I don't want a VB or a CS. What are my options?

[StarshitTerrorise]

no. 3 and due in a few weeks and DO NOT want to give birth again!

Grrrrrrrr!

A friend of mine slept through the whole thing, woke up and baby fell out on the toilet, by all accounts.

Industrial strength sleeping pills and a padded toilet?

FedEx?

My DSis had her DC3 in the bath before there was time for the paramedics to arrive - actually I had DC1 in a water-pool too and it did help. With DC2 I was in bath at home for as long as possible before quick dash to the hospital just in time !

I'm aiming to lay an egg this time around...seems a sensible option to me ;)

Babies NONONONONONO! I had an egg bound hen once. It was NOT fun! I had to rub olive oil into its arse and then hang its rear end over a pan of steaming water!

Oh dear, maybe egg laying might be a tad uncomfortable.

Keyhole surgery.

Note how whenever someone is having keyhole surgery, people crowd round them to tell them pleasing tales of how painless and smooth the whole procedure was, while vb/cs are met with increasingly horrifying tales of unending psychological trauma, blood, mess, pain and lengthy recovery times.

Surely they can suck it out with a straw or something?

As a child, I thought that when you had a baby they simply undid your tummy button, rolled back the skin, lifted out the baby, put the skin back & re-tied your tummy button. As I went into labour with DC1, a bit of me still thought that they might do that as the alternatives didn't seem any more sensible. DC2 is due in 3 weeks and, despite a VB last time whilst being prepped for a CS, I still think that just maybe they will undo my tummy button. Why hasn't someone come up with a better idea yet?
DC1 didn't seem to think much of the VB option last time as she went from being 3/5 engaged on my due date to "free" by the time I was a week overdue.

My (obviously not too bright) friend was amazed at my CS scar from DD1 - she said she couldn't believe how big it was (it's normal sized) and that she thought I would just have a "little nick" that you wouldn't be able to see. Maybe she knows of some special procedure () but I just remember being amazed at how small the scar was considering DD1 weighed 4kg at birth.

Let us know how you got it out when you get it out OP!

I reckon this is all very well organised in the Harry Potter universe. You toddle along to St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies, a wizarding doctor says 'Accio Baby' or similar and hey presto the baby is summoned from within!

Failing that, have a go at hanging around UFO spots and getting abducted by aliens - they will erase all memories of childbirth with their super-advanced technology.

You should have married a sea horse.

My DS2 thinks babies come out of your mouth.

I share your views. Please let me know which of these myriad of options you eventually go for and how it works out :-)

what baby? there's no baby in there, im just fat.... now, leave me alone!

(Ds1 did say to his friend this morning that my belly was full of chocolate... so maybe it is!!!)