explanation of anything going on only exacerbated it.

Second, in UK this time, was going to go for vbac but wussed out at last minute. Kept being told dc 2 was huge and lost confidence Had lovely elective cs and no regrets. Put in private room, lovely staff, pain relief afterwards etc and couldn't have been more different. OT but also means broody DH won't be able to persude me to pop out the huge brood he'd quite like and I can get my tubes tied during the next one. Really don't think (now) that vaginal birth is the be all and end all and has no bearing on bonding or any of that, having bf dc1 for over 2 years and am 6 months and counting with dc2.

Interestingly it was an anaesthetist couple on my nct course that pointed out the huge difference between vaginal birth and natural (i.e no intervention) birth and the rarity of the latter. Both she and my GP opted for c sections themselves - this knowledge did go some way towards stopping my dithering.

How far on are you OP?

I wasn't at all frightened of my first birth either and it all went horribly wrong.

I was offered a section second time. What most of all made me decide to try vaginal again was the conversations I had with my consultant and midwife. They went through what had happened the first time. They totally accepted it was horrendous and that some of the things that happened should not have (from a medical care point of view).

Just having this acceptance from them and because I felt like they had really listened and were prepared for my next birth I felt a bit braver after that. I didn;t get a bit braver, though, until well after 35 weeks.

There was no medical reason for me to have a section - it was only offered to me because of the mental aspect.

They also told me that if I could do that first birth I would breeze a birth with no complications and second ones tend to be a lot easier. For me it all worked out great the second time and I really felt it 'put to bed' the mental trauma I had hanging around from the first birth.

I did feel much more confident, though, after speaking to my Consultant and Midwife and confident that what happened last time would not be allowed to happen again.

Hope it all works out well for you!

I had a hideous 1st birth: b2b, induction drugs hyperstimulated me/keillands forceps/epi wound that broke down and the pain tortured me/faecal incontinence. Milk didn't come in until day 6 due to the trauma, DD readmitted and tube fed, she's also scarred from the forceps. I felt horrendous for months after, it affected my self esteem, my relationship with my husband - I have no happy memories of the 1st 3 months of being a mother.

I wanted an ELCS for my second but was declined by 1st consultant I saw. I wasn't sleeping and was having palpitations. I couldn't even read the NCT magazine because photos of birth positions made me break down. My ELCS was granted by 2nd opinion and was an absolute dream, a thoroughly easy and enjoyable experience. Pain in CS scar area is NOTHING compared to an open episiotomy and accompanying forceps damage, I felt on top of the world and my recovery was lovely. Milk came in on day 3 and DD2 fed like a dream.

When I asked about options for my 2nd birth all professionals would say was "2nd vaginal births are usually easier but there are no guarantees". I knew the exact risks of an ELCS, I had complete control, it was calm and pleasant. I had no interest in "proving I could get this one right" - I never want to experience that degree of pain and helplessness again so ELCS was a no brainer for me.