Can I refuse a particular midwife?

[emsyj]

I'm expecting DC2 and there is a midwife at my local hospital whom I would like not to attend me in labour. I saw her when I was having DD and she firstly (totally wrongly) determined that my waters had not broken (very dismissive and patronising with it) and then after DD was born (by crash section) told me off for ringing the bell during the night for assistance and said I should get out of bed and go and find someone - even though every other midwife had said to use the bell to call them. She said the bell was for 'emergencies only' - completely the opposite of what every other midwife told me during my 5 day stay. I was in a private room (my hospital is all private rooms, I didn't pay for this, it's standard at the local hospital as they've recently rebuilt the unit) so I would have had to get up and leave the room to wander the corridors to find someone. I did do this the next time I needed help (feeding support as DD was early and I was trying to bf) and it took a long time to locate a midwife, who then told me off for getting up and going wandering and said I should use the bell!

I wish I had made a formal complaint about her and her attitude at the time, but I was too out of it and then time marched on. Anyway, the point of this is - can I refuse to have her as my labour midwife if she is allocated to me on admission? I do not want to ever set eyes on her again, let alone have her with me when in labour. I am particularly thinking of this and worrying at the moment as she appeared in a TV show about midwives that I have just watched on iPlayer, and it brought it all back.

Thanks for any advice.

If you are on the MLU you can be discharged an hour after the birth as long as there are no complications. I had dd3 at 8.33am, had something to eat, a shower and was home before 11am

We waited for ever for discharge too Bunty - but the midwife who did the discharge was the absolute loveliest ever, so at least the parting shots were positive!

I'm really hoping to have an uncomplicated birth next time and avoid staying any longer than I need to - I was in for nearly a week after DD and it was bloody horrible, I was climbing the walls by the end and didn't sleep at all the entire time thanks to my 'bed' being in fact a narrow leatherette trolley that I couldn't turn over on thanks to C-section pain. Nobody told me after my morphine drip was removed that you don't get offered pain relief as standard and you have to request it.

On the very very positive side, DD is healthy, I'm absolutely fine and we are both very lucky to be in that position.

At my hospital everyone had to wait about 5-8 hours to be discharged. It just seemed like it was very disorganised where there was only one mw who could discharge anyone but she was in charge of pretty much everything else as well. She was a cow, but I can only imagine how stressful her job was. I did find it ridiculous though when one of my friends had to stay overnight because they hadn't got round to discharging her. She had her bags packed, DH there, car seat, all ready to go and then still had another night there.

I had a similar experience to knackered. I could see my daughter was sick every time she had formula but they were making it my fault that she was ill (it's because I'm on co-dydramol, it's because I tandem - at home, obviously! I wasn't feeding three in hospital) and when I tried to point out that she was only sick with formula and that my brother, sister and I had all been lactose intolerant as babies they diagnosed me as mentally ill.

I'm pregnant again and because I have premature babies I will have no choice about going to the same ward again, so I got in touch with an SoM I know from last time who was aware there were issues with the ward but it's not her remit and she's arranging for me to see the ward manager. One of the things I will be saying is that Dr W, MW X, nurses Y and Z will not be allowed anywhere near me. I'm considering asking that only consultants make decisions about my child's care because the first time I saw a consultant with my youngest she had a totally different opinion to the stupid registrar!

I also had a problem on the postnatal ward with a midwife telling the doctor to unprescribe me medication I'd been on for three years, so I will be asking the consultant and SoM to write in my notes that only my consultant can change my prescription.

SoM's are useful creatures, make the most of them! Anything midwifery related they can deal with and they can speak to doctors if it's more their area.

You can refuse anything they offer you in hospital- mw's included!