Can I refuse a particular midwife?

[emsyj]

I'm expecting DC2 and there is a midwife at my local hospital whom I would like not to attend me in labour. I saw her when I was having DD and she firstly (totally wrongly) determined that my waters had not broken (very dismissive and patronising with it) and then after DD was born (by crash section) told me off for ringing the bell during the night for assistance and said I should get out of bed and go and find someone - even though every other midwife had said to use the bell to call them. She said the bell was for 'emergencies only' - completely the opposite of what every other midwife told me during my 5 day stay. I was in a private room (my hospital is all private rooms, I didn't pay for this, it's standard at the local hospital as they've recently rebuilt the unit) so I would have had to get up and leave the room to wander the corridors to find someone. I did do this the next time I needed help (feeding support as DD was early and I was trying to bf) and it took a long time to locate a midwife, who then told me off for getting up and going wandering and said I should use the bell!

I wish I had made a formal complaint about her and her attitude at the time, but I was too out of it and then time marched on. Anyway, the point of this is - can I refuse to have her as my labour midwife if she is allocated to me on admission? I do not want to ever set eyes on her again, let alone have her with me when in labour. I am particularly thinking of this and worrying at the moment as she appeared in a TV show about midwives that I have just watched on iPlayer, and it brought it all back.

Thanks for any advice.

Does she still work there? No point getting yourself all worried only to find she has moved on.

Can you have a quiet word with your community midwife to suss out the lie of the land & take it from there?

They are all so short staffed these days it might be difficult but then she might not be on duty.

Yep, sadly I think she must do as the TV programme was only aired last week (filmed around Christmas I think) and she was on there, large as life.

I will ask my midwife - I am on the One2One service (being piloted in my area) so I see the same midwife for community appointments, but due to insurance she can only accompany me to hospital and can't deliver me there. She could deliver me at home, but after last time I'm too scared to have a home birth. I will check to see if she is definitely still there and what will happen if she is allocated to me.

No, not that one! I didn't see that episode, I've not watched all of them I just looked this one up as a friend mentioned our local hosp was featured. I will have to check out that one now you've said that!!!

IME yes, you can refuse care from a specific midwife, as long as she's not the only one on duty of course. You can approach the hospital via PALS if you would prefer to.

It's quite a big unit so I would be surprised if she was the only one on duty - there's a MLU and a consultant-led unit adjoined. I will see what my midwife says and if she's wishy-washy about it then I can contact PALS, would that be the sort of thing they would help with? I hadn't considered that at all, but if they would be able to help at all then I'm happy to do that.

Thanks maples, I don't much mind criticising her tbh - seeing her on TV made me quite upset (and angry with myself that I didn't deal with her better at the time...) But framing it like that might be a good way of being taken seriously.

I live in the same area as you emsyj, do you mean the midwife who was shown on the 'posh side'?

I had a bad experience with a midwife at the hospital when I had my first... When I spotted her on the postnatal ward when I'd had my second i told another midwife that she better keep that cow away from me... I didn't see her again so I think the message was passed on and thankfully I think she's left now .

PALS would be a great help and will be able to give you more information about how it would work etc.

maples which episode was that? I haven't watched them all properly usually busy MNing.

No, I'd not seen her before - I believe she does the labour in motion class near me, but I don't remember much about that class tbh, I did Hypnobirthing and took no notice of it! The one who was with the (really very lovely) 18 year old who had the little girl. Not the community one, the older one who delivered her.

YY to PALS doing this kind of thing, it's pretty normal stuff for them in our local hospital.

That's brill, I've found the contact details for PALS now and will contact them. I told DH he should watch the episode so that he could identify the relevant person in case he needs to advocate for me, but he just said, 'Oh, don't worry, I'll recognise her - I don't need to watch it'.

U could discuss this with a Supavisor of Midwives, who works at your hospital. Or u could call and speak with head of inpatient midwifery services. I would have something written down if u don't want to be treated by her.

Also, I would complain about your previous experience even though it was a while ago.

If no one complains then midwives may not know there is a problem. If she has an attitude problem, she may not be aware of it.

Hope u have a better experience this time

Are you a midwife TeaDr1nker? I just wondered how common it is to categorically diagnose that waters haven't broken when they have? Is it a relatively common thing, or would it indicate that she is lacking in any skills? TBH it's not the incorrect conclusion that bothers me so much as the sneering 'you must have wet yourself, love' that I received, but I am curious to know how acceptable it is that she got it wrong.

I have to see my cow of a midwife who nearly cost me my dd1, every week at work it's hell.
Do speak to PALS my experience of them has been good

lisad123 Can't imagine what that must be like.

In the hospital I'm attending theirs a midwife who is my dads ex. I'm not close to my dad at all but the way she treated my family and younger siblings id dread to think what I'd be like if she came near me. Ive told the other midwives not to let her near me, and when I go in to give birth I will be telling them to keep her away from me at all times. I'd rather be alone.

My community Mw says its my labour and if you don't want her there just say. No point making things worse for yourself

Not quite labour related but the doctor, who told me my son (who was subsequently found to be seriously ill with urosepsis)was fine and I needed to see a psychiatrist as I was over anxious , is now my boss.
I really, really wish I had complained through PALS as I truly believe it would have helped bring me closure.
It's not too late to complain now just for your own sanity. Every day I go to work I have flashbacks of how my son nearly died at the hands of that Dr.

I had a very silly community midwife first time - thick, arrogant and rude - I told her I was on lots of drugs (to stop me rejecting the foetus) a d she said she had never heard of them so I had to come off them. Er, no. And when I told her we'd had IVF, said "well I usually only deal with girls who got pregnant in the normal way."
Anyway, I avoided her, and second time round mentioned at the hospital I'd like to see someone else in the community. I was referred to anothe midwife who said "Ah yes, I pick up quite a few of Jane's patients. She doesn't get many of mine though."

Put on your birth plan, "I refuse for midwife (name) to participate in the care of myself or my child during this pregnancy, birth or postnatal period."

Then make a complaint via PALS to explain why. Don't worry, you won't be the first and it tends to put the rest of them on their very best behaviour.

So sorry, emsyj. You must be in my area - I know the hospital you're talking about, I'm also booked there. I never saw her at all with DS, either antenatally, or post-natally, so I think you have a good chance of being able to state.

I'm hoping my lovely midwife from DS's birth is on when I have DD later this year :)

It's a lovely hospital, but there are definitely teething problems in regard to buzzer usage, and even discharge - took them 5 hours to discharge us. I was raging.