Too old?

[ValerieDavis]

Read an article today saying that 45 is too old to want another child. In your eyes - how old is too old?

It's a highly individual choice. 45 would be too old for me, as I'd be concerned about the health risks and so on, but I know personally at least 2 women who have had healthy children at that age.

As long as you think you could reasonably expect to live for another 20/30 or so years (so your babies would be adults before they had to worry about your declining health etc) then I think it is entirely a personal matter and up to you.

I don't approve of women in their 60's thinking that their body could tolerate pregnancy and a natural birth though. Menopause at the expected time, is there for a reason; it is different if you have an early menopause and need IVF in normal child bearing years.

There are many health risks associated with pregnancy that aren't only age related.

Menopause (excluding those who have an early menopause)

Whatever age is too old, it's the same for fathers as well as mothers. Why should a child be faced with the prospect of losing a father at a young age, or dealing with a father's declining health?

I agree with Flisspaps - menopause (unless that happened too soon).

I am sure that some women will make excellent parents at that age. Some of my friends are just a few years younger and have just had their first DC.

I am 44 - and haven't ruled out another one yet.

"Menopause at the expected time, is there for a reason;" Not sure about that statement.

juule I meant it as in babyhood, childhood, puberty, child bearing years, menopause, old age, death. Just as a life stage.

In evolutionary terms, it shows the decline towards old age and is nothing sinister. Just a PITA for anyone experiencing it.

greenhill I don't understand why just being part of a sequence of events is a reason for menopause. It's not as though if menopause didn't happen then old age, death (in your example) wouldn't happen. And as you mentioned sometimes menopause happens earlier than we would generally expect. That doesn't mean that the woman then rapidly ages and dies.

Too old to want or have another baby? I'm not quite there yet but would love another one (very very unlikely though).

Not so sure I agree with the menopause comment. People typically live a lot longer than they used to, but the age that menopause happens is the same. I think it is up to the individual, their personal circumstances and their health. However, I must say I am uncomfortable with women in their 60s getting pregnant.

juule Speaking from personal experience, my DM, my DGM (and her 5 other sisters) all went through menopause in their late 50's and my great grandmother continued having children in her 50's and lived until she was in her late 80's. I imagine for my DGGM the menopause came as a relief as it ended the child bearing years. She only died in the 1950's and like many other generations of women before reliable contraception was available, was probably glad not to have to endure any more pregnancies (13 children born, number of pregnancies unknown).

Generally, we start our child bearing years many years after we have passed through puberty, due to life style choice and available contraception, so the menopause comes more as a shock to us, as we don't feel old before our time (because we have not had the drudge of bringing up 10 or so children) as it was customary to do so until the early/ mid 20th century for some women.

Evolution/ biology has not yet caught up with our lifestyles. So yes, I don't know why menopause happens NOW, just that, there was a good reason for it to happen, until relatively speaking, quite recently.

BTW that doesn't mean that big families are a bad idea. My DGM was very sad to have only had one child and would have loved to have had as many as her own mother. The desire/ want for a child does not stop at 45.

juule menopause IS there for a reason....women are too close to their old age to have children safely and to see them through to adulthood.

That's enough of a reason for me!

I know I would not want one. The risk of twins and birth defects is too much responsibility at that age.

So, greenhill (and NCF) are you saying that you believe menopause was a deliberate act of nature to be kind to women?

juule. I think menopause was a way of originally preventing women having to drop dead before they stopped having children (barring birth complications obv.) so that they could rear those children and have a chance to get them to independence or even adulthood.

Just as breast feeding on demand is a form of natural contraception, because as long as you feed your child every few hours you do not ovulate (at least every 5/6 hours 24/7) so can nurture that one until it is able to feed independently.
As soon as your child self weans, menstruation occurs and your body is receptive to pregnancy.

Sorry to have hijacked this thread valeriedavis

"I think menopause was a way of originally preventing women having to drop dead before they stopped having children"
I'm not really convinced of this partly due to the fact that many women in the past died before menopause anyway.

I'm also sorry if you feel this thread has been hi-jacked ValeriDavis. Although if some people believe that menopause marks the point at which a woman becomes too old to have/want another child I suppose it could be relevant to the thread.

In reply to the original question, I agree with Beamur "It's a highly individual choice."

I don't think 45 is too old. I am having my third (first DD died though) at 41 though that is definitely it for me. I guess I could be biased.

Evolutionary biologists seem to think that menopause "evolved" because there were benefits from grandmothers looking after their daughter's children. Given this and the massive increase in life expectancy, it seems odd to me to try to argue that women post-menopause are too old to raise kids and might die. Raising children is exactly what they were doing throughout history. They were good at it too due to more experience!

Of course there are more risks of pregnancy as you get older though so that is sadly a factor.

But regardless of all this I think if you want to you are not too old!

I'm only 27, so can't say for certain that I won't change my mind, but I personally don't plan to have children over 40. I want to have children while I'm still relatively young and healthy and be able to spend as many years with them as possible, to see them get married and have their own children and be young enough to help out with grandchildren. However, I would probably be able to offer my children more financially if I waited another 10 or 15 years before having them!

I think, objectively and thinking about the needs and welfare of the children, rather than the 'rights' of the parents, once you get into your 50s and 60s - for men and women - it is pushing it a bit.

BTW, I'm exclusively breastfeeding at least every 4 hours, 24 hours and I got my periods back at 8 weeks post partum! My perineum certainly didn't feel up to another pregnancy at that point!

People get pregnant at 50 spontaneously. Not usual, but it happens.

I meant to add, I don't mean that anyone over 40 couldn't do those things, but it is just my choice to have my children earlier, as me and my DH feel like it is the right stage for us! It's such a personal issue and sometimes people get a bit defensive about their own choices, so I hope no one has taken offence to my post!

You can't argue with evolution Juules....if we're living for longer but evolution has not decided to delay menopause then that's for a good number of reasons I'm sure.

I turn 40 soon and have 2 DC....I do toy with the idea of more and I'm sure Id be fine physically...but I don't want to be 60 with a 20 year old fresh out of Uni! I want to be touring America on a motorbike by then!

I'm not arguing with evolution. I am intrigued as to how it developed and why. I can see some sense in the argument of non-fertile grandmothers helping with their gc and so giving them a possible survival advantage along the lines that jules125 says.