ELective C-section??? don't know what to do...

[sw11mumofone]

Hi all, I'm sure there have been threads about this before but I would like to see if anyone can share their opinions with me anyway. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with DC2. I have a DD who is 2 and 2 months. My first birth was awful. I don't want to bore everyone with loads of details, but in short, I was induced at 42 +2. I had 18 hours worth of the gel which caused me a lot of pain and at the end of that I hadn't dilated even a cm. I was then induced by drip (the highest dose as nothing was happening). I was told I had to have an epidural due to the amount of drip. The epidural failed. They tried to re-site it. That failed. Two hours later they took it out and did it again. That failed. So I ended up with 18 hours of maximum drip with no pain relief. My contractions were lasting 90 seconds, with 10 seconds in between for the last 6 hours. Hideous. She then got stuck and I ended up with a ventouse delivery 42 hours after I started. I was so traumatised by the birth and by then being stuck straight on the post natal ward and my husband being sent home, that the first few months are a blur. I sobbed through a lot of it. I then suffered from PND at 9 months and a counsellor related the majority of it to post traumatic stress from the birth.
So - what to do this time. i just can't go through that again. But at the same time I also don't love the idea of a c-section. I like the idea of the control but the thought of being cut open when i'm awake and then the recovery after terrifies me. However, if I chance a natural birth again I'm petrified a potential epidural wouldn't work again if I needed one and that i'd end up traumatised yet again.

I went back to the hospital for the first time since the birth to do my 12 weeks scan. When I arrived at the maternity unit I could barely breathe - it brought back so many hideous memories that all I could feel was panic welling up inside me. I do have an appointment with a consultant in a couple of weeks to discuss my options, but feel if I don't go in there with my mind made up they''ll just push me into a natural birth again.
I just don't know what to do. Can anyone share any similar experiences? thanks and sorry for the long post!

Just to check in - I had DS by ELCS on Wednesday and I have to say, it was a thoroughly lovely experience throughout. The all-female obstetric team were wonderful, had skin-to-skin as soon as DS was out and recovery has so far been excellent.

I was offered the option of membrane rupture-syntocin-epidural by a consultant before the procedure if I still wanted a VBAC, but I thought "if they need to do all that to get me going, it's going to be a horrible experience and just as medicalised as the ELCS in the end." Plus, I was in the ELCS head space by then, with childcare arrangements to match.

Glad I stuck to ELCS because DS was 8lb5oz - yeouch!!

That said, the restrictions on what I can do for the next few weeks aren't helpful - but who's to say I wouldn't have had to have an EMCS anyway or possibly forceps/ventouse delivery, which would probably have left me in an awful state. So I'm pleased I chose the ELCS, even though I had to relinquish the VBAC plan.

Good luck with whatever you decide OP!

Oooo congrats IC! Glad to hear everything went well if not exactly to plan.

Congrats IC

Just wanted to say good luck, its a very personal choice so its hard to give advice.
You are doing the right thing by thinking about it so early on and asking for advice, you do have a while to make your mind up so you don't need to rush your decision. Defo try some kind of counselling for the previous birth if you feel you need to.

Hope it all goes well for you x

And don't let them push you into anything, take a person who will speak for you or make you feel more confident with you to appointments if you can.

Thanks All

I am in exactly the same position! Had an awful first birth, diagnosed with PTSD but luckily once the physical symptoms wore off (I lost 5 litres of blood so was pretty woozy for weeks!) & I was able to walk again, I started to feel emotionally better also.
I've been getting quite worked up already about the thought of going through that again. I went last wk for my 13w scan at the same hospital & was shocked at how extreme my reaction was to being back there. I cried on and off in fear for about 2 days afterwards.
I'm not sure a debrief would help you. I had a debrief 8 wks after the delivery as there was some question of whether I would sue the hospital for negligence. To be honest all they could really say was 'sorry, we messed up, but we did everything we could to save you when we realised how we messed up. We will do extra training now & it won't happen again'. On my 13w apt I also had to generally go through my previous delivery as the midwife wanted to talk about it. I think I'd have felt better if I didn't. It really brought it back to me how awful it all was & reduced me to quivering wreck.
I've been offered c section no question, but I'm the same as you & don't really want to go down this route. I feel stuck in this position of needing at some stage to get this baby out safely, but with no clue as to how I'm going to do it without it being unpleasant.
If I have a c section then I have to have surgery (which I don't fancy), then according to the rules I wouldn't be able to pick up my dd (who will be 23 months & surely needing reassurance more than ever that she is still mummy's girl) for 6 weeks.
If I go for natural birth then worst case scenario is I go through absolute agony for hrs then nearly die but am saved by a surgical team (who would be on standby this time). Best case scenario of nice calm & smooth easy labour seems to be an impossible dream to me at the moment.
There's no win win solution! But I want to try natural.
My way of trying to rationalise this is that Ive got a few months yet to work through this. I've got to find a way to get some control back & find a way to calm down & not be terrified.
I've decided firstly that hiring a doula will help. So fat I've met 2 doulas, both of whom were lovely (& who pointed out that I'll actually cause more complications with my delivery if I go into it this tense as it will stop your body doing what it needs to do). Neither were that magic person who will have the power to talk me down & keep me calm, so I am going to keep looking.
Another thing I am considering is switching hospitals or even trying for a home birth. DH hates this idea as if something went wrong again he'd prefer us to be in a hospital, but accepts that going into labour this scared would be difficult also so he wants to work together to find a solution I'm comfortable with.
If you can afford it, look into private midwives. We can't really afford one hence looking at doulas but I think it would be immensely reassuring to have someone by your side that you know, trust & believe to be highly competent.

Sorry about the mammoth post. Just nice for me to discover I'm not alone in this. A little thing that helps me is to read good birth story posts to try convincce myself it doesn't have to be awful!

Whatever you decide I think you'll feel better after making the decision. Good luck. Seriously good luck. I hope everything goes much better for you this time.

lean

the rules of no driving etc are a worst case scenario, like when you go and get a new passport they tell you the longest time it will be before its processed...but often it comes alot quicker, they dont tell you that otherwise you will moan if you arnt able to do things by x week.

alot of ladies on here have said they can pick other children up and drive alot more quickly...some of course have had a nasty experience which can swing both ways.

CONGRATULATON IC

Great to hear another positive elc experience!

Sorry you had a bad time SW11 - I had a pretty horrid experience too but not as bad as yours - ended up having emergency c-section 4 weeks ago. like you I am worried about susequent births as I would like another child, but I do not want to go through what happened this time again! I would say that a c-section is not an easy option, however the actual operation was the easy bit for me! The recovery is a bit horrid - very painful for first few days, not nice having someone change your pad as you can't move and having a catheter, but I think I would request one next time based on my experience.
I have a very thin scar but after a sneezy sesion yesterday have been in some pain, I am worried that I may have pulled the scar a bit on the inside. It is a big op but sometimes its better than repeating what was a stressful and unpleasant experience.

Another one for extremely similar experience, everything except mine was forceps and 3rd degree tear.
Am having an ELCS in a few weeks. I'm terrified, but everyone I know who's done both says it's a much much better experience. And I'm going with the logic that it's couldn't exactly be worse!!

Hi all
Sorry for the delay in replying, I have been away with very limited access to internet. Thanks so much for all the replies here. It is great to get so many different perspectives. To be honest I'm still totally confused and no two people ever have the same experience so I suppose at the end of the day I'm going to have to make a "best guess" as to whether to risk a natural birth and hope it is no way near as awful as last time, or whether to not risk that and go with the ELCS that I am also pretty terrified of.

I think with the natural option I am just terrified of being mentally scarred again and coming home and having to deal with a new born, a two year old while possibly suffering from weeks of shock and trauma again.
With the ELCS I am terrified of being cut open whilst awake (yes I have seen Maternity ward and was horrified!!) and terrified of the physical pain and recovery afterwards and of the risks involved. I am also worried about spending days on a postnatal ward.
Sounds like I am terrified of everything!!!!! I have my meeting with the consultant at the end of September and I also am meeting with a friend of mine who is an obstetric anaesthatist to figure out why the epidurals failed last time.
Part of me is thinking the best option would be to see if I go into labour naturally this time and if i do go with it. And if I don't, then have an elcs to avoid being induced again.

Looks like I am going to have to take time over this decision.
Thanks again to all of you who posted. It really has helped enormously to hear so many differing accounts. x

Hi again - sorry, i'm a muppet, but hadn't seen page three of responses!!!! IC - congratulations on your new baby. Really glad you had a positive experience.

Leannac - I did actually have a private midwife the last time. I couldn't recommend them more highly. Even though I had a horrific experience I know it would have been even more horrific without her. It was my private midwife who battled with the hospital midwifes after i'd been in labour for 42 hours, to not give me an episiotomy as they were going in to do a ventouse delivery. they tried it without and succeeded. If it hadn't been for my midwife I'd have had that to deal with on top of everything else. So even though they are priceless, it doesn't stop my fear because I had one last time and still came out traumatised!! I feel exactly the same as you - this baby has to come out, and either way its going to be horrible!!
Katie - sorry you had a horrid time. I think it is the pain that worries me with a cs, but with regards to having pads changed due to not being able to move and a catheter in - I had that with my natural birth so you never can tell!!!
I read one post and think Right, thats it I'm having a cs. Then I read another and think Oh god, maybe I should try natural again....... :-(