Has anyone given birth alone (aside from medical people)

[PogoBob]

For various reasons, especially if I go into labour in the middle of the night (as I did with DD), I may have to go into hospital by myself whilst DH sorts out DD - he would drop me off and then come back later.

I couldn't give birth with my mum or MIL there and I don't have any friends who could step in. I think I'd be comfortable by myself based on my last birth but wonder if I'd be treated like a bit of a social leper if no one was with me

I may be a little while replying as at work today - sorry

TIA

I'm sorry I have no experience in doing it alone.

Do you mind me asking why you couldn't have your mum or MIL with you?

If you did go into labour during the night couldn't your MIL or mum be on call to come and collect your DD for the rest of the night/day?

Are you sure you don't have any friends you could ask? Most people would be really excited and proud to be asked as a birth partner - why not just ask?

Alternatively, what about a doula? In case you donit already know, this is a woman who will get to know you during your pregnancy and then be there at the birth to support you. When I was a doula I looked after several women who would otherwise have been alone. If money is an issue then Doula UK has a fund for women who can't afford to pay (although I and I know other doulas have done it for free on a number of occasions).

I have, with both of mine due to dh working away, and not getting back in time. The staff were absolutely wonderful. The midwife didnt leave my side, everyone was absolutely kind, went out of their way to make sure I was alright, and coo over the baby. They were ever so sensitive and kind. The trainee midwife said "wow isnt it amazing to think he is the newest person on earth, even just for a moment". Ill never forget her saying that, and felt so grateful to her that she had something to say to me.

You might not want to be alone just after the birth though, as with my last dc, and dh being away, being alone for those few hours before family came, seeing everyone else with their people made me feel a bit upset. On the plus side, noone was irritating me either, and me and the baby had plenty of time to snuggle.

Do you normally labour very quickly? Wouldn't your DH have enough time to drop DD round to whoever is looking after her, then come back and accompany you to the hospital?

I totally get why you wouldn't want your Mum or MIL there.

Would you be able to hire a doula? A trainee doula is less money, plus many if them will adapt their fee to suit your budget (mine did).

Other than that, I'm sure you would NEVER be treated like a social outcast by the midwives. In fact, they may stay with you MORE during labour since they don't want to leave you alone for safety reasons.

Hi sorry to hear you might be alone- like Flosie said, cant someone step in to look after your daughter?

I know for a fact i will not be giving birth without my husband and he wouldnt want to miss it for anything- soon as we know my mother is on hand to look after our DS and off to the hospital we go :)

back up plan- my MIL steps in

like you, my DH and myself have no close friends to rely on so its all about the family

I quite like the idea of being on my own during labour, I totally zone out when I'm on gas and air and had no idea whether Exp was there or not during my last labour. I am lucky though and seem to have quick uncomplicated labours. I think if it was going to be long with lots of waiting around I'd want someone there to chat too.

Hiya,

well, I had no one to be with me last time, which was 5 years ago, and someone recommended I got a doula - I found someone who was training to be one, who didn't charge me, she just wanted experience.

I have to say I found it a bit 'woo' - she was all about adjusting my Chakras, and breathing and so on but although she meant really well I didn't understand what to do, or how it was supposed to work.

but that was just unlucky and she was a lovely person, even if she was shellshocked by the actual birth and disappeared to make tea for most of my labour! At least she was there iyswim.

I also had a wonderful friend who arrived by mistake on her way to work - but had wanted to be there, coincidentally, and she took over and was completely great, asking the MWs things I couldn't articulate, holding my son when he was born and I was too shaken. Even the postman turned up though he beat a hasty retreat.

this time unfortunately I'll be alone - my mother will have the children, I hope, and I'll just have a midwife probably - I don't know anyone else who would want to be here, my friend would but she moved away before I was pregnant again.

I don't mind, yes it hurts a bit to think of why I'm alone (nasty ex etc) but other than that, the less fuss the better. I tend to have quick labours so if I'm lucky this time, it'll be fairly short term that I'll be on my own.

I hope you manage to work something out xx

Thank you everyone - to answer some questions:

mum lives over an hour away and would worry about leaving her dogs so probably wouldn't make it in time.
MIL is lovely but I couldn't relax in front of her.
really haven't got any suitable friends (a bit of a loner if I'm honest.
1st birth was 6 hours from nothing to delivery (hit 10cm after 4 hours).
IL's are the only people who could look after DD.
we live in the middle of nowhere 30 - 40 minutes from the hospital with IL's 15 minutes to other side of the hospital so worried that we wouldn't have time to wait for them to come pick up DD - if it was the middle of the night it would take them a good half hour to get up and dressed.
this pregnancy was unexpected and DH is a SAHP so covering the maternity leave is eating into our savings - really not spare anything to pay for a doula.

My initial plan is DH drops me at hospital and then takes DD to his parents, gets her settled and comes back - the only risk is that I will have already given birth by then!

kitsonkittykat Thank you for you story, really reassuring

I would do it on my own, and, as my situation is similar to yours I very well might have to. I never thought to feel that there was anything unusual in it! I'm planning to have a home birth whilst DH takes DD out of the situation until it's done!
Aside from just keeping in a good mood I would recommend you have an foolproof birth plan, so that if you do end up being a bit out of it you don't wake up afterwards to find out that "while they were there" they decided to take your appendix out as well or something equally helpful, and discuss eventualities with midwives in detail and note it all down in clear concise points. When you go into labour take it with you and present it to whoever is looking after you so that they know what you want and what you don't!

When I was pg with DC 3 we didn't really have anyone who could/would have the DC 1 & 2, which was one reason I opted for a home birth.

I laboured alone during the night, while DH slept, then woke him up so he could call the midwife. She came an hour before DD was born, and for most of that time DH was upstairs with DS2 who had woken up, had a temp' and was a bit poorly. I called him down just as DD was crowning, as I wanted him there for that bit (he was quite slow to come, as he didn't feel he should bring DS2 with him, and couldn't just leave him. As it was the both came at the last minute, and a moment later the 2nd midwife arrived.

It suited me.

I had DS 6 weeks early, and DH was about 150 miles away with work. TBH, it wasn't really a problem, I had a student midwife and a medical student there with me all the time, and the registered midwife kept popping in to see how I was doing. The students were brilliant, did everything for me, from taking me to the bathroom to getting me a drink and rubbing my back. They even held my legs for me when I was pushing! I was the first birth the medical student had been at, and he bawled his eyes out when DS was born, it was just lovely. DH eventually got there 2 pushes before I delivered, and I didn't realise/care that he had eventually got there. TBH I'm still a bit bitter that he got there for the glorious ending and missed out on all the hard work ;)

Thanks to everyone who has posted since my reply - at work now so will read properly later.

For various reasons a home birth isn't a possibility.

Overall I think I am okay with the idea of being alone - having DH there last time was lovely but he didn't really help me if that makes sense as it was all so quick (and apart from a 2nd degree tear) uncomplicated.

How about a doula? The Doula UK website will have details of ones in your area. Trainee doulas are inexpensive. That gives you someone there who understands your wants and needs - second births aren't necessarily similar to first births, so you could have a different experience this time.

Why don't you ask you IL's to meet you at the hospital to collect DD if it's only 15 mins away from them?

Would save your DH the trip there and back, and means you wouldn't have to be alone at all?

*your

Pogo we are currently ttc2 so not an issue right now but if we are lucky enough to have a second, this will most likely be the situation we will be in - DP will be with DS (no-one to leave him with) and there is no-one else I would want with me

I am hoping that I could have a homebirth (DP really not keen on the idea) but even then DP responsibility would be DS not me and the new baby

I'm working on the theory that its only one day (hopefully!) and it wasnt so bad/long the first time so I'd just have to get through it

Hope it all goes well for you

I think it would be just fine too. My DH was with me when I had my 3 but I wouldn't have minded if he couldn't have been there. I know he was delighted if a bit useless, bless to bet here though. I am sure the staff would be really supportive. If, it goes faster than you think could you bring DD to the hospital and wait for the IL's to collect her from there.

I did and it was fine, my DD dad was in Jamaica at the time, and my mum had to come up from Plymouth so by the time she got there it was to late. Midwife was a bit of a bitch though as in a oh young single mother attitude.

You are quite welcome! I just remembered that I did warn the midwife I might well be alone, and think they were so accommodating because they were forewarned. They really didn't leave me alone at all until after baby was there and we were both settled down, even if that meant hand-holding from a trainee midwife. I would make sure they are aware you won't have anyone with you.

I had both of mine on my own. First time was due to him being 8 wks early and being transferred to another hospital about 300 miles away. Second time round I chose to be alone. Don't worry about not getting enough attention you will find the midwives to be more attentive if anything. I chose it that way because I could relax in peace and not have to worry about anyone elses needs etc. Although she was early and needed special care my second birth was lovely and calm. I am 25 wks with dc3 and am planning to be alone again. It just suits me better.

I gave birth alone for my first DC they sent my OH home as they thought first baby i would be hours (they were wrong) so by the time he came back DD1 was already here. I then went onto have 2 more births (3 DC) with DH present to be honest. Would have preferred he wasnt there as he worries too much and stresses me out.

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to answer, plenty of reassurance and things to think about.

I will put a bit more thought into the possibility of a doula - I guess my concern on that one is the fact I'm limited by money so would need to go with the cheapest who may not be someone I can relax with - I can be a bit of a funny bugger in terms of getting on with people!!

IL's could in theory meet us at the hospital but I don't trust FIL to go home - he want to be meeting his first grandson as soon as possible and would try to hang about, plus DD is going through a very clingy phase, she's okay being left at IL's house but based on recent behaviour is likely to freak if handed over in a strange place.

I'm not due until December and am sure that at her age (just turned 2) a lot can change in 4 months so will play it by ear.

I was on my own for about an hour and a half with dd2 for that reason. The midwife stayed with me and was very attentive and supportive. I was very pleased to see dh when he showed up, though.

I ended up having DS2 on my own and it was lovely. The MW's were great. DH was at home as we weren't expecting DS2 to come so quick! I laboured on my own too.

I might have to go it alone this time too as my DM and DSD have booked to go on holiday the time Im due so DH will have to look after the boys.

TBH being on my own wasn't as bad as I thought.

Good luck!