If you didn't do perineal massage...did you tear?

[Cosmo89]

I've been really bad - meant to do the perineal message stuff but haven't done it regularly. Am now DREADING the massive tear or episiotomy which is heading my way.

Just wondered whether I could find any positive stories to cheer me up and reassure me that my rubbishness hasn't necessarily equalled massive tearing and pain etc.

No massage, had an episiotomy (ventouse delivery) - not majorly painful and I had healed by six-week check-up. Don't know whether I would have torn or not, I guess.

I was really rather grateful to the person who suggested I pack a sports-type water bottle in my bag to use when going to the loo after, though.

Never bothered with massage.

DC1 I had an episiotomy but her heart rate was dropping and she had to come out.

DC2 second degree tear. I only knew this because she told me, he has also has quite a large head!

never bothered.

no tearing requiring stitching with last two.

though i think how you push at the end is most important -

i tried to eject DD1 from myself as though she was a dodgy kebab. two 2nd degree tears.

the other two i took it very easy on the last pushes.

Nope - epidural, didn't tear DS 7lb 11. Good luck!

I did do it with all 3 & didn't tear but what I'd recommend if you don't want to do the massage is to start using evening primrose capsules.

I did with my last pregnancy from about 37 weeks & gave birth to ds last week & it was the quickest & easiest of all three.

The capsules are supposed to ripen & soften the cervix. Oh & btw.... you don't take them orally!!

Didn't bother with either of mine and didn't tear/have an episiotomy with either.

Was my biggest fear and anxiety before I gave birth so I was very relieved!
FWIW I didn't write a birth plan with either of mine but I did have both two weeks early while still working, so be warned!

Ah...Thank you Mumsnetters! you're helping stop me bashing myself over the head.
I probably won't let myself off the hook completely but your posts have really helped me put this all into context - there are other factors which may induce or prevent tearing and that I have no control over.

You're all ace. Wish me luck in labour (and in sitting around for the next up to 4 weeks whilst he decides whether he's coming or not)....

I refused to do perineal massage...it just seemed, well wrong.

DC1, difficult birth (very big head), ventouse delivery, needed 2 stitches.

DC2, didn't feel a thing. No stitches.

DC3, I could feel "ring of fire" but all well. No stitches.

I didn't toughen up my nipples in preparation to breast feed by rubbing with rough towels either, like they used to advise, sometime in the past.

no massage, very very minor grazing with 8lb9 dd. She was born at home, in an all fours position - I think that helped (the position not the being at home I mean)

DD1 - 6lb7, 37cm head. Gave birth flat on my back. Had an epidural so I had no feeling to control the pushes. Didn't do any perineal massage. 2nd degree tear and 8 stitches
DD2 - 6lb9, 34.5cm head. Gave birth in a pool, laid on my side. Obeyed the MWs every command on how and when to push. Did lots of massage and was obsessive about pelvic floor exercises before. Didn't tear
Who knows which of those factors made the difference between tearing or not tearing, if any, but I was grateful. All the best OP

Ds1was 8lb7, I tore half a cm
Ds2was 8 lb 4, I didn't tear. I didn't do any massage.

And don't be scared of tearing. Ecause you really won't care at the time.

Ds did a superman impression with his hand up by his ear when he came out. I ended up with 2nd degree tear. I gave birth on all fours. (supported kneeling)

Dd I had no tear and gave birth in a sort of all fours position. I was standing up but I was bent over and and hands were supported on the bed. I think it helped that I breathed dd out and there was no directed pushing. Seriously the crowning did not hurt. I also believe it helped being a homebirth and being more relaxed.

I am sceptical that perineal massage makes such a difference.

Didn't massage. Tore and needed stitches, but didn't feel the actual tearing and had a local anaesthetic for the stitching.
It healed nicely and haven't had any probs.
I was terrified of tearing beforehand, but the reality (for me) wasn't a big deal at all.

No and no both tomes (tried first time but gave up!)

no, didn't do it in any of my 3 pregnancies.

tore first time, but that was cos it was a ventouse delivery

didn't tear the other 2 times

I did it a little bit, not every day at all - and didn't tear. But I did most of my labour on my side, and only the last push on my back - MW told me that lying on my side was the best position to be in to avoid a tear (if this is actually the case, why don't they tell more women that it is??). But I didn't have any other problems with labour either so who knows.

Didn't do it but tore both times.
As many have said, it didn't hurt when I tore- didn't even notice. It was the thing I was dreading most about labour but I had second degree tears both times and it was nothing.
However, I know some women who have had probs after the birth with healing although I was fine. No pain after two days.

I didn't with either of my two, both straight forward deliveries (1st one with epidural)

Good luck and try not to worry too much.

I gave birth at 39 weeks to a 7lb 13oz boy - I didn't do massage, or drink raspberry leaf tea, or do any of that stuff you're supposed to do. I came away with two very minor 'grazes'.

I didn't do never heard of it with 1st and only got 1 tiny tear no stiches no degrees and my lo had his hand by his head which gave me a labiel graze but other wise nothing.

Never torn or had an episotomy even though DD1 was a ventouse (I refused to be cut saying I'd rather tear - which I didn't!) and I didn't tear with DD2 or DD3 and DD3 had a very large head!